The Shallows

An incredibly rare instance, one moment that’s just for us. Something that only we shared together. It was something I had wished for with her for so long. And it was gone in a flash and some blood.

I knew her for a long time. We had been friends for so long that I couldn’t remember how we’d met.

So it seemed only fitting that at the end of our long journey through wastelands and muck, that it was me, holding her at the end.

The sand I was kneeling in was warm with her blood and I could feel the tide licking at my feet. Her lifeless eyes stared at the stars above and her arms were resting delicately on her stomach. I made sure to take everything I could from her except for one thing, her necklace.

I couldn’t bring myself to take it, she told me when she got it that it was her mothers and she only ever wanted to give it to her child.

I gently caressed her hand before picking up the heart shaped pendant and opening it for the first time. Tears began welling up in my eyes immediately, inside the locket was a picture taken before the bombs dropped. It was a photo of us long ago. A photo I never thought I’d see again. We were so young then, so young that I thought we were going to continue in our little bubble of us against the world forever.

Wishing on a monkey’s paw so to say.

Pressed into the other half of the locket was a piece of paper.

I argued internally for so long the water was reaching her side. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see those words. I wasn’t sure what they’d be.

After another painful 5 minutes though I caved.

I’m in love with you.

My heart lurched and my lip trembled. If she had said something sooner maybe our argument wouldn’t have happened and maybe she’d still be here.

“You dummy.” I whispered to her. I looked at the photo of us. Our dresses flowing in the wind. My hair freshly cut and hers tied in a bun. I still remembered her words when she handed me that dress, nicely wrapped for my birthday.

“It has pockets.” her wink at the time sent shivers down my spine. Thinking about it now just made me cry harder.

I continued reading through my tears, her words poured into my heart and punched their way through my back. An empty feeling I will have to carry with me for as long as I live. The last line tore me in half.

If you are reading this I want you to have my necklace.

By now, I was out of tears to cry so I just sobbed and rested my head on her.

I stayed like that for ages. The water at my waist cut through my grief, telling me it was time to go.

I did my best to close her eyes and I gently pulled the necklace from underneath her head, hesitating before deciding to put it in my pocket.

I stood and returned to our campsite. I just sat there by the fire till the sun rose.

Emptiness was beginning to consume me as I packed everything, grabbing the rifle last. I contemplated tossing the locket into the small fire pit but decided against it.

I walked down to the beach one last time. The salty breeze warmed me slightly until my brain connected the location to the nightmarish events of the prior night and it returned to being a cold breeze. All that was left in the sand was a faint outline of where she and that creature had been.

I spent the day walking briskly, well past sunset.

Finally the light of our destination began to cut through the darkness as I approached a settlement, if you could call it that.

Tents lined the dirt paths with small wooden structures scattered along it. Off in the distance you could see the tips of Utopia. The famous city that no one comes from. A beacon in these deserts. The people in this camp were one of the many groups desperate for solace from the wastelands and the creatures that roamed them.

A familiar smell cut through the air, summoning me to one of the wooden sheds. My father used to brew his own alcohol as a hobby, the pungent aroma used to fill our garage and he promised he’d show me how to do it when I was older.

I followed the scent through the curtain to a makeshift and very empty bar.

I sat on one of the decaying stools and waited for the barman to come over.

“How do I pay for things here?” I asked.

“What have you got?” His voice was gruff and reeked of frustration.

Reaching into my bag I pulled out a handful of shiny knick knacks we had found on the journey here. I placed them on the counter and before I'd even pulled my hand away he had snatched a few of them off the bench and turned to the counter behind him.

He filled 2 mugs to the brim with the brown liquid and placed them in front of me.

“Head to the building near the gate tomorrow and they’ll give you meal tokens.” He told me.

My face contorted into confusion, “I’m heading to Utopia tomorrow, I won’t need them.”

The few people in the room chortled. “You can buy 2 mugs with a meal ticket.” His voice was more stern this time.

“I just told you.” I told him flatly. “I’m not going to be here tomorrow.”

This earned more laughter from the others.

“Uh huh. And I’m just telling you my prices.”

It finally clicked. This hidden joke I had been sitting on. My stomach twisted into knots as reality hit me.

“How long has it been since someone got in there?” My voice was shaking.

His face softened slightly as he read mine. “Utopia hasn’t let anyone in for months now.”

“I see.” I lowered my head to look into the mug.

I threw back my head and let the bitter liquid wash over my tongue and down my throat.

I felt a hand pat my back and heard the chair legs next to me scrape along the wooden ground.

“I hear it's not much better inside either.” The man threw some things onto the counter and the barman swiped them away and left to pour his drink.

So this was it. I… no we had travelled for weeks. Just for this.

“The settlements are more Utopian than in there anyway.” He said taking a big swig. “Free meals and no work.”

“Don’t forget about Reacher attacks.” Someone else chimed in.

I fished the locket out of my pocket, looking longingly at the carved metal.

“That’ll get you 20 mugs.” The barman told me rudely.

“It’s not for sale.” I told him and finished my mug before turning to leave.

I followed his advice at first. I got a few meal tokens but night after night I felt emptier than when I didn’t eat. So I didn’t.

Days turned to weeks, weeks to months. The People in this camp were getting impatient and I was too. The bar was where I spent most of the time, listening to the barman's stories from before the war.

And before long I had to leave again. I sold my tokens for as much munitions as I could carry.

The desert had never looked as inviting as it did when I finally put this “Utopia” to my back.

It was like a parasite that sucked at my will to push on. The screams grew distant and the only reminder of the city was the smoke billowing over the horizon.

‘It’s a nice night for a revolution.’

The barman’s rough voice cut through my thoughts.

For the first time in what felt like forever I cracked a smile. I held the locket and watched my breath in the cold air.

Yeah. Yeah it is.