The Step-Monster Chapter One

Having a step-Father isn't the worst thing in the world. Most step-Fathers are nice. They're the ones who stepped up when the biological Father messes up. Or leaves. That this person loved you so much they wanted to be apart of your family. But, it wasn't like my real Dad didn't want to be one. He did, he really did.

But it isn't like you can predict when you get stomach cancer.

Dad had wanted to be there for me. He wanted to be there for me and Mom. I know this because of the letters he had left for me. The ones that Mom and Silas, my step-Father, didn't want me to read. I'm not entirely sure of the reasons why. Other then the possibility they wanted to erase him entirely. Make it seem like he never existed in the first place. Despite my fuzzy memories of him from when I was little. And the one photo of him that I have of him as well.

Which I had hidden in my underwear drawer as a kid. As I knew it was the one spot that Silas wouldn't ever go through. I mean what grown man would go through his step-daughter's panties? Not one that her Mother would willingly marry. That's who. I was so damn sure of this fact. Thank anything that I was right about him not digging through my underwear. And that my Mom never would bother going through it as well.

Though I wished that she had never married him. Sometimes I wished that. As I could tell how much he made her so happy. Loved him almost as much as she loved Dad. I thought of begging her to not marry him. To just take things slowly but, I didn't do it. Not wanting to get in the way of her happiness. Or be the reason she's alone for the rest of her life. Like she told me once when I was much younger but, that's another story entirely.

Her and Silas have been married for at least seventeen years now.

I have despised the years they were together. How much they tried to play 'Happy Family' by making me call Silas 'Dad' when I didn't see him that way. Pretend that he was never just my step-Father. I wish they hadn't pushed so damn hard for it. Even now that I'm thirty years old. They still try to push for me to love this man. Act like he had always been my 'Dad' and I just couldn't do it. Which is one of the reasons that I don't visit anymore. Another reason is that Silas still treats me like a girl. Despite the fact that I started to transition when I was eighteen. And Silas despised that I did this. Telling me that I was a girl, I would always be a girl, and God would make me see that some day.

I nearly wanted to rip out my uterus right then and there.

After that, he would act like I was a woman and not a man. Ignore the facial hair that I have. The fact that I had top surgery years ago. That everyone else we know knows that I'm a man now. And they all call me by my real name instead of my dead name. Which Silas never stopped doing when we were around each other. Coupled with him telling me that I would be ugly if I kept transitioning. That I would go bald and get really fat.

Neither of which happened to me by the way but, didn't scare me. Some folks are fat and bald. Big deal?

I probably would have looked just like my Dad if I did. As the only photo I have of him features him chubby and bald. With lots of cool tattoos on his arms and neck. Maybe that's why Silas didn't want me to do that. He feared people would further realize that I wasn't his child. Which was something he kept trying to sell when I was a lot younger. I mean, I still look a lot like my Dad right now. But not as much as I wanted to. I've got a full head of strawberry blond hair and I'm skinny as a rail. Which I hate but, my partner tells me that I'm wonderful. Hugs me tight everyday as he tells me how handsome I am.

And has been telling me that for the past twelve years now.

We've been dating for at least five of those years. We're not married, yet. And I'm not sure if we ever will. I'm perfectly fine with that. If we were, we definitely wouldn't be inviting Mom and Silas. They'll be left out. Just like they've left me out of the family for years now. Right after they had their little do-over baby. It was sort of after I left that they had this kid. My stupid little half-brother, Pierre Jones.

He's around twelve or so, I dunno.

I completely cut contact around seven years or so ago, if I remembered it right. Not entirely sure of the when, though. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. As Mom and Silas don't have my address. They don't have my e-mail address either. And they definitely can't see me on any social media at all. The only thing they had before Pierre was born was my phone number. Which I changed not that long ago.

So none of these things were what they were supposed to have. Ever. At least I had hoped that they hadn't. So you can imagine my anger when I had a few missed calls from my Mom and Silas. Along with some voice mails and texts. And the most uncomfortable thing for me was an e-mail from Silas. Telling me that he misses me. Along with the fact that he was so sorry for being so pushy with me.

That he wants his oldest daughter back in 'oUr FaMiLy'.

And I thought of responding to this. Thought of telling him off for calling me his 'daughter'. Despite the fact that I'm a fucking man now. And have been one for so many years. Which stung so much as I stared at his stupid e-mail.

I thought of that for so long.

Then I took a second to center myself, took a deep breath, and then I blocked his e-mail address. There was absolutely nothing in responding to this man. Nothing in the world would make talking to him worth it ever. He was trying to get me angry, I'm absolutely sure of it. What I need to be worried about is how my Mother's husband managed to get my e-mail at all. As I've been keeping to myself for so many years. How the Hell did he get this?

And then it hit me, my cousin from my Mother's side. Albert Snyder.

Bertie could never keep his stupid mouth shut. Not when it comes to my Mom and her husband. For whatever reason, Bertie seems to adore that bastard. Not in any mood to talk to that little jerk. He thinks me and Silas need to be a complete 'family' together. Tried so hard for years to also make me like him. Something that nearly made me want to break his glasses off on his stupid face.

I blocked Albert's e-mail in advance to avoid drama. Along with every social media platform that I previously had him on. Just in case that stupid little weasel tries to contact me. And I am totally going to encourage Carmine, my boyfriend, to do the same when I get the chance. As I don't want him to be dealing with any of these bigoted assholes.

This means that we definitely need to be moving soon. Just in case. Like to another city or something like that. Since I doubt that Albert would keep my address secret from him. The big mouthed idiot was the absolute worst for this. I'm hoping that dumb idiot didn't do that already. And I'm a little worried that he will be here any second now.

Okay, I know that's paranoid but I'm still terrified.

Silas probably wouldn't be showing up that soon. It was just silly to think he would show up after a few missed anything. As he had stuff that he had to do in his own life. Like a job or being with his stupid ass kid, too. This guy won't be coming to my place after a few missed calls and one stupid e-mail. There just was no way in Hell that he was going to. And that's what I kept telling myself as I deleted the voice mails without listening to them. Along with the few texts that I got from him and my Mom. Which were paragraphs that I wouldn't bother to read for any reason.

I still felt uneasy about the idea as I stood there. That he might show up sometime soon. And that I should be prepared for that. But I think it might be the pregnancy hormones messing with me. As I'm three months along right now. But my hormones are really messing with me right now. This was also something that I was worried about. What if Silas had found out that I'm having a child? That he looked at my Twitter or something like that.

It couldn't have been from Bertie. As I had never told him about it.

No, I didn't want him to blab about it before I was ready. And I never should have told him anything else about myself. But, I thought for once that Albert wouldn't spill the beans. Just once. But I should have known so much better about this. Silas finding out about my e-mail address is on him and myself. I know that. At least I've ensured that he won't learn anything more about me. Not from myself or from stupid Bertie either.

I'm hoping he wouldn't at least.

While I tried to calm myself down, there was a knock at the door. My heart lept into my throat at this. As I wasn't expecting anyone. Or expecting any packages either. A second later, an all too familiar voice called,"Vanessa? Are you home, Sweetheart? It's me, Dad!"

Of course he would be calling me by my dead name. What in the Hell else could I expect from this asshole? He knows that my name is and has legally been Clarence. Clarence Faulkner. And there ain't no way in Hell I'm opening that door. Ain't even going to reply. He can stand out there calling for Vanessa Jones all day if he wants. She never existed in the first place. Silas can shout for her until he's blue in the face. I'm so glad that I already closed the very thick curtains.

Otherwise that dumb bastard would have seen me by now.

I'm also really glad that the front door is locked. As Silas has never respected my privacy in the past. Sure, he's never walked in on me getting dressed. But he rarely ever knocked. And if he did, he would only wait a few seconds before storming in. Luckily, like I said, I locked that door. So all he gets to do is call out for someone who doesn't exist. He continues to bang on the door as he asks,"Nessa? Please? Are you there? I need to speak to you!"

As far as you know, she's not here. Just go the Hell away already. I ain't gonna be talking to you. Nor would I ever be willingly talking to you. He calls,"If you are, we really need to talk."

"I really need to talk to you about your Mom, Nessa.",he added. Telling the nobody that he thinks is on the other side. I don't want to hear about Mom. Especially, from his stupid ass. I really didn't want to listen to him. Silas spluttered,"She's, she's not doing so well. She really isn't doing, she really isn't doing that great."

"Your Mother only has a few months left to live.",he whimpered. No, no, no...that had to be some kind of sick lie he was giving me. Some kind of trick that he was playing on me to get me to speak to him. Then I saw a paper being shoved under my front door. Followed by Silas pleading,"Please, call us. We really could use your support in all of this."

"Please, Nessa. I need your help so bad.",he begged. It made me sick to listen to his stupid voice. And it took everything in me to not speak or move from my spot. Not until I was certain that he had left the front stoop. I gripped my couch tightly as I listened for his truck driving off. When I heard it and counted to thirty, I finally got up off the couch. Then quietly walked over to the door. Picking up the paper that my Mother's husband had slipped me. It was just a handwritten letter from my Mother herself.

Telling me that she had breast cancer. And that they hadn't caught it in time to properly treat it. My Mom was hoping to see me before she passed. To make it up to me for everything in the past. That she wanted to apologize to me to my face. And tell me everything that she couldn't on a piece of paper. I felt so strange as I stood there holding her letter. There was this urge to go see her. Hold her close and beg for her to forgive me. Forgive me for all I did wrong in the past. For not contacting her for so long, too.

There was this urge to go scream at her. Yell myself hoarse with anger as I stood in front of her.

Then there was just nothing. This terrible empty feeling inside of me. Like I was as hollow as a chocolate Easter Bunny. I almost wanted to just burn the note. It didn't have my real name on it even. Just my dead name and a last name that I don't legally use. So why should I even want to keep it, right? Yet, I couldn't bring myself to do so. As it's just...just so...I don't even really know right now. I think I will have to wait for Carmine to come home. See what he thinks and if I should even respond. As a part of me feels that I should do that. Even if it's just rejection of the both of them. But I'm not sure if it's all that wise or not.