The Roommate

You always think you know someone until you live with them.

Kayla and I had been friends for almost 5 years. Worked together for 4 and lived in the same apartment complex for 2. We drove to work together and always hung out on our days off. So when our leases ended around the same time, it was only natural that we would get a place together. We already saw each other almost every day, living together would be amazing… or so I thought.

There was a 16 year age gap between us. Being 24, I thought it was so cool having older friends. Our age gap never really interfered with our friendship until we lived together. We moved into this really nice single story house together in October, jumping into a 2 year lease right off the bat. But when Halloween came out, she gave me late notice about a party she decided to throw and told me she’d allow me invite a few friends but that she would invite my ex who I wasn't on good terms with.

“Meg, I know you are still friends with Chris but I cut him off. Do not talk to him or ever invite him over. I know that Callie cheated on you with my best friend but I invited both of them to my Halloween party. I hope you will be the bigger person.” Kayla left me stunned with this statement. We had always been on the same page before this moment. But suddenly she was trying to call the shots after barely moving in together? At the time, I was too nervous to speak up to her. I didn't want to cause problems in our living situation.

By mid-November I noticed one of her cats had started peeing on the couch and in parts of my room. She had given me a heads up that he had a history of this prior to us living together but I didn't think it would be an issue. Once I started noticing her cat beating up my two cats is when I finally started speaking up.

“Kayla, Your cat has peed on my bed, the couch, on the washer and on our counters. I don’t feel right scolding a pet that isn’t mine. Should we take him to the vet because of how often he does this? He’s also recently started leaving scratches on my cats and I’ve seen him chase my skittish cat into my room. Can we figure out together on how to fix this issue?” I had thought about how I would talk to her about this for days. Constantly overthinking and getting nervous about coming across a certain way. But I wanted her to know that I would help her find solutions and I wanted to work together on this.

“Hmm… Have you not considered that these issues could be your cat's fault? What were your cats doing when my poor Gizmo was ‘attacking them’? Your cats were probably trapping him in areas and he was too scared to leave so he peed. I guess I could consult my tarot cards to see if they provide any solutions. I will let you know what I decide to do.” Was she serious? She not only wanted to deflect the blame but didn't even want to try working together and trust her tarot cards instead? Again, I was stunned. These red flags hadn’t existed before—or I just hadn’t seen them. I decided to try and bring it back up in a week or so. One day while I was at work Kayla had set up a baby gate, she had set it up in such a way that allowed her cats access to most of the house and limited space for my cats. She never talked to me prior to setting this up. I guess this is what her cards decided? When I came home to discover this it caused another disagreement.

“So my cards and google said this would be a good solution. Isn't it great? By the way, you owe me $20 for your half of the gate.” She was always so overly confident in herself and trying so hard to maintain control of any situation we were in.

“I… but you never even mentioned this idea prior to buying the gate. How do you even know this would work? Why do I need to pay half? I never agreed to this”

“Your cats are the problem. So that's why you have to pay half. I don’t know what all you are expecting me to do. You haven't even offered a solution.” I thought this would be something we would do together. How were my cats always the problem? They never peed on anything or terrorized her cats by chasing them and trying to fight. I never ended up paying her for the gate, I never agreed to it in the first place but i knew that by me not paying it would only create more issues. Her aggressive cat proceeded to prove that he could jump over the gate. To my knowledge, my cats never jumped over to her side. By this point I was lucky if my skittish cat even left my room.

“You know Meg, you’ve really changed since we’ve moved in together. We don't hang out anymore, you're becoming really rude to my boyfriend. Is everything okay? You are so distant now.” What kind of manipulative game was she playing at this point? I had tried so hard to communicate things to her. Her and her partner always hid in her room and every time I did see her boyfriend, he was never really eager to introduce himself, always just ran into her room. She had made me feel I could never leave my room, like I was invading her space just by crossing that damn baby gate. I was already self isolating because of the stress she was causing me. She continually deflected each issue we had. I just wanted to go back to our friendship.

She eventually went as far as getting cameras. One in her hallway, pointing directly into the kitchen. I didn't notice them at first. Until one day I was passing through the baby gate and I saw a red light. Which I later learned meant she was actively watching me. My mouth dropped.

“It’s so I can document when your cats come to my side.” My cats had never jumped over the baby gate. But now I was fearful of being watched at all times for no reason. My landlord couldn’t do anything about it either. This is when I knew It was the end of our friendship and we were stuck in the lease for at least another year. I finally was seeing her true self and I couldn't leave.