The Seasonal Road

Growing up in the county I lived in a modest home on a quiet seasonal road that only saw traffic from the few other homes that resided on this road or your occasional "Sunday driver" out sightseeing. Behind my home there was a red barn rooted firmly on a farmers field that was about a 10 minute walk from my home. The local farmer that owned the land with the barn on it used it to store hay, his small tractor and a few goats. I had no interest in this old barn for all those years I lived at home. Not until recently when I returned back to my home after being away for about 20 years. I was standing in the kitchen window drinking an ice water on a late summer afternoon looking over that farmers field when I noticed that it was no longer being maintained in what looked like over 10 years or more. The once very visible red barn now had completed faded to a pale gray as all of the red paint from it was weathered off from the years of heat, rain and snow. The barn had become overgrown with shrubs and vines and was far from as visible as it used to be.

My interest now was peaked with this old barn. For over the past few years, I have grown an addiction to old run down structures and having the need to go in them to explore to see what has been left behind and what stories these abandoned structures held inside. I wondered to myself staring out the kitchen window at the barn, was anything left in that old barn from the farmer from all those years ago, what stories does that old barn hold? I just had to check it out. I threw on my old converse and went out the back patio door. I opened the gate that led from my house to the beginning of the field. As I made my way across kicking field stones along the way, chasing random field snakes and watching the turkey vultures hover over my head searching for dead animals in the field, my insides grew with excitement as I approached the old barn.

Once I was upon it, I realized how decrepitated this barn had actually become. As I pushed open the wood splinted warped barn door, I was greeted by the the musty smell of stray cats, the goats that once lived there, old hay bales and the lingering scent of diesel fuel from the tractor that used to be stored there. As I wandered around, I ran my hands over the old beams of wood that were actually still pretty solid for the most part that were use to hold up the hay loft. Some of the windows were broken and cracked letting in slight beams of sunlight. As I savored my surroundings, I began to feel that I was not alone in this barn. I brushed it off as maybe a cat was hiding somewhere watching me. So intrigued by having a visitor, I started to search around for one. As I was just about to round a corner into the area that once held the tractor, a shadow figure suddenly caught my eye that seemed to drift off to my right side. No way I said out loud. I did not just see that! It had to be an illusion from the sun through these broken windows I thought to myself as I whispered, here kitty kitty, because I was still somewhat convinced a stray cat was in the barn with me. As I slowly approached the back of the barn I began to feel that the stale warm air of the barn had taken on a coldness around me. That's strange I thought, moving my hand around me trying to feel where a cool breeze could possibly be coming from. Then out of nowhere I felt a slight brush against my shoulder, as if someone's hand had touched me as they walked by. I knew right then and there, this obviously was no cat that I was being watched by.

I am naturally a "sensitive/medium" meaning I can sense and feel "ghosts" or "spirits" around me and communicate with them. And I knew at this very moment I was alone with one. As I didn't feel scared or threatened in the least bit, on the contrary, I was overly excited about what I just experienced. I decided to sit down on the dirt covered floor where I had just felt my companion and slowed down the excitement that had started to overwhelm my brain and try to get my heart rate back down to a normal level. As my energy calmed inside my head and heart and I went into a meditative state, a sensation engulfed all around me like I was inside a cloud. As I opened myself to this spiritual being, I was given visions of her past. Yes it was a girl, a teenage girl in an old night gown. She showed me visions of her running and playing around the barn. smiling and laughing all by herself, chasing a wild rabbit that was always just barely out of her grasp. As I watched her she did not look familiar to me as I have lived in this area all my life and I realized that she was dressed from the early 1900's. I knew this barn was old, I just never realized it was on this property for that long. When she was done sharing that happy memory with me, I asked what had happed to her. That is when she shared with me her sorrow.

At the age of about 15 she became very ill with a fever, she showed me images of her laying in her bed with cold wash cloths on her forehead and she was soaked in sweat. I could not see the people around her, she only showed them to me as shadows, but I could make out a woman figure, which I assumed was her mother and a tall shadow figure leaning over her, which was most likely a doctor. She indicated that no matter what the doctors tried to do for her. Her illness grew until on day she passed on in her sleep. As tears started to well up in my eyes as I could feel her pain and sorrow, I asked if she wanted me to help her cross over, that she doesn't have to stay here trapped inside this old barn any more. She abruptly shook her head no and assured me that she was happy there and she has never caused any harm to anything or anyone that has come around to explore the old barn, like I had done on this day and she wanted to stay. She relayed a memory to me, that when she became very ill, she was consumed with great sadness as she laid in her bed because she knew she was dying and all she could think of is how badly she wished she could get up out of that bed and run to the barn and start playing and running freely as she used to as this barn was where she came to feel happiness when she was alive. She showed me that residing in this barn in spirt form helps her relive her happy childhood memories every single day and she had no desire to give that up by crossing over and losing her sanctuary inside this barn and she wished to stay active in the mortal world. I had to respect her wishes.

I then thanked her for trusting to come to me and share her memories with me. As I stood up, to my surprise, she appeared to me in full body apparition, as all our communication was through my meditative state. As she stood there in her antique blue night dress, with her long brown hair flowing over her shoulders, her eyes brightened as she smiled at me and reached out her hand towards mine. I went to grab her hand, both her and I knowing, I would never be able to actually hold it. And I smiled back as my hand went through hers.

I turned away from her and closed that old warped barn door tight, mentally wishing that would keep her safe. As I began to walk back to my house, I decided to turn around to get one last look at the barn and saw her standing in the barn doorway watching me walk away. I slowly raised my hand to wave goodbye, only to have her vanish as if she was never there.

I have not retuned back to the old barn since that one day. I cherish in the memories that I was able to spend time with her and have her trust me with so much of her past. Often when I am feeling sad, I will remember the visions that she showed me of her running and laughing around the barn chasing that wild rabbit, always just barely out of her grasp.