The Far Longing

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.

So they said.

Jaek could hear it. He could hear them. Dozens and hundreds of them. If not through his ears then through his mind. They tore at his heart and at his stomach, like a thousand claws. And he could do nothing to help them. Nothing.

The First Hour,

Jaek threw his covers free and sat up, wide awake and sweating. The nightmare receded into the fog of his mind, leaving only a handful of images to torment him. Fire, ash, and smoke. Everything burning. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. That was years ago. Why did it still torment him?

Because, he thought. I lost everything that day. Jaek would not let his mind wander back to it. He pushed off his bed and dressed, pulling on loose-fitting black pants and a white shirt. There was no such thing as formality anymore, not even for him. Jaek felt his way to the sink and splashed his face with cool water, then left the dark den of his room for the world without.

It was light. Dim light, but light. And Cerene, of course.

"Good morning, Captain."

Jaek squinted while his eyes adjusted and gave a wan smile. "What is morning in the deep of space, Cerene?"

Cerene hugged her clipboard close and let her long brown hair cover her arms. Her green eyes measured him. "The first hour is morning, Captain."

"Mmm. So it is."

"Did you sleep well?"

"No." A hallway connected the nine rooms of the captain's core pod to the rest of them. Jaek started walking it. "Just give me the report," he said to Cerene, who took fast steps to keep up.

The hallway opened on a circular room with a domed roof. No windows. More hallways branched off to more core pods. Only one hall led up. They took it.

Cerene looked down at her clipboard and cleared her throat. "Today is the seven hundred and seventy-ninth day since the Fire and our departure from the Earth System on Starship Gaelora. Both Mammoth Four ion thrusters are operational. All fourteen Mammoth Three ion thrusters are operational. Only one is in need of maintenance."

"Still?" Jaek raised an eyebrow at her.

Cerene grinned. "Crewmen got 'busy' and were unable to work on it this week."

Jaek grumbled. "Let's dispense with any more busyness and get that engine taken care of."

Cerene pulled a pencil from the top of her clipboard and made a small note. Like almost everything, paper was a limited resource. It needed to be conserved.

"Continue," said Jaek.

"Water and waste is operational. Generators are operational. Deflector systems are operational. Artificial gravity systems are—"

Jaek held up a hand. "Is there any change since the diagnostic report last week?"

Cerene studied her notes before giving him a guilty smile. "No."

Jaek groaned. "Let's move on then."

"Okay, uh, let's see. Eleven non-violent altercations between passengers. One violent, a fistfight between two adult males. Situation was resolved."

"And illness?"

"Three hundred and thirty-four new reported cases. Most consisting of common cold, ten being mono."

"Ten?" Jaek's eyes widened.

Cerene laughed lightly. "Monday was Valentine's."

Jaek wrinkled his nose.

"In better news," she continued, "still no new reported cases of White Flu. Seems it's been eradicated from the ship."

"Great. Now we just need to keep people's mouths apart."

Cerene's pale cheeks turned a crimson red. "Good luck, Captain."

They reached the top of the hall and took in the sight together. Starship Gaelora loomed before them, an impressive feat of engineering and architecture. Seven miles of halls and core pods. Wings for greenhouses, maintenance rooms, and storage, evacuation pods and life support systems. Restaurants, malls, and parks. Pools and even a small stadium. Room enough for Gaelora's two thousand passengers and five hundred crew.

Room for more, but not the time for it, Jaek thought. How many had perished in the Fire? And of those that tried for their ships, hoping to make it off-world where Gaelora was waiting. So few made it. So few …

"Captain?" Cerene bumped his arm.

"Huh?" Jaek pulled himself back to the present. She was staring at him. He studied her eyes. Pretty. Not as his wife was, nothing like Tanya. But pretty, in her own way.

"Captain?" she repeated, blushing.

"Come on," he said, frowning. "Let's get to the bow."

The Third Hour,

"We're coming up on a large asteroid," Merkal stated, casual. He studied the display before him and worked it with deft fingers. Green, red, and yellow numbers flashed across it, then returned to black.

Jaek blew steam from his cup of coffee and returned to his command seat. Windows filled the room above the monitors and controls of the ship, but they might as well have been walls with tiny holes. Everything beyond was black, save for the millions of distant stars. He stared out, mesmerized by their tiny lights. "Be more specific, Merkal. That sentence could mean a thousand things and more."

Merkal stood three inches beyond six feet. Short black hair covered his head and chin, except for where a scar ran from neck to nose. He was no hulking giant, but sinewy. He breathed a dramatic sigh. "An asteroid three thousand kilometers in diameter approaches at two point three kilometers to port. At our current speed, eight hundred and sixty-three thousand kilometers per hour, we'll pass it in seven mi—no, six minutes and fifty-seven seconds."

Maria, an excellent navigator and mathematician, was nodding the whole time. "We'd be able to see its surface as it passes for a dozen seconds, were we not in dark space," she said after Merkal was finished.

Jaek sipped his coffee. They'd been in dark space for some months. Nothing in their close environment was visible. All they would see of it was a brief black circle where it blocked the stars from view. Jaek took another draft. "No chance of collision, surely?"

"Near zero, Captain," said Camila, a bright solaran with blonde hair to her belly, the latter covered by a long-sleeved pink shirt. "Its course is parallel to ours. Opposite direction."

"Near zero?" Cerene stood near the back of the command room, her arms still crossed over her clipboard. "Why can't we change course? Make it, you know, zero."

"We're passing through an asteroid field," explained Maria. "Our pathing systems have measured and calculated this route for us. If we tried to alter course to completely avoid this one, we'd only set ourselves on track to hit another."

"Oh."

"It's all very safe," said Jaek. "The computer knows what it's doing."

"Indeed. The only strange thing," said Merkal, tapping away on his monitor, "is its speed. Fifty kilometers."

Jaek met his eyes. "Per second?"

Merkal shook his head. "Per hour."

"It's hardly moving," Cerene said.

"At least, relative to us," said Maria.

Jaek scratched his chin. That was strange. All other asteroids had passed them by at incredible speeds. What was this one doing out in dark space, just sitting? The nearest system was still their own, and it was moving that way. What had thrown it with such low energy, and how long had it been travelling?

None of them had the answers, and silence filled the room as they waited.

True to the second, it came. A black mass blocking out the stars. Jaek could almost feel its pull as Gaelora passed it. None in the room yet spoke, as if they feared their calculations had been wrong. An error in the code, or just back luck. The asteroid would smash their ship to a billion pieces. Jaek held his breath, hardly knowing he did.

Ten. Eleven. Twelve. The black ended, and the stars returned. The tension in the room faded, as if an encroaching danger had suddenly gone, pulled away by something else. Camila sighed and Cerene giggled.

Jaek stood. "I need to piss."

The Fourth Hour,

An old janitor met Jaek leaving Canteen Eleven. He pushed a mop cart and whistled a tune as Jaek brushed the crumbs left by a burger and fries from his tray into the trash. Having cattle on the ship was a nice luxury. As long as they kept the crops growing, the cows would thrive.

The janitor leaned on his cart. "G'day, Cappin. That was some rumble, eh? Bet the mess in Bath Three might be connected in some way, hee hee."

Jaek set his tray with the others, ready to retreat from the conversation before it could even begin, but the man's words stopped him dead. "Rumble? When?"

"Oh not an hour ago. I was near the back, cleanin up refuse. Figured it wasn't nothin. Spacey stuff Old Marow knows nothin of."

"Right," said Jaek, forcing a smile. "Spacey stuff."

He left the janitor there, quickening his pace when he rounded a corner. He passed noisy wings filled with people and was breathing heavy when he reached the command room. Most were away, eating and relaxing. Spaceflight was a dull affair, especially in the deep. The vast computer systems handled all problems before they could arise. In theory, anyway. What could've caused a rumble? Jaek hoped to find out. He directed his question at the command room's only other occupant. "Camila?"

Camila spun in her seat. By the look in her eyes, she seemed surprised to see him. "Captain," she said in a light voice. "I trust your lunch was satisfactory?"

"It was." Jaek smiled and patted his stomach. "I had an interesting, albeit short, conversation with a janitor. Marow, I think his name was."

Camila shrugged. "Can't say I know him."

"Me neither, but he said there was a rumble at the back of the ship. I assume the system notified you of this?"

She pinched her eyebrows together and turned to her monitor. "No. Let me check the logs. A minor disturbance might not have triggered a system interrupt."

Jaek leaned against the circular doorway of the command room and crossed his arms. Camila tapped away on her monitor, opening folders and files.

"Well. Hmm. Nothing here, no. How did he describe it?"

"Said he felt 'a rumble'."

"Hmm. Well. There's no log of our detection systems picking anything up. Did he say he felt this after the asteroid we passed?"

Jaek moved into the room and rubbed his chin. "It would've been around the same time. Maybe after."

Camila spun back to him. "Could be that the gravitational field of the asteroid affected our own on its passing. Caused some … disturbances."

"Probably all it was," Jaek agreed. "Ah well, thought I'd make note of it."

"You're not getting bored on me, are you, Captain?" Camila grinned. "Trying to spice up our flight?"

Jaek breathed a laugh and sat in his command seat at the center of the room. The view of the windows there was great, but all he could see through them were distant dots of light. Stars, most thousands of lightyears away. Only three were in easy travel distance, and they were the brightest.

Grey System was four years out, the most distant of the three, but the most habitable. Four life-sustaining planets orbited the red giant at its center. Three bustled with people, but the fourth was mostly abandoned. War had ravaged it. Now, only the wild things called it home.

Gold System and Long System were both two years distant. Gold was their destination. Two more years, Jaek thought. Yes, Camila, I am getting bored.

Boredom consumed his days, nightmares his nights. It didn't matter if someone spent them beside him, or if he slept alone. They always came. Dreams of fire and death. Of Earth burning.

Cerene joined them in the command room. "What are we discussing in here, hmm?"

"Just girl talk," Camila said and laughed.

Jaek rolled his eyes. "Come to share in our gossip?"

"That would be so much fun," Cerene said with a sarcastic drawl, "but no. There's strange talk of vibrations in one of the crop wings. Horticulture Seven, I think."

Jaek and Camila shared a look. "That's about midship," Jaek said.

Camila nodded. "Strange indeed. She turned to her computer."

"Space turbulence?" Cerene said with a smile. That smile. It made her eyes shine.

Jaek returned with a lopsided grin, but it faded when Camila turned back to him.

"Funny," she said, her voice betraying the fact that it was anything but. "The logs …"

Jaek leaned forward. "Yes?"

Camila shook her head. "There are none."

The Sixth Hour,

All four of Starship Gaelora's command crew gathered inside the command room, accompanied by a fifth: Cerene. She sat a little away from the rest of them, sipping on an iced latte with her legs crossed. Her hanging leg bobbed up and down, up and down.

"So let me get this straight," Merkal said. "Shortly after we passed that large asteroid. Some janitor complains of disturbances at the back of the ship, and then another similar report near the middle?"

"Right," said Camila, "and neither of these vibrations were logged."

"So?" Merkal crossed his arms. "Our Spaceflight Impact Detection System hasn't been properly serviced in years. It's more than possible that some small impact on our deflector panels went undetected."

"And some 'small impact' caused enough vibration on the ship to scare people?" Camila shook her head. "I doubt it."

"Well," Jaek said, pulling their attention. "There hasn't been any else since. No disturbances. No alarms or malfunctions. Whatever it was, seems it's not caused an issue."

"Not yet," said Camila.

Maria spoke before Jaek could. "We'll have to get a crew to check for any notable damage on our deflectors."

"And the power arrays," put in Merkal. "We need every drop of juice they can give us."

In dark space, it wouldn't amount to much. Jaek knew it. They all did. Enough to keep the lights on, but little else. The generators in Auxiliary Two had been burning red fuels for almost a year now. They had enough for another year and a little more, but the last nine months would be dicey. Once the generators burned their last, the dominos of life aboard the ship would begin to fall. Slowly, but surely.

"And you can ensure we get it." Camila grinned. "Personally."

Jaek excused himself and went to the bathroom. Bathroom Nineteen, to be exact. He leaned on the stainless steel sink and let the water run. Its loud gush filled his ears. He closed his eyes and let the drone take him back to Earth System.

Jaek stood beside a waterfall, letting its mist spray him. Tanya held onto his arm and grinned up at it with squinted eyes. Somewhere off in the woods, a woodpecker knocked. Knock knock knock.

Jaek ignored it. He tried to enjoy the sights, but he couldn't. Heat gnawed at his back. A burning heat, growing hotter. Slow, hesitant, Jaek turned away from the waterfall and his wife. His eyes widened, and he gasped.

The forest burned. Flames consumed the trees and sent billows of smoke into the air. The heat singed Jaek's face. He raised a hand against it and called warning. Called for help. Only the woodpecker answered. Knock knock knock. Knock knock knock.

"Captain?" Cerene's voice. Knock knock knock. "Captain?"

Jaek opened his eyes. He was in a bathroom, leaning on a sink with the faucet running. A plaque of black marked the wall, with worn white letters on it. Bathroom 19.

"Is everything alright?"

Jaek stared a moment longer, then shut the water off and left. Cerene was waiting for him. She still held her clipboard. "Yeah," he said. "Everything's fine."

She moved closer to him. Close enough that he could feel her heat. And her perfume … lavender and jasmine. Her piercing green eyes met his. "Can I help?"

We tried, Jaek thought, a year and too much wine ago. It didn't stop the nightmares. But, maybe they could try again. Maybe this time …

Maria found them there, staring at each other. "Captain, Merkal is going out with a crew in ten."

"Okay," Jaek told her, then he turned back. "Come on. Let's go."

Cerene smiled, but it didn't leave her lips. "Let's."

The Seventh Hour,

"Testing. Testing. MicroComm reliability test." Camila held down a button and spoke into the microphone.

A reply filled the command room, loud and clear. "Oh, I hear you," said Merkal. "That annoying voice can breach any number of folds in the fabric of time and space."

"You flatter me," Camila said. "I always knew I had a singer's strength."

"But not their ability. That, I know for sure."

Jaek wheeled over on a chair, and Camila made room for him. "How's everything out there?"

Merkal's voice came through cut with formality. "Good so far, Captain. We are en route to the first stretch of power arrays and deflectors. No visible damage to the hull within range of our headlights. It is dark out here."

"Welcome to space Merkal," Jaek said. "Keep us posted."

"Will do."

The occupants of the command room sat in silence, listening to the feed from Merkal's MicroComm. His steady breathing was ever present, accompanied by the shuffling of his spacesuit. Any noises from the ship were absent though, as they could not ford the vacuum of space.

The dull sounds lured Jaek towards sleep. A brief nap, that's what he needed. Too brief for nightmares. Just a little rest …

"Okay," a voice came through, snapping Jaek awake. Merkal grunted and sighed. "Caleb. May. Check the far panels, guys. Rob, you're with me. Unfortunate, I know."

The other three had communication with Merkal, but not with the command room. Too many voices coming through made for a hectic flow of information.

Merkal's breathing picked up. "Alright, coming up on the first deflectors. The usual damage is evident, from small space debris and the like. Lots of tiny holes. Robert says he sees the same."

Jaek pulled at his chin and listened. Camila and Maria stared at the speaker as if it were a display, and Cerene sat near the door. Her crossed leg bobbed. Her face was sober.

"Moving on," said Merkal. "I. Hmm. I see strange residue on the hull here, like dried saltwater."

"What could've caused that?" Camila asked with the button depressed.

"I don't know." Merkal and Jaek both said.

Maria moved closer as they all gave it thought. "Mineral water from small comets?" she eventually said.

"It's possible," said Jaek. "The impact caused enough energy to melt the ice, then the vacuum evaporates the water. The residue is left behind. Can't say I've seen it before, but if we passed through a field of the stuff …"

"You're reaching, Captain," Camila said.

Jaek knew he was, but what else could it be? Some weird rust formation? He'd have to have a team check it out when they reached Gold System, so long as it didn't pose a risk.

"Whatever," said Merkal. "Doesn't seem to have corroded the hull. We have systems to check for that, right Camila?"

"Right."

"Figured as much. You know—what's that, Rob? Alright. Give me a second, guys. Bobby needs me."

More breathing and shuffling. "This guy is something. Okay, here we go. What do you have to …?"

The breathing stopped. The movement, too. Jaek stood and motioned for Camila to turn on the microphone. She did. "Merkal, what is it?"

No answer. A minute seemed to pass. Maybe it was only ten seconds. "Merkal?"

The voice came through. "What the hell is this?"

"Merkal, talk to us." Jaek leaned towards the mic.

"It's damage, Captain." Merkal's voice was incredulous. "A trail of damage."

Maria joined them. Jaek exchanged a glance with Cerene, who had also stood.

"May, come in. Caleb?" Merkal was breathing hard now, and speaking faster. "Captain, something serious struck our ship. The panels are crushed against the hull. There's more residue on them. There's … What the fuck!"

Starship Gaelora lurched with sudden force. Camila flew from her seat, and Maria smashed into a bank of displays. Cerene yelped behind them, but Jaek couldn't see her. He was rolling across the command room, pulling chairs with him as he tried to hold on.

Camila was the first up. She slammed her fist into the microphone button. "Merkal. What is going ON?"

No answer. Jaek found his feet and helped Maria up. Cerene held onto a wall support, her eyes wide.

"Merkal?" Camila's voice strained.

The starship groaned in response and shook. Jaek was able to keep himself afoot and pulled towards the windows. They wrapped around the command room, stopping only near the door. He followed them around to where Cerene stood and looked out. Nothing. Distant stars and blackness.

"Jaek?" Cerene said, barely above a whisper. "What's going on?"

So afraid, Jaek thought, meeting her eyes, but I can't help you. I couldn't help my Tanya. I can't help you. I can't even see … See. "The crow's nest," he said.

"What?"

Jaek ignored her, moving to the doorway. Just above it, inside the command room, was a port hole. He opened it, revealing a ladder. "I'm going up," he called to Camila, who clung to the mic. She spun around as he grabbed for the first rung and pulled himself up.

The rungs thunked metallically as he climbed. The tube was narrow, its walls white and dimly lit. Jaek counted as he went. His heart kept pace, and sweat broke on his brow. Twenty-three. Twenty-four. Twenty-eight. Thirty-two.

His hand gripped the last rung. Rung Forty-four. Jaek pulled himself into the crow's nest, a ball of glass. His head almost reached its top when he stood. Looking out, a sea of stars surrounded him, but he was lost amidst the black waves.

There! He saw light against the hull of the ship. It moved and it shook. One of the crew. Merkal, May, Robert, or Caleb, but only the one.

"Hey!" Jaek shouted down the tube. Cerene looked up at him. "I see one of them, walking on the hull. I see …"

Jaek looked out at the light as it turned up into the darkness, its beam a solitary one. Jaek expected it to go and go until it faded, but it didn't. It stopped long before, and outlined a grotesque shape.

Jaek's stomach caught in his throat, keeping the scream from reaching his lips. His skin crawled and stood, looking out at the horror before him.

A large form rose in the black, and long tentacles writhed amidst the light. They pierced the ship and shook and twisted. The hull groaned and cracked.

"What," Jaek breathed. "W—what is that?" Worse than smoke and flame. Worse than the world burning. What foul spawn had they awoken in the dark of space? Jaek didn't know. He didn't know. He only watched in shock as it dug more tentacles in, like a giant squid holding onto its prey. The hull couldn't take the damage. With a final screech, Starship Gaelora split and exploded near the break.

In the same instant, another thick, looming tentacle came down, crushing the beam of light and its floundering wearer, plunging all but the careless, distant stars into darkness.

Then, Jaek began to hear screams.