The Fat Lass Caff.

"The Fat Lass Caff. Really? Can you hear yourself when you say the words, Katie?"

"I am fat not thick Rebecca."

"Not funny."

"Ok. Tell me, what exactly is wrong with the name I have chosen for my new café?"

"Are you serious? "The Fat Lass Caff"? I mean, come on. You have got to be winding me up. It is wrong on so many levels."

"You are going to have to talk me through your concerns. I cannot see anything wrong with "The Fat Lass Caff"?"

"For a start - every time you say it, I cringe."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious? There are all those awful jokes. You know... about fat people... and food and... well... it is hurtful."

"Like not giving fat girls a hard time because they have enough on their plate already."

"Don't Katie."

"What? I am a fat girl; I can call this stuff out."

"It is wrong."

"It isn't wrong. I am fat, I am allowed."

"If you go ahead and call your new café "The Fat Lass Caff" you are going to find yourself being the butt of so many mean jokes. People can be so cruel. Don't do it."

"Oh, let them bring it. I really don't care. You know why?"

"Because you are the sort of person that will rise above it. You own your size and shape. You are a proud large size lady?"

"Hell, I was just going to say I am bigger than that."

"I despair! Are you just going to mock me with fat jokes the whole time? This is serious Katie. This is your future livelihood we are talking about."

"Don't worry, I don't sweat much for a fat lass. Ha Ha Ha!"

"Right. I am giving up. That is it. What is the point in having a conversation with you if you are just going to fool about all the time? I am trying to be the voice of reason here."

"Listen, I appreciate your efforts. I do. I love you for it to be honest. But you don't get it. You are not living the fat life, Rebecca. I, my lovely friend, am the archetypal fat girl. I have heard all the heckles, taken all the fat joke punches, weathered the judgement and the attempts to shame. I get what it is like out there and I stand by my decision – “The Fat Lass Caff” is a brilliant name for my new business. For a start it is certainly proving to be a talking point."

"Oh Katie, seriously, this is not funny. I think that maybe you are just that sure of yourself you don't get it."

"Tell me, my beautiful friend, what do I not get?"

"I cannot believe I am going to have to spell it out to you. Look, I have been your friend a long time, I love you, this is not about you..."

"Spit it out Rebecca."

"Nobody will want to go there with a name like that."

"Ha! Because they might catch fat?"

"Katie! This is your livelihood and I want you to succeed. With a name like that - I am genuinely worried nobody would go. Have you spoken to your Mum?"

"Of course."

"What does she think?"

"She thinks it is funny."

"Oh God. I don't think any of it is funny. I am worried about why you are doing this. You are usually a very switched-on person. This feels out of character."

"Right. Let me try and help you understand.”

“You can try.”

“I am a fat lass. Correct?"

"Where are you going with this... you are beautiful..."

"Rebecca... I am a fat lass and what is more... I am a beautiful fat lass. Beauty is more than skin deep."

"I know this... It isn't me I am worried about."

"No. Ok. Right, let me ask you some questions, see if I can coach you around to my way of thinking."

"Go on."

"What do fat girls like me know a lot about?"

"This isn't another bad taste joke, is it?"

"No. It is a direct question."

"Well, it would be bad form to generalise. It would be massively judgemental to assume... "

"Come on Rebecca, you keep telling me you know what people are like, so tell me, what do people think fat girls know a lot about?"

"You mean food, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. It is an obvious stereotype. One that happens to apply to me, thankfully, given my chosen means to make a living. If I wanted to do a vegan protein bar it would seem off, stereotypically speaking.”

"I guess... "

"Same if I were a vegan setting up a meat grill. It would not be right. I am going to make the most glorious food and plenty of it because that is who I am. Wondrously the naff stereotype actually plays in my favour.”

"You do make the tastiest food I know. No question."

"Thank you.”

"But that is not my point. Could you not pick a classier name than "The Fat Lass Caff”? You are better than that. Much better."

"Bear with me.... Want to hear another fat girl joke?"

"Not really."

"Somebody commented to me today that I was a big girl. I said tell me something I don't know. They said, 'salad tastes nice'."

"Not funny. Where are you going with this?"

"Rebecca, you have to face into how people think and own who you are in their eyes. Yes, it is a sad fact of life, but you can't run away from the truth. When people worry about what others think about them all the time, beat themselves up, try to live up to their odd and often weird world views then they could very easily get eaten alive by it all. This applies to me too Rebecca, and I am a big meal."

"Dear God, you are relentless. Listen, that is not how things should work Katie. People should behave better than that. You can't let them win."

"I don’t intend to. As you keep telling me - this is my livelihood we are talking about. My business. This is how I feed my family. I know I may not be able to change the world but what I can do is acknowledge how the world is and face directly into it.”

"Still... there are plenty of other names you could choose. Why do you have to pick one that plays to the lowest common denominator?"

"When you have a rat in the kitchen you don't mess about, you trap it and get rid of it. You could have all the best ingredients of nature’s bounty in that kitchen. One rat and you are closed. You don't give them an inch."

"The rats being the fat shaming brigade?"

"Yep, I aim to give them nowhere to go. The big sign over my front door saying: “Welcome to The Fat Lass Caff”, will call them all out and leave their snide comments nowhere to hide.”

"Ok. Look. I hear you. I understand, I think. But I am not snide and in truth I would see the name of your café and avoid it… sorry... am just being honest."

"Even if it sold the best food around?"

"Well…"

"Even if it was done in a humorous and self-affirming way?"

"I think so…"

"Rebecca, I assure you, you can’t catch fat you know.”

"Don't you even..."

"Sorry. Look, sometimes you just have to face into your prejudices. You aren't to blame. It's ok. You are bombarded every day with the western ideal of a beautiful body. Fat is bad. Fat is ugly. Stay away from fat. Run thin people... run... run away from fat. I get it. I am part of it too."

"Pardon?"

"I can't sit here being all puritanical about this. As much as I am trying to live an authentic life, the bottom line is this... I am making money off your prejudice."

"You have lost me."

"Right, let me try and properly explain. It is a matter of reverse empathy, applied strategically."

"Go on."

"Once you understand that people struggle with fat people because their presence makes them feel uncomfortable, difficult to digest..."

"Katie!"

"Ha! Look, it is like everything in life that creates awkwardness and discomfort. There is only one real way to get through it."

"I dread to think where you are going with this… “

"Have fun with it, Rebecca. Have a laugh. Lighten it up. Stop it being such a big thing"

"Doesn’t that make you as bad as them?"

"I don't think so. In making light of it I think I am diminishing the impact of it."

"I guess you could be..."

"Also, you should be aware, I am not the first to use the fat and funny strategy in business. It is a tried and tested method.”

“It is?”

“Yes. Right - Think of the film business - Hollywood - name one serious fat female actor?"

"Erm... "

"There isn't one. Famous fat female actors do comedy and that's it. If they move onto serious, they lose weight."

"There must be one."

"Nope. There are actors that have put weight on with age but trying to get a gig as a fat female in the first place…well… you had better be funny or you will never get a break."

"I hadn't thought about that."

"Why would you? You are this lovely skinny lady; you get to laugh along with everyone else."

"I feel awful now."

"Don't. I laugh too."

"Even though you are aware of the prejudice?"

"Funny is funny Rebecca. People need funny to navigate all the prejudices they have. Sometimes I think we risk the inability to sort the tough things in life out because we can't use laughter to ease the burden of them."

"Even if it is at somebody else's expense?"

"Like I say, it depends on who is saying the joke, and how they say it. I can crack as many fat jokes as I like. You on the other hand, cannot."

"True."

"In one way naming my café "The Fat Lass Caff" is a public service."

"It is?"

"Sure - it helps people ease the burden of their guilt."

"Of eating your food?"

"Ha! Now who is being funny? People struggle saying how they feel without guilt. We live in this constant paradox where on the one hand we are taught that fat is bad and everything fat is to be avoided and condemned. Then, on the other hand, we are told to be polite - don't point, don't laugh, be tolerant, kind. But here is the thing -with "The Fat Lass Caff" you get to laugh guilt free because you aren’t being rude. It’s my joke, I own it and I am allowed to say these things. Then, you will eat some amazing food. You will feel great because my food is awesome. I will charge you a none to lean amount of money, and everyone is a winner."

"You have a funny logic."

"I have been fat a long time Rebecca. I know how to play it to my advantage. We can all wish for people to be better. We can all be sanctimonious in the face of judgement, but at the end of the day, when you must make a living, you use whatever methods you can to make the most of what you have. I can’t change the world, but I know that the world will never change by concealing behaviours. People can be cruel, mis-guided, and scared, I can either be a victim of it or I can own it and play it to my advantage. I call that a win Rebecca. Wouldn't you?"

"You know, I think you do know what you are doing. You know what else I know?”

“Go on.”

“I think I fancy a slice of that chocolate cake now."