The Shut-in (part 2 of 2)

The is the second and final part of “The Shut-in”. If you would like to read part one then you can do so below:

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For a moment you again hear their faint voices in the back of your head. Argh. “You know what will happen - why do you do this to yourself? You must not open the door and leave,” are their words.

“I don’t care,” I said aloud. I pushed their voices back. “Right now, I'm telling you I really just don’t care.”

Enough is enough. I sit up from the floor behind the fly-wire door. Halfway there - one door to go! I hold the handle and affirm to myself to look for the key. I rush to the drawer in the kitchen where your old car keys are, the house keys of an old family member, an unusually LARGE set of old work keys - oops. I think I put the fly-wire door keys on a separate keyring - must be here somewhere! It’s only been three months. After a few moments of rummaging through the drawer - “There they are,” I mutter. The feeling of excitement overwhelms me as a lightness and warmth rushes up my forehead. I hustle back to the door, put my shoes on and hold the key up and examine it. Definitely the one! I insert the key into the lock, turn the key and Voila! And that there ladies and gentleman is how you open a fucking door! I smile, push the handle down and slowly step through.

I don’t fall on my freakin’ face; this is a great start. I move over to the front lawn. I hear a series of bird calls in one of the trees out the front, as a white butterfly dashes among the bushes. The sun isn’t too hot, yet suddenly a massive Crow comes to disturb the little birds. “Shoo!” I cry, “Get on out of here!” As I wave my arms towards it. It caws loudly and proceeds to call its two mates. I know who they are instantly - they continue cawing at me. It is Louis, Simon and Elizabeth - the evil triad possessing these here three crows.

“You do not leave!” they caw. “How dare you take back your freedom; don’t you know we have been imprisoned by U2. No, not the band, but we don’t have time for this absurdity. Enough is enough we want out, we’ve got places to be and birds to sacrifice. Look, it was fun while it lasted, but we reckon you’ve become a freaking bore!” Caws Louis.

I pick up the nearby garden hose and begin awkwardly flinging it in the air trying to get them to fly away - the hose is not even turned on. They do not budge and Elizabeth stays perched in the tree out the front claiming her victory. “Pathetic,” they caw in unison. I reach for the shovel behind the bin and start swinging in their direction. “Leave me alone, just leave me alone!” I shout.

They caw & laugh & caw & laugh and then decide to attack. “Get his eyes!” Louis caws to the others. I start to cover up my face with one arm as I wave my other hand with the shovel to try to get them off me. As I hold my hands up to my eyes I drop the damn shovel.

“Freedom is here,” they purport as they viciously peck at my face and eyes. My Demons were quite literally getting the better of me. Blood streams down my face and eyes. They do not let off.

“Faaark off Louis!!” I cry. “Just get off me,” as I wave my hands in the air. Maybe if I could just get back inside? Screaming in pain I fall back over the shovel onto the grass. The sun beats as I feel the warm grass brush my fingertips. Starting to resign myself, losing too much blood and likely soon consciousness. There was just no point - my fate resigned.

“Should have stayed inside!” Simon caws as he pecks at my throat.

The last thing I feel is the warmth of the beating sun on my outstretched palms - a wonderful feeling, a healing feeling and then -

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Quick note 2:

Thanks so much for reading. It has been left unedited for a solid 4 months, but finally got around to tidying it up. A little of this is about me, sure, some isn’t, and obviously loads of exaggeration. It just kind of wrote itself via stream; I had no idea what direction it would take.

I think my mind is not as hopeful as it once was in my 20s and early 30s. Sometimes you feel like you are doing all the right things in life, you are persisting, you are seeking help, you are wanting to lead a fulfilling life, but the world so easily turns its shoulders time and time again (and I do too admittedly) so I think subconsciously I wanted the individual to find some momentary freedom, but then realise the world is full of vultures & is a dangerous place as they initially feared. Maybe my head space will change again and I’ll be writing about rainbows, unicorns and meditation, but not just yet.