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The Ride

trip down memory lane

By Christine PicasciaPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 8 min read
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The Ride
Photo by Fredrik Öhlander on Unsplash

Check your pockets, that's what they do in the movies anyway. Look for clues of what happened and how I might have gotten here. But as I turned them inside out nothing but dust fell. Shit. Okay okay, next I can retrace my steps. I looked up and all I saw were trees swiping past each window, faster and faster. I looked down the eye of the train and no one was to be seen. I sighed, got up and stood still as I grounded my feet into the floor and spread my arms out to keep from falling.

"Where the hell is everyone?"

I started making my way down the end of the train car, pulling myself forward with each pole. I kept on moving forward, skiing through the train but realizing it was leading nowhere.

The lights started flickering, the kind that happens in a horror movie, where you know something is coming. Then they went out, pitch black. All I heard was the windy noise of the wheels, the clicky clack over and over again. This is where the characters of the horror movies suddenly become idiots, walking into the danger, but I know better. I sat there silently, starting to shake waiting for something to pop out from the dark.

The lights abruptly went back on and I stared at what was in front of me. No more were the trees out the window but instead, my childhood home, with the ugly cedar shake siding and dinky mailbox that looked like it was about to fall any moment. I stood up and reached toward the window. I could see kids on the lawn, kids I recognized but it was impossible. It was me and my older sister, playing in the sprinkler laughing and running about. I froze, I couldn't tell what was the pounding of the train or my heart. I tried to look away but I couldn't. I banged and banged on the window but no one looked up.

"HEY! Can you hear me! Please look at me!"

What was happening? My chest felt like it was on fire as I watched myself in the neon pink bathing suit jump back and forth.

"Do you remember that day?" a booming voice came from no where and I frantically looked about.

"Who are you? Where am I? How can I see this?" Was I in hell, was this some sort of sick fate I was given?

"This was the day it all changed wasn't it?"

I needed to find a way off. As darkness overtook the train I felt around for a way out, and found the door to the next train car and walked though. The sound of us laughing was still everywhere, I closed my hands over my ears and fell to the floor. My breathing was rapid, I didn't have the energy to get up. I felt around for a seat and crawled to lay down. Lights shot on again but in this car, out the windows now showed the inside of my childhood home, at the dinner table. All 4 of us seated in silence, waiting for dad to come sit. I couldn't look away, I saw him walk and pull out his chair with a big smile "Let's eat!". My sister and I dove in and made silly faces with our spaghetti and meatballs. I pulled some strands and put them over my face like a mustache.

"No, stop please" I tried, I couldn't tear my face away, I couldn't change the past. That's when the tears started.

Caroline saw my mustache and couldn't stop laughing. I was so little, I just wanted to make my big sister smile. I was so happy that my joke worked until I noticed she couldn't stop laughing. Her face changed and become distorted, no sound was coming out of her mouth. Mom and dad jumped out of their chairs. Mom was screaming, dad was slapping Caroline's back, his rough hands practically bigger then the width of it. I couldn't help but think they were going to hurt her, I wanted to tell them to stop but I couldn't take my eyes off her face, her red contorted face then went limp.

"STOP PLEASE!" I cried

You remember this don't you?"

"Get me off, stop showing me this!"

As the lights shut down again my body heaved with sobs.

It's your fault you know, you can't live your life and expect to forget can you?

"I didn't mean to, please, let me off!"

You need to move to the next car first if you ever want to get off

"Who are you and why are you doing this to me?"

No answer. I needed to keep going, there had to be a door out somewhere. I braced myself and walked into the next car, sat and waited for the lights to go on. This time I saw the hospital room. Mom and dad were there with sweet Caroline, laying in the bed with tubes and machines all around her.

I silently sobbed as I caressed the window, willing it to break and allow me to run to them, to her. Seeing my father cry for the first time was one of the most traumatic things I've witnessed. With his hands circling his face, the pain was easy to read. Mom was bent into the bed, silently praying to the false God who would end up taking my sister away.

"Stop, why are you showing me this!"

You did this, how can you even try to avoid facing it?

"Who are you and why are you doing this to me? I was a child, I loved her!"

My words mutated into grieving moans as I braced myself for the lights to go out again. I couldn't stop shivering, I didn't want to move on to the next train car and see what nightmare awaited me. I had no choice, I had to keep moving if I had any hope of getting off this godforsaken vehicle.

I slowly crept, wincing with each footstep. As the lights went on I slowly opened my eyes. There I was, an adult, celebrating my daughters 1st birthday. As I moved up to the window, I wondered what could happen here, this was 4 years ago and I don't remember anything out of sorts. I saw myself bring out the round smash cake for her, setting it down on her high chair and laughing as she grabbed cake by the fistfuls. I saw myself looking around at my husband, friends and family and walk back into the house, in the bathroom where I shut and locked the door before falling to the ground.

I remember now, the loud silence of Caroline's absence. She would have been a wonderful aunt, so proud to celebrate her niece's first birthday. The guilt rushed back from all those years ago, how can I enjoy this when she was gone? I watched myself open the bathroom vent and take out a small bag. I snorted just enough to keep me going; I pictured the white powder entering my body and allowing me to relax. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror before the train cut black.

"Well what did you expect?" I said angrily. I surprisingly still had enough tears left in me to be continuously streaming down my cheeks,

Is that how you honor her? She's gone and you are using drugs on your daughter's birthday?

"You don't understand! Why don't you come out and show yourself. You think it's easy to live with myself, with what I did? What is the point of all this, I feel guilty enough."

My heart couldn't take it and truth be told I was aching for some more of my "medicine" as I like to call it. I made my way to the next car and braced myself for what was about to come as the lights powered on.

It was me, driving down the main road by our house. It suddenly occurred to me that this is where I was before I found myself on this hell train. I squinted as I watched myself and shook my brain for what had happened. I saw the car start to swerve, I gasped as I saw my head nod over the steering wheel.

" What did I do, what did I do?"

The impact of watching my car hit the pole made me scream and cover my eyes. When I opened, it was all black again.

"Oh God what happened, what did I do?"

In a distance I saw a blinking red light and, walking closer, I saw an EXIT sign light up.

"Is this a trick? Where are you?"

I'm right behind you.

I froze. My heart was pounding so loudly, but, at this point, what could be worse then this demon train ride? As I turned around I could see a somewhat familiar figure through the blinking red light.

Are you ready?

Before waiting for an answer the lights came back on and there I was, starring at myself.

"What is this..." my voice trembled.

I was looking at myself, cut up and bruised. Clothes ripped and torn all over my body.

Is this what you want?

"No! No it's not!" I sobbed, "Please let me leave!"

The exit is right in front of you.

I took a deep breath and pushed through the exit doors. Next thing I knew there was commotion around me. I had wires and tubes connected all over my body.

"Code Blue! Get the crash cart!" I heard someone yell.

I couldn't move or talk, all I could do was lay there, still and in pain.

"On my count, 1, 2, 3, clear!"

And the lights went out.

Mystery
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About the Creator

Christine Picascia

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