The movie and the smoke

You focus on your eyelashes in the mirror while you apply mascara. It’s a summer day, and you have plans to go watch THE movie of the summer with Mari. She got the tickets because she knows someone who works at the best movie theater in the city. You get your makeup done and change, but you don’t have enough cash to pay Mari.

-          Mom! Can I borrow your card?

-          I can give you some cash. How much do you want?

-          I don’t know exactly. Some of it for the movie, and I need to eat too!

-          Are you sure it’s just that? Would Mari want to buy new shoes?

-          Mom! She is my best friend! Stop it!

-          She is not an honest person! What about Sara? Is she coming?

-          No, they are out of town.

-          Stay out of trouble.

You try to get the card from your mom’s unwilling grip. She holds it back and looks at you with worry.

-          Stay out of trouble!

You avoid looking at her. She catches your eye, and with a serious look, she says: You know what I mean!

-          Whatever!

You are so excited to go to the city center that your heart starts racing. It is a 15-minute walk to the metro station, and you meet Mari on the way. So many people are getting into the station; you know why. You look around, assessing the crowd. You know the city like the palm of your hand. So much is going on at once in this maze of a city that you are sure having a goal like going to the movies is good enough…. Good enough as a reason to go to the city center? Or is it, as your mom suspected, a cover?

Mari is talking about the guy she's been texting. You look at her up and down. She is dressed up but not as much as you. You always pay attention to your style, but today you tried extra. You didn’t think about it much, just that your shoes would match your top and purse. But they are high heels!  Maybe the high heels convinced your mom that going to the movies isn't a cover.

You and Mari get out of the metro station in the city center. She is still talking about guys and dating. Although you and Mari have very different taste in men, you find her delightful. It is this kind of friendship that makes every situation fun just because you are together.

You feel a bit disappointed when you look around. The city is too quiet for a day like this! It is already noon, and it is not even crowded! You were hoping to witness something happening in the safety of the cinema. The cinema is on the top floor of a shopping mall, overlooking the intersection where the main street from the north meets the main road from the west.

The movie is complicated… your thoughts fly away, out of this dark room…you find it hard to focus. More important things are going on outside. But isn’t it like that all the time? You tell yourself:

Let’s focus on the movie! You are not here for any trouble.

After the movie you and Mari go to the food court. Here you even have a better view of the intersection. Mari goes to order her salad. She always orders salad or something low calorie. You don’t feel hungry. The excitement you had turned into anxiety. Not because you are getting afraid of getting stuck in the city center and something happening to you in the mayhem, but rather…. Why is everything so normal? So quiet? So mundane? A week ago, you felt like the city had reached a boiling point. People looked angry!

You take a deep breath and stretch your arms. Mariam says:

- Did you find the movie boring?

- Boring?! No!  Just not relatable. Like, all of them were just hanging around; no one had any clear resolve or purpose. When that girl was lost in the sea, they all just wanted to ensure people would not blame them. None of them cared about what actually happened to her.

- I liked the girl who had headphones on in the beginning, and she was leaning back in the car seat when everyone was going crazy. She didn’t want any problems with anyone!

- I found her so annoying! But maybe I am just annoyed today! I didn’t sleep well last night! I was overthinking what our journey to this cinema would be like. I thought we might get stuck in the city center because of protests or something…

Mariam laughs.

- Yeah, right! It’s today! I didn’t remember!

- Of course you didn’t, stupid head!

She laughs again and continues:

- But seriously! If we had gotten stuck in protests, either I would die, or my mom would kill me when she found out.

Now you laugh. Mari’s mom is a bit intense. One of the things you bonded over is how your moms were strict, and your dads were more chill. That is pretty unique among your peers.

Mari continues:

- By the way, I told my mom Sara is with us today.

- No! I told my mom they are out of town!

- Shit! I hope they don’t talk to each other.

You look at Mari like she's lost her mind.

- Our moms? I can’t imagine them having a conversation.

You both laugh and look out the window. Nothing is going on out there! Maybe Mari is right. It is what it is! You feel anxiety growing in your stomach again, but now for another reason. You tell Mari:

- But I think it’s a good idea to go home before they have a reason to call each other!

- Oh! I forgot to tell you. I am going to my aunt’s house; I think I can walk from here.

- Walk? It’s like half an hour or something!

- I know, I want to burn the popcorn calories I ate.

- Ok, now it makes sense you have sneakers on.

- And you with high heels? Be honest, do you have a date later?

- In my dreams! I just felt like dressing up.

Now you are just outside the shopping mall. You could part ways here: you head to the metro station, and Mari crosses the street to go to her aunt’s house. But you want to walk with her a bit, and you could take the metro from the next station. When you wait for the light to turn green, you notice that there are absolutely no cars coming or going on the main street. How is this possible? There is usually heavy traffic at this time of day. Then you notice a distant murmur coming from the north. Tens, maybe thousands of people are coming down the road; your heart starts racing. Suddenly you feel scared, not excited anymore. Mari looks fascinated by the scene. The crowd reaches you, swallows you. You and Mari don’t look like protesters. Most of them have their faces covered and wear dark, plain clothing. And here you are, in zebra-patterned high heels, a purse, and a white silk coat.

You approach one of the young men who looks like a leader of the crowd, you ask:

-          Where are you heading?

He looks you up and down with suspicion, and maybe he realizes there is no point in hiding the destination.

-          Ministry of Internal Affairs. Two more intersections, and we are there.

You feel a mixture of fear, excitement, and hope growing in you. You look at Mari; she still looks fascinated.

-          Mari! Let’s walk with them!

-          Really? You think we could?

She sounds uncertain; maybe she is scared.

-          It’s a public street; we walk with the crowd, and whenever we feel like it, we can just leave through one of the alleys. I know this neighborhood like the palm of my hand; I grew up here.

Mari pauses; the crowd is moving. One thing you can count on about Mari is that she likes adventure as much as you do. You join the crowd; you are positioned at the front, only a couple of rows ahead of you, making the upcoming street pretty clear. As you approach an intersection, a swarm of motorcycles drives in from both sides, blocking the way. From behind, you see hundreds of guards approaching, holding shields and batons.

You are scared, but you want to be a part of this. You look around to see what the plan is. No one moves; no one says anything. For a moment, it is so quiet that if you close your eyes, you think you are still in the cinema. Mari nudges you by your side:

-          Let’s move to the pavement; we are too much in the middle.

You start to move; people shout, trying to shame the guards into opening the road. In your peripheral vision, an object flies by; then smoke fills everything. Your eyes burn; you try to open them, but it is so painful.

-          Mari! I think this is tear gas!

-          I don’t know what the hell this is!

You manage to find a corner to stand in; you can barely see. There is a woman smoking a cigarette and blowing the smoke into people's faces. You grab Mari’s hand and approach the woman.

-          Is this for tear gas? Can we get some?

She smiles and says: Sure!

You grab the cigarette, and she lights it for you. Mari also got one. Your vision is getting better. People are not standing in rows anymore; they are spreading around. There is so much smoke and shouting. You see some people setting a trash can on fire. Mari doesn’t look fascinated anymore.

-          I want to go home!

You look around. You don’t want to leave YET!

-          OK! You go! But can I get your sneakers?

-          Sure!

You exchange shoes and Mari is about to leave through one of the alleys to the west.

-          Would you be ok? What if they close the metro station?

-          I will be fine! Worst-case scenario, I will go to my uncle’s house; it’s even closer than your aunt’s.

-          Ok, call me when you get home.

She hugs you and leaves. You finish your cigarette, go to the street, and join the crowd; they move slowly toward the guards. Suddenly, some people start running, and you fall behind; you hear a loud noise and a bang. Was it more tear gas? You hear screaming! You look to your right to see where it came from, but when you look forward, you see a guard running towards you. Your heart drops. You turn back and start running. Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn!

As you turn toward the alley to your left, someone on the pavement pushes a giant trash can on fire onto the road. It barely misses you, but it blocks the guards for a second and gives you a chance to get some distance. There is a door open in the alley; a man is standing at the door shouting, “GET IN!”

You have no choice! You go inside and you see others are also coming in. It is a small yard, surrounded by walls, and about 15 people are standing around. You are panting, as do others. One man is sitting on the ground, grabbing his head. Blood! There is blood dripping!

You feel dizzy, overwhelmed! You shouldn’t hyperventilate. Focus! Breathe in, breathe out!

The man who opened the door for you is standing behind the closed door, looking through the post gap. He whispers: They are coming!

A man asks, "Would they storm in?"

No one answers for a moment. The man at the door says, "They are still busy with those on the street. I can’t open the door; they are too close. I think when you got in, the guard chased the ones who continued running.”

You feel a sense of relief, as you turn around, you hear the man at the door suddenly whisper: “Get back! Get back to the parking lot!”

He rushes back himself, running down the ramp to the parking lot. Others follow him. You hesitate for a moment. Suddenly, you become extremely aware that there are no other women in this yard. Before you continue your thought, you see an object flying towards you. By reflex, you take a step back. It lands just next to your feet. There is more coming, you run to the parking lot.

-          They are throwing bricks! They… They are throwing…BRICKS! What if it landed on my head?

The man with the head injury looks at you, worried

-          They will shoot you in the head! Don’t be surprised a bout bricks.

You start blushing; how naïve you must have sounded to these men.

-          I… I know but…

-          But you didn’t think they would dare to attack Your Royal Highness?

Now your cheeks feel very hot. You sit on the ground, hugging your knees. You start thinking about your mom. You take your phone out of your purse, no messages, and of course no connection. People around you are talking about the situation. They are discussing what to do next. Some want to continue; some just want to get out of here. You feel like you have had enough. You want to go home.

The air feels heavy. The front yard sounds quiet; you start going up the parking ramp, assessing the surroundings. The moment you reach the outside, your phone starts ringing.

-          Dad!

-          Hello my dear, where are you?

-          Mmm… I am stuck in the city center.

You start tearing up.

-          I know you might be around the central cinema. I tried to call you many times, and it just went through. I am in the neighborhood. Can you come to the intersection of the third west street, in front of the big billboard? It’s the one you used to call smoked sausages when you were a kid.

That makes you chuckle.

-          Yes, I remember, the one with lots of missiles. I think I can make it.

-          See you there, dear. Be careful!

You hesitate for a moment. Is it safe to go out? Some of the people in the parking lot are on the same path as you. One of them opens the door, looking right and left. He starts going out. You take this moment and follow him.

The street reeks of smoke and unfamiliar smells that you don’t want to think about. You straighten your clothes and shake off the dust. You should not look like you have been running.

At the intersection, you see police vans packed with people. Your heart drops; you don’t want to be one of them. People on the pavements look like they are going about their normal day. Let’s be one of those. Just one turn and you reach the meeting place with Dad.

Someone blocks your way.

-          Ma'am! Stop. Show me your bag.

-          Sure.

You are lucky that you only have makeup and some snacks.

-          Where are you heading, ma'am?

You have been trained in these situations, all the times you and Mari were trying to ditch your parents or teacher to hang out together. Look innocent, sound uncertain, and believe your story before saying it out loud.

-          I was going to visit my uncle; they live right around the corner. He has been released from the hospital, and I need to see him. I also need to buy something sweet or flowers! But look at this mess! I am scared! These idiots… disturbing the peace for no reason!

The officer looks disinterested in you; he is looking at others approaching.  You feel like if you push a bit more, he will let you go. He seems young, maybe doing his mandatory military training; maybe he is stuck here as you are.

-          My dad is picking me up; can I stay with you until he arrives? Can you call him?

He must be thinking, what a headache!

-          Ma’am! You can’t stay here; please carry on!

-          But I am scared to go alone!

-          I am on duty; I can’t help you, ma’am!

You notice someone waving in your peripheral vision! It’s your dad, across the street! Without saying anything, you run to him and hug him.

As you leave with your dad, you look back; the officer is busy searching the bags of other pedestrians. You wish you could take the people in the van with you, make a distraction, anything… But you follow your dad to the car, tears washing your face.

You are getting away from the city center, away from the smoke, away from the blood and tears. He turns onto the highway, the one with beautiful gardens in the middle. You open the window to get some air; the summer breeze touches your face, so elegant, so soft, with the smell of berries, apricots, and cherries.

As if with this turn to the highway, you left behind the smoke and fire, but you feel you have left a part of yourself there as well.