They're All Not Just Like Us

With a windfall like theirs, they had to rejoice. Mr. and Mrs. Rondo Javier popped the champagne with gusto. They poured it and smiled at each other. Dama Javier sipped the suds that landed around her thumb and forefinger and giggled. She was tallish with deep brown skin and silky brown hair. Her eyes looked like cut brown diamonds. She was thirty-two-years-old. Javier was rather short and at times, it appeared as if she towered over him. He was forty. But they were a couple. They had been married for two years and in that time, they had experienced a two billion dollar payout for making their company go public.

It was a designer AI bag that could detect when and where it was stolen and report the thief to the police before it was destroyed. The company was called ITB or In the Bag. They were baby billionaires but billionaires nonetheless. The Wilmington Stock Exchange (WiSE) in Delaware carried their stock letters ITB above the banners and they even opened the market amidst cheers and confetti. They kissed.

Now, they shopped for a home. They already lived in a posh apartment worth ten million dollars in the city. Now, it was time for an upgrade. They had wanted a large estate on at least one hundred acres. When they researched online, they found the perfect place in Greenville, Delaware. At least that was what they thought. They reviewed the specifications. They sought out other sites online. They compared and contrasted other places around the state, but Greenville seemed to be the winner.

“You like?” Dama asked, her white teeth glistening against the brown skin of her face.

“I do like it and we’re getting it.” That confidence was like a jolt of electricity let loose through their apartment.

“The realtor’s name is Kasylin Biris,” Dama noted.

“Alright, we’ll just get on the video chat and discuss our options.”

It took two rings for Kasylin to respond.

“Hello, thank you for filling out all of that metadata. You are the famous couple of the day!” Kasylin was blue black with striking features such as her sharp cheekbones and Nubian nose. Her black hair had blonde streaks. Mr. and Mrs. Javier, let me introduce myself fully. I’ve been a realtor now for twelve years and am enjoying every minute. The virtual tour is destined to make you want to physically see the property.”

Dama frowned and Kayslin picked up on it. “We looked at the specifications and found that there are some things that just seemed to be missing.”

“Yes, of course.”

“There are twelve bedrooms but no––”

“Bathrooms. Yes, you’ve done your homework. There are absolutely no toilets or showers on the premises.”

Javier and Dama looked at each other quizzically. Perplexed, Javier ventured to speak.

“And why is that, exactly?”

“On the physical tour, all of this will be explained to you in detail.”

The screen went black.

The address to the manor popped up on their phones. They sent the information to their Goulding ultra luxury automobile.

“Are we doing this?” Dama asked.

“It seems to be something we’re about to experience.”

“No baths, toilets, showers? This is crazy. And for the price? Two hundred million?”

Javier walked up to his bride and kissed her on the forehead.

“Everything will be explained in the morning.”

Fargo Federly, driver extraordinaire, drove the couple to Greenville.

When they got out of the car with Federly’s assistance, they held hands and stepped forward into their futures.

“Hi! The happy couple in the flesh. How wonderful. Congratulations on your IPO. How wonderful. Now, if you follow me, you will be guided through the house with the greatest of ease.”

They walked with intrepid steps and noticed the classy decor. It was mainly minimalism that caught their eyes. African sculptures in bronze and ebony adorned the corridors of the home. The lighting was soft and complimented the pieces well.

“And if you look over here–”

“I’m sorry to interrupt but we’re still a bit concerned about the bath situation,” Dama said.

“Yeah, there’s no poop room.” Dama shoved her husband. He snickered. “Maturity,” she said.

“I’m kidding. I possess the ability to say that this home lacks the sufficient lavatories that would be required for human sanitary and washing needs.”

Dama just shook her head. Kaslyn blushed even though her black skin hid what would have been cherry red cheeks.

“Okay, you’ve both pointed it out so I’m just going to spit it out. Inventor Luce Nadimer owns this house currently.”

“Yes, we know of Mr. Nadimer. He made billions with his invention of an AI robot that could write symphonies and entire novels. What did he do with the bathrooms?”

“That’s what I was going to say. He developed a plan––well, I’ll let him explain it.”

A thin man in his fifties with light skin and green eyes walked with a gray blazer and white trousers and sneakers.

“You must be the Javiers. It’s a pleasure welcoming you into my home even though I don’t think it will be mine for much longer.” He grinned and teeth that weren’t veneers but looked like them sparkled under the lighting.

“They wanted to know about the bathroom situation….” Kaslyn mentioned.

“Absolutely. In my laboratory directly under where we stand right now, I came up with all sorts of failures after the success that bought me this house. But I kept going. I didn’t allow myself to quit or be defeated. After the AI robot, I thought about cyborgs.”

The Javiers looked at each other with a sense of wonder and awe. They then furrowed their brows. “What does this have to do with showers and toilets, respectfully?”

“Yes, to the chase. I developed a microchip that goes into your body and transforms your digestive tract and skin into a hydrogen-fueled machine that converts human waste and sweat into air that exhausts from your pores. Thus, no need to ever have to go to the bathroom again or use deodorant.”

“How many did you make?”

“I started with a hundred thousand. For my wife and two daughters and our guests. Then, a few friends and their business associates.”

“Is it temporary? Reversible? Does it hurt?”

“No, no, and no. The process is painless from the start to finish. For females, it prevents your monthly visit as well.”

“Wait…this can stop periods?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll have no nausea, headaches, chills, or night terrors. Jesus, I sound like a drug commercial.” It was the first time he had ever explained the process like this before.

“So you just swallow a pill and it just changes all of your innards and your largest organ into a machine and the blood and waste and sweat are converted to air?” Dama asked, her forefinger on her chin.

“Precisely.”

“How much do you sweat?”

“Just as much as you would if you were on a light jog and then into the air.”

“Is there a smell of any kind?”

“Absolutely no smell, no need to use toilet paper.”

Kaslyn walked around with her tablet in her hand and allowed the Javiers and Nadimer to speak.

“Where are your wife and kids?”

“They’re in Bethany Beach. It’s so nice around this time of year to be on the beach.”

“And you don’t have to pee in the ocean anymore,” Javier pointed out. Dama just gave him a look of mild concern.

“I have plenty available. If you like.”

“Why haven’t you taken them to the market?”

“Too expensive. It costs ten thousand dollars just to make one chip. My team and I are preparing for the day when we can distribute them to the lower classes.”

“I hate to be the one to ask…but what about the poor, globally? I mean you can dole out those things to indigent people all over the world and make it possible for you to make a sizable profit at the same time,” Dama asked.

Nadimer clutched at his head. “It’s something that we’ve considered but with a sticker price of fifty thousand dollars, it doesn’t seem sufficient economically.”

“We can invest,” Javier stepped up and poked out his chest a bit.

“You’re BGs,” Nadimer observed. “You’re wealthy beyond most people’s bank accounts. But you won’t be able to receive enough shares to buy this house and to invest in this project.”

The Javiers stood stunned as Kaslyn looked at the floor in her navy blue suit and baby blue blouse. The couple looked at each other and whispered.

“Alright we’re taking the house but we’ve got to install baths.”

“I’m sorry but that would cost an additional half a billion dollars that you currently do not have.”

“There’s no way that it would cost that much.”

“I had the water system and the fourteen and half bathrooms all removed two years ago which totalled two hundred million dollars. To reinstall would be more than double that figure. Now, let’s make a decision right here, right now. Are you going to take the pill or not?”

“What are the side effects?” Javier asked.

“There is only one…premature death. It’s about twenty years. Don’t get me wrong, you live comfortably until about age fifty for you Dama and you’ll be in your early sixties at the time of your demise Mr. Javier.”

The couple looked at each other and exclaimed in disbelief, “Really?!”

“Yes, there’s a twenty year lifespan for the hydrogen engine. We’re still trying to get the kinks out of it. I took it when I was fifty two and have about eleven more years left before I’m finished.”

Javier looked at Dama. “Can you give us another moment?”

“Of course,” Nadimer said. Kaslyn moved closer to him and they chatted discreetly.

Javier seemed excited. “This could revolutionize our lives. We won’t ever have to use the bathroom, our kids won’t need to go potty. This is amazing!”

Dama darkened. “I don’t like this. It’s unnatural.”

“Flying a rocket ship is unnatural. AI robots who can write symphonies are unnatural.”

“I don’t want to do this and I don’t want to be with you if you go through with this.”

“Fine. we’re cut off. Separated and I’ll be looking for a divorce lawyer in the meantime,” Javier said.

“Then it has to be this way.”

Kaslyn and Nadimer did not hear the kerfuffle. The one time couple walked up to them. Javier said, “You can keep the house, but I want a chip.”

Dama folded her arms and looked away. Then she grabbed her signature bag and walked out of the house, alone. She hailed a car before she left, leaving the Goulding to Javier and Federly.

TWENTY-TWO YEARS LATER

Javier laid in a hospital bed looking like death. He looked out the window in his apartment. Some cards stood by his dresser drawer that read “Get Well.” He knew better. He had a visitor. He saw who it was with the vision device implanted in his brain. His thoughts gathered and the door opened. Dama took the elevator and found him alone. His face looked sunken and it appeared he had trouble breathing.

Dama looked just the opposite. Her brown skin glowed and she had a spirit about her that said she was willing to see him.

“Hey,” he said as he turned slowly to get a better image. The device in his brain controlled his thoughts and permitted him to speak through a robot.

“I just wanted you to know that I’m happy,” Dama said. “Not that you’re like this. I hate this. I hate how you made that decision. But we’re here now.”

“Yes.”

Dama pushed back a tear and inhaled deeply and pushed it all out of her system. She looked at the heart monitor and the brain monitor and noticed the dip in both. She could sense his pulse with her own device implanted in her brain. With all of her strength she tried to use mind power in order to connect with her ex-husband. Their mouths didn’t move but their minds raced and crammed everything in like rounds in a semi-automatic firearm.

“I don’t regret it. It was like an experiment that actually worked. The downside has now been improved and I know that some people live to be one-hundred-thirty-years-old. I’m just glad to have been part of a technology that revolutionized the human body for good and forever now.”

Dama reached over and kissed Javier’s forehead. She walked out of the room only to see alerted nurses race to try to save Javier, to no avail. Strands of gray remained in her hair as she looked at her one-time husband. She put sunglasses over her eyes and continued out of the apartment to sustain her own life.