The Flame of a Phoenix

Ch. 1

Every Wednesday and Friday night since she's moved to this town I've watched the florescent lights on the stage dance across her skin every time the wind blew. She spoke paintings into your mind with her words. Silhouettes of her pain would dance across the wooden wall behind her, mimicking her every sentence. She'll be going on stage soon, I thought to myself as I approached my reserved seat, throwing my backpack underneath it.

"Hey Meadow, want your original?" Serenity; the red curly haired, freckled faced girl from my Archaeology class asked as she rounded the wall my table sat behind. "Please, you can bring the bottle tonight love. It's been a long day." She nodded her head and smiled as she walked away. As the seats filled up on the outside patio in front of the platform, it started to become silent as the lights had begun too dim. She stood from her chair in the front and made her way up and onto the stage. "Good evening everyone, thank you all for coming out tonight and participating." She said with a smile as she adjusted the mic to her height. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in, everyone waited.

"If only I let the lenses of my camera focus in on your face before I took that picture. Maybe then, I would've seen the truth hidden beneath the lies you've fed me for years. I should've paid attention to the signs that God gave me. Showing me, that you were no good for me. How stupidly I'd ask him over and over again thinking maybe he misheard me the time before, in hopes that he'd tell me that you were in fact perfect and I could stop worrying.

I should've listened when you said that I deserved better, instead of believing that you were in fact the better half of me. I cut myself short believing that I was no good. That I was the one with the problem, that it was me causing us to fall out... but it was you. It was you that made waking up feel regrettable. It was you that had me choked up in the shower, crying over what was and how things are today... I should've let the lenses of my camera focus more before I took that picture, because in my eyes you were rain.

In my eyes, you were the rain I begged God for. I pleaded for you on both knees, with tears running down my face. You were the rain sent to put out the fires surrounding my life that were causing so much fucking destruction. You stopped my world from crumbling... at least, that's what I thought I saw through my broken lenses... but see, you had to have been carrying gasoline; because you've managed to incinerate everything that's ever meant something to me instantly... — she paused from reciting her poem as tears ran down her cheeks. — Perhaps I should've appreciated the fire over a sudden shower of rain. Maybe then, my world would've burned a little slower.”

The crowd was silent for a moment, distant sounds of runny noses cutting through the silence as her words left the room speechless. She backed away from the mic and the room started cheering as she wiped her eyes, thanking everyone with her broken voice for listening. Serenity came back to the table with the bottle of Moscato in her hand and a glass, "don't think I forgot. You're going up there tonight so here's a shot of liquid courage." she said as she handed me a shot of brown liquor.

Throwing the shot back, I watched as Mya walked off the stage and back to her table. I saw the next reader making their way to the stage and quickly made my way to get in front of them. "Good evening everyone, I apologize to who ever’s turn I took but a friend of mine keeps pushing for me to come up here and well, since I have a lot to say... fuck it." I said as I shrugged my shoulders. As everyone laughed, I looked at her and smiled. "So, I wanna tell you guys a little story and I'm gonna do it the best that I can so, forgive me if my mind freezes from time to time. I have to make sure I get all of it right." I said while pulling up a stool to sit while I spoke.

"She was enchanting. A perfectly written poem that I prayed to know the words to, so I could tell her in silence how beautiful she was. That her laugh reminded me of the most elegant and prestigious symphonies ever played by an orchestra.

That her voice took me places I thought only the sound of the ocean could help me escape to. So I could be the one to point out the color of her eyes. Mesmerizing to say the least, the perfect shades of gold and brown. As if while being created by God, he chose to take paradise and hide it within them.

Preserving it behind her eyelids, concealed behind the perfect shield so those unworthy of her heart could never see the truth hidden behind the shadows her eyelids would cast over them.

So that... they'd never feel the warmth her smile bestowed upon souls while watching the corners of her lips curl up to create the most captivating image... and as I realized her beauty, she so effortlessly and unknowingly took my heart to places it swore to stay away from. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, she won a battle she had no idea she was even a part of... thank you.”

I look into her eyes before getting off of the stage and noticed her smile. The rest of the bar clapped and whistled, and as I walked back to my table I smirked back at her. "Wow, I knew you could write but I didn't know you could write like that." Serenity said as she waited for me at my table. Sitting across from her, I pulled the cash out of my pocket to pay for the wine and shot she gave me. "I didn't have to write that one. You can keep the change, see you in class tomorrow." I said while grabbing my backpack from under the table.

Stepping outside the bar, I exhaled allowing all of my nerves to relax. If there was one thing I've always admired about New Jersey it was the weather. The fresh air, the color change of the tree's between seasons, and of course the mountains. So many places for your mind to escape to, so many places to hide. "You know it’s not going to work out the way you want it to right?" and just like that, a place like this became a little less enjoyable. It was the sound of his voice that irritated me the most, the confirmation of his existence.

Ch. 2

"Meadow, I—" I cut his sentence short. "You know Andrew, I'm confused about your confusion. Do you not understand what leave me alone means? Or do you just prefer to be a bother?" I asked sarcastically.

Putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket I turned away to walk towards my car. Taking longer strides to catch up to me, he reaches his hand out and grabs my arm to turn me around. ​ "Meadow, when are you gonna stop hating me? I said I was sorry. I can't change what happened, when are you just gonna get over it!" My heart sank and my chest caught fire. "I have to admit, I'm not one to become speechless often but you manage to get me there every time you decide to talk." I snapped as I pulled away from him. ​

Shaking my head in disgust I continued to walk towards my car when I heard his steps getting closer, that feeling in my chest started to grow a little more. My breathing became faster, oxygen felt like it had no space in my lungs. "Andrew, leave me alone." Pressing the button too remote start my car, he ran up to be beside me. "Come on, you know I didn't mean it like--" "Andrew. I believe she told you to leave her alone. I suggest you do just that." ​Walking out from the shadows between the two buildings I parked in front of was Jordan.

Wearing his all black trench coat stretched across his broad shoulders and black leather gloves covering his hands, he looked like he was lurking in the dark waiting to kill someone. Rolling my eyes, I stood between them both. Staring into Jordans eyes, he walked towards me hinting that I should keep my eyes forward and to not turn around. ​Andrew stopped at the passenger door of my car, "Sorry Mr. Reign. I just wanted to talk to her." I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck, wanting me to turn around and give him one last goodbye. Jordan nodded his head but said nothing as he removed his gloves from his hands, and watched as Andrew got into his car and drove off. ​

"You know, I don't know which is worse, seeing him or you clearly following me and then walking out of the dark like some sort of serial killer." Jordan backed away from me with a smile, "You're welcome, -he put his hand beneath my chin and lifts my head towards him- I see we have more training to do." He stepped to the side so I could see my reflection in the glass of the building. My mane of dark brown curls being blown within the autumn winds, my cheeks red and the glow from my eyes shined bright enough to reflect off of the chrome plated chairs inside the barber shop.

I closed my eyes and looked down at his feet, "Im sorry... he just... can you help me make it stop?" ​He lifts my head again and I could see the concern in his eyes, "You know the drill, close your eyes and channel what brings you peace. A poem, your moms face; her voice. Something that makes you happy no matter how many times you've seen or heard it and then allow your mind to fall silent." I did what he said, closing my eyes in hopes that I could see hers just one more time.

It's been so long since I've watched her memory. ​Afraid to listen to her voicemails, afraid to accidentally delete one after it plays. Pictures, missed calls and broken memories is all I have left of her. I could feel my body start to cool off, my chest now calm. He waited patiently as he twirled the black ring on his index finger, "Someones coming kid." ​I opened my eyes to look up at him again, "Eh, not back to normal but I'll take hazel over amber any day of the week." He said while looking me over. "Hey!" a familiar voice shouted from across the street.

It was her, the creator herself running across the street towards me and for a split second I was stuck remembering a feeling that I’ve gone so long without. ​Hesitant to even move my feet to turn towards her direction, I took my hand out of my pocket and waved. "You're Meadow right?" she asked. I watched her smile, studying every detail I could before making it weird and awkward. “Hey… yeah, thats me. You’re Mya, right?" I said back to her while sticking my hand out to shake hers, it made her giggle but she did it.

Stuck in a daze, I didn't even notice that I was staring at her until Jordan nudged me and cleared his throat as he waited to be introduced. "oh, right this is Jordan. My mothers old friend; practically my uncle really." He chuckled and shook her hand, “It's nice to meet you." She was astonishing, standing right in front of me. Hands in the pockets of her green jacket with the white fur around the hood, smiling as Jordan made small talk with her. ​Her beautiful black hair in twists, tied up into a perfect messy bun. "Well, I'll let you two talk. Meadow, I'll see you at home, be careful driving." I smiled at him as he said goodbye to Mya and walked away.

"He's sweet, but uhh I came out here to tell you how beautiful I thought your poem was. Truly, I've never heard anyone speak about someone else like you did." ​I watched as the cold air caused her nose to turn pink. "It's getting pretty cold, would you like to sit in the car and talk? It's been running for a while so I'm sure it's warm inside." She smiled, "Sure, I'd like that." I went around the car to open her door, making sure it was warm before she sat on the black leather seats, then walking back around the car I got in, "Thank you also. For the compliment on my poem, I usually don't like my own writing."

​I turned the heat down a little so it was comfortable as apposed to suffocating. "Seriously? I loved it. It was, genuine. Pure, you don't hear that often anymore. To be honest, we don't even hear much about love anymore so it was nice to hear something different in a place that could be so dark sometimes." She unzipped her jacket and held her hands in front of the air vents. "It's something new for me too, I haven't written much in the past couple years." ​"Oh yeah? And why's that Miss Meadow? What took your inspiration away?" Turning to look out of the window, I noticed that snow began to fall and her question caused me to become just as silent as the flakes hitting the glass.

"Hey, -she said while touching my leg — you don't have to answer if you don't want to." I looked down at her hand, then at her eyes and smiled. It wasnt that I didnt want to answer her question, the issue was that the answer always left me feeling like my lungs couldnt expand to inhale air. "It's starting to snow." I said, pointing towards the window. Her smile never left, despite me avoiding her question. ​"Damn. —She started to zip her jacket— not to cut our conversation short but I'm not a fan of driving in the snow. Gotta get home before it gets any worse but I'd love to hear more if you ever have the time."

She took a folded napkin from the bar out of her pocket and handed it to me. "Hopefully two days is enough time to write something even more impressive. I'll see you Friday." ​I pushed the folded napkin down into my pocket, "Wouldn't miss it. Have a good night Mya, drive safe." I said to her as she opened the door and stepped out. I would've given anything to have enough nerve to grab her and pull her back in for a kiss. To confirm the feel of her lips against mine as I do in my dreams. ​To see the curls of her eyelashes as we slowly pull apart from each other, to watch her smile as we lean in for another.

I watched as she got inside her car and started to drive away. Jordan walked out from between the two buildings again, rolling the window of my car down I looked up at him; “Make sure she gets home safe.” I told him, and without a response he disappeared.