The Perfect Sacrifice

You knew this pain was inevitable. You knew love had no bounds unless religion was involved. A sudden abdominal cramp put you to your knees and brought you back to reality. The time was coming. And the pill was working. Your bedroom felt suffocating, with its judging walls and its heavy ceiling almost brushing your hair. You needed to pray, but the prayers bounced off that low ceiling, coming back unanswered. Your soul felt tormented. And your body felt vile.

You have always known that the sins which are sweetest in life are the most bitter in death.  It was time to pay the price. Another cramp came too quickly. The mild ache rapidly grew into excruciating spasms. Yet, you couldn't say whether the physical agony was worse than the emotional. In that instant, you suffered from both.

Yes! You have always known it! An illicit romance never went unpunished… More pain came, and there was no time to think; you had to find the bathroom. But the energy was not there. Not even a pinch of it; instead, you felt a complete depletion.  A sudden rush of warmth seeped onto your thighs, while cold sweat poured down your back.

Your body began expelling what belonged to it. What was already yours. And his. The consequence of your mutual love. The forbidden love, which bore fruit you could never harvest or enjoy.  You closed your eyes and let memories of irresistible temptation surge through your veins. And now, its echo ran down your legs and dripped onto the floor—red, warm, and sticky.

Both of you were to blame, but only you were suffering the consequences. A love affair between your Cross and his Crescent Moon would never have a child together. Pain, like a knife, stabbed your body and brought you back to your knees. It felt like two hands were in your uterus, squeezing a precious life out of it. Maybe it was Death herself, whose hands, so bony and so sharp, were inside you. Did you go to Hell? Or was it just a hallucination from the anguish?

You thought of God, the Creator who loved us all, including you and your lover. One Father, whose children disagreed about His teachings. They wrote different scriptures and built separate houses to worship that same God. When you met him, he was reading his Quran, while you were reading your Bible. Your books talked about unconditional love, acceptance, and forgiveness. And now, you were crawling on the bathroom floor, without love, great or small; no signs of acceptance, and no tokens of forgiveness. You felt like an outcast, excluded from both worlds, from both religions. Just like the embryo to whom you were not ready to say goodbye. Your broken heart ached as much as the tortured flesh. So painful. So alone.

You thought of the day you two met: the sparks in the eyes and the immediate attraction. The dates were secret but flawless. Neither of you wanted to discuss “what if…” You chose to melt in each other's arms while watching the stars and the reflection of the moonlight. You did not once announce your love out loud; you knew his family would never receive you. And he never stepped through the door of your house because your family was even more orthodox. Thus, you simply enjoyed that fascinating feeling of being in love. Knowing it was never everlasting.

And now, love that seemed undying came to an end. The timeless bond has been severed. There was nothing to discuss; the decision had been made: long before you and not by you. He will marry a wife, and they will follow the steps of their prophet, and you will marry a man who follows no “false” Gods.

 You knew he had already gone to his evening worship. And soon, you will go to your morning service. The only reminder of this inconvenient love was what was already sinking in the cold water of your toilet: the perfect sacrifice. Innocent and sinless. And the pain your body will learn to heal, so YOU can continue living.