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The Rest

On a hot stretch of highway two cyclist take refuge from the heat in an old barn.

By 01100101-01110111-01100101Published 3 years ago 10 min read
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The Rest
Photo by Evi Radauscher on Unsplash

Onward they pedaled in the noonday sun, the Rockies hadn't been so bad but Saskatchewan was torture she thought to herself. On and on it went, every so often they met a series of gently sloping hills, but this had barely any upwards motion with no freefall down. Why? She thought, why did it feel like she was chasing him. Who was she kidding, she was always chasing him.

The couple was on a flat stretch between highways to somewhere and nowhere. Even though they should be just pedaling and coasting, it didn't feel like they were traveling the same speed top her. Maybe they were, but he always biked ahead of her, and it always felt like she had to pedal more to keep up.

Resting under the giant Easter egg in Alberta she had brought up the distance phenomena to him. "That's crazy," he had said, "I'm just bigger than you so it's less work for me," he sighed and continued, "I'm not trying to get out of your reach, maybe you should try and get some more rest."

He tousled her hair gently and then looked down to roll a cigarette. She looked at him and sighed inwardly to herself, uncertain of his response.

This is what I dropped out for? she ruminated, feeling the hot sun beating down on her neck as they cycled. Was it even worth it? She couldn't tell, but she knew that he wasn't why she had dropped out. When she was in the master's program she felt like a cheat, she wasn't even sure why they had admitted and in the end, she had decided it was the money. The dean had told her she had earned her way in with her portfolio, but she couldn't shake the feeling that that wasn't right. Fear of failure her boyfriend had called it, and an inability to bring about cognitive dissonance after she started having doubts. She couldn't shake how qualified the others were or let go of the realization that she didn't have an active art practice. All content and no profit, she never even exhibited her work.

She sighed as they passed another wheat field, she turned her gaze as she spotted a doe leaps off into the distance its two fawns bounding playfully after her, not taking the same straight line the doe was making. The girl gazed peacefully at the scene. Oh right, she thought, this is why I dropped out. The girl pedaled along and felt the force of her feet pushing down on the pedal followed by the reverse freefall as the X brought them back up again. Sometimes on the flat stretches, she would increase the gears for fun. She told herself it was just so her legs didn't get bored because she wanted to feel the ride. She didn't want to just coast the whole way.

She took in the full 180 degrees of the hot Saskatchewanian sky. Coast, her mind wandered back to the masters, coasting, that's what it felt like. Sure I can make stuff, she thought to herself, but that was all I did. I didn't talk to people, no one took my "stuff" seriously, I haven't even had a show in 10 years, not since graduation. There were a few contracts here and there, and some published work that made no money, a pretty small online following- what's so professional about that? All the other students had a CV, a real one, a recent one. No, she thought to herself, I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready. She closed her eyes and felt the encroaching stiffness in her legs and a light prairie breeze roll over her face, too light to cool her down.

When she looked up and ahead her eyebrows knitted together as she considered just how far ahead of her he was. Then she saw it, off on the horizon was an old barn. It was getting too hot and she needed a break, she couldn't keep going like this, chasing after him down the highway in the summer sun with no cloud cover and only a scattering of cotton puffs dotting the sky. After scanning the immensely flat horizon she surmised the barn was maybe 30 minutes down the road. It looked like a relic, part of the peculiar habit of the prairies to never to let anything go. All across Saskatchewan fields were scattered with old combines, antique trucks, and abandoned aged edifices. They were just allowed to sit and slowly crumble onto the ground like an old sod hut. It was history and they held onto that out here. Nothing was ever built on top of the old, and it was never forgotten.

She forced herself to keep up with him for 20 minutes, then she flexed her arms, tightened her grip, and doubled down her efforts. Her bike came upon him quickly and then she passed him. Either he would just keep going or would be forced to stop she had figured, her legs kept going full force as she kept her eyes on the abandoned building. Finally an overgrown path emerged, slowing down she flashed a hand sign to him, stopped, and turned her bike 90 degrees to force him to stop.

It was only then that she finally looked at him. He was staring at her in disbelief, Once again you are blocking me from my path she assumed he thought. "What was that!" he exclaimed after screeching his bike to a halt mere inches from her front wheel. "Are you crazy blocking me like that, I could have smashed into you! Why didn't you signal that you were going to pass me?". She just looked at him doe-eyed. Because she thought to herself if I had signaled you might have sped up, if I hadn't blocked you would you have just kept going?

"Well," she started looking at him and then quickly turned her head to the field. Lifting an outstretched arm she pointed to the barn. "It's too hot, I can't keep going and I need a break. Let's stop there and do an explore." He looked at her uncertainly and shook his head "Fine." he replied gruffly, his gaze softening as he took in her shortened breath and the sweat beading on her collarbone. "Just wait a minute," he stated, taking out a satchel of tobacco and rolling a cigarette. He smoked as they walked toward the barn. She watched the smoke go up against the blue open expanse of sky dissipated up and vanished.

It was definitely cooler in the barn, the old oak beams loomed over them, the cavernous empty dim space had long since been emptied of any furniture. There was an old frayed rope weakened by age and disuse hanging from the ceiling. She closed her eyes and imagined young children swinging down from the loft into the forked piles of hay below. The barn was empty now save for the spiderwebs that delicately adorned its corners. Walking around she was glad of the respite from the noonday sun. He was looking at his phone, "It should overcast around four," he said, "Let's rest till then and then ride some more." She nodded in acquiescence and he went up a ladder to the loft, "It's warmer up here," he yawned, "I'm going to take a nap. If you're tired you can join, you know if you want to."

"I'm good," she called up not particularly looking in his direction, "I'm just going to do a quick explore, then I'll see." wandering aimlessly around the barn it was clear there wasn't much to explore but she took it all in. The barn had a clean dry smell and the wood near the entrances which had been left open was still somewhat sun-bleached but not to the extent of the outside of the barn. Gazing up the timbers as she ran her hand along the solid beams she wondered about the structural integrity of the old abandoned barn, as her eyes ran along the joists she pictured those old-timey movies where groups of 20 would put up a barn like this in a day.

"Not worried," she said confidently thinking about the building's sturdy frame. Stopping suddenly and looking around at the tall brown walls as the cool stale air resting on her skin she said it again slower and with deliberation "Not worried." Walking the length of the floorboards she put one foot in front of the other. Not worried. she hadn't felt that way in a long time, She passed the old stalls and saw what must have at one point been a room of some sort. Going in and looking around she circled the room and then spotted something between the floorboards and the wall. Pulling it out from the crevice it had fallen into she wiped the dust off the exposed end. It was a black and white picture of the barn frame with a team of about 20 standing proudly in front of it on a day just like today with the stark contrast belying the noonday sun.

"What?" she asked hearing a voice call down from the loft above her. "Oh, it's nothing," she muttered, then louder, " I found a neat picture. You want to see it?". "Maybe later," he replied, "Hey could you keep it down so I can get some sleep?". Hearing the disinterest a hot sensation rose in her cheeks, there was a pang between her eyebrows as they knitted together, and tightness in her chest. She closed her eyes, then breathed in the cool stale air, " Oh, ok," she said out loud. He was tired they had been cycling since six am and it was hot. Yeah, he probably needed to sleep if they were going to make it to the Manitoba border tonight. They would probably chase the moon into the night and then camp on crown land. He probably should have a nap. She thought about napping too. Probably a good idea that, napping. It wasn't common for her to nap on their breaks, she usually took advantage of the solitude to think, probably she thought too much. Thinking about quitting, thinking about mistakes, thinking about being worried. She closed her eyes and breathed in again. Not worried.

"Maybe," she started to say slowly, "Maybe I should nap too."

"Good," he called down to her, "You should take better care of yourself".

That night, after the nap, on the long breezy highway she kept up with him no problem. As she watched the darkness spread out before her and the last shades of sunset disappear in the peripheries of her vision. take care of myself, she reflected on the program she left it was too much for herself, she left it so she could take care of herself. She needed to not worry about leaving it, she needed to leave it so she wouldn't worry so much. That wasn't a community to support her, it wasn't toxic, it was just isolating. She looked as the stars started to appear before her and the last traces of daylight faded away. She found what she needed in that old barn, a community, somewhere she could work together with others toward a common goal, somewhere she could make something to help others take a break, and take care of themselves.

Riding off into the night she whispered "Not worried," smiling in spite of herself. Panic broke over her as she sputtered and coughed, her breaks squealed as she squeezed them involuntarily, gravel pattered out from under her wheels and rained onto the tall grass growing in the ditch beside her. He immediately stopped and pedaled back toward her as she hunched over coughing. "Are you okay?" he asked with concern. Gasping for breath she looked up at him, with tears in her eyes " Yeah," she coughed out, "I swallowed a bug." They both started laughing.

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01100101-01110111-01100101

A huge fan of dystopian fiction and sci-fi Vocal is my place to share with everyone some wonderful stories of mine. Please take some time, grab a hot cup of something, and lose yourself in a fun bit of fiction.

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