The Galaxies in Her Eyes

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.

The numbing silence as your body is torn into a billion tiny pieces, reuniting with the constellations, your rightful place in the universe.

Space. Time. Do either even truly exist? Or are they just words to make life easier.

Every second of my ascension into the celestial being I will become, that I was created to be, the pain of my nerves dissolving, and the new-found peace I feel with every passing second. This is what I was made for. I reunite with family I didn’t know existed, stars, moons, atoms, light, matter. My voice is no longer audible as I cry out in pain. These cries are now reflected in the endless sea of stars I watch materialize with the multitude of tears that falls from my face.

It is a welcoming feeling, finding your place in the world, in the universe, in everything that we know is life. I welcome it, but I don’t accept it. I don’t accept my fate.

Because of him.

………

All I can hear is the crash of the waves against the boat. The rocking would make any regular person sick to their stomach, but not me. No, I have never been anything like regular people. The gentle hum of the motor kicking on, I know it is time to head back to shore, but I can’t help but hate the feeling of returning to reality.

“It’s just about that time, sweetheart.” This man has been the only father figure I have ever known. I was told my parents were exploring the world, helping people, doing good things. The captain and his wife were the only family I had. I had never really put any thought into the fact that I didn’t know their real names. He was always Captain and she was always ma’am.

I heard the other kids saying mom and dad, but I felt special having a Captain and a ma’am.

“I can see the storm coming, Cap.” Large gray clouds littered the sky, we had maybe thirty minutes before the rain and thunder started.

I could see the coast, we weren’t far from docking, but I watched the shore grow as we got closer, yet further from the only place I ever felt peace.

“She won’t be happy… probably making dinner now.” She. The whole ma’am thing. I never gave it another thought, not realizing that what we were, wasn’t normal. But Cap was right, ma’am wouldn’t be happy. Dinner was on the table by 6pm every night, and we were closing in on that mark. Crap.

I never wanted to disappoint my keepers. I was a good kid, but I was different. I looked different, acted different. The other kids, even the adults, could never understand me. One look at me and you would know I was different. Fair skin, eyes that changed from blue to green, brown curly hair that didn’t fit my personality, and freckles. Everywhere.

Cap was short, way shorter than me, with a beer belly and calves that would make you walk in the other direction. Always wearing a navy polo and his sailor’s hat. At almost sixty he still didn’t have a single gray. Ma’am on the other hand, was lanky with curly hair, dark eyes and clumsy in all ways when Cap I swear could walk on water if he wanted to.

We pull into the harbor and make quick work of docking The Abbey. The storm is only minutes away, but we are lucky and make it back to the car right when the rain starts to fall. The drive home is fast thankfully. I know ma’am will be worrying about us driving in the rain. Cap pulls the old beat-up truck into the driveway, and we are welcomed by ma’am standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip and shaking her head at us.

“Dinner is getting cold.” It is only a semi-reprimand. I can see the smirk lingering on ma’am’s face. “You guys catch anything good today?”

“No ma’am we did not.” Cap winks at her and blows her a kiss before we all go back inside.

Dinner is different today; ma’am has made my favorites, roasted chicken, creamy mac, and fresh rolls. She only makes this once a year, especially for me, and it hits me immediately, today is my birthday. We never celebrated birthdays, but we did celebrate our little family in our own ways, on just a random Tuesday. Now I feel really bad for being late. We eat mostly in silence, which is normal for us but somehow today feels different. I notice Cap and ma’am exchanging glances more than usual, ma’am almost looks sad almost, but she hides it well. I am wondering if she really is upset that we were late getting back.

I finish my meal and thank ma’am for cooking before I start clearing the table and get to work on cleaning up the dishes. Cap and ma’am go out back and I watch them from the kitchen window as they stargaze. The rest of the evening I spend the rest of my night listening to music while I start a new painting.

Ma’am is always finding people that want to buy my paintings and I have always wondered who they were. I only really paint one thing. Galaxies. Every one is new a beautiful, and they almost seem real, I see them when I sleep. New galaxies that have never existed except in my head.

I pop out my earbuds to take a quick snack break and head downstairs. But before I can reach the top of the staircase, I can hear Cap and ma’am whispering down in the living room. I know I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but Cap says something that grabs my attention.

“Abbey, we have to tell her.”

I am hit with a wave of shock I have never experienced before. Abbey? Did I hear that right?

“I know you are right, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, she was only supposed to be here for a year or two, then so much time had passed before we realized her case fell through the cracks.” Ma’am voice doesn’t sound like her own right now. Abbey. Is ma’am, Abbey?

“She is getting older, heck she just is about 20 years old now, maybe even 21.” Cap’s words are more difficult to understand through the gruff tone of his whispers. How do they not know how old I am?

I start to tune out the rest of their conversation, my ears are ringing and I start seeing stars. I feel heat rising on the back of my leg, and when I look down, I see a fresh set of freckles. I have no control over what happens next. My feet are moving on their own, bringing me downstairs and into the living room. My ears are still ringing, but I know Cap and ma’am are talking to me, I can see their mouths moving but what they are saying doesn’t come through. Cap leads me over to the couch and I feel like it swallows me whole as I sink into the cushions.

After what feels like forever, I find my voice. “Who is Abbey?”

Ma’am’s eyes start to water. Cap just lowers his eyes to the ground before he responds, “You mean The Abbey, the boat of course.”

He was always a bad liar, and I need answers. “Ma’am, are you Abbey?” Her face says it all. “Who are you, and who am I, and what is it that you have to tell me?”