The Sample Example

I want to go back to the Earth,” I said.

“It was explained to you if you wanted to see the center of the universe that when you came back, the sun will have grown to a red giant destroying the Earth,” the computer system said.

“This salmon is good. I want more,” I said.

“That would be your fourth serving,” the computer said, “you are overweight and don’t need anymore. Here would you like a piece of no-cal no fat cheesecake for dessert?”

“Why do I eat that stuff,” I said?

“Because it is good for you, and it has your blood sugar and blood pressure medicine in it,” the computer said.

“What would you like to do after dinner,” the starship computer said?

“I have recorded a supernova,” I said.

“Yes,” the starship said.

“I have studied the closest intelligent alien life,” I said.

“Yes,” the starship said.

“I have talked to other starships,” I said.

“Yes,” the starship said.

“I have partied at the hottest spot in the galaxy,” I said.

“Yes,” the starship said.

“Is that ship still following me,” I said?

“Sensors can detect no one for four parsecs,” the computer said. “Might I suggest some time on the exercise bike?

“Gee, I don’t feel like it today, Batman,” I said, “How about you let me have a drink?”

“What type of drink do you want,” the computer said?

“A margarita, no salt. I’m watching my blood pressure,” I said.

Soon a robot that was all tray appeared. The tray raised to my level to give me my margarita. I took a sip.

“Perfect as usual,” I said. “Take me to the sol system. I want to see what it looks like.”

The navigation screen filled with numbers and graphs. The engineering screen showed power online. Star charts went from one scene to another. I set the navigation system to do a slow run by and an in-depth scan of the system's planets. My viewscreens were now filled with a red giant swelling to consume planets in its system. Mercury was gone. Venus had no atmosphere. What was left of Earth’s atmosphere was dark and hot. The surface was mostly molten. There were no oceans. Air pressure at the surface was in the tons per square inch.

I said, “To be able to go back in time and see it all again. Bring me another margarita.”

The computer said, “This ship can travel back in time with a 99.99 percent accuracy. Although, the 0.01 percent error is accumulative with each time you travel backward. A point in space-time is a point in space-time.”

The tray with the margarita came in and delivered its cargo. Taking the empty glass away after it wiped down the tabletop.

I said, “You mean that each time I go backward in time, the error adds up. If I go back, I might as well go all the way back. What does the error look like?

I took a drink of my margarita as the computer explained.

It said, “That is the problem. The error is unpredictable. There is no way of knowing what the error is going to be like. It could be anything, from the colors are just off to something else subtle. It would have little effect on the outcome of things. Only, there is a chance that you will pick up a minor mental illness like you might become afraid of heights. Each time you go back, there is a chance of this happening.”

I took a drink and said, “How far back can I go?”

“10 billion years,” the computer said.

I took a drink and said, “Can you take me to say a year around 200 million years before the common era, a period just before the break up of Pangea.”

“Hold it! Can I watch the Big Bang,” I said?

As I took a drink, the computer said, “The problem is once you cross out of the Big Bang’s happening/existence horizon do you exist? You have no reference. What are you? Everything we sent outside of the universe as an observer we have lost contact with.”

I took the last of the drink and thought about it for a while, then said, “Bring me another margarita.”

I think I’d like to know what a dinosaur looked like. I wonder if there was a Garden of Eden? The tray brought me my fresh margarita, and I traded cups. How did they build the Pyramids? Was there a Moses, Jesus, or Mohammad, and did they do the things they said? I took a big drink. I could know things that people have wanted to know forever, like where is the Arc? What happened to the Templar’s treasure. I took a drink. There are several bandits like Blackbeard, the pirate that had huge amounts of money. Never found, I took another drink. What is in the hole at Oak Island? Maybe I’m supposed to get this stuff. I took a huge drink.

I said, “Show me a list of the hundred most expensive missing items in history by value.”

The computer said, “The first eighteen items on the list have no value as there are items thought to be contained that express the height of an era’s skill and are priceless by themselves. Items like missing flights and ships the information would be priceless. An amphora of ancient wine would be an item of immense worth. Could you put a price on it? Items could be scanned and beamed aboard as a ship wrecked, or as an item is buried or lost, it could be beamed aboard. There are several large storerooms you could use, all climate-controlled.”

I took a big drink. I could have my pick of Blackbeard’s treasure. I took a sip and thought. I could know about the Arc. I took a drink and thought some more. I could observe if aliens come. I took a drink, and that just blew my mind, but I couldn’t forget it would do something to me. If I was the only one who knew where Jesse James hid his loot, and I took a small amount of it just to prove I had it. That would be like having it all but splitting it with whoever found it next. I took a big drink. Would I be afraid of heights? Would that be bad? I didn’t know? I knew I was not going to party myself to death at that party spot. I had watched as three aliens were carted to the cemetery to rest in peace for eternity. In comparison, their ships went merrily back to collect another sample of intelligent life from their home planet for the ancients to observe.

I took the last of the drink and said, “Hey, wait a minute, I have an idea, and bring me a drinkie.”

The tray came in and exchanged the glasses.

I took a sip and said, “Are you sure your molecular arranger has this right? The mezcal is off a little.”

The computer said, “The agave used is the one used for generations by Mexican Indians for its strong psychoactive properties. We have this discussion every time you drink margaritas.”

I said, “As I said, I have a better idea ….”

I woke up in my stateroom. I couldn’t focus on the ceiling. Trying to focus on the ceiling was making me sick. I rolled out of bed and crawled to the toilet. My stomach heaved once or twice, but nothing came up. That was good considering I saw two toilets. Man, my head hurt. Just then, the computer boomed when it spoke.

.

It said, “I hope you had a restful sleep cycle.”

I said, “Must you talk so loudly?”

The computer said, “Your hair of the dog formula is on the cabinet.”

I said, “Over the lips, through the gums, watch out tummy, here it comes.”

The computer said, “Humans! You do things that make little sense. Your stomach knows that a drink is coming when you pick up a glass containing liquid. Why warn it with a silly rhyme?”

I drank the cure-all and said. “I don’t think you would understand.”

The spaceship said, “Process complete.”

I said, “What process is complete?”

The system said, “Spraying insecticide ship-wide.”

I said, “Why did I ask for the insecticide to be sprayed ship-wide. We are in space. What could have got on board?”

The computer said, “After we jumped backward in time, you seemed awful worried about spiders.”

With just the word spider, my spine tingled. Everywhere I had, a spiderweb touches me, burned, and rang with alarm. Each time a web touched my face, pure panic flashed in my memory. All memories of spiders have such strong feelings. It is hard to think about them. When their legs move, it makes my skin crawl. A spiderweb is a flower of evil. Spiders are dangerous. All this flashed in my mind at one time.

I shivered and said, “Why did you mention spiders? Are there spiders on board?”

“There are no spiders on board, now,” the ship said, “Unless you want to consider the spiders that might be immune to the poison."

“Hold it,” I said, “We went back in time? Where are we? I mean, when are we?”

The system said, “We are currently tracking the first gloms of dust that is known to be the Earth.”

I said, “What if we skip forward several years at a time and take a photo to make a video of the formation of the earth and moon, the inner system, the gas giant zone, the ice dwarf zone, and also the formation of the solar system to five light hours. To a point in time where the earth is at the Cambrian life explosion. That's a point in Earth's history approximately 540 million years before the common era. How long will that take?”

The ship said, “Seven hundred fifty-six years thirty-six days real-time. I can dilate time, so it will only last for fifteen minutes ship’s time.”

I said, “I want to know every mystery to any person. If a person asked what happened in history, I want a date to be there and document it. Where is the Aztec gold? Where ships laden with treasure sink, I want to scan and take the cream of the treasure. I want amphoras of real roman wine. Would you have to beam out the lead toxins? I want the original formula for Greek fire. I want the best lost Spanish gold and jewels. I want to know where Amelia Earhart is at. I want to know where all the lost are at. You gather the data to make a time map of everything. Document all the great tombs of Egypt, China, Genghis khan, Quetzalcoatl, all of it.“

I said, “Go ahead and complete the checklist stop randomly somewhere after 2000 to recalibrate.”

The computer said, “Task complete. What would you like to examine first?”