The Swarm

There weren’t always dragons in the valley. Now though, there are swarms of them; mosquito sized, flying, fire breathing lizards. People barely leave their homes now, in fear of suffering from multiple bites from small, shark toothed mouthes, or burns suffered from the tiniest of flamethrowers. On the plus side, they eat most nuisance flying insects, so I guess they’re not all bad. Who am I kidding, they flew off with my dog For Pete’s sake! I’m terrified of them, even though they‘re tiny.

What most people fail to realize, is that these things usually don’t hunt just one or two at a time. Even 20 woouldn’t be too bad. But nooo. They hunt in CLOUDS, I say, CLOUDS. Why is that in all caps? Because lowercase wouldn’t encompass how large the swarms are. And before you ask “why don’t you just take the car to get things?”, let me answer that question: I watched them eat the metal, rubber, and all the bells and whistles of the car across the street. I’m afraid they’re going to start eating the houses next!

Fire can’t kill them, and they’re immune to just about everything. My brother, God rest his soul, tried killing them with bug spray, which seemed to work, until he ran out. Then he disappeared, except for the screaming which lasted all of five seconds; they don’t eat bones apparently, because his skeleton is still in the street. I’m not brave enough to go outside, but I’m running low on food… I wonder how they taste, and if I can trap a couple of them. The first thing that comes to mind is using my cat as bait, and I’m not sacrificing my cat! She’s all I have left right now because my mom is in Tahiti which thankfully is unaffected for some reason. Don’t ask me why, I have no answer. The Wi-Fi is out too, so I‘m actually not sure if Tahiti is still unaffected.

I’m going to try something that hasn’t been done before, and douse myself in vinegar. If I die, at least I know it’ll be quick. Mom, if you’re reading this, I hope this works and I’m sorry if I let you down.

It smells. Like, really, really, REALLY, smells. Yes, that third REALLY has to be in all caps. Anyways, now that I have done this, I cautiously take a step outside and immediately slam the door to the house shut behind me. I prepare myself for the millions of bites and burns I’m about to receive and shut my eyes tight; ready to die, but nothing happens. I open one eye and see that the swarm looms in front of me, but is making no move towards me. I open my other eye, and take a step forward, then another, and watch in amazement as the swarm moves away from me. I would laugh, but this is terrifying, so I run to grocery store up the street instead, break the glass doors, snag a shopping cart, and begin looking for the vinegar, cat food, kitty litter, garbage bags, laundry detergent, and canned food items. I take all that I can get, not knowing when I’ll see food, or anything else, next and not caring that I only have beans and canned peaches to surivie on.

With the food, vinegar, and other items in my cart, now so full it’s hard to move, I go as fast as I can back to my house and drag the cart inside. I stay inside, not going out unless I have to, and take care of my cat and clean the house. Otherwise, I read to pass the time. One day, I hear a knock at the door, and find Dolly Parton and Ryan Reynolds outisde, wearing hazmat suits that I bet are drenched in vinegar. Without hesitation, I let them in, and we’ve been surviving together ever since.