The Rejection Letter

James Foster

Assistant Editor

Space Bar Press

15 Reddington Street

EX55T

London

September 10th 2001.

FAO Ms. Fortuna Teller;

We here at Space Bar Press, Britain’s foremost publisher for science fiction and adjacent speculative genres, wish to express our appreciation for considering us as a prospective publisher for your manuscript, “The Future.”

While the concept of a non-narrative alternate reality what-if novel, detailing the possible future where any number of fantastical events can happen, is interesting, I am afraid in this instance we must, with deep apologies, pass on the opportunity to further develop and publish your work.

Speaking personally, with over ten years in publishing, I have never come across a piece of fiction so far-fetched. While I am aware of the irony of a science fiction publisher speaking about what is or isn’t believable, the appeal of fiction isn’t just in its whimsical elements and escapist nature, but in how these elements can be presented with consistent internal logic. With all due respect, nothing you wrote made any sense.

For example, in your fictional timeline, you open in the year 2001 (hardly the future, is it?) with a terrorist attack upon the United States. While this is a good opener, as engaging in its immediacy as it is in its provocation, I must say it is a plot point that makes no sense and comes out of nowhere. Are we to believe that the United States, the mightiest military force in the world, just happens to get attacked? Are we really to believe that the CIA, FBI, NSA, and other security bodies, fictional or factual, just drop the ball on the one day they needed to be on? Perhaps this would work if it was explored further, but the next chapter has the United States invading a country that wasn’t even involved in the attack! I’m sorry; I may be speaking too flippantly, but if I am confused, consider how the reader may feel.

The technological elements are introduced a little later, and while these were my favourite parts, keeping with the tradition of “hard” science fiction, I felt these did quickly devolve into nonsense. The names, for instance. What on Earth is a Gloogle? Facingbook? Minisoft? Admittedly, I am naming these from memory, so if I am misspelling them I apologise, but this only furthers my argument that they are impractical and difficult to take seriously. I needn’t mention that you have one company named after a fruit! Another shares its name with the rainforest! Does this not strike you as confusing? And while I do appreciate the attention paid to their products and services (a portable house phone with a TV screen that works like a computer is brilliantly imaginative), I can’t get over the fact you describe these companies as being responsible for a kind of Internet addiction that causes mental breakdown, conspiratorial delusions, invading every private facet of life, brainwashing children into becoming anxiety-riddled, illiterate bigots, and creating a super computer intelligence that threatens the stability of the world with, as you’ve described, “slop.” Have you considered how that sounds? Are readers really to believe that there would be these comically evil, ethically and morally compromised corporations who would be allowed to continue without any governmental regulation? None? You keep saying these are democracies, but they read more like techno-theocracies. It’s very inconsistent.

On a related note, you do make an effort to feature elements of the in-universe politics, which is good. Too few writers expand into the socioeconomics of their stories. However, these plot points suffer as much, if not more, from your unexplained logic and abrupt happenstances. Case in point, you had the United Kingdom voting to leave the EU. Ms. Teller, I do not wish to insult your intelligence; you are clearly a terrifically imaginative and expressive writer, and I commend you for that. I must ask, however, if you realise how stupid someone would have to be to vote to LEAVE the EU. I can’t bring myself to humour the idea that anyone would be that stupid (much less 51% of the country, as you’ve described.) In fact, many of the events you’ve written about descend quickly into lazy rehashes of previous historical events in our reality. Russia invading countries? Sounds like the Cold War. A deadly disease sweeping the world? Obviously, a copy of the Spanish Flu. A wealthy celebrity becoming the US President? Ronald Reagan. A pointless war in the Middle East? The Gulf War is over, Ms. Teller. A global recession? To be fair, I did find it interesting you managed to weave a Great Depression reference in there. I understand the expression “History repeats itself,” but I don’t think they meant it LITERALLY.

I am sorry, but in my professional opinion “The Future” comes across as a bloated, nonsensical, and frankly depressing mess. I realise this all may seem to be overcritical and harsh, but it is only because, for all your faults, you have shown great promise as an inventive and experimental writer who may benefit from some creative restraint and tactful grounding. Perhaps you could collaborate with an editor.

Once again, I truly am sorry on this occasion, but I encourage you to continue writing (perhaps with fewer liberties) and consider us again in the future (the real one).

Regards,

James Foster,

Assistant Editor,

Space Bar Press.

P.S. I have just spoken to the editor of our sister publication, Ludacris Odd Laughs Books, who requested a copy of your manuscript, and they loved it! They wish to publish it for their upcoming Spring launch. LOL Books specialise in humour and novelty books, which, I’m sure you’ll agree, is a better fit for such a farcical endeavour as “The Future.” They shall be in touch soon with further details. Congratulations!

#HI