The FOURTH DIMENSION

It started like any other day. The alarm went off. light trickled through the window leaving little specks flying through the air. The visible material in the atmosphere kept my mind pondering the idea of the existence of something after this life. I learned in elementary science that Atoms never die. We are made of tons of this material.

As of last week when I got a phone call from the Doctor questions like that have filled my mind. "Danielle, I am sorry to tell you but you have a tumor on your spine. There is no operation that can help. We can do Chemotherapy, but the chance of living a full life is very small".

I was numb. How could I leave my family? What would happen to them? My little girls. I have a 5-year-old girl and a 2-year-old girl that need me.

This was a nightmare coming true. My work as an Astronomy teacher at the local college could do without me, but I would miss my students. Do I have to tell them, tell my best friend, my husband who has been with me for 15 years of my life? He is my other half. How will he live and take care of our two children? I am sure my family will chip in and help, but in the long run, he will remarry. I could not handle that. My husband with another wife and children having another mother. My heart is breaking just thinking about it.

I put my clothes on and walk down the hall to wake up my little Ana who is in kindergarten. She has grown so much. How do you tell your child that you are not going to exist anymore? I do not want them to think I left them.

My two-year-old Elsa was up jumping around her blond hair shimmering as she would jump. She smiled as I walked in. "Mommy", she called. "I want pancakes for breakfast. Put in the Chocolate chips. Pleases!".

I can not say no to those eyes. The beautiful brown eyes sparkle in the sun with joy. She has her father's eyes and the long dark lashes that everyone envies.

Right then Ana walked into the room, She was beautiful. Her hair was long and brown. Her eyes are blue like mine. She has her father's cute little nose that is perfect for her beautiful face. We did well when we made these girls.

Will I ever see them again? I also need to talk with my husband and make a plan. First I have to tell him. I haven't told anyone. I guess I think if I tell someone about it it becomes more real. I don't want it to be real. I need to say something before I go into chemotherapy. My beautiful blonde long hair is going to fall out.

All this going on in my mind as I get my daughter ready for school. "You have everything pumpkin?" I ask. "Don't forget your lunch. I put in something special for you". The last part I said with a wink.

Pretending the pain was not real is so hard and taking a lot of energy out of me I grab an Ice with caffeine to keep me going.

I get Ana to school and then take Elsa to the preschool. I am glad it is right next to the school. Drop off is easy.

After I drop them off I head to the doctor. We have to make a plan to keep me alive.

"Hello Danielle, how are you feeling today?" Said the receptionist as she typed in my information for check-in.

"I am doing as good as I can be", I said as honestly as possible. "Nervous".

Smiling she said, "go have a seat and we will call you through door A".

I went and sat down. Everyone in the room was looking down, Some looking at their phones, and some reading the magazines that are left in the office. I looked over at the wall. There were pamphlets filled with information on different cancers and treatments.

Soon the nurse came out and called my name. "Danielle"

I got up and started to walk behind her. It is funny how we always walk behind the people that call us, like a duck following the leader. She takes me into a white room with blue folding chairs and a table chair, which is the exam chair. There is a counter with a computer that pulls out for the Doctor and nurse to see the records.

"How have you been feeling?", she asked.

"I have had a lot of headaches", I said. "The pain seems to follow my spine."

She jotted it all down on the computer. "On a scale from one to ten, how is the pain?"

"Well it somedays goes to a ten, but I am been trying to just deal with it". I said as positively as I could.

She looked at me with pity," I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I wish there was a cure. That is why we have people here searching for something better than chemotherapy."

"Do you know of a better therapy?", I asked.

Right then the Doctor came into the room. "Hello Danielle, I see that you have had some pain. Does it make it hard to do your daily activities?"

"It has been hard, but I have dealt with it", I said.

"You still have not told your husband and kids?", He asked.

"No, I am not sure how to tell them", I said. "I am scared, but I don't want my husband to leave if it's too hard".

"Well, you have to tell him soon", The doctor said with sorrow. "The test came back. You have about a month or two left to live".

I am not sure what happened next. I passed out from the words. My brain could not handle the information, and the pain in my head decided to radiate at that moment. The next thing I was in a hospital bed. My husband was there with my two little girls. The girls were sitting on the little couch in the room. They were crying. My husband was holding my hand crying, praying, I am not sure. My eyes fluttered open. "What happened. Where are we?",

"We are in the hospital. Your doctor explained everything. Why did you not tell me?"Enoch said as he stretched from being in the same position for a while.

The girls ran over from where they were tears running down their faces. "It's going to be ok", I said. I will always be with you. Even if I do not have my body".

"How will we know you are there", asked Ana. "I am scared to lose you, mommy".

"I will tell you a secret. Atoms never dye. If you look up to the heavens you will see the little specks. They are atoms of things that are from the earth. I will be one of them. I will always be with you." I held her close then grabbed Elsa and held her".

We were never religious. My husband was brought up Christian, and I did not have a church. I believe in science. The knowledge of Atoms and that we are made of them. They store memory and they never die. So, my body will decay, but the atoms will live on, and the memories that I have made will live on as well as me.

Just then the doctor walked in. "Hello, Enoch. I am glad you are here. The test that we conducted last night confirmed. The tumor is taking over and going down her spinal cord. She does not have much time left".

"How could this be", said Enoch. "It was just yesterday that she was cooking diner, cleaning up. I feel so bad. I did not know how much pain she was in".

Enoch looked over at Danielle. She did not want to make him feel bad. "It's ok", I did not know what else to say.

"No, it's not. I should have seen a change in you", Enoch walked over to talk with the doctor.

I tried to listen in, but they were so quiet and the pain in my head pounded.

All of a sudden my eyes went black. I couldn't see. "Doctor!", I yelled, "I can't see".

It is coming close. Today might be her last day. I can't tell you when it will happen. It just will.

With that, my mind had a shot of pain. The pain went down like lightning down my torso from my legs to my feet.

The monitors started beeping and I could see myself. The pain left. I watched as the doctors tried to bring me back. The electricity went through my body, but I felt nothing. I was above it. I saw my girls crying as they were shuttled out of the room along with my husband. He was in shock. He tried to get back in and hold me one more time.

The next thing I saw was my funeral. My whole family, friends, students, everyone I knew was there. They all said nice things about me. I wanted to tell them I was with them.

There is someone with me here. Family members that have died in the past. They are helping me through this other dimention. They tell me that they have been watching over us. My grandparents who I have never met. I feel so much love from them. There is another man who introduced himself. He shows me his hands and feet. It is the man Jesus Christ. I never believed. I feel ashamed, but he takes me in his arms. I feel nothing but love from him.

My little girls are crying. They can not understand what is going on. Where did their mommy go? Their father doesn't know what to say. I try to talk with them. They can not hear me. I then try to get the family dog to comfort them. Animals can see us on the other side. I didn't know this before. So much information floods my mind. My brain is open to so many things. I know everything. The light is different here. There is no darkness. some people have darkness, but it exists because of the things they did in life.

I look at my body and I am made of light like every other person here. Everything is the same in this dimension, but we have no physical bodies.

I then learn my second lesson we can travel in time. We can see the future. and the past. The only thing is we can not change it.

I try to touch my daughters. They react to the invisible. My two-year-old can see me. I think she is special. She speaks to me when no one is around. I speak back to her, but she doesn't fully understand. When she tells Ana and Enoch she sees me, they do not understand. They think I am her imaginary mom.

I look ahead to the future and I see another woman who has taken my place as their mom. It hurts my heart, but I am consoled by the light of my family here. They tell me I will always be able to be with them. I see that in the vision of the future. Someday my daughters will be with me.

Years have passed. I am learning to be in the world of light, The dimension that lives next to the life I once had. One thing I did not expect was the sadness of my daughter Elsa. She lost the ability to see and speak with me.

She has become so sad in her teen youth that she has died by her own hands. I am waiting for her. I will be able to comfort her and help her through this dimension. She will have to get the forgiveness of her father and sister, but I will be with her so she can learn and grow in the light as I have.

She tells me of the woman that took my spot, I told her I know all things that occurred and it is ok. I will always be your mom, like now.

We will go on in light waiting for our whole family to be together.