The Teflon Don

They call him the Teflon Don for two reasons. First, no matter how hard the law tries to go after him, all indictments slide off of him akin to a Teflon pan. Second, he is similar to the original Teflon Don - John Gotti of the Gambino crime family, who was just as brazen and media-savvy as Trump.

What people don’t know, however, is his origin story. All speculations about his difficult childhood with an abusive father and coldly absent mother are wrong. It’s all his own doing.

You see, after that botched scalp reduction surgery by Ivana’s doctor, Trump sent a manifesting request into the universe to not only have his hair fixed but also give him the superpower of persuasion. Using his best words, he manifested, “I will be able to con anyone into doing what I want, follow me no matter what I say and do. Like, if I shoot someone in the middle of the 5th Avenue, I will still not lose any supporters. And no lawman can ever get to me.”

Someone in the Universe heard him. Shortly after, a new personal barber showed up at his mansion, highly recommended by one of his friends. She assessed Trump’s hair, mumbled something like “not much to work with even for a demon” and wanted to trim it.

When Trump saw her taking the scissors, his face turned orange and he screamed that she cannot cut his precious hair. Trying to appease him, she arranged his hair into a peculiar combover that became his trademark and said, “This is your source of power, Donald. It will be so distracting that people will forget everything you say and do. Don’t ever lose or cut it!”

And so the Teflon Don was unleashed onto the unsuspecting world.