The tormented

Only you could bring me down as far as you did. Only you could break my heart into a million shards of glass in seconds- but you didn’t care did you? The only thing that mattered was how you perceived yourself, how you came off as the best.

When I first met you, you seemed so innocent and sweet, you didn’t seem like my type so I brushed you off. We met again a year later and moved in together.

Thus began our endless love affair.

At first you made me feel loved and beautiful, then over the years you broke me down.

Cheating, lying, yelling.

I’d call you out for cheating you’d tell me i was crazy, but ofcourse the moment I had proof it was a different story. You had a habit of denying things until I could prove it, then made me out to be crazy for being in your business.

You’d manipulate me into the ground- so far so that I couldn’t stand and didn’t feel like myself.

“You use to laugh at that- you use to think that was funny- you use to think that song was so great”

Yea well you use to not yell at me, I use to be able to be myself without feeling like I would get told I was wrong.

Enough! I’m done with your endless torment!

Oh? Is that so? No. I’ll unpack and damage all your stuff if you try to leave.

Baby I need you, don’t leave me- I’m so stupid that I hurt you so much that you’d leave me, I want to die.

I promise I won’t lie or cheat on you again.

Broken promises shattered all over the floor, lies that taste so good coming from your lips leave nothing but a bitter after taste left to poison the soul.

You hold me briefly on rare occasions- it seems as though I’m just a prize to you now at this point, do you even love me?

Love.

What does that word even mean anymore? I feel like a hostage, being torn apart from the inside, I can leave whenever I want, I tell myself- but can I?

As she walked into your life, you ended things with me, I was free! But I wasn’t really free was I?

No, now not only did I have you to bully me and make me feel alone but I had her on top of that telling me I should kill myself and just leave because it would be better for everyone.

You were fucking her, you gave her a ring but wouldn’t let me leave. You told her you loved her while yelling at me for no reason.

The filthy lies that messed with my head to no end.

I didn’t ask for this,

I didn’t want any of this, why do I feel caged in?

Ok. Let’s build up some courage to leave on 1, 2 , 3 ok let’s go!

No. I’m held down, how dare I try to leave. Clearly I’m wanted.

As I lay there pinned down by my throat getting yelled at and told I’m wrong I’ve always been wrong I don’t know shit, I just ask to be freed.

My request is denied.

I give an ultimatum, you agree but you don’t really agree, just enough to my face that I don’t resent you.

Months pass and she comes back, the torment gets worse and I’m still trapped.

JUST LET ME GO! I scream to myself wondering why I’m wanted to be there just to be treated like this.

The day I walked in on you fucking her you pushed my head into the window and told me it was my fault.

All I saw was red.

I left taking my chance, you didn’t let me and made me come back, made me relive it one more time before she came clean and told me everything.

I put my foot down and mustered every bit of strength to leave.

It took everything in me to leave.