The letter

Grim read the letter to his two friends, Pim and Charlie. The trio were stunned, sitting in silence after hearing the words Grim achingly ripped out of his broken heart.

They were all hanging out at Pim’s apartment on a Wednesday evening.

It had been a week and a half since Charlie had drunkenly kissed Pim. Things between them had gotten decidedly better but they still felt like the unspoken feelings behind that night were still being lost to their everyday busy lives.

Pim had asked Grim explicit permission to take things further with Gnarly.

(On that Monday, two days before)

”May I help Gnarly get a new home? Help him apply for an apartment?” Pim asked.

Grim sighed. “It’s up to you,” Grim looked nervous then said softly, “Not too far away, mate. And is he homeless, like now?”

Pim smiled sadly, touching Grim’s arm. “He’s at this motel. Cheap. But he’s looking for work. I was gonna have my friend Duncan help him get this desk job at his office. Is that ok?”

Grim frowned. “Look, mate, I won’t stop you from helping Gnarly out with this stuff. That’s … well, his business. I respect that. But he’s… is he working there now, or?”

Pim shook his head. “No. No. But I wanted your opinion. Do you think that would be good for him?”

Grim shrugged. “Better than retail.”

Pim grinned. “And, uh, please be honest. Are you okay with me hanging out with him from time to time? As friends of course.”

Grim shrugged, looking away. “Whatever mate. Just don’t talk about him around me. Don’t talk about my business to him. That’s all.”

Pim squeaked and hugged Grim. Grim begrudgingly allowed it. Charlie sighed, watching Pim excitedly pull out his phone to look at apartments, texting Duncan to set up an interview at his office for Gnarly.

”And dude, I talked to Gnarly a bit too. He’s not too bad. Though I get why you’re upset. He speaks French, I had no idea… and he’s a lot smarter than I thought…” Charlie said and Grim pretended to throw up, making gagging noises.

”Look, if you two wanna help him out or whatever that’s up to you. Be friends. Don’t be friends. It’s whatever. Just keep my shit private. And don’t talk about him around me. That’s all I care about,” Grim said.

“We won’t betray your confidence,” Charlie said. Pim nodded.

”Never. Well, speaking on my behalf. I won’t ever do that again,” Pim said.

Grim smiled. “Cool.”

Grim had been crying off and on since Gnarly had sent that voice message of him singing La Vie En Rose, which really struck a nerve and a chord simultaneously inside of him.

His anger of course, overpowered the grief. 

Charlie had helped him through the anger, through a very impassioned speech, defending Pim’s honor. This all came to a head as Charlie helped him write said letter.

Now here Grim was, finally coming to terms with his sorrow. His grief. His loss. And now, his true feelings about Gnarly.

The letter burst an emotional bubble that was between Pim and Charlie. Grim was standing there, watching it unfold.

The letter read:

”Gnarly, I don’t want to address this letter to you because I’m so fucking angry. I wish I hadn’t met you. I wish you hadn’t made me laugh in grade school. I wish you hadn’t done that thing that made me feel so safe, like when you held me in your arms, cradling me and kissing the back of my neck. I hate that you did these things. I hate that you made me feel alive all the times I wanted to die. I wish you hadn’t sang that stupid French song in my ear and made love to me so tenderly like it was the last day we all had left on earth. I hate how I feel. I hate how you feel. I wish I could bash your head in. You left me. You fucking abandoned me. I wanted to die every single second. I wanted to drown. I drowned anyway. I know why you never called me your boyfriend. Because I didn’t let you. I didn’t let call me that because I was afraid of making it real. Real outside our private world. I was afraid. I was a coward. And I blamed you for it. But I know now I was never mad at you. I was mad at me. I fucking can’t stand being without you. I am more in love with you now than ever which is an insult because I’ve been so deeply in love with you since the first time you saw me, and I saw you. Your stupid laugh. Your stupid scowl. Your annoying eyes. Your growling voice. Your slumped shoulders. Your mocking voice. I know what hides behind your mocking voice. It’s because I did the same thing, only I took it out on you because you trusted me. And I took you for granted. I never want to do that again. I love you. I love you. You’re … you’re my love. My love. Gnarly, you’re my love. I want everyone to know that. I didn’t want to address this letter to you, because I was angry that I was trying to slowly erase our love. To make the most meaningful thing to me into something else. To hide. I cannot hide. Not anymore. You’re MY love. I won’t let you feel invisible. Never again, My love, Gnarly. Love, Grim.”

Charlie was trembling from the raw emotion and honesty of the letter. Pim noticed. He took Charlie’s hand. Charlie audibly gasped. It was been weeks since they had held hands together.

Pim teared up. Tears ran from his eyes.

Grim frowned. “You okay, Pim?”

Pim nodded. “Beautiful. So beautiful.”

Grim blushed. “It kinda sucks. But thanks, Pim.”

Charlie was still silent, hyper aware of Pim holding his hand.

“Is it good enough, Charlie? Mate? You’re awful quiet,” Grim said, looking concerned.

Charlie gulped, then nodded. Grim realized Charlie was mute temporarily and nodded back.

Pim squeezed Charlie’s hand. Charlie looked tense.

Suddenly, it seemed to be an explosion all at once. 
Charlie covered his face. He sighed. He sighed again. It seemed like he was trying hard to keep something inside.

Then he turned away from his friends, sobbing so loudly Pim got up to comfort him. Grim looked at Pim, shaking his head.

Charlie was crying so hard he couldn’t breathe. 
Pim stood there, helpless and crying softly himself. He never heard Charlie so deeply distressed. He never saw this side of Charlie ever.

”Pim..” Charlie finally spoke as he sobbed. “Pim… please, Pim….” 

Pim made a loud, “Oh!” sound and rushed over to Charlie, running so fast he almost landed on his larger friend, wrapping his arms around Charlie’s torso.

Grim frowned, leaving the two to be together in private. He went to the kitchen area away from the bedroom, trying not to invade their moment.

“Come here, Pim, please,” Charlie cried, holding Pim close. They landed on Pim’s bed, holding each other. Charlie stopped crying after a while. Then there was silence. 
They held each other so tightly, so peacefully. The silence of such an intimate moment became like a new kind of music as they heard each other’s rapid breathing slow into a normal rhythm.

Pim whispered after a long time, “I’m here, Charlie. I’m here.”

—-——-

Here’s the full story if you’re interested:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/88596476/chapters/235049751