There She Is, Miss America

Sandy stared at her right thigh, how it was slightly larger than her left. Jimmy used to laugh at her “deformity” when they were kids back in Reno. Even then, she already had a big crush on him, even though it would take a few years before he had matured to know what women wanted to hear behind closed doors.

She wished her mom was here. She looked at her heart-shaped locket, opened it, and saw a photo of her mom and dad standing in front of a beach house from long ago. Sandy thought about how proud her mom might have been, knowing her daughter got selected in the Miss America Pageant.

The other girls in the dressing room were antsy. Their parents or make-up artists (or possibly both) were busy helping them look pretty in front of the camera. Sandy was all alone. No mom and not even a Jimmy to make her laugh.

She looked at the mirror and wondered why she got selected. Her looks were plain and did not possess that star-like quality that old Hollywood used to worship. Jimmy did find her attractive, so hopefully, that was enough for her to win or place second or third.

Sandy put the final touches on her make-up and did her best to smile in front of the mirror. For a second, she saw the reflections of thousands of past contestants looking back at her.

“Alright, ladies, get ready with your swimsuits and sell yourself! Good luck!” a rotund and balding man instructed Sandy and the other contestants. Sandy took one last look at her right thigh and winked at it.

When it was Miss Nevada’s turn, Sandy walked out confidently with her pearly whites blinding the screaming crowd. She walked with grace and poise, not even hiding that her right thigh was not the same size as her left.

Everyone in America was watching her. And everyone had their smartphones about to cast their votes.

Sandy stood beside Miss Oklahoma. She looked like a centerfold with her hourglass figure and perky bosoms. I definitely don’t have a chance, Sandy thought.

The swimsuit category ended, and Sandy thought that it wasn’t bad at all. Now it was time to show what they looked like in evening gowns.

No one in the room could afford such luxurious gowns, so everyone wore the dresses of previous contestants. There were many seamstresses there, making sure that every contestant’s gown fit exactly right.

Sandy wore a red evening gown with matching red sequins covering the top torso. Her arms’ milky complexion stood out from the dress’s striking color. It did not fit well, but the seamstresses did their best in such a short time.

When it was Sandy’s turn to walk the runway, she walked with style and elegance. She felt like a princess from a faraway land, and her dashing prince was waiting for her as he galloped on his mighty steed. Sandy laughed at her childhood thoughts, and when Jimmy appeared as her mighty prince, she almost madly laughed.

Sandy looked at the other contestants. They all looked lovely in their gowns. Miss Oregon sobbed breathlessly, her tears causing her mascara to leave jagged black tracks on her cheeks.

When the evening gown category came to an end, the rotund bald man told the contestants to wear whatever they felt like wearing. “This is the last category for the night, and the judges will ask you one question. So, relax, girls. You got this!”

Sandy did not worry as she considered herself wise and blessed with common sense. She opened her heart-shaped locket and kissed her mom and dad.

As she waited backstage, she eavesdropped in on the other pageant contestants.

Miss Arizona was asked: “What would you do if you found an orphan in the middle of the road?”

Miss Arizona asked for clarification, “Is it alive?”

“Yes,” the five judges replied in unison.

Miss Arizona quickly replied, “Well, kill it, of course!”

The crowd roared their approval. And the judges looked and nodded at each other, seemingly satisfied with the answer.

Miss Florida was asked: “A homeless person is about to—”

Miss Florida interjected immediately, “I will kill the homeless person, is my answer.”

The crowd roared again as smartphone tones echoed throughout the stadium.

Sandy did not react as she listened to their answers. The next thing she knew, the bald man was escorting her to the stage.

Sandy looked at the crowd. They were getting rowdier and louder.

Sandy stood center stage.

Judge Number 4 asked Sandy: “There’s no more food in the house. You and your parents are starving. What do you do?”

Sandy replied, "It's quite a funny story actually. Three months ago, this happened to me. We haven't eaten anything for close to a month so I killed then ate both my mother and father."

Immediately, there was silence in the auditorium. Sandy looked around and wondered if she had given the incorrect response. Did she mumble? Was her answer too long? Did her delivery lack warmth? Did it sound comedic? All these thoughts ran through her head as she watched the judges stare at her speechlessly.

As Sandy suspected that she just blew her chance, the crowd burst into laughter then yelled and hollered as their smartphones beeped even louder than their voices. The five judges, with their bewildered look, smiled at Sandy.

Sandy returned backstage as the other contestants grinned at her.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was time to announce the winners. Sandy unconsciously rubbed her right thigh as she and the rest of the beauty pageants walked to the stage. She knew that she did not have a chance.

Third Place went to Miss Iowa. She claimed that she would eat a child first over an adult because a child would not be as tainted with possible diseases. Sandy agreed.

Second Place went to Miss California. It was a big surprise for all as California hasn’t won nor placed in the past eight years. But she did say that she’ll kill herself first when pitted against a scientist. She knew that she was worthless over a scientist.

Sandy closed her eyes as she knew that she had lost. Many girls were crying, while some remained steadfast then silenced the crying ones, telling them to be tough.

Behind Sandy was a large screen: she saw a video collage of herself walking in her swimsuit and evening gown. The video then ended with her answer to the judges. The video kept looping her response, and every time it repeated, the louder the audience screamed.

Judge Number 1 went up to Sandy and kissed her on the left cheek. “Now, this is what Miss America stands for. Willing to kill your parents for the good of all.” Judge Number 1 then crowned Sandy.

“Well, wasn’t that fun? Thank you for joining us in another amazing episode of Miss America. Don’t forget to stay tuned for Mrs. America after this. Oh, let’s not forget about Mr. America at 10 PM! That’s going to be delish -- I mean, doozy!”

Sandy held on to her heart-shaped locket. She could feel her mom’s crusty blood on the back of it. Hitting her with a baseball bat was probably not the best tool to use. At least her dad died quickly with a knife through the heart.

Sandy smiled at the maniacal audience. As the spotlights now pointed at them, Sandy saw these gaunt people screaming and demanding food. Most of the other Miss America contestants cried while they got escorted to the Block. Others remained stone-faced, and Sandy respected that. She wouldn’t be causing a scene as this was the process. There were too many starving people.

Sandy, Miss Iowa, and Miss California walked back to the dressing room and returned their gowns, swimsuits, and interview clothing to the seamstresses. They thanked Sandy, Iowa, and California and said that they would be working all night to make sure that the Miss America contestants tomorrow will fit into them.