The Man, The House, and The Gnome

Once upon a time there lived a man who inherited his ancestral house. The house was a Victorian style, with enough bedrooms and living space for comfort, but not so spacious as to feel empty when there were no guests. The person, named Adam, loved everything about the house. He loved the rooms, and the back yard spaces, he loved the kitchen and living space, he especially loved that the house’s age gave his parties a kind of extravagant flare more modern homes lacked.

What he didn’t like, was that the house came with a gnome. Not a lifeless, stone gnome either THAT he could have handled, but it was an actual gnome. A hairy, moody, gnome that cared for the house and spoiled Adam’s fun continuously.

The gnome, called Alf, had been with the house since the beginning, and Alf’s sole purpose and desire was to keep the house and the history in good repair. Alf was particularly cautious against fires, and Alf ensured that the house had clear markings for fire exits, fire extinguishers in every room, and small pamphlets showing good ways to keep a fire-free home.

Adam did not enjoy Alf’s help around the house or his safety measures. Adam felt that the signs Alf posted interfered with the aesthetics of the house; the pamphlets distracted from the coffee-table humor books; and the so called ‘safety measures’ made Adam’s house-parties feel juvenille at best.

At every party Alf would putter about the house and move candles from ideal spots, or extinguish them altogether; he’d place pamphlets on the coffee table; and, worst of all, a foot-tall gnome stomping around the party grumbling about the state of the house was terrible for the ambience.

In order to placate Alf, Adam purchased electronic candles, and told Alf at every opportunity “See, Alf, we’re fine- we don’t need you here to make things gloomy.”

And Little by little Adam removed Alf’s measures, and little by little Adam moved the fire extinguishers and safety pamphlets to a corner of the basement where they wouldn’t interfere with the beauty and happiness of a good full house.

At first Alf resisted, and replaced every fire extinguisher and pamphlet with warnings to Adam that ignoring the measures would surely cause a terrible fire, but with every party and with every warning Adam simply told Alf “We don’t need you here, go down to your corner.”

And at last, Alf did. Alex threw all the pamphlets and fire extinguishers into the basement, and when Alf went to retrieve them, Adam locked the basement door behind him and painted a symbol to keep him there. A crude magic by any standard, but Alf felt bound nonetheless.

So Alf waited in the basement, tended the foundation, and listened to the happy noises of party after party. Meanwhile, the house groaned with lack of care and complained to Alf. Alf simply waited, comforting the house as best he could and dreading the day that a fire started.

And one evening, the fire did start. Alf could hear it from the house, which cried terribly. Alf rushed to the basement door, but he only heard the sounds of the party. He knocked on the door, but no one could hear him knocking and no one could listen to the hurting house.

“I hear you,” came Adam’s voice through the door, “be quiet- you’ll disturb the party.”

“There’s a fire.” Said Alf, “let me in so I can extinguish it.”

“I don’t smell any smoke, and I’ll extinguish it. We don’t need you. I won’t let you out; go back to your corner.”

“I’ll wait right here,” said Alf, “Just unbind me; let me in so I can repair things- the house is crying, can’t you hear it?”

“The house is wood and wires, it has no feelings.” And Adam left.

Meanwhile, the house’s cries intensified and Alf listened, trying to console his friend,

“Where is it? Where?”

“Oh, my rooms. It’s the upper rooms. They fell asleep, the drunkards! And smoking in the beds and spilled bottle of liquor. Ohh, it stings!”

Alf knocked on the door again, but louder

“Adam! Adam! Let me in!”

And there was a kick on the door, and the music gained volume.

Alf leaned on the door, knowing the fire was gaining hold of the upper rooms while the party goers celebrated unaware.

At last, there came a faint call

“Fire!” barely audible over the music, there was a shuffling and running, the music stopped and Alf could hear the steps charging up the stairs. He shook his head,

“It’s too big Adam, come get me I can still put it out.”

“Blankets! Use water!” came a cry

“Adam, don’t you have a fire extinguisher?”

“In the basement!”

“Call the fire department!”

More running steps and the door burst open. Alf charged out and up the stairs before Adam had a chance to ask, Alf ignored the fires and went straight for the guests.

“They’re out,” cried the house, “the guests are out! The flames… cannot be.”

Safely outside, Adam, Alf, and the guests gazed at the burning house, and Alf wept bitterly.

Adam turned to Alf angrily, “Why didn’t you put out the fire?! Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

“Adam… Adam… Adam, didn’t I warn you from the beginning that everything I did was to prevent this moment? Adam, you locked me out, so what choice did I have but to let you do what was right in your own eyes? Even in my basement I waited for you to call me back in so I could repair the house and help you, but you told me time and again that you didn’t need me, you even bound me to basement, and now, even when I warned you that a fire was burning, now you want to blame me when you let me in too late? No, Adam, you brought this upon yourself.”