The Existential Woman page 11

The bar scene got boring quick. Shanna sang one song - "Stop draggin my heart around" and she felt satisfied with her performance. She enjoyed a few of the other singers songs, but after drinking half of her coke and smoking several cigarettes outside, she wanted to leave. Maybe she should have become a professional musician, she thought as she walked back to her van. This way she could be on stage the whole time and not get that weird feeling of awkwardness that she felt as a patron. Just sitting there alone felt awful, especially when she could hear others in groups conversing or laughing together.

When she got back to the condo, she pulled her shoes off, and fell unto her bed with her clothes on. "I tried," she whispered feeling tired and defeated. Within minutes she fell asleep. Selia jumped unto her bed and crawled into a cozy ball at Shanna's head, on the pillow.

The next morning was Thursday. Shanna had nothing important to do. She considered working on her new craft project, or trying the deck of cards project again, but she wasn't really in the mood. She made her morning pot of coffee and sat at the computer desk again, printing out more poems, and writing a few new ones. She thought about watching the movie that she hadn't finished yesterday, but that thought was interrupted with the thought of going to the movie theater with her son. She picked up the house phone and dialed his number. The call went to his voice mail and she left a message. When she hung up, she wondered if the message was going to sound stupid to him. She so wanted him to be a part of her life. There was no other rejection from anyone else in the world, that stung has harshly as when he rejected her.

Shanna made sure Selia had fresh food and water, then she made herself a spaghetti sandwich from leftovers that were in a bowl in the fridge. "Coffee and spaghetti? I'm so bold," Shanna laughed taking a huge bite of the sandwich. "Needs more sauce," she complained.

She got a load of laundry done and put the basket of dried clothes on the sofa. She would fold them in the afternoon before Norman got back. She thought about putting fresh linens on their beds, but after a quick glance she saw they still looked fresh enough to wait until after this weekend. She'd take the fully loaded garbage out when it was time to check the mail.

Some time passed and she decided to dance to that happy dance song again. She was smiling and grooving around the living room floor when suddenly the telephone rang. She stopped dancing to answer it, and breathlessly said "Hello?"

"Bladeebla Travel Agency?" the man on the line asked. Shanna started laughing as she was trying to catch her breath.

"Oh," she acknowledged still chuckling, "No, you're not the first to call thinking I'm a travel agent." She panted as catching her breath after dancing was a bit difficult. "Sorry I was just dancing. Let me catch my breath." She thought she heard him giggle or smile. Can you hear a smile?

"Dancing is good," he said and she was so glad that he agreed.

"Yeah," she chimed back, "So you're wanting the travel agency, well I have good news for you because I love to travel too and I found something that should help us both."

She paused briefly to see if he'd have any protests, but his silence confirmed that she could continue to explain.

"I found an agency online. They do and have what we want from the old fashioned travel agents. I don't know what happened to them, but this one ought to help." She proceeded to share the website information. "They have the packages that include airfair, hotel accomodations, and tour guide."

"Wow, that's swell," he said, "Thank you. I will check that out."

"Glad I could help," she told him and they ended their conversation as she finally got her breath back.

Soon after Shanna had returned from the local convenient store with some candy and cigarettes, the telephone rang again.

"Hello?"

It was her son. His voice was deep and pained, she almost didn't recognize it.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked worried.

He began to explain some troubles with his job. He started crying, and then she started crying, but she would not let either of them fall into despair. She spent the rest of their conversation with every bit of pep talk she could muster and every chance she had to tell him how much she loved him, she needed him, and that giving up was not an option. He seemed stronger by the end of the conversation and she felt relieved. She reminded him that he had offered to spend a weekend day with her and she hoped that he wouldn't cancel that. She was looking forward to it each day.