The One Night Flake

A smart casual flat. A kitchen nook and a dining table. A sofa and coffee table. A door leading to a lonesome, wanting bed. Paintings and shelves lined with books and knick-knacks and whiff quietly of someone, somewhere, spending their money. And a front door. A front door with a doorbell, one that doesn’t struggle to chime through the flat and into the bedroom.

“Coming!”

The doorbell rings again.

“I said I’m coming!”

Petite James scurries out from the bedroom, hopping to hoist up his jeans and pulling down his t-shirt, heading for the persistently ringing doorbell.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m-"

James reaches the door and whips it open, revealing a bulky, sturdy man, aged only slightly by his lightly wrinkled young face. The eyes though crinkle heavily as they lock onto James’, who can’t help but crack a smile.

“You came.”

“Oh.”

James’ smile drops.

“What’s wrong? … Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were-“

“No, I am. It’s me. It’s just... I thought you’d be dressed.”

James, confused, looks at his attire before snapping back up to the man, laughing nervously,

“Oh, you meant- Yeah, sorry. I was waiting, until... come in, come in.”

James steps aside, watching, in near admiring disbelief, as the man, Darren, enters.

“Do you want something to drink?”

Darren looks around, checking the place out.

“Um, no, thank you.”

James closes the door and stands by it, still watching Darren cautiously studying the flat and its décor.

“...You’re very handsome.”

Darren spins around, facing James, cocking his ear.

“Sorry?”

James stands rigid, averting his eyes.

“I... I just said you’re handsome.”

“Oh.”

“In person, I mean. I knew you were handsome, just it’s different in person, you know?”

“Yeah. I... you look very good, too.”

Darren returns to looking around. James approaches.

“Sorry, I’m just-"

Darren snaps back to James, who freezes.

“You know what? I will have that drink.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Do you want wine or beer?”

Darren mulls over it for a second, before;

“What kind?”

“We have white or we have Coors or...”

James scrunches his face, trying to recall.

“I think we still have a stout. It’s a craft brand.”

“We?”

“What?”

Darren glances over his shoulder to the bedroom door, tensing, hunching his head a little as he tried look in.

“We? You said we.”

“Oh! No!”

James scurries closer to Darren, patting the air to simmer him down.

“No one else is here.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“But there usually is?”

James pulls back a little sheepishly.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re not supposed to be doing this?”

Again, James gains a little distance from Darren.

“...No.”

Darren looks away, shaking his head, grimacing.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Are you supposed to be doing this?”

Darren parts his lips, searching for a response, settling for;

“...Can I have the glass of white, please?”

“I’ll have one too, if you don’t mind.”

James goes and searches the fridge, leaving Darren to continue scanning around the flat.

“It’s your place. Speaking of, it’s nice.”

“The apartment?”

Darren ambles about, though he can’t help craning his head to see into the bedroom.

“When you said where you lived, I was impressed. Bit worried about the receptionist downstairs though.”

James freezes.

“You didn’t tell her you were coming up to me, did you?”

Darren turns around, looking at James.

“No! It’s none of her business. I read the names on the parking spaces and told her I was seeing someone called Eric Murray.”

James sighs in relief.

“Oh Eric!”

James gathers up two glasses and a wine bottle from the fridge.

“Yeah, he wouldn’t have left yet. That’s a relief.”

“I didn’t see your name.”

“My name?”

“I take it you’re not on the lease.”

“... No... my girlfriend is.”

“And she’s away, right?”

James pours the wine into the glasses. Darren eyes him, impatient as he searches for a response. James notices.

“You can sit down, you know?”

“What?”

James nods to the sofa.

“Sit. Get comfy.”

Darren looks to the sofa and obliges.

“And yes. She’s off again.”

“Work?”

“Aye. This time to Odense.”

Darren looks back at James, shrugging. James juggles the pour and filling Darren in.

“Denmark.”

“Ah.”

James finishes pouring and brings the glasses over to the sofa, joining Darren.

“Here we go.”

Darren takes the glass.

“Thank you.”

Darren goes to drink. James raises his glass.

“To tonight.”

Darren is just short of sipping.

“To what?”

“To tonight.”

“Oh, right.”

Darren raises his glass.

“Tonight.”

They clink their glasses and drink. Darren looks into the glass after his satiating taste, licking his lips.

“Mmm!”

“It’s good, isn’t it? It’s Kiwi. New Zealand, I mean. I like their wine. They’re sweeter. I think other whites tend to be harsher, sharper. This, this is smooth. It’s light. It goes well with most things.”

“The only place I care about my wine coming from is the bottle.”

Darren chuckles, smiling to a confused James.

“… That was a joke.”

“It was? Oh! Heh, funny.”

They both force chuckles before, in unison, taking big gulps from their wine. Darren watches James from a moment before asking;

“Are you nervous?”

“No!”

James clears his throat, having heard the desperate crack in his voice, setting down his glass before returning to Darren.

“I’m really looking forward to it.”

“So am I.”

James places a hand on Darren’s knee.

“Good. I’ve been looking forward to this.”

James leans in for a kiss. Darren leans back.

“Maybe you should get dressed!”

James pulls back, startled.

“Oh... okay, yeah, sure.”

James goes to get up.

“Not that-“

“No! You’re right.”

“I mean, you do look-“

“It’s alright. I want to.”

“Either way, I do like-“

James silences Darren with a finger on his lips.

“I’ll be right back.”

James gets up and leaves for the bedroom. Darren sits up a little straighter to call after him.

“Is it the one I like?”

James continues to the bedroom door, not even looking back to answer.

“The dress?”

“Yeah. Is it that pink one with the black underneath?”

“The one you bought me?”

“Yeah.”

James stops by the bedroom door, turning around, seductively gripping the frame.

“You’ll just have to wait and find out.”

James smirks and vanishes into the bedroom. Darren looks around the room, sipping on his wine. His giddy, boyish smile is wiped away instantly by a vibration in his pocket. His phone rings. He takes it out and looks. Darren jumps up from the sofa. He whirls to the bedroom door, craning to look inside, before he answers, hunching over his phone, cupping his hand to the receiver, speaking in hushed tones;

“Hey babe! … Yeah, good, good. … Of course I miss you. … Yeah, I’m just... just at the house, relaxing. … Okay... so you got there, okay? The drive wasn’t too much? … That’s good. … What? … Oh, yeah, no, I think I’ll just stay in, you know, have some me time. … No, I haven’t told my parents yet … Yeah, of course I’ll wait so we can tell them together. Yeah... Yeah, I love you too.”

“Did you call me?”

Darren jumps from the shout from the bedroom. Covering the phone, panicking, he walks away further from the bedroom door. To James he shouts;

“No!”

Darren turns back to his phone, uncovering it;

“What? - No! No, no one’s here.”

“What!”

Darren covers the phone, scrunching his face in frustration;

“I’m on the phone!”

Darren again retreats further from the door with his phone now practically pressed like an iron to his ear;

“What? … Oh! That? Yeah, no, I’m playing a game and I had chat on … Yeah, I better get back to it … Okay, I will baby … I love you too … Bye, bye, bye, bye.”

Darren hangs up, throwing his head back and sighing loudly. He then throws his voice behind him;

“Sorry about that!”

“I thought you were talking to me.”

Darren shuffles, deflated, back to the sofa.

“No, I was just on the phone to work.”

“Oh? Everything alright?”

“Yeah, just needed to check in.”

Darren flops down.

“That’s the studio place, right?”

Darren reaches for his wine.

“Podcast studio, yes.”

“Must be interesting running one.”

“I’m only a booking manager. It’s not like I run it.”

“Still, you keep it running.”

“Are you ready?”

Darren goes to take his wine.

“… What?”

Darren stops himself from taking his sip, frustrated.

“I said are you ready?”

Darren takes a gulp from the wine.

“Almost. It takes a while to look this good.”

Darren scoffs, setting down his wine.

“Ha! And I thought you were a natural beauty.”

“What!”

“I said I thought you were a natural beauty!”

“… What!”

Darren huffs, turning to face the door.

“I said-“

Darren’s mouth slackens, and his peripheral fades as he finds, appearing in the doorway, James, dressed in a wig, black lingerie, and a sheer pink gown; simply, he’s beautiful.

“... Wow.”

James steps out from the doorway, doing a little twirl.

“How do I look?”

“You... you look... amazing.”

James nervously smiles.

“You’ve seen me like this.”

“Yeah, but... like you said, in person it’s different, it’s... you’re beautiful.”

James tries and fails to hide his grin.

“Oh my god, stop.”

“Make me.”

James tempers his smile, replacing it with a thirsting glare.

“Alright.”

James makes his way around to Darren, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top of him. They lock eyes, shaking with repressed excitement. James’ breathy whisper utters;

“Do you want this?”

“Do you?”

“I asked you first.”

“…Yes. I want this.”

“Then take me, Daddy.”

Darren looks nervously between James and his hands as he places them on James’ hips. Darren picks himself and James’ slender frame up, turns around, and positions himself on top, with James’ back on the sofa, accidentally smacking his head on the arm of the sofa. James instantly holds the back of his head, wincing.

“FUCK!”

“Sorry! Sorry! Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, just... keep going, we’re in the moment.”

James wraps his arms around Darren’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Darren dodges this, pulling out from James’ arm, dropping him and smacking his head off the arm of the sofa again.

“Wine!”

“Wine?”

“I want to finish my wine.”

Darren grabs his glass of wine and gulps it down. James sits up, placing a hand on Darren’s knee.

“Hey… it’s okay if you’re nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.”

Darren goes for another gulp.

“Then fuck me.”

Darren chokes on his wine, spluttering, sitting up. Gasping;

“What?”

“It’s alright if you’re nervous. I’m fine with taking things slow, just say it.”

“I’m not nervous.”

James gestures to his attire.

“I didn’t get dressed up just for the craic then. You were all talk texting.”

“I want to.”

“So come on.”

“Jesus, you’re full on. I had space to think, you know, texting. I had a gap to come up with the perfect next bit. I’m just... you know... in the moment. It’s immediate.”

James smiles.

“You are good at texting. You’re descriptive.”

Darren smiles, relaxing.

“I did send pictures too, in case you forgot.”

“Eh, the texts weren’t as disappointing.”

Darren playfully grabs a sofa pillow and tosses it to James, laughing.

“Excuse you! That’s not what you said when I sent them.”

“Oh, I know what I said, and you said likewise back.”

Darren’s smile fades a little.

“I’ve... I’ve never done this before... I mean, I’ve done it before, just not... you’re my first.”

“Same.”

Darren gives James a surprised look. James grimaces.

“Well, I mean, like yeah, I’ve texted others. And I’ve been with others... but not like...”

James gestures to how he’s dressed.

“Some didn’t care for it. Too gay... too straight.”

“Do you... you know... ever just dress up around here, just to relax?”

“When I get the chance.”

“When the girlfriend’s away?”

“Why?”

“I’m just asking. I’m curious. Like how do you dress? How do you relax?”

James looks off, thinking.

“Honestly, just normal. Jeans and t-shirts. I leave the tags on so I can pretend I bought them for someone else. I have a box full of “Thanks Hun, Penney’s.”

They both give weak laughs and smiles to each other. James scans Darren’s face.

“What would help?”

“Help with what?”

James scoffs and gestures to Darren.

“You! This! What would help make things easier?”

Darren pulls into himself, sheepish.

“Honestly?”

“Yeah.”

“...I’d... I’d like it if... we acted like we were together.”

James cocks his head back.

“Like a couple?”

Darren averts his gaze, shaking his head.

“You’re right, it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid! I think it’s sweet.”

Darren stands up, turning away, as though for the door.

“No, I’m being stupid.”

James jumps up and pulls Darren around by the arm.

“No! I love it! Come on, sit, talk to me. What did you have in mind?”

James sits first, pulling Darren down with him. Darren, speechless, rocks and shakes his head, throwing his hand in exasperation, searching for the words.

“Like... eh... I’ve... it’s like when we’d be talking.”

“Yeah?”

“You know, not even flirting or sexting, but just... talking. I’d be just home, or I’d be making dinner, or just relaxing and I’d be talking to you and... it felt like... like we’ve been together for a while. It felt good. Intimate. I just wanted to feel like it was real.”

James nods, smiling, his eyes lingering on Darren.

“Yeah. We can do that.”

James glances at his outfit.

“How about I change, you go back outside, come in again, and we can start over?”

“No, I feel silly.”

“Oh, come on, please! For me.”

James takes Darren by the hand and pulls him to the door.

“Go outside and come back in. We can pretend from there.”

Darren drags his feet.

“No, this is stupid.”

James gets behind Darren, pushing him.

“It’ll be nice. I want to do it for you. And it’ll put you at ease.”

“Yeah, but I know I’m pretending.”

James stands on tippy-toes to playfully bite his ear lobe, whispering;

“Please, Daddy.”

Darren convulses with goosebumps, a dopey grin spreading across his face as he looks back to James.

“You are really not playing fair.”

“Go! I’ll get dressed.”

James heads for the bedroom. Darren double takes.

“Hold on!”

James stops, looking back.

“I like what you’re wearing now.”

“You said you wanted the girlfriend experience. I’m hardly going to be lounging around in my panties like a lovelorn concubine.”

“Yeah... but...”

James rolls his eyes.

“I’ll still be wearing them underneath the clothes, alright?”

Darren perks up.

“Okay.”

“Go out and come back in.”

James leaves for the bedroom. Darren watches him leave and then goes out himself, closing the door behind him.

...

The handle is pulled down, but the door doesn’t budge. The handle is flexed frantically before a knock comes. Darren’s muffled voice barely penetrates through the door.

“Hello?”

James, still scrabbling to get dressed, calls out from the bedroom.

“Come in!”

“I can’t!”

“What?”

“I said I can’t!”

“Why!”

“... What do you mean why! Because I can’t!”

“Just open the door!”

“I’m opening the door!”

“With the key!”

“... WHAT KEY!”

“You didn’t go out without the key, did you!”

“What key! You never gave me a key!”

“Oh, for fuck- Hold on!”

“What!”

“I said hold on!”

“I can’t hear what you’re saying anymore!”

James emerges from the bedroom, hopping across the apartment, pulling up his jeans, already dressed in a flowy t-shirt and with his wig up in a clip.

“I’m coming! I’m coming!”

James can’t help but grumble, muttering;

“Might be the closest I get to saying that tonight.”

James opens the door. Darren double takes, seeing James in new clothes. James notices.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, what?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re looking at me.”

“Yeah?”

“People… people don’t look at me.”

“Awh.”

“I mean like that. What are you looking at?”

“Nothing, it’s just you look cute.”

James fails to hide his smirk.

“Do you want to come in or do you want to keep talking out in the hall?”

James steps aside as Darren crosses the threshold.

“Hello to you too, darling.”

“You wanted the girlfriend experience, you never said you wanted a happy girlfriend.”

Darren scoffs, facing away, muttering;

“I seem to have that effect on women.”

James closes the door.

“How was work?”

Darren turns around, confused.

“We already talked about work.”

“No. You just got here. Remember, babe?”

“Oh, yeah... it was good.”

Darren makes his way to the sofa.

“The usual.”

James follows.

“No problems?”

“No... I mean... no... no... I...”

Darren sits down, deflated, sighing. James joins him, concerned, placing a hand on his back, rubbing him consolingly. Darren stares at the floor, hunched forward.

“I know I’m not old. I’m only thirty. I get that. And I get that for all I know I could be in my nineties when I die. I still have two thirds ahead of me, and I don’t need to spend most of that in school. But I was sitting in work today, and... it just hit me.”

Darren gestures with his fingers to emphasize.

“This. This is the decade I’ll be expected to have a house, a family, a plan. And I’ve no problem with that. I have a job. The rents doable. Not many can say that. All that’s not a problem. But then...”

Darren throws up his hands, letting them drop.

“That’s it. You’re done. It just seems like you stop living, you know? Yeah, you can get a divorce, you can burn the house down, you can do anything so long as you have the stomach for it. But it just seems you can’t do any of that without hurting other people.”

Darren faces James.

“Did you know, before land ownership, there was no concept of contractual marriage? Now, there was monogamy, sure, but there was no offense to adultery. It was just seen as normal, like “okay, you were fucking this person, now you’re fucking this other person”. We all used to be polyamorous. And it was good. It meant if you were being abused, you could just be with someone else, and everyone else would shun that person. It meant everyone looked after each other’s children because, fuck, they might be yours. It wasn’t cheating. It wasn’t perverted. It was just part of life. Now...”

Darren returns to the floor.

“You’re expected to own land. You’re expected to wed. You’re expected to conceive. Everyone’s held hostage by the same expectations they have of each other. If you wanted something else, it must mean you don’t love them, or there’s something wrong with you. You feel like you have to split yourself in two to keep everyone happy. You have to compartmentalise yourself into the guy at work, the friend, the boyfriend, the neighbour, because that’s what expected. To avoid hurting people, you have to hurt yourself... that’s what I have to look forward to. Two thirds of my life, filled with hurt... and then... my lunch break was over, and I went back to work.”

Darren turns back to James, forcing a sardonic grin.

“So yeah... no problems.”

James just stares back.

“Lie back.”

“What?”

“Trust me... this’ll help.”

Darren reluctantly lies back. James crawls up on top of him before lying down on his chest. James lifts Darren’s arms and drape them over his small frame. Darren, who’s been watching in confusion, closes his eyes, inhales and sighs peacefully, releasing every care he has. As does James.

...

They just lie there. Darren glides a hand slowly up and down James’ back. James just smiles, his eyes closed as well, content.

...

They just lie there. Together. In silence.

...

Darren exhales.

“This.”

“What about it?”

“This. This is just all I’ve wanted for so long... thank you.”

“… I feel the same.”

...

James opens his eyes, gentling tracing his finger over Darren’s chest.

“We could have this.”

“We do. Right now.”

“… I mean... we could have this... whenever.”

Darren’s face scrunches up.

“What?”

“I know that wasn’t work on the phone... I can either meet you somewhere or you could come here when I have the place free. We can have this all the time.”

Darren’s eyes shoot open.

“What is this?”

James, still lying on Darren, looks up to him.

“What do you mean?”

“What is this?”

James sits up.

“It’s this. I’m not asking you for anything, relax. I’m just saying I know this was supposed to be a once off thing, but maybe it doesn’t have to be.”

Darren pushes himself up.

“Answer the question. What is this?”

“Relax! You’re freaking out over nothing. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me.”

“I don’t fucking need this!”

James, shocked, moves down the sofa from Darren.

“Then get out.”

“What do you mean get out?”

“I mean get out! Fuck me, cuddle me, do something, or get the fuck out. I don’t know what your problem is. You were all talk on the phone.”

James mimics texting on a phone.

“Awh yeah, I’ll fill your fucking hole, you dirty sissy slut. Awh yeah, take Daddy’s cock.”

James returns to Darren with a sneer.

“You come here, I try being slutty, you panic. I try being wholesome, you panic again. I try offering an ongoing thing, and you shit yourself!”

“What did you mean?”

“Jesus, nothing! I just meant maybe today we just cuddle. Maybe you can come back, or we can meet up, ease into this, take our time. You know, for a “big cock, power top, dom daddy” you’re kind of a pussy!”

Darren snarls, showing teeth.

“Fuck you!”

“Please! Fucking please!”

“It’s not my fault this is my first time!”

Darren glares to James, his chest heaving. James stoically stares back.

“... Have you ever come close? Have you ever wanted to fuck a man before?”

Darren’s heavy breathing slows, calming down.

“I mean... technically, are you even a man?”

James tuts and smirks.

“I’m not trans.”

Darren raises his eyebrows.

“You’re not trans? Really?”

James looks to his body, confused.

“Do I look trans?”

“What are you then?”

James looks off, scoffing, smiling.

“I was hoping you would have some idea... I’m not trans, I know that.”

“How do you know?”

“How do you know you’re not trans?”

“Mature. Very mature.”

They both laugh.

“See... I know I’m not because... I’m comfortable both ways. I feel... good either way... but I don’t feel good with just one.”

James notices the lost look in Darren’s eyes. James gestures to his clothes.

“See, I feel great like this. I could happily spend days, months dressed like this, being called a girl, being called she and her. And I could do the same as a boy, be a he and a him. But if someone said I had to be one or the other for just an hour... it would be hell. That’s me.”

James looks off into space, searching for the words, before simply shrugging and returning to Darren.

“I can’t describe it but... I’m me like this. I’m not half this or that. I’m whole when I’m me, when I’m like this.”

Darren nods.

“So, you’re Genderfluid?”

“… I guess.”

“I think that still counts as Trans, because it’s not Cis.”

“Oh... well fuck, I guess I am then. But you say Trans and people think you’re on HRT or something. But then again, why am I worried? It’s not like I’m coming out to people.”

“Why don’t you?”

James exhales derisively through his nose.

“Who would I come out to? People who don’t even know me? A partner with our lives already planned out? Parents who used to tell me to “man up”? I don’t have anyone to come out to.”

“You came out to me.”

James flashes a woeful smile, quickly returning to sullenness.

“And who are you? The all talk power top? The down low lad? The One-Night Flake?”

Darren shakes his head, tutting.

“I think I’m the guy who made a mistake coming here.”

“What?”

Darren gets up.

“I should leave. I shouldn’t have come.”

Darren goes to pass James. James grabs hold of his hand, holding him in place.

“No! Stay!”

“You said it yourself. I’m a pussy.”

“I didn’t mean- I’m sorry. You’re right. That wasn’t fair. It’s just... I want this.”

“And I want this too.”

“How about we do the girlfriend thing?”

Darren goes to leave again.

“No, I-"

James, surprisingly, yanks him back, causing Darren to stumble a few steps, back to where he got up.

“Just wait! We’ll just hang out, we’ll just relax, here on the sofa. We can get down to things, eventually. We’ll just talk and relax. How’s that?”

Darren mulls over this, slowly lowering himself back onto the sofa.

“Do you... want to cuddle?”

James can barely contain his smile.

“I’d love to.”

Darren moves to the edge of the sofa and holds out his arms, welcoming James, who excitedly crawls over into a cuddle. Darren drapes his arms around James. Darren reaches for the remote control on the coffee table and turns on the TV in front of them.

“Do you have Netflix?”

“Yeah, just go onto my account.”

Darren uses the remote to navigate.

“What do you fancy?”

“You pick. I want you to feel comfortable.”

Darren squints, looking at the list.

“What have you got on your list? .... Oh my god...”

James perks up, darting between Darren and the TV.

“What?”

“So! Much! Rubbish!”

James’ mouth gapes in offense.

“I do not watch rubbish!”

“Are you not seeing what I’m seeing? Nothing but reality TV.”

“It’s factual entertainment.”

“It’s factually entertaining how rubbish it is.”

“It’s real people dealing with real issues.”

Darren disbelievingly points to the TV accusingly.

“That is a show about women who assault each other while one man beds one of them every episode.”

Darren uses the remote, switching to another show.

“That one is a singing competition for people who all have dead Nans. I’m pretty sure they’re just very talented serial killers who really wanted to be on TV.”

Darren flicks to the next one.

“This one is just about following a washed-up celebrity doing day to day shit! The first episode is just them going to Tescos!”

“If you don’t put on something I’m taking that remote and shoving it up your-”

“Okay, okay.”

Darren flicks through, peaking up as he notices something.

“Oh, have you seen-“

James erupts into laughter.

“Oh my god! You’re kidding me!”

“What?”

“And you gave out to me!”

“What!”

“Cartoons?”

“It’s not a cartoon. It’s anime.”

“Oh my god, you didn’t just say that!”

“What’s wrong with anime?”

“My nephew watches this stuff! Whatever about what I watch, at least it’s not Pokémon.”

“First of all, this isn’t Pokémon. Secondly, this isn’t just any anime; it’s Cowboy Bebop.”

“It’s what?”

“Cowboy Bebop. It’s about bounty hunters in space.”

“So, it’s Sci-Fi?”

“No... yes, but no. It’s kind of a Western as well; there are a lot of cowboy motifs.”

“So, it’s a Sci-Fi Western?”

“But there’s Noir stuff too.”

“What?”

“Like black and white detective films. There’s some Jazz stuff too.”

“So, it’s weird for the sake of being weird?”

“Okay, so the guy who made it is this big Japanese director, like the Japanese Tarantino, and he’s famous for blending genres. His other show has samurai fights with rap music.”

“This sounds like a long way to saying it’s weird.”

“It’s just weird.”

James sits up, getting off Darren, who sits up himself.

“So, you’re admitting it’s weird?”

“... Yeah... okay, fine, yes, it’s weird, bit it’s... it’s... anachronistic.”

James looks to Darren, tilting his head sceptically. Darren flaps his hand to try to temper James.

“Look, the point is it’s good. It’s great. It’s one of the best shows ever.”

“It looks old.”

“You look old.”

“Mature. Very mature.”

Darren can’t help but laugh.

“Stop.”

“No, really. I’m very turned on by a grown man talking so passionately about cartoons.”

“Now that’s twice you’ve called them that.”

“I’m going to get a chub if you tell me you have a collection of “graphic novels.”

Darren laughs again at Jame’s air quotes around “graphic novels.”

“Shut up, Shauna.”

The laughter dies instantly. Their smiles fall solemn. Darren looks away, embarrassed.

...

James clears his throat.

“Put it on.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I want to try it. Put it on.”

“...That just slip out. I didn’t mean to-”

James reaches over and pulls Darren in for a kiss, silencing him. They part but only slightly, breathing each other’s breath. They look to each other, unsure how to progress, until Darren kisses James back, moving in and with James as he leans back, lying on his back. Darren looms over James, dragging him in closer by the thighs. James lets out a small yet excited whimper. Darren pulls back.

“You like that, baby?”

James bites his lips, nodding.

“Yes, Daddy.”

“What else do you like?”

James goes to speak but hesitates, pulling back slightly. His eyes search for the words.

“Um... it’s okay if you say no.”

“Tell me.”

“I... I don’t want to freak you out.”

“Well, I don’t know if I will or not, so you might as well just tell me.”

“No, it’s too much.”

Darren gets up to go.

“I’ll go.”

James pulls Darren back.

“No!”

“Then tell me.”

“I... I like being choked.”

“... Oh.”

James looks away, embarrassed.

“You don’t have to.”

“... What’s the safety signal?”

James snaps back, surprised.

“What?”

“What’s the signal in case you want me to stop?”

James smiles.

“Are you going to do it?”

“If we have a safety signal, yeah.”

“Oh, um... how about...”

James gives a thumbs up.

“A thumbs up?”

“Well, I’m not going to be able to say “banana” if you’re choking me, am I?”

“Bit ironic, don’t you think. I mean, imagine; Hey! Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

Darren mockingly mimics being choked, gurgling with his hand on his throat, holding up a thumbs up with the other. James pouts.

“See, this is why I didn’t want to. I know this would-”

“HEY!”

James fall silence, looking up to Darren looming over him. Darren grabs James’ wrists and holds them over his head. James gasps, titillated.

Darren frees a hand and allows it to drape across James’ face, who looks up to Darren, his eyes alive in awe. Darren continues down, finally finding the neck. For a second, his eyes linger on the welcoming flesh, his hand slowly drifting back. James, watching, whimpers, disappointed.

In a sudden serpentine lunge, Darren’s sprawling fingers seize the meaty neck, constricting tightly around it. James’ face floods with ecstasy. Darren, as though detached from his own arm, watches it for a second, before nervously looking for approval.

“Am I... Are you alright?”

James rations his weak inhales, before mustering;

“... Ti-ghter... Da-ddy...”

Darren can’t help himself. His grip digs into the flesh, his lips press forcefully against James’, who gives in with pleasure, arching his pelvis, wrapping his legs around Darren’s waist, hoping to never let go.

A phone rings.

They clumsily roll off the sofa, falling onto the floor in a tangled mess. They sit up, wildly looking around.

“Who’s it that?”

“Mine’s in my pocket.”

James pats his pockets.

“Shit! That’s mine.”

They scramble to their feet, searching the apartment as the ringing continues. James runs to a coat hanging beside the door, searching the pockets. Darren slips his hand between the sofa cushions. James rushes to the bedroom. Darren searches underneath the sofa, reaching in and pulling out a phone.

“Got it!”

Darren answers it.

“Hello?”

Darren instantly recoils in horror, pulling himself away from the phone, screaming in a hushed whisper;

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

James runs in, just in time to see Darren on the phone.

“Yes, hello. Hi. Sorry, he’s just gone to the bathroom... Who am I?”

Darren looks to James, who watches anxiously from the bedroom door. Darren turns away.

“I’m Darren. I’m a friend.”

James jumps, holding out his hands as if to gesture “WHAT!”

“Who should I say is calling?”

James scurries over, growing all the more horrified.

“Oh! You’re James’ girlfriend. It’s nice to finally talk to you... Sorry?... Oh yeah, me and James are just hanging out... Yeah, we’re at the apartment, but we were just heading out in a minute for... um...”

James leans over, whispering;

“Say we’re going to get coffee.”

“Drinks.”

James slaps Darren across the back of the head.

“Oh! Oh yeah! Yeah, sorry, you’re right. James doesn’t drink.”

Darren looks to the wine glasses on the coffee table, glancing to James with a wry smile.

“Not a drop... Oh, here comes James now. I’ll pass you on... Yeah, it was nice talking to you too. Here’s James.”

No sooner had Darren presented him with the phone than James snatched the phone, cradling it to his ear, taking a few steps from Darren.

“Hey, how’s it going babe?... Yeah, I’m fine... Yeah.”

James looks to Darren, scowling.

“Darren’s his name.”

Darren shows a dopey grin. James turns away.

“No, you’ve never met him before... No reason, just never mentioned him before. I’ll have to introduce you when he’s around again.”

Darren reaches for a glass of wine, sipping as he watches.

“Yeah... Yeah, I’m fine... And what about- Oh... You have to go?... No, I understand... It’s fine... I said it’s fine...”

James glances to Darren before walking further away.

“No, I am not upset. You said you have a meeting, I said I’m fine... I’m holding you, just go... No! I’m not-"

James pulls back from the phone, grimacing, composing himself before returning to it.

“I’m not doing this in front of Darren, and I don’t want to keep you. Just text whenever you’re free... Okay... Bye... I love you too... bye.”

James hangs up, standing there, looking down to the phone. Darren watches for a moment in the awkward silence.

“Hey, I wouldn’t-“

“Don’t call me James.”

Darren, taken aback, nods.

“Ok. What should I call you?”

“Just not James. Not here.”

James finally turns around and approaches.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

Darren looks away.

“It doesn’t matter.”

James forces a smile.

“Kind of ruins the moment, doesn’t it?”

Darren nods, awkward.

...

Something dawns on Darren, his face suddenly becoming alight. He takes out his phone, bringing something up.

“What are you doing?”

“You said the moment is ruined. So, let’s make a new one.”

Darren hits something and music plays from his phone, setting it down on the coffee table. He holds out a hand to James, who eyes the hand with suspicion.

“What are you doing?”

“Slow dance with me.”

James erupts into laughter.

“What!”

“Slow dance with me.”

“Why!”

“Because Daddy wants to dance with his baby.”

James scoffs and shakes his head, approaching. Slowly, they join together, nestling into each other closely. They sway together, peaceful as the music plays.

...

Darren can’t help himself.

“… I’m not gay.”

“If you say so.”

“I’m not.”

“I know.”

“I’m not. I mean... I’m not... “gay” gay.”

“Okay.”

“... I just think you’re beautiful.”

They look to and linger on each other. They both go in for a slow, gentle kiss. They share the moment, and then slowly release. James rests his head on Darren’s chest. They just keep swaying together until James brings back their dilemma;

“At some point, we’re going to have to make a decision.”

James’ eyes look up to the silent Darren.

“Do we still go ahead or not?”

“I know... but I don’t know what I want.”

“... Do you want me?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Do you want me?”

“That’s not fair, I said!”

James tightens his grip on Darren.

“Do you want me!”

“That’s not fair on me!”

James pushes himself free of Darren, furious!

“HOW IS IT FAIR ON ME!”

Darren is frozen in shock, his mouth agape, stunned in the headlights of James’ consuming, glare.

“How is it fair on me! To keep me guessing for a month! That’s how long it’s been! A month! A month of hiding a smile every time I felt you in my pocket! A month of finding reasons to take myself off to the bathroom or the bedroom just so I could text back! A month of acting out all these fantasies you give me in my head, talking about owning me, using me, cradling me afterwards, making me feel safe, wanted, loved! A month!”

James hurls his phone across the apartment. Though nowhere near Darren, he still flinches and ducks. James grabs Darren’s phone, still playing music.

“A fucking month!”

James hurls the phone. The music instantly stops.

“You don’t get to be someone’s life for a month and then say you can’t take a second to decide what you want, stringing me along like some pining schoolboy! How is that fair!”

James, in a flurry, tears off his clothes, revealing the lingerie beneath.

“You wanted this! I wanted this! I can say it! You can’t! You having it both ways doesn’t make you a Dom, or a Daddy, or a Top! It just makes you a sad man!”

James gestures to himself.

“And yeah, I don’t know what I am, but at least I’m not you! So, answer the fucking question and don’t take a month this time! Do you want me!”

Darren, in a silent stupor, shambles over to the sofa, sitting, lost in a world of thoughts.

“We’re engaged.”

James’ brow flies up, as do his hands.

“... Okay, I know I said to be more decisive, but that’s a little fast. Maybe we should have a date or two beforehand.”

“I’m engaged. My girlfriend... my fiancé... she proposed.”

James, still in shock, cautiously approaches.

“What did you say?”

Darren doesn’t answer. James, crestfallen, descends next to him.

“Oh.”

They sit there, in the depressing silence for a moment.

“When?”

“When did she propose or when is the wedding?”

“There are dates for both?”

“Three Tuesdays ago, and in the next year or a little after that. We’re hoping for an early summer wedding.”

“We’re hoping or she’s hoping?”

“What do you think?”

“Is that what this is? A last hurrah? Get it out of your system before you really have to behave?”

“That’s not what this is.”

“Was it in the beginning?”

“It was never that. We started talking before that.”

“Then why have you been avoiding fucking me?”

Darren snaps out of his dazed trance, whipping to James.

“Because you’re more than that!”

James’ sardonic sneer is wiped clean, leaving only vacant surprise. Darren continues;

“You’re beautiful... that’s what caught me. That’s what made me add you. But then something terrible happened. You were actually a person.”

James laughs.

“Sorry.”

“I mean it. You were funny, clever, charming. Even when we weren’t flirting, you were asking about my day or saying good morning when you knew I’d be getting up for work, and you’d talk the entire commute, and then you’d reply instantly after I was done, like you were waiting.”

“At the risk of sounding like I have no life... I kind of was.”

“I felt like... I found someone. Like I stumbled upon the only other person. I didn’t string you along... I didn’t mean to... It wasn’t because I didn’t want to meet up... It was because I didn’t want to start over.”

Darren sighs, relieved he finally got it out. James waits for more before prompting;

“What do you mean?”

“I loved my girlfriend... Love... but it’s not like how I feel about you. I feel the way someone feels when something just clicks... Meeting you was like having an epiphany.”

Darren turns to James.

“You’re my epiphany. And that fucking terrifies me. Because it means that I’ve been wrong all these years; that I’m not this or that, that maybe fighting or being imperfect isn’t normal, that maybe after a certain point, a relationship shouldn’t be so difficult.”

Darren looks away, struggling not to drown in James’ pensive eyes.

“And it means that I can feel the way I do about you, and for all I know I could be wrong again. Maybe we have more than just tonight. Maybe we’re perfect for each other, and I’m not just one of those guys who’ll never be satisfied. Or maybe what we have is just infatuation. Maybe I either throw away a great marriage I’m too selfish to see, or I just spend the rest of my life, eaten up inside. Who’s to say I won’t spoil everything? I have all this going on inside my head. And it’s been like this for weeks.”

Darren returns to James, struggling not to show the emotion on his tortured face.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I’m terrified of making a decision and having to start over, because I don’t feel like there will be a “start over” after this.”

Darren scoffs.

“Fuck, I’m not even a dom. Not really. I only said that because you wanted it. Because I wanted you. I’m taller, bigger, and stronger than you, but you terrify me. You dominate me, because I’ve never met someone who can make me feel the way you do.”

...

They sit there, looking to each other. James wets his lips.

“Loved.”

“What?”

“You said you loved your girlfriend.”

“...So?”

“Do you just not love her anymore or do you love someone else?”

Darren loses himself again in his thoughts, staring at the floor.

...

James stands up, he takes Darren by the hand, leading him from the sofa, and towards the bedroom. Darren returns to this world, halting, tugging James to a stop.

“What’s going to happen?”

James lingers on Darren for a second before simply shrugging;

“I really don’t know either. All I know is I’m tired, and I think you are too. So right now, how about we just lie down, holding each other, because we need it? Whatever happens, happens. No one knows we’re here. No one knows what we’re doing. No one knows we exist. And honestly, that’s all I want right now.”

James lets go of his hand.

“I’m not going to pull you through. I’m not going to force you to do anything. Come in. Leave. You already know what you want. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.”

James turns and leaves through the bedroom door.

Darren is left, looking into the abyss of the doorway.

…

He takes a step.