The legend of the Punk Rock Sage Vol 1

My alarm clock screeched through the morning as I woke up and slapped it off my nightstand.

“Fuck man, I just want to go back to sleep,” I mumbled as I began to roll out of bed and stumble into the kitchen. The party that took place at my house last night was wild. There were still a few individuals lingering around in various areas of the house and likely battling the hangover blues from the previous night. I reached into the freezer to grab a bag of coffee, so I could make myself a nice cup of joe before I absolutely shredded on my guitar. Attempting to awaken the poor lost souls from the deathly clutches of my living room sofa, the hallway makeshift rug blanket, and of course, the infamous bathtub curtain sleeper. “Fear not lost souls, for I shall wake thee!” My battle cry fell upon deaf ears as it echoed through the kitchen into the rest of my home. How are they not waking up? I wondered as I poured myself a hot cup of happiness freshly brewed from my wall mart coffee pot. Naturally, I added a shot of Jamison and baileys Irish cream to my lovely brew to ward off any shakes that may try and ruin my concentration whenever I decide to take up arms and hoist my guitar against these sleeping giants. As I lifted the coffee cup to my lips, the aroma filled me with life and only strengthened and rejuvenated my soul as I continued to sip on it and nurture myself back to health. My eyes grew more expansive, and my will to play grew stronger with every sip. Finally, I stood up and walked into the living room, ready to face my foes.

I grabbed the neck of my S.E. Custom, dawned the sling, and let it hang across my chest as I investigated the imaginary crowd that formed around me and hoisted a double rock and roll salute into the air with my hands. Once more, I uttered words of encouragement to the leftover strangers who were fallen casualties from yesterday’s festivities. “Rise my children, In the name of Rock!” Right on cue, I began riffing various heavy metal power chords that I knew would begin to penetrate the slumber of these fallen angels. I began to see movement stirring as I played. The longer I made my siege on the eardrums of the sleepy fallen. The more the battle looked as though it was in our favor. The weary souls were beginning to form an alliance to battle alongside me. They gathered around me, wincing as my guitar strings cracked legendary riffs almost too powerful for their poor mortal ears. “Over the sound of music, I heard one of them mention to the others that he was going to take a Lyft to get breakfast. The others then nodded in compliance, formed a line, and began stumbling down the stairs and out of my front door. I continued to play and watched them through the window as the Lyft driver came by to carry them off to their next journey. “Farewell, my children I whispered as I began to play much softer melodies on my guitar strings.” After expending most of my energy helping those poor souls back to life. I decided that I, too, must rest. I gently placed my guitar back onto my guitar stand. I tiptoed back into my bedroom and fell onto my bed, wrapping myself in my comforter. I let out a long sigh and smiled as I turned on my T.V. and started scrolling through Netflix. Just when I thought I was beginning to settle on a show and get ready to rest, I heard the front door burst open, and a loud yell came from the bottom of the stairs. “Ey yo Jimmy!!” My roommate's voice called out to me as she began running up the stairs and burst into my room. “Can you believe this shit!” She handed me a paper, and my eyes filled with terror as they glanced across the page with bold red letters reading eviction notice. I sat there for a moment, thinking of something comforting to say to her. The only words that crossed my mind were. “This does not rock.”