The Varnd Experience

The process should have been over in two minutes—but he didn’t stop screaming…

Tynan didn’t believe me when I told him to hold it back, to pretend not to feel the pain, pretend your skin didn’t feel as if it were being peeled off of you, pretend not to hear the lies as they seeped deep into your soul, taking hold on the gentlest parts of you…

Sure, it hurt. It always did. But the louder you screamed, the more blood they would take.

I’d been here the longest, and I’m sure that’s why Tynan thought I was exaggerating when I told him not to flinch when it started. Everyone always watched me first—it was how They got recruits. It couldn’t possibly be too horrible if Lorraina did it without making a sound… almost looking peaceful.

The Varnd took over everything when I was only a child, and when I was 10, they started their pet project—The Varnd Experience. I wasn’t stupid enough to choose this myself… my good for nothing father gave me to them in return for $50,000 when I was 12, sent only with the clothes on my back and a golden hear-shaped locket my mother gave me before she died. Little did my father know, that I would receive that amount every three months for the last ten years for my “service”.

I handle it all too well, though. What the new recruits don’t realize is how some of the most silent people end up with the darkest souls. I have no time to waste in that room. I know that if I stay quiet, that they won’t want me as much. They like to cause pain... the more pain for us, the more pleasure for them. I spent the first two years crying and screaming and yelling and kicking… it wasn’t until one of Them took pity on me, that I discovered something special about myself.

I’ve only held onto my sanity because of that accidental discovery. I had a beautiful dream one night, and for the first time in two years, I let the dream wash over me. I wanted that dream to be real, so I let it be in the moment.

I knew of course that They would take it away like they took everything else within me… but when the session was over, the dream was still there—even the peace and joy it gave me. Somehow the Varnd couldn’t steal my dreams! So, I lived the life I couldn’t live outside within my dreams.

So why would They keep me around if I seemingly couldn’t appease their sadistic pleasure? Because I brought in the unsuspecting people who thought the idea of an easy life with all the money and things you could want, was as simple as letting the monsters under your bed own you. We give them blood, give them our hope, give them our joy, give them our kindness, and they give us everything humans think are important…

But when you have no hope, no joy, and no soul left… does the other stuff still matter?

Tynan was still crying, but the screaming had finally ceased, and with it the monster was finally calming its aggressive theft, knowing that if he took anymore, the man would either die or pass out, and both would ruin the stream that they had just created.

They wheel him out, and his eyes are dazed and distant… it’s only his first time, but I can already see he will not last. Like so many others before him, Tynan will most likely be one who takes his own life. Or he will try… and they will take even more from him until the next time when he doesn’t fail.

I’d seen hundreds of men and women that were perfectly pleasant, full of life, come here convinced that they were missing things in their life. If only they could have realized sooner that to live here is not filling some missing void… it is what makes the void deeper, with money thrown around it.

*******

Later that day I knocked softly on Tynan’s door, but I didn’t hear any sound from inside. I tentatively opened the door and gingerly looked around and was confuse when I saw Tynan sitting on the least comfortable chair in his lavish apartment. He had opted for a white room. Good choice… not that he knew it at the time, but colors bring out emotions.

Something I instantly noticed, though, was a smell… not necessarily bad, but it was heavy, and it made the entire room reek and I swore I could see the air. Panic struck me as I looked around and saw that the gas on the stove was on but There was no flame, and Tynan was holding an unlit match.

My heart stopped for a moment as I stared with wide eyes at Tynan as he went to strike the match. I never knew I could move so fast, or that I could punch with such force, as I did in that moment. My fist collided painfully with his jaw, allowing the match to fall to the ground. I picked it up and quickly opened every single window and door to the outside, and then ran to the stove to turn it off.

“Are you freaking insane? You wouldn’t have just killed yourself! You would’ve killed—”

“Them…” he muttered angrily through clenched teeth.

I stared at him with a sweeping fury. So, he was one of those… one of those that would rather kill a few innocents to get rid of the greater evil. The Varnd are not stupid enough to let their part of the building lay unprotected against such attempts, though.

I scoffed, waving a blanket near the window to get the stench out of the room. “Do you realize your fire wouldn’t have even touched them? They never even come to this section of the building! You know they just send slave-humans to fetch us! You would only be killing humans!” I shouted at him.

He stared at me with confusion, the anger falling slowly from his eyes. I noticed the red rims around his lids. God… they really took it all away. It was Marcus that took the first bite out of Tynan, and he was one of the cruelest Varnd I’d had the displeasure of meeting. He was one of the few that would take multiple humans in one day, and often he would inflict great tortures first. Tynan was lucky that Marcus was in a gracious mood today… he just went straight for the happy memories, sucking every last one away.

Tynan was too weak for this life. I could see that now…

“Why didn’t you tell me to leave…?” he begged, looking pathetic.

I was suddenly irritated at myself for having come here, though I’m glad I stopped him from burning us alive. “I believe as soon as I met you, I told you to run. Didn’t I?” I replied harshly, my glare narrowed, “I told you that the money wasn’t worth it. But you were convinced you were strong enough.”

He stared with something beyond sadness, and then he broke down into sobs, “I thought you were exaggerating… you were the only one they’d let me talk to before it, and you are so calm, so beautiful still, so easy to talk to…” he cried harder, and as he described me, I was baffled. Did he really think I was like that? Is that how everyone saw me? To me, I was emotionless and cold, but apparently, I wasn’t fooling anyone. The dreams must be keeping my peace too close to the surface.

He looked out the window, “I can’t go through that again…” his whole body shook as he spoke.

I hugged out a tired breath and went to his fridge to find a bottle of vodka. I didn’t question its existence or its placement. No doubt more considerate Varnd offered this as a gift when Tynan was sleeping… Some only took what they needed when they were given a human, and we’re compassionate to their agony.

“Here.” I said, shoving the shot glass in his hand. I didn’t like alcohol, but I know most of the others used alcohol to numb the pain and emptiness. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I preferred to keep my wits about me.

“Lorraina…?” he began after giving a scrunched face from the shot of vodka.

“Hmm?” I replied as I took the glass from him and cleaned it quickly in his sink before putting it back in the cupboard.

“Why did you come here?” his voice held the hint of hope I’d been afraid to give him before.

I closed my eyes, “I wanted to make sure you were ok…” I said, but I knew it wasn’t what he meant. I think he always knew I would come eventually… he probably was just waiting for me.

He shook his head, daring to walk on shaking legs over to me at the counter. He sat down on the metal bar stool, “No… why did you choose to come to this place. What was missing in your life that you thought would be filled here? You know mine—money.” He shrugs.

I glared at my hands as I washed them in the sink and finally looked into his waiting eyes, “I didn’t choose it. My father sold me to them. And now what he made in a single transaction, I make four times that amount per year.” I say nonchalantly, rubbing my arm so that I was doing something. I didn’t like talking about my story…

His eyes widened, “My God… what kind of parent would do that?”

I shrugged, keeping the anger and pain away that accompanied the memories of my father, “The kind of parent as desperate as any other man or woman that chooses to come here. He knew if he did it himself that I would be left on the streets… he told me he thought he was saving me…” I replied bitterly, “That this was better than the life I would’ve been headed towards.” I shook my head, “He was a drunk, a drug addict. He’s probably dead in a ditch somewhere, or in a different Varnd facility, giving himself the same life he forced his child into.” I felt the pain of the memories bubbling to the surface so I shook them off and laughed without humor, but that helped push the pain back down where they belong.

“I’m so sorry…” he said simply, and I knew that my story had somehow reminded him that his life, as awful as it may have felt before, or feels now, is not as sad as little Raina’s tragedy.

I hated being pitied…

“It’s fine…” I finally replied. “I better get going, though. I need to go to town to get a few things.” I lie quickly, but he is already reaching me at the door.

“Please don’t go.” He says, his eyes hungrily looking over me in a greedy sort of way. It makes me so livid to be looked at like meat! It’s bad enough that I’m forced to face Varnd every week that look at me that way, and I shouldn’t have to endure it from humans as well.

I offer a fake smile, “You’ll be fine. I’ll see you around.” I offer, not giving him a chance to respond as I open the door and sprint out. I will not be his hope… he will learn to find hope elsewhere, just like I did.

This life is lonely… but it’s better that way, I think. Safer…