The Old Barn

It was the year I turned twelve that my life changed in ways I didn't fully understand at the time. I met Ell that year. Her real name was Elizabeth, but that didn't suit her at all. Elizabeth was a regal name and Ell was an awkward, pubescent girl with a bucket load of insecurities. No one ever moved into our community - they moved out, if that gives you an idea what type of family Ell came from. Well, that's not completely true. WE moved here four years before Ell, but only to take care of Grandma. Dad promised her she could die in her own home, in her own bed. Her dying took eight years.

My Mother met Ell's mother at the local Food Mart and graciously offered my services to help show Ell around town. Like that would take very long and I already had enough on my plate trying to live my own life. After a couple of days of dodging, my Ma insisted I meet up with Ell. She was a stickler about her word. I was never great at meeting new people and I hated the weirdness of trying to figure out what to do and what to say.

I trudged up to the local trailer park and found the address my Ma gave me. I thought about scrapping the whole thing but I knew it would get back to my Ma and that wouldn't be a picnic, either. My knock was weak - loud enough so I could swear I'd done it, but soft enough that I was hoping no one would hear. They heard. The door creaked open in a flash and Ell's mom was all smiles - chatty and over the top. Ell was sitting in a worn recliner, reading a book. She barely looked up. Wow! She must have been about as excited as I was.

"Elizabeth, Elizabeth, honey! Look, see! You have a visitor!" Ell's mom chortled away.

Ell looked up over her over-sized glasses and smiled the briefest smile I'd ever seen. "Hey", she said. Guess she didn't know what to say, either.

"Well, I'll leave you two and let you get a chance to know each other. Gotta go to the Laundromat. If you leave, be home before dark, ok?" I can still clearly see Ell's mom waddle out of the door with a large basket of dirty clothes and slamming the door shut with her ample hips.

Ell and I sat in silence. I'm not sure how long, but it felt really long. I finally asked her if she would like to take a walk. I got 'sure' for a response and Ell got up, grabbed an oversized sweatshirt and sprinted out the door. I followed, closing the door as tightly as I could. It seemed the frame was bent but I didn't have time to tinker with it. Ell was already a block ahead of me. I ran to catch up and we walked until our strides matched.

Ell didn't seem as stressed as I was by the silence. With periodic side glances, I tried to take in as much as I could. I suspected her glasses were for reading only because she took them off before we left. Her hair was shorter than what I thought girls wore their hair. It wasn't ugly, just different. She had a couple of zits on the side of her nose, but, at that time, everyone I knew had zits. Difference was, she didn't have make-up caked on them. I think her zits looked better. I couldn't tell how big she was because her baggy clothes just hung on her. I was a bit taller and fairer in skin tone and hair color. My long, blonde hair was my crowning feature. It made me seem prettier than I actually was. With all my sleuthing, I'd lost track of where we were. Yikes! I was the one who was supposed to be showing the 'new girl' around! Ell seemed unconcerned. We were out of the main part of town, which wasn't saying much. There were less than 2000 people in the whole county. When I was wondering which of us would break the silence, Ell spoke up.

"Hey, I found a cool old barn down this way the other day. Doesn't look like anyone has been using it for a long time. Wanna check it out with me?"

I knew it was the old Miller farm she was talking about. No one had lived in the home or used the out buildings for several years. The property just sat there like a tired, old man with nothing left to give. I never snooped around the property - I never even thought about it. I told Ell 'ok'. Old Mr. Miller was dead and his kids had moved away a long time ago in the wake of some kind of scandal. Who would care?

We cut through a field of broken corn stalks and down a grassy knoll. The barn was weathered gray with several missing boards. When we passed from the sunny outdoors to the dank, shadowy interior, a shiver went down my spine. It was like going through a time warp of some kind. Ell scrambled up a ladder to a loft. A large rope was tied to a beam that ran from the loft to the opposite side of the barn. Ell shimmied across the beam and swung from the rope. It stunned me for a moment. I was too cautious by nature to be that impulsive. Ell seemed comfortable investigating all the nooks and crannies in the barn. I was in awe of her ability to concoct stories about the barn and its history. I was...well... enjoying myself. Weird, I thought.

The sun started going down and I reminded Ell of her mom's warning to be home before nightfall. We begrudgingly left. Like a faucet being turned off, we walked toward home in silence. I was curious if we would get together again.

My Mother was waiting for a report and I didn't have to make something up. That was a relief. When I told her about going to the barn, her face turned white. I said everything was fine. No one was there! We had fun, but nothing seemed to make her feel better. I reminded her that she was the one that wanted me to go spend time with this girl! What was wrong?

My Mother finally sat me down and shared the town gossip about the Miller's. Old man Miller was mean and his wife died young. His kids grew up hard, in a loveless home. One son married a girl from the next town over and they lived with the dad until he passed. Story was the younger Mr. Miller abused his wife and daughter, followed in his daddy's footsteps. Word was, awful things happened in that barn, to both mama and daughter, things no woman or child should have to endure. One day, mom and daughter vanished. Mr. Miller drank himself to sleep most nights, until he met his fate tangled around an old oak tree out on Highway 59. With that, my Ma told me to stay away from that barn.

I had a hard time getting the story out of my mind. When Ell came calling a few days later, it was still hanging over me like a big, old thundercloud. I steered her toward the downtown strip, but there was nothing there to hold anyone's attention for more than a few moments. Ell wanted to go back to the barn. Truth was, I did, too. Taking more care than usual, we snuck back to the barn. Ironically, our mood lifted and our fantasies flourished once inside. After a bit of horseplay, Ell and I snuggled up on an old blanket in the loft. Who knows how many critters were housed in the weavings of that blanket? At the time, we didn't care. It was like we were different people in the barn. I shared the gossip my Ma told me. Ell didn't care. She said the barn felt alright to her.

Ell was a chatterbox in the barn. She was an only child, like me. Her mom used to live nearby. All they could afford was a 'trailer park' life since her dad was out of the picture. Ell liked to read. She didn't care about girlie things - make-up, fashion and boys. Still, we found so many things to talk about. She wasn't anything like my other friends. The strange thing, though, was we lived around our trips to the old barn. One Saturday when we were supposed to meet, Ell was late. I wasn't sure if she went on without me, or what. After another half-hour of waiting, I went ot the barn alone. When I got inside, I could hear soft sobs. I called out for Ell and she peeked over the loft railing. She looked a mess. I climbed the ladder to the loft and asked her what was wrong.

She let a paper fall from her hands. I picked it up. It was a birth certificate ... Elizabeth Anne Miller. I looked at Ell, confused. Her name was Elizabeth Anne Robinson. Ell explained, "Mama finally told me the truth. She changed our last name to her maiden name so my daddy couldn't find us. This barn...this was my barn. Mama thinks I don't remember things, but I do. Daddy hurt me, but he was still my daddy."

Ell sobbed in my arms until the sun was almost down. I dared not stay any longer and asked Ell to please come with me. She wouldn't. Ell looked at me and said, "You are the best friend I've ever had. Thank you." She kissed me on the lips, a soft, long, sad kiss. I was confused. I gave her a quick hug and climbed down the ladder. My emotions were on fire. When I got home, I showered, skipped dinner and went to bed.

I did not get up for school the next day. I told Mama I was sick. I thought about Ell as a little kid. I thought about the kiss. I felt a sadness I had never felt before. It was late in the day when Mama came into my room. I could hear kids outside so I knew it had to be after school let out. I thought she came to see if I was feeling better. Her words hit me like hail...the barn, Ell, a rope..."I'm so sorry, honey, she's gone."