The Tower

Tired doesn’t even begin to describe what is happening right now in my body. There is definitely a lack of hydration, which could be from replacing water with coffee, Red Bull, or vodka, but science is still out on that one. Or it could be the fact that I am a 28-year-old college student living in a studio dorm with a 19-year-old who has never cleaned or cooked for themselves in their entire life. Samantha is kind and means well, but we need to discuss boundaries again if we plan to live together after graduation.

The fact is, living in the dorms and being a resident assistant was the only way I could afford to go to this school. In the end, I know it will be worth it. Two years ago, when I decided to change my life and become an actor, all from one tour at the Warner Brothers lot, even though I had never acted a day in my life. The second I went back to the Airbnb and Googled “Acting Schools,” I found this one, auditioned, and got in. It was very much Tobias Funke from Arrested Development, but without the leather daddy jokes or special appearances from Carl Weathers. Now I am 22 days away from graduation, about to perform my last role at this school, and looking for ways to find agents.

It’s a really pretty day today, the sun is just right at 82 degrees, and we just finished rehearsal. I am on my way to work to possibly the worst Starbucks in America, off Hollywood Boulevard. Mom hates that I work there, girls keep getting followed home, and when I was on the phone with her after closing, a man catcalled me to get a breast reduction, which, in his own pervy way, he was worried about my back, so I guess that was nice. My mom and I just had a long talk yesterday, it was the 1st time I hadn’t been able to spend Mother’s Day with her. She is worried about me living with Samantha, but this is Los Angeles, and I can’t afford to not have roommates. Plus, there will be 4 other people living in the apartment. It will balance out whatever she doesn’t clean. My mom is going to meet everyone during graduation, which should calm her nerves.

This is the first time she will get to see me act, not just recite monologues to her for practice. This is her first time coming to Los Angeles; she didn’t drop me off at school like the other parents, which is not really her thing. I know I am way older than everyone else here, but it would have been nice to have her here. She always says I am independent, but I wonder if she realizes how much of my independence is from necessity, not want. It’s been tough doing things on my own. I knew that if I was going to do this, I needed to be classically trained. You always have to be better, and it costs so much more. That means being a full-time student, an RA, and a barista at the same time.

As I walk into work, it is a holy mess. The pickup counter looks like a latte war zone, with almost 8 drinks on the mat, and is that hand sanitizer? Zan, wearing a long cross earring that is definitely out of dress code, starts to scream at me ‘Girl, you just missed it, a homeless man-’

Jo interrupts him, 'You can’t say homeless, it’s unhoused.’ Zan looks at them with the intensity of answering the $10,000 question on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. ‘That man was homeless, unhoused is a term for people with decency who hit bad luck. As I was saying, this HOMELESS man came in and ordered a venti iced coffee with 15 sugars.’ Putting the green apron over my head, I’m sorry, 15 sugars? Is he trying to lose a foot?’ Zan starts back up again, a little irritated that the flow of the story was interrupted again. ‘Yes, 15 sugars! I told him his total was $5.75, then he asked me if it would be less if he had less sugar. I said No, we don’t charge for sugar, but maybe we should start. Then he said he didn’t have the money, but since I had already rung it up, we could give it to him anyway. I told him, sir, it does not work like that; it is only sent over to the bar once we have payment. Then girl, I shit you not, he took his dick out like a sword and started using it to knock everything down, that man was taking down everything. The snacks, the sanitizer, all the drinks we just made, and started screaming "look down, look down, don’t look them in the eye, look down, look down, you’re here until you die”.

“Ah, so a theatre major, I see.” grabbing one of the sanitizing towels to start cleaning up the mess. Jo hops back on the bar, making a mobile order that just came through. ‘Finally, John came out of the back and poured a cup of water on him to get him to leave’. ‘This was really eventful. Did this just happen?’ Zan answers ‘Like maybe 3 minutes before you walked in. ‘Wow, that’s crazy-’ I look down and my phone has started ringing. ‘Hey, I’m sorry, do you mind if I take this? It’s my grandma and she never calls me.’ They wave me out in unison. As I run to the back and answer at the same time, I run elbow first into the door of the ice maker ‘Ow, hi grandma, I am at work, what’s up?’ I start to nurse my funny bone as she speaks. ‘Hey, I was just wondering if you heard from your mom today? She hasn’t called me, and it’s a little strange. She always calls after the news at 12:30.’

‘No, I haven’t, but she knows I work all day today, so I can call her to see if she answers. ’ They worry so much about every little thing, it’s like they just want drama to happen. ‘Good, then tell her to call me when you hear from her,’ she says with Judge Judy blasting in the background. ‘Okay, I will, I gotta go love you bye’.

7 hours later

‘Hey, what card do you want to use for the flight? Just tell me, and you know what, you don’t even have to say, just point to the right one.’ Samantha was going through my wallet; she was surprisingly good in a crisis. It was not how I ever imagined this moment; I don’t think anyone ever imagines this moment. After the cops entered my house to find my mom, it’s been a blur. Now, I have to book a flight to go home, and I guess plan a funeral? This is what happens when you are an only child. ‘She never told me where she wanted to be buried. We never talked about it. She always said she would live forever. It was stupid of me to never question that I look over at the floral box sitting on our coffee table. Tears start to swell up again, and there is this hollowness in my chest. It’s been there ever since they opened my bedroom window to get into my house 3000 miles away. There was a sound that left my body that wasn’t human. A flood of emotions that only comes from complete and total emptiness.

‘This one?’ Samantha holds up a silver credit card, her curly hair streaming down her face, wearing that cornflower blue sweater she says she wants to get murdered in. Samantha is really big on horror, even though she can never get through an episode of Bones because it was ‘too gruesome’. I nod and grab a drink of water, still staring at the white floral box. ‘Okay, your flight is booked for tomorrow at 9:45 am. Do you need more water? You should probably eat something since you threw up. What do you want?’ Her voice was trying to be calm, but she seemed nervous, like she had just seen her teacher at the mall crying. Normally, I am the calm, level-headed one, but today is not that day. I get up and walk to the balcony door and open it. I can feel the warm breeze of an LA night. As I look up at the crescent moon, the wind is making the palm trees on the street bend. I can see across the street into the apartment building that looks just like ours. I see a couple watching Love Island. People should really invest in curtains. I lean over the railing, looking down at the 3 story drop. ‘Please don’t jump. ’ Samantha says right behind me.

‘I am not going to jump; there is a person down here with no pants.’ She hurries over, and we both look at the man who is in his Hanes underwear, having a great conversation all by himself. ‘Wow, life huh?’ Pausing and looking up, ‘I know this really sucks, but it’s going to be okay. Are you going to take it?’ I look down, and she is holding the floral box. Now you can see the words Prayers from Mom to God. The T.J. Maxx sticker is still on it from when I picked it out a week ago. ‘You know the same thing happened with my dad. When he died, in my senior year of high school, I had picked out a grey Beanie Baby monkey that said Number One Dad. He was supposed to come for homecoming, but he didn’t. Well, he said he couldn’t, that he would come to my graduation. That’s when I was going to give it to him. But instead, it just sits on the shelf in my room.’ I take the box from her hands and start to head for my closet, searching for my carry-on.

23 days later

‘Pivot, pivot, piiiivoott!’ Samantha is screaming at all of us, trying to get this very large sectional into the elevator. ‘This is not an episode of Friends, why the fuck is this elevator so small?’ Amanda says in her ‘it’s not me, it’s you’ t-shirt and blue crochet shorts. It is a beautiful June day, the perfect beach day. We, however, are not at the beach. ‘Okay, we just need to put it in at an angle, then make it stand up vertically. That is the only way it will fit.’ Josh and Matt, the two boys we have decided are unproblematic enough to share a space with, look lost while being stuck in the corner. ‘Right, but- where- will -we- go- if- the-couch- is- here?’ Matt says out of breath. ‘You good? Do you need to borrow my inhaler? You sound like that kid in the wheelchair from Malcome in the Middle.’ I wait with no answer. ‘Give me a thumbs up or down if you need help.’ Matt just holds his hand out, but it goes limp. ‘NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS.’ Samantha starts shouting. ‘He is out of breath, not deaf.’ Amanda stays while balancing the couch on her knee. ‘The elevator is too small for all of us, go use the one in the front and meet me upstairs. Josh, you stay here and help balance this. Matt takes a breather outside.’ We all start to walk away with our new orders. Samantha and I start walking to the other elevators. ‘I don’t know why he thinks he can be tired, we are all tired. He is the reason we are moving in today, anyway. Your mom died, and you managed to get your shit together.’ ‘Well, damn when you put it that way…’ I say, more hurt by that sentence than I should be. ‘Listen, we all drank too much champagne after graduation. It is crazy that they don’t give a buffer day to move out. Under normal circumstances, this would be stressful.’ Samantha begins to look worn down, and her eyes produce an unhealthy glaze. ‘I don’t care that he has a root canal tomorrow. He'd better help us unpack. ‘Hey, are you feeling okay?’ I ask as we make our way around the corner, and press the up arrow for the elevator. ‘Yeah, I just think I shouldn’t have had that last drink, I’ll be fine.’

6 Hours Later

‘We got another one down!’ Amanda and I were the only ones left standing. As soon as everything got moved into the apartment, they all started to fall. Covid. Fucking Covid. Even though Matt was the most winded at the start of the day. He is the last one to succumb to what feels like the plague. Now, we look at his body just lying in the middle of the Kitchen floor. With the sun setting over the Hollywood sign, it’s giving shadows that Alfred Hitchcock would be jealous of. ‘How did no one notice there are no lights in this place?’ I say as I step over his body. ‘How did none of us catch that? Just the light in the kitchen and no fan? I am glad we have a place to stay, but this is ridiculous.’

Two hours ago, Samantha went to unpack her shoes and said, ‘She just needed to put her head down for one moment.’ Now she has been incapacitated ever since. Just awake enough to take the first COVID-19 test. Josh was next; we didn’t see him coming. He doesn’t drink, so when he went down, we knew it was a run-of-the-mill hangover. He has taken one of the closets and keeps calling it ‘his Narnia.’ Now, Matt, who hung in there until the very last box, has just collapsed on the floor. ‘You doing good down there?’ I ask as we stand over his body. He gives the same gesture that he gave when he was out of breath. ‘We are going to have to work on your communication skills, Matt.” Then there is a knock at the door.

‘Who is knocking? No one knows we are here. Hell, I am barely here.’ Amanda says while looking around the corner. ‘Maybe, they are at the wrong apartment?’ I say stepping back over Matt’s body. Then another knock. ‘Hello? I hear people in there. Hello?’ A woman's irritated voice comes from behind the door. Looking at Amanda, ‘It speaks. You answer it.’ ‘Why am I answering it? You’re the oldest.’ She is now beside me as we both stare at the door. ‘I would, but my mom just-’ She interrupts me. ‘Okay, okay. I’ll get it.’ She starts to walk to the now persistent knocking door. ‘Who doesn’t text before coming over? One sec!’ She looks through the peephole. ‘It’s a woman, and she looks mad,’ she loudly whispers across the room. The woman starts yelling, ‘Can you open the door?’

Amanda responds in kind ‘So very sorry you don’t want me to do that. We have COVID in the house.’ The woman shouts, ‘I know you just don’t want to open the door, no one has COVID now it’s 2022!’ ‘We DO!’ I say, but I notice my voice has an echo, and all the roommates have joined to answer. Amanda, spokesperson for apartment B16 and takes the reins. ‘Listen, you don’t have to believe me, but we do have COVID. So, for your sake, I am not opening the door. You can just say what you need to say.’ This seems to irritate her even more; now the screaming has turned to yelling. ‘Listen, I can pay rent. I don’t need what sounds like 50 people to live in an apartment. It sounds like you have illegal tenants in there. I know the rules, and you can’t go stomping around. I have been hearing your stomping ALL DAY!!’ Amanda is not having it. ‘Mam’ people move. We are moving! That means noise, and I'm sure we are not the first people to move in LA. If you want, please go talk to the leasing office. They met all of us today. I would also add a doctor to the list of people to talk to. So please get the fuck away from our home!’ This seems to work as we hear her yelling to herself down the hall. ‘Fucking crazy lady, if you don’t want to hear people above you, pick an apartment on the top floor-’ Amanda says, still on her soapbox. ‘Cool, I’m going to go die now.’ Matt says while getting up slowly from the floor.

12 days, 15 negative COVID-19 tests, and 4 boxes of Kleenex later

As I open the door to the apartment, there are still boxes everywhere. That’s what happens when the whole house gets hit with the plague. I take the path of least resistance to Amanda and Samantha on the couch, doing a tarot reading. ‘Hey! How was your first day on set? Who did you meet?’ I answer as I sit down ‘It was really awesome! I met this TikToker who is one of those ‘I’m hot and can be your boyfriend’ guys. He was weird, but everyone else was really nice, and I got my first SAG voucher! Where are the boys?’ Amanda takes this one ‘Oh, they went to buy a new video game. They will be back.’ Then she takes a long pause. ‘I know we haven’t had a lot of time to process this, but I think you’re mom would be proud of you.’ I look around the room as everything starts to set in. This is my new home, this is my found family, and a summer I will never forget. As my friends embrace me and the tower card falls to the floor.