....Then they took him away from me

The road is devoid of sympathy, or at least that’s how it feels. I find myself standing in front of a cafe with tears descending my cheeks. The air carries a strange feeling that something unfortunate is going to happen. My thoughts search for some clue of why I’m here only to be left with no answers. There are other shops across and on the other side of the road. Music stores, Antique stores, A salon, and whatnot, a small town has. The place has two cars, one in front of me– parked in front of the cafe, and the other a meter away at the music store. I look around to find any other reason why I’m standing in the dark, completely deserted by people. Street lamps cast a shady yellow light and the ground beneath my feet is wet, like it had just rained. As I scan my surroundings, I hear a chime behind me, from the cafe. Someone is walking out of there.

My eyes widened as my brows rose higher when I saw who was walking out. It’s Justin, my high school crush. Thoughts and questions bury me as I stare at him. I wonder if I look like I just saw a thousand bleeding unicorns flying in the air. His sleeves trace his eyes, and he’s wiping his tears. I wonder why. and gradually, my tears too, if not anything, drool faster. I can’t wipe them away, I can’t bring my sleeves off my hoodie to wipe the tears, maybe because I feel paralysed seeing him. So I just stare at those ridiculously gorgeous emerald eyes. He’s walking over to me, every step faster than the previous one. I feel so stupid, I should move towards him or do anything, not stand here, frozen and crying for a reason I’m not aware of, but I can’t. Eventually, his steps become faster and now, he's running to me.

He finally reaches and, without a warning, he engulfs me in a hug. I’m taken back by the sudden gesture and I try to put the pieces together, how is he here or why? Why is he crying? and fail to find the answers. Suddenly, all I can feel and know is his arms around me, I’m drowned in his scent, in his presence. I don’t care if I can’t breathe, all I know is, I have Justin in this moment and that’s enough for me. Before my instincts can act, I find my arms wrapped around him. I can feel his tears hot on my shoulder and his weeping. He’s crying.

I let down my guard completely at this moment, with him. I forget myself, and all I want to remember is that we’re together– now. I confessed my feelings to him once, when we graduated, but all he said was “I don't want to hurt you.” For so long, I wondered what he meant by that. How could he hurt me if he loved me? I wanted to be in his life, craziness took over me, the first thing I would do every day I woke up was check all of his socials to see how he was doing. If he found a girlfriend, if he got any pets, or if he got the job his parents always wanted. We fell out of touch after we found our jobs and started concentrating on our careers and I soon realised that we were not meant to be together. Maybe I’m the moon and he’s the Sun, meant for each other, but their time never crossed each other’s.

His arms wrap around me completely, and I forget myself. No bodies, just two souls finally holding each other with nothing but love. Everything I thought I could never have with him feels fulfilled this very second. My tears are streaming like a dam before I even realize I’m crying harder. He buries his head on my shoulder, and I die, my shaky hands explore his soft brown hair, and I pull him closer like I'm afraid I will lose him forever. My heart strings tear apart hearing him sob like this, I want to see him smile, I want to see him win in life, and laugh till our stomach hurts. But instead, He's here, immersed in this sorrowful pleasure, afraid it'll slip out of his life, horrified we can’t hold each other like this again. We don’t even see each other, our eyes are shut closed while tears fall until we run out of them.

After what seemed never-ending, his sobs soften, and he's sniffing. His hands still locked on my back and mine around his neck, his breath shaky. We stay in silence, still drugged in the hug, our presence protecting each other. Maybe this is the end, me and him– alone here in the emptiness, forever.. But it doesn’t matter, I don’t care about being in darkness when I have the brightest light of my heart here.

Justin’s hands around me soften and he pulls back, looking at me. Oh god, my knees go limp when I look into his emerald eyes. They’re red from crying like an emerald stone broken, bleeding with fresh blood. It pains me to see him like this, all broken and fallen apart. My palm reaches for his cheek– his skin is warm, and a stray tear falls off his face, and a bitter smile grows on his fac . A shaky sigh escapes his lips.

“There are so many things I wanted to let you know but..” he says, his voice brittle. “time broke us apart.” every piece of my heart it’s being ripped away, I'm afraid to let go of this moment, terrified that time will come searching for us again.

“Then say it now,” I whisper, desperate. “Before it's too late again.”

Justin closes his eyes, fighting back tears, and his lips tremble. “It was you all along. Who wanted to have lazy Sundays, to trace constellations in the sky at night, to say you look pretty, awful, and awfully pretty. I wanted to love you in all ways,” he says, opening his eyes to look into mine and I've never felt more alive yet utterly despair at the same time.

“In quiet crowds, in beautiful insecurities, and to call you mine every day I wake up. I wanted to hold your hand like it's worth more than my life. I wanted a lifetime full of doing stupid things with you, I wanted you.” his voice breaks at the last word, and my whole body goes weak.

The moment I always wanted to have, the words I wanted him to say. This is what I wished he had told me when I was searching for him in my memories. He looks at me like I'm the only one in the entire world. Like I'm his entire world.

“Me too,” I whisper, with a weak regretful smile. His eyes are dry from the tears, still red, and his whole face is warm. “I wanted to grow old with you, to spend late afternoons and dancing without the music on and stand by your side every time,” I say, wiping the tears with my sleeves.

“You will grow old, and I bet you’ll be even more beautiful,” he states and laughs softly, which sounds like a bittersweet laugh. A strange feeling creeps through me with his words.

“What do you mean? You'll be there to tell me that, right?” I say, my voice shaking with a bitter laugh, “We’re not old yet, say that when we become old and rocking in our chairs listening to Arctic Monkeys.” A regretful smile tugs his lips, and out of the blue, my breathing becomes fast. My heart beats rapidly, and I'm afraid it’ll stop altogether. “Justin?” He gives me a sympathetic look, and nervousness drowns me.

“What is it? You're scaring me.”

“I just… I thought I could do it, I thought… one day, if I tried really hard, I could make it through.”

I'm truly confused by his words. Make it through what? We’re here, finally together, and this is how it's supposed to be. I don’t want any other turns in our story, I want this to end. I want us to have our ‘happily ever after’. The atmosphere feels strange, just like how it felt when I got here, when I opened my eyes and realized I'm standing in front of a cafe.

I look at him, and He's smiling, oh my god, I swear, his smile could melt glaciers. His hand reaches mine, and he interlocks our fingers and butterflies take flight on my belly.

“I will never forgive the Universe for taking you away from me, but it is the one who made you walk into my life.” He says, pressing his forehead against mine. If I don’t say what I’ve held back all these years, I might never get a chance to, in the future.

“I love you, for the days I spent with and without you, I will always love you” I finally confess, once again, which I wanted to say all along. My voice is trembling, I can’t shake off the feeling that something unfortunate is anticipating.

Justin takes a step back from me regretfully. I look at him in disbelief and amusement that he's here. But… not all stories seem to end happily, do they? Some are left with agony and remorse all their entire lives. Like how Rose lived in memories of Jack.

Justin flinches, and the air around us grows more strange, perhaps sympathy and something which I can’t figure out. He closes his eyes shut and frowns. I'm afraid this is the unfortunate ending and I don’t even want to think about it, no. “Justin?” I call out. “It's okay, it's nothing.” He says, gripping one of his hands to his head. “You need to lie down, come on. Let’s go insi– whoa Justin!” I blurt out as he falls to his knees, and I rush to him. My heart drops to my stomach.

He stretches out his arms blindly, “I’m fine,” he says, pushing himself back to his feet and starts coughing. “No, you’re not, please let me help you,” I say, reaching out my hand towards him, but he brushes it off. What is happening? Why can’t we deserve a happy ending? I don’t wish for things to end this way. I want him, I want Justin to be with me every morning I wake up and achieve goals with him.

The sky begins to cry out, and raindrops fall to our feet. The sound of raindrops hits every place from where we’re standing, on the lamps, on the bench across the Cafe, on me. I glance up at the sky, and it’s as blue as an abyss. The thunder screams, and I see lightning from a distance– like electricity. I glance at Justin, and he’s staring at the sky, and after a second, with a concerned look, turns back to me. The terrible feeling creeps closer to me, and I want to run away from all this, somewhere, with him. Somewhere, time or destiny can’t find us. I want to run away from here.

“Justin, we don’t have to be here, let’s g–” He barges towards me and takes my hand, the coughing gets worse, and I feel lost, I want to save him. “What are you doing?!” I cry out, his fingers tighten around my hand so hard as if someone is stealing me away.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be okay,” He says, panting and leading me towards the car parked near the Cafe with a quick but controlled pace. I can’t pull away from his grip, so I walk along. We reach the car, and he opens the door of the passenger seat in the front, as the thunder sounds become louder each time, and it rains faster. “Justin!” I call out and he nudges me into the seat. “What are you doing?” My voice is coated with desperation and a demanding answer. He yanks the door shut, and my breathing gets faster with each breath, my heart pounding in my throat. “What is going on?!” I cry out, he leans down the window and looks at me, eyes red from the sobbing and filled with concern, scared and…love. My eyes turn into a pleading look, “Justin, please come in. We’ll get away together, you’re hurt,” I say, tears brimming, and gasping for breath from panic. He shakes his head and places his fingers round the window of the car.

“They want me. I tried to get away, but there’s no way out,” He says, his voice brittle than ever before. Dread over floods me, I lean closer to the window, “No, I’ll not let you. You can’t walk away from me again. Justin, please stay.” I reach out my arms to hold his. He shakes his head with hurt and agony. Please don’t let this be our end. “Come home with me, I’ll keep you safe, please,” I say, with desperation, and another chance to start this all over again. He looks into my eyes, and I’m lost in them. I feel so lost in him, he’s everything I have and everything I’ve never had. “You are my home. You're my moon thief,” he whispers leaning close towards me. My throat feels tight, I can’t make up any words together now, and I just shake my head over and over again. He places a soft kiss on my forehead and looks at me, and my mind spirals into chaos. He’s leaving me. Time is cruel, the Universe is a traitor. I wonder what we did to deserve this, I want Justin to be in my life and be my everything till our last breath. He looks up at me, his face filled with agony and hurt.

“Do you remember why I call you moon thief?” He asks, coughing. Maybe they’re coming for him, and I can feel it, it’s close. I push off those thoughts and nod, focusing on him for the very little time we have, wiping the tears with the sleeve of my hoodie.

“Because…when we were younger, I said the moon looked prettier in your eyes than the sky,” I say, reminiscing, those thoughts cast a smile on my face. Justin and I, young, staring at the night sky filled with stars and the moon. A soft broken laugh escapes his lips.

“And I said you’re a thief for stealing my moon,” He says, lost in those thoughts. The rain and the thunder escalate and sound closer to the car we’re sitting in. I’m not ready to let him go. I wish, for once, for another chance with Justin. I’ll make it right, but I’m afraid it’s too late. Life doesn’t give you two choices when you screw up the first time. He looks at me again, for the last time.

“I’ll be waiting for you, bring my moon with you,” He says, his lips trembling with a smile. A wave of pure hysteria goes through me. “Justin, no, get in the car. We’ll go… We’ll go somewhere, please, we can’t lose each other again,” I say, pleading, but he shakes his head and his tears brim, and he looks at me. “I can’t– I’m sorry,” he says and takes a step back.

And takes another step back. “Justin!” I call out and try to unlock the door, but he locked it when he closed it. “Justin, no!” The sky shifts from Persian blue with lightning to a grey glow with white rays. I cry out his name, over and over again. My voice is unrecognizable to myself. “Justin, come back…Please,” I plead. He’s fading into the air, tiny pixies and vines wrap around him, and his gaze is locked onto me with tears. I keep trying to open the door and save him, somehow. If I can get out of here, I can… I can save him.

The lock is too strong and I can’t break it. My eyes dart around to find anything on the car to break the door and find nothing. I move over to the back seat and unlock the door from there. It swings open, and I push myself out and run to him. But he’s up there, I keep running till my feet fall apart, and get nowhere. I’m in the same place, the car, the Cafe. I pant, stopping in the middle of the road. I look at Justin, fading away from me, from my life. I wanted to walk into his life, down the aisle, with a bouquet, but now, time is taking him out of my life; just like that, with every second, I’m farther away from him. We never got to see each other often after we graduated. I thought it wasn’t the right time, maybe the Universe planned to make us meet later in life, but it lied. It made me meet Justin again and gave me another chance just to pull him away from me again, forever.

I fall to my knees and scream, scream to get Justin back, scream for everything, for the memories I was yet to have with him. I call out his name to no one. My thoughts scattered, reminiscing about my memories with him, when we used to play the music too loud during the summer holidays, dancing to it and screaming the lyrics, and my mom would tell us to slow it down. When we used to hang out on his treehouse after school, he would teach me and help me with homework. I recall the prom during our senior year. I asked him out and he only said, “I don’t want to hurt you.” He didn't say he didn’t like me so I didn’t go to the prom that year, hoping maybe he just needed time to think about this but then he moved to Australia due to his parents’ divorce. Then, I met him during my project at work and thought it's a second chance. But, Justin came into my life again, with horrible news. He said had Brain Hemorrhage. A disease which starts with minor symptoms but leads to lethal conditions when unnoticed. He said he didn't have much time, which was the reason he told me he didn't want to hurt me. Reality hits me like a sharp dagger on my chest. I open my eyes and look around, tear strained eyes with agony.

The road is empty, like when I first found myself standing here. I push myself to my feet, and now, I realize why I had tears in my eyes when I got here. Justin is gone, from me. I don't know how to talk to him again, if I can go back to the times when the teacher made us sit together because everyone at school knew we were best friends. I wipe a stray tear off my cheek with my sleeves, my eyes red and my whole body sore.

Now, I remember where I'm standing, in his hometown. Where he promised he'd take me and to his favourite cafe where he always used to go.

I hear a chime behind me.