The Sad, Sad Downside to Dying Of Dementia

Hi, y'all! I have to use the southern drawl and twang for my Wild West novel. There has been a slight delay in my progress in the name of travels and research, but I will continue typing the weekly installments as they come. I promise I have them written up to date, and will update you all where we left off. Stay tuned as we figure out what happens in this great Wild West ghost town as they continue to relive the same day for 300 years, and grow tired of their mere existence.

With weekly installment # 1, we started at the beginning - (a very good place to start.) And now, without further ado, as seems fitting for now, let us pick up to where we left off... in the great chasm to change, much longed for for 300 years...

3/3/2022

The Sun went down on an uneven horizon of Tumbleweeds, a few dry four leaf clovers, and some dried, crackly heather bushes.

The rest of the world was silent for a few hours. Then the moon came out in full -- and with it, the town's citizens of long, long ago. And if this story is starting to sound familiar, it is also familiar to the 300 year dead citizens, too.

Yes, you got that right. A dead as a doornail Ghost Town.

Whoo! Yoo-hoo!

"Do you want an apple pie?"

"I can't eat anything anymore. Dammit Woman, I thought you knew that!"

"Oh, I know, I just do that to spite you and turn you into a horrible gambling gunslinger!" came her curt reply.

"And this is why I'm divorced. I am single right? Who was I married to again? It's as if I'm trying to remember after 300 years."

"Being dead that long can do that to a man's noggin, cant it now, Clyde?" sneered Benjamin, amused in spite of the situation.. But you remembered that, didn't you?"

"Oh shut it, would you?"

The commenter shot back and killed him. Again. For the umpteenth day after sunset in a row. Something the sheriff of 300+ years was literally oblivious to.

"You were married to Mz. Apple pie, over there." he licked his lips before continuing. she sure looked delicious. He wasn't wanting that pie, either. No, just her. He could do this any day of the year, no problem, she looked that good to him. Loved her, hated her ex. "You are divorced and single. And now dead." he cheerfully added with a snide grin, no remorse whatsoever, and none deserved by Clyde, either.

Clyde was an ass, and everyone knew it.

"You are divorced and single because you're a horrible, angry rotten good for nothin' drunk and every woman deserves better 'n' you.

Three, he held his third finger out on one hand, gun in the other -- you STARTED this fight. And I will finish it. With HONOR.

Now, to make sure you're doubly dead. BANG BANG.

And that is the end of horrible good for nothin' Gambling Gunslinger Clyde" Little did the sheriff realize the truth to the statement of making sure Clyde was DOUBLY dead. Maybe the pun was intended in the subconscious, for a lack of better words.

"Oh, he'll be back tomorrow" replied a common know it all from the gathering crowd of spectators, in between applause and thunderous hoorahs.

"Watch your mouth what you wish on people!" Sheriff Adam retorted. " I know he will haunt me in my dreams while I make love to his LOVELY ex - wife over there. Just don't rush him back to existence now. I'm warning you!" Poor Sheriff Adam. He seemed to think his authority alone would stop everything bad from happening over and over again. That, and his long lasting love for Mz. Apple Pie, Conquest of his dreams and a lifetime (or two) of pursuits.

"Aren't we going to tell him that we're all ghosts here?" a commenter inquired.

"Including him" the smart-mouth retorted for the pun of it. He snort laughed at the nuance.

"Nope... Kinda kills the thrill of it for him."

"And us, too..." added a hopeless romantic, sighing dreamily.

"KILLS? really had to rub it in , didn't you Benjamin?"

"Never could resist a pun"

"Not in 300 years." he grinned wide and bore the brunt of their lectures of being the town's resident dork, smart ass, know it all and brainiac, all wrapped into one.

"But it can't be too good for him not to know" said the nurturing mother-like Heather.

"Oh, he keeps our town rid of the gunslinging devilas like Clyde every night" inputted insensitive Jake Trawlis.

"Every night for 300 years"

"This scene never grows old. I could watch this every day" the hopeless romantics of the town square continued.

"We HAVE been watching this scene every day." replied benjamin smartly.

"By keeping him ignorant we're keeping the fight left in him." argued an old timer with his reason. I think it's the only thing that keeps him coming back everyday - and at least his spirit - alive."

"I can't say I completely agree with you, but now that you put it that way... I see your point."

"Hey!" sheriff came back to his senses, out from his reverie to the Mz. Apple pie he adored. "Cut out your gossipin'! The good book says....."

---"But somehow he still remembers the good book"---

A few uproarious chickles rose up from the crowdd at that comment.

"Shut it! The good book says to shut it on the gossipin. Thou shalt not gossip!"

Mz. apple pie gleamed up at him with a proud yet amused smile, her red lipstick outlining her much desired mouth - one he had yet to kiss with this interruption distracting him in the moment.

"My Dear, you have saved my life" she proudly appeased to her better half.

"Again" in spite of his sympathy for the sheriff, he couldn't help it this time.

someone poked Benjamin's side. "Ow! Dadblammit!"

"You're ruining the romance with your chatter, you smartass you!"

A woman sighed audibly.

"To what do I owe this honor? And how shall I repay you?" She paused for a moment to contemplate a worthy gift of gratitude.

"Pie?" she batted her lashes furiously at him

One would think a dust storm was approaching if they weren't learned and the wiser about lovers' ways.

"I thought you baked those to annoy him"

"OH, I do, but his one is to thank you, renewed and repurposed for you specifically." Blink. Blink.

He smiled an crooked wry grin and replied: "thank you much, but I prefer my women shaped like apples -- and my pies -- without. " He eyed her bodacious figure up and down, then back up again. Then he cleared his throat at the lack of dignity he had turned by openly admiring her before continuing: "You look just like a BIG juicy apple, that I'd much rather set my mouth to, than the pie."

He allowed a moment to let that sink in, as she blushed a shade of crimson.

"Would you oblige me THAT honor?

She giggled nervously.

"As you wish" she sang through the nervous laughter.

"I have an odd feeling I already have." Adam muttered. "But it's probably just in my dreams". This was a real dream come true then.

"Ahem."

"You gonna tell him yet?"

"Nah. He died of dementia. Let him live in his fantasy in peace for a minute.

"Poor Fella."

"He's living one of the best nights of his life. Why ruin it?"

"Ah. Pity what timing it is."

"What I wouldn't give to be in his shoes" chimed another admirer of his prospect, and a former sheriff campaign reject.

"Saul?"

"Yeah, Benjamin?"

"You have no shoes, or soles. OR a soul, either! just a spirit!"

"Gee, THANKS for the reminder. Like any of us needed it" he muttered.

"Exactly. We are as dead as those dadblasted doornails on that hinge over there." a pleased, smug Benjamin retorted.

"Your jealousy should have died with the rest of us, 300 years ago! Just let him be happy." a wisened by the years Heather added on to the conversation.

Sheriff Adam's attention reverted suddenly "Hey! I told y'all to stop your meddlin' and gossipin' over there! Get a move on!"

"Haven't you ever seen two fools in love before? We are trying to kindle some romance over here. Now git, you!"

Bang! with a warning shot, a rock shattered to pieces two feet to their left, as the crowd did the same.

"Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?"

"It sure seems to be."

"Lucky soul that one, then."

"-- Spirit."

"Whatever. Let us all go, before he shoots us all dead too."

"You mean, re-dead. Like Clyde"

"No one wants to be Clyde, anyways -- dead, or alive."

"Shut it, smart ass Benjamin!" said the town sheriff, still lost in his reverie.

"G-Glad. Glad to agree. J-just heading on out now"

"So, git, now, would you? Use those feet to do it instead of your mouth, now, Bennie!"

He bowed his head, and with a wink, and the tip of his hat he walked off. "Ma'am."

The crowd left.

One could almost say they were gone with the wind.

"Adam," a soft yearning voice broke into the following silence"

"Do you really think me a fool to be in love?"

"Oh NO, dearie, not you. Not ever you, my darling. Don't worry now, it's just a manner of speaking."

"Oh, Good." she sighed "I don't ever want to be a foolish woman, or make a mistake over -- Sniff-- over you."

She cried softly into his shoulder.

"You aren't a fool, love."

"Ohhh, good."

Her pale ghostly apple breasts tugged at the pale spirit outline of her low cut, corseted garments.

Even the cold night contributed her with ghostly goosebumps. And nipples!

The sheriff was delighted to know the half of that which he did--the stiff feel of her nipples, and goosebumps on her skin that contrasted with the otherwise, soft luscious figure and demeanor. "As pale as apple whites, freshly peeled for her pies" he couldn't resist the comparison of her body to her catchphrase choice of creations -- the irresistible version of apple pie before him. From which he NEVER wanted to be peeled.

He was in oblivion to his ghostly existence. the whole town dead, and the dreaded curse they were all under, while trying to make love to his wife of 35 years before this whole thing got started.

They could move through each other without penetrating her lady parts anyway, (being ghosts and all).

Let's just say that he is a man of consistency. For the last 300 years, anyway.

"He thinks he's doing something new, heroic, bold and brave every single day." He paused for the effect of his point.

"But nothing ever changes around here," said Benjamin, from a distance safe from earshot, as well as potential gunshot wounds.

"And THAT is the sad, sad downside to dying of dementia."