The Noble boy, and the Mischievous Gnome

If you have ever met a gnome, then you know for a fact that they are quite the troublesome creature. Gn omes may be short in stature, but their names are as long as the days are old.

Samuel Alvin Rabbit Racer Charles Dragon Breath Horn Bearer Penny For Your Thoughts Made You Look Four Hundred Forty Fourth Four Leaf Clover Epstein, was no exception, and in fact, he made a troublesome gnome look much like a saint.

For the sake of keeping this story relatively short, we will call this particular gnome Sam Epstein. However, before we take this journey and dive into this tale, I think it would be best to remind you all about the history of gnomes and their many nuances.

Nobody knows for sure; I have read gnomes were created from the love between a leprechaun and a fairy. However, may I remind you all to keep that gossip to yourselves, for neither gnome nor leprechaun can stand one another, and do not get me started on what a fairy thinks of those two.

I would bet my bottom dollar that most people, yourself included, had no idea that such mythical creatures existed. Now, you all may have an idea of what many of these fantastical individuals look like, i.e., The garden gnome variety, and you wouldn't be too far off in thinking so. However, It is quite peculiar that no human eyes have ever gazed upon a real-life gnome, and that may have you pondering; how on earth have statues of garden gnomes been created in the first place? It is a fair question and one I will have to entertain at a later time. For now, I will happily explain some things that I do know and a few rumors that I've learned along the way.

Accounts and old records say there has never been a witness to a gnome being born, nor that of one growing to be grizzled and gray. From the most ancient tales I have learned, a gnome is neither young nor old; they have hair as white as wool, and their beards can reach far beyond their stubby little toes.

The gnome is one of the many magical creatures, and its intelligence greatly exceeds the wisest of all human beings. A gnome's love of treasure is known to rival that of a dragon, but not in the way of riches like gems and rare stones, nor do they have a burning desire for gold. No, my friends, the gnome is not like their kin, the leprechaun, the gnome treasure items of everyday humankind. A sock, or maybe the pair of reading glasses you thought you had misplaced, or an all-time favorite, the T.V. remote control. Yes, my human friends, every time you get frustrated at losing something, know that it hasn't fallen between the cracks in the seat. A gnome's greatest treasure is the satisfaction they receive from watching a human in despair.

I must inform you of where these creatures come from and belong, but I can not get bogged down into too much detail, as I said before; I must keep this story relatively short. All mythical beings live in what is called the second dimension. But, of the fabled entities, the gnome is the only one to frequent the world of human beings. It is not as if the gnome has not learned about the dangers of entering the world of man, but the gnome is a crafty creature, and so nearly impossible to see, that even the keen-eyed griffin have a hard time laying their piercing yellow eyes upon them.

Gnomes have a love for gambling, and they do love a good fight, but never amongst themselves - the gnome will incite arguments between human siblings, installing thoughts into the minds of people as they sleep.

The gnome is so crafty and so devious, one could even say that they are downright mean. Nevertheless, they place their bets and watch in earnest as they pit brother against brother, husband against wife, mother against daughter, and I'm not quite sure, but they may have even started many a war.

You may be wondering as to why a gnome would treat humans in such a way? Indeed, a gnome does not like the company of others, that includes those of their kind. But humans they despise! Nearly all the magical and mythical creatures have a particular disdain for the human race. As the writings are not entirely clear, I am uncertain, but a few ancient texts claim humans and mythical creatures once roamed the earth in the same dimension.

Some of the earlier writings of man imply that other beings walked the world - I'm not talking of dinosaurs - The pyramids of ancient Egypt, can you imagine - built by the hands of the mighty cyclops. Over the centuries, hundreds and hundreds of stories told of the beings that flourished on this planet, yet time has a way of making us forget.

And this is where I come in; I need to set the record straight because the truth is all that matters. My name is Pothentecus; I am a Satyr. I and those before me sing ancient tales, and the songs I sing are nothing but the truth. I have written these words before you and put them into a ballad so that all may never forget. So many of my rhymes and song you may have already heard, most of which are the nursery rhymes and tales you read to your children at night. Unfortunately for you, the reader and countless others, too many ancient fables became ignored. As a result, humans lost the essential legends forever.

I am not telling of an ancient tale today; it is too late for that - this is a new tale that shall become as important as the ones of old. This tale tells the story of two of the most unlikely of heroes.

1

If a gnome were in your room while you slept, you'd have better odds of winning the lottery than having a good day.

How often does your workday start in a rush? Maybe the alarm you set for 7 am did not wake you? The tie you set out the night before has gone missing, and your watch is misplaced again. And for the second time this week, your car keys are not on the nightstand. Yes, the typical start to the average human being's day.

Would it shock you if I were to say that humans put their belongings exactly where they intended and that people are not the imbecilic beings that most fantastical creatures from the Neatherplane would have you believe? And after a frantic 15 minutes searching for your latest version of iPhone or your missing wallet, you have officially started a lousy day, and so our story begins...

The mischievous gnome, Sam Epstein, sits in the darkest corner of his favorite humans' room. He gingerly strokes the plush white hair on his chin while he contemplates what his next move might be. He already took the child's cell phone three times this week, and although hilarious to watch the boy frantically search for it, Sam was afraid the joke would get old. Finally, with a smack of the lips, the gnome slowly opens his mouth, his teeth perfect and white as snow - save for one, a single gold tooth in the center of his grin. The tooth glistens, even though he sits deep in shadow.

Sam stands, straightens his green and gold embroidered jacket, and he is suddenly standing on top of the boy's nightstand with merely a thought. There are so many goodies scattered about the top of the stand, and Sam would love nothing more than to have them all, but that would not be wise; instead, there is one particular item that Sam is looking for, but at the moment, it eludes his searching eyes.

Sam carefully pushes papers aside with his rather large but nimble feet and comes across what he can only believe is the youthful boys' homework. A new thought enters Sam Epstein's mind, and he can barely contain his laughter. First, Sam removes a green and gold-colored feather from his pointed cap and licks the tip. Then, he kneels and scribbles some new but incorrect answers on the child's homework. Finally, Sam puts the quill back in his cap, cracks a smile, and can't help but let out a restrained laugh - which eerily sounds like a horse wheezing. The gnome can hardly wait for the boy to come home from school with a big, fat, red F on his assignment. Oh, what a wonderful treasure that will be!

The young boy suddenly stirs in his bed, smacking his lips and curling into a ball. Instinctively Sam Epstein does what gnomes call shifting: his body blurs and becomes nearly invisible. Sam doesn't move for some time, he needs to be sure the boy is deep asleep before he lets up on the shifting. Once he is certain the boy sleeps, he begins his search for the prized possession.

Aha! There it is, tucked underneath the pile of homework. Sam reaches down and plucks an item from the desk; it is the boy's school identification. Sam holds the i.d. with two hands and pulls it closer to his face. The boy's name written at the top says Vincent Noble. There is a picture of the kid in the center of the credentials; he appears to be a handsome boy and has one of the happiest smiles that Sam has ever seen, even if the child is an oversized and smelly human being.

Sam stuffs the identification into his breast pocket; he isn't planning on keeping it forever, just a day or so, long enough for the kid to get a good scolding from his parents and teachers.

Sam then jumps down from the dresser and begins opening up drawers to a couple of other dressers; he rummages through them and takes a few mismatched socks, and stuffs them into his pockets. The gnome then looks at the time on his pocket watch and sighs aloud. Somehow he always spends too much time at this particular house; the time is late, and he needs to make a couple more stops before the dreaded sunrise. To be stuck in this dimension after sunrise would be catastrophic, or so it is believed.

Sam makes for a large mirror sitting on top of one of the dressers and begins unloading his newly acquired items into a knapsack he left seated next to the mirror. The gnome stops to take one more look at the child's i.d. and smiles before stuffing it into the bag.

Just then, and before Sam could use his ability to shift, he catches a glimpse of something in the mirror. Before the gnome could turn around to identify what the movement was, a solid object slammed up alongside his head. The gnome fell to the ground with a thump and began snoring like a sleeping lion.

Vincent Noble set the baseball bat to the floor and then turned on his bedroom light; he gasped when he saw the old-looking man that couldn't be more than 18" tall. The boy rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the balls of his fists and looked again. Yes, the figure was still there, with odd-looking clothing and a beard almost long as the man was tall.

A tiny pointed red hat lay next to Vincent's feet; he bent down to pick it up, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on what he believed to be a real living gnome. At least he hoped the creature was still living; he did hit him pretty hard with the wooden bat.

Vincent crawled over on hands and knees to inspect the gnome. It had to be alive because the thing was snoring like a beast. Vincent breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't kill the little guy, but he did notice blood starting to swell from the white hair on the gnome's head.

Vincent sat on the floor and rubbed his chin in thought. He wasn't in any panic; being a scout for the past couple of years, he knew CPR and First Aid, but he had never performed such on anything but a dummy. The boy gathered himself and made for his bedroom closet; on the floor next to his baseball bag was a camouflage backpack. He opened it and began combing through the items inside until he found his First Aid kit. Quickly he returned to the sleeping gnome and opened the kit. Vincent removed a roll of gauze and a bottle of iodine, and hastily he went to work, applying the iodine to the wound and then carefully wrapping the gnomes head. The boy sat on his bottom and exhaled deliberately. Vincent watched the gnome's chest rise and fall with each breath, hoping that the creature would wake soon; he looked to his alarm clock and saw that the time was 5:15 am, Saturday morning - which was a good thing because his parents would be sleeping in.

A thought came to Vincent's mind, and he remembered that he had some smelling salts in his First Aid kit; he removed one and was about to break it when another thought occurred to him: What if the gnome wakes up angry and has some magical powers that can turn me into a toad. Oh, no! It is better to be safe than sorry. Vincent pulled his baseball bat close and was ready to use it if the situation called for violence - which he hoped was not the case because there were so many things he needed to ask.

With the bat ready by his side, Vincent took the smelling salt and snapped it. He held his breath, and held the item up to the gnome's nose. A few mumbles and grumbles later, the gnome sat upright with a jolt. The gnome moaned with displeasure as he held a hand against his injured head. It took a mere moment before the gnome realized where he was and that the child was sitting beside him.

"Oh, my word!" Sam exclaimed. "It's been nearly a thousand years since anyone has caught me off-guard."

Vincent held the bat with two hands, cocked and ready as if meaning to hit a fastball. "You're not going to try anything, like turn me into a toad or something like that, are you?"

"Heavens no boy! You've already clocked me once, and I don't want you to do it again. Besides, gnomes don't cast spells, and we're not witches." Sam said. He then tried to stand, but he was far too dizzy, and his legs were weak.

"I'm sorry I hit you," the boy said while standing and holding out a hand for the gnome to take, "but I thought you were a burglar."

"I'm no burglar," the gnome spat. He took the boy's hand, letting him help him to his feet. He glanced at his bag sitting on the dresser next to the mirror. "Well, I mean, I don't steal things to keep."

"What have you got in the bag?" Vincent asked.

"Nothing," the gnome lied. "It's just my personal belongings, is all."

Vincent narrowed his eyes; something in the gnome's tone told him that he was lying. Vincent opened the bag and poured out the contents on his dresser. "These are my things, and you are a thief!"

"No, wait! Let me explain," but to Sam, it appeared he wasn't going to have the chance. The boy's face was flush with anger. Sam intuitively began rubbing at the growing lump on his head as he took a couple of steps back.

"What's there to explain," Vincent said, turning to face the gnome while lifting the bat, "You were trying to take my stuff, my video games, my socks, and school i.d. what on earth would you want with them?"

"I was going to give them back. I never keep your things for more than a couple of days, and I always return them to you just the same." The gnome suddenley looked frightened, and tears began to well in the corners of his eyes.

"So, wait a second. You're telling me that you take my stuff, like my school i.d. and video games?" Vincent didn't wait for a reply; he continued, "you've got a lot of nerve taking my things. Do you know how many times I've gotten yelled at for losing my i.d. or my reading glasses?"

Sam Epstein knew the exact number of times Vincent's parents scolded him for losing his things, but he thought it best to keep that number to himself. So instead, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "No, I haven't a clue."

"Well, I do; it's like a million or something!" Vincent said, lowering the bat and taking a couple of deep breaths.

The child was wrong; the exact number of times was 2,830. Oh, how humans could exaggerate.

"Listen, I apologize for taking your things and getting you in trouble with your parents and teachers - speaking of which, you should probably double-check your math homework; I may have changed an answer or two." Sam bent down and picked up his cap and gingerly placed it on his injured head. Standing back up caused his head to rush, and he nearly toppled over, save for the boy's quick reflexes he might have.

"I always had the feeling that somebody was taking my things, or more like I felt that somebody was," Vincent said, still holding the gnome by the arm. "I can't believe that I was right the whole time. I mean, really! Wait until I tell Billy and Jeff about this; they're going to flip when they see you."

"Wait, No! You can not tell anyone, and I can not stay here past sunrise; I will turn to stone if I do - the barrier between your world and mine will be broken - Terrible beasts and evil beings will be unleashed on your world." Sam glanced at the clock; the red digits read 5:30. The sun will be rising soon. He then looked at the boy with pleading eyes.

"Why should I believe a word you say?" Vincent asked. "You have stolen from me for years. Heck, I've been grounded hundreds of times because of you; no way man, you're staying here with me, and like I said, I'm going to show you to my friends."

"Listen, kid - you don't understand the ramifications, you don't want to know what happens if I or any of my things are left on this planet after the sun rises - I'm telling you the truth! And I swear that I won't retake your things; just let me leave, please!" Sam's voice had a desperate tone to it, and his feet shuffled back and forth.

Vincent could read the desperation in the gnome's big blue eyes, and just listening to the way the little guy pleaded for his escape made him rethink his position. "Fine, I'll let you go, and I won't tell anyone about you, but on one condition, and you have to promise me."

Sam Epstein looked out the window and could see that daylight was about to break; he hadn't much time left. So as ridiculous as it was, he was about to break another golden rule, by making a promise to a human being. Sam couldn't remember a single day in 2000 years worse than this day.

"Whatever, what's your proposition, human?" Sam said, shaking his head in disgust.

"Okay, I want you to make me a promise that you not only stop taking my belongings, but I want you to promise me that you will return to visit me. I want to know more about you and where you live."

"What! No way, kid. I can't do that; I'm not even supposed to be in your dimension in the first place. If another gnome were to find out that I made a promise to a human, and that I'm visiting one to chit chat about my world - Oh, my word - they would feed me to a hydra."

Sam licked his lips anxiously, hoping he could make a better deal with this human child, and soon. "I promise not to steal your stuff, but I can not promise you that I will return to visit and talk about my homeland. ask for me to promise something else, kid?"

"Nope, promise me that you'll return to visit me. Heck, you can even take my things, but that's the deal I want, and that's the only deal I'll take." This time, Vincent looked out the window - he could that the sun would break the horizon in mere minutes. "You're choice, pal. Take the deal, or you're going to be a statue - and I've got my bat to take care of anything else that decides to come into my room!"

The gnome rolled his eyes and shook his head in disgust. What other choice did he have at this point - he had to promise the stupid human that he would visit - then he could get back to his own dimension.

The mischievous gnome, Sam Epstein, was defeated by the hands and wits of a human child. How embarrassing this situation was.

In defeat, Sam holds out his hand and, bowing his head, slowly says, "You have outsmarted me, you have won child; the day is yours. I, Sam Epstein, solemnly swear that I will return to visit you, the human, Vincent Noble, and not to take your things," Sam rushed through the last part mumbling the words.

"A deal it is," Vincent replied, beaming with delight. He then took the gnome Sam Epstein's hand, and they both shook on the deal.

"Please, I need your help getting to the top of your dresser next to that mirror. I'm still a bit queasy, and I don't quite have the strength to leap," Sam said, pointing.

Vincent happily obliged and lifted Sam to the top of his dresser, where the gnome thanked him while making an elaborate bow. Sam picked up his now empty knapsack and slung it over his shoulder. Sam pulled his hat down tight, and this is what he said, "I bid thee a farewell, my new human friend. For you have outsmarted a gnome with your wicked trickery... and that wooden thing in your hand," Sam rubbed his head and continued,

"Vincent Noble, I will return, but as of when I can not promise, hopefully soon. But unfortunately, the days here and where I live do not coincide, and I have to be sure that what has occurred here today does not cause a ripple effect in my world. Till we meet again." Sam gave the nod and a wink to the human child. He then used the last strength he had to shift and stepped through the mirror.

Vincent smiled as he watched the gnome disappear before his eyes. He hadn't any friends - Vincent was bullied daily by the two boys he'd mentioned earlier to Sam - and he was an only child. His mother and father only spoke to him when the young boy got into trouble - they were going through a divorce, and Vincent avoided them as much as possible because of their fights. He only wished that he could have disappeared with the gnome.

Just then, something glimmered and caught the corner of his eye. Vincent kneeled to inspect. Just under the space between the dresser and the floor lay a green and gold feather. Vincent pulled it out and examined it in the light that shone through his window. Vincent reflected on this thought, "What was it that Sam had said about leaving something behind?"