The End of the Line

I notice the rocking beneath me before I notice the rocking in my head. Which is to say something because the pain splits me almost down the middle, familiar pain like a migraine from years past. Like I have been living in a migraine for years.

I keep my eyes shut, wait as the pain slowly subsides. I have just woken up, that is evident, but when had I fallen asleep? I could not remember. I could not remember anything before sleeping and now waking, I look around, my surrounds are dark, that rocking present beneath me and I am almost certain I am on a train. There are no windows for me to be sure. None that I can see from my cot on the floor at least. The room is otherwise empty.

I run my hands along all four walls, unsure of which may grant me an exit, I feel a smooth lip underneath my hands and yank upwards, a door opens.

Pale faces of children greet me, more cots like my own peek through open doors like my own. I do not know ages of children well but they are young, and younger. I wonder if I can find someone closer to my own age… I wonder what exactly my own age might be. I want to laugh, I step through my open door. How ridiculous this is.

I might have been wrong about the train, this room is far too large to be inside a train, again there are no windows to assist me. Many doors remain closed, while some like my own are open and the children are in various stages of waking. I open a door close to me, a small sleeping figure on a cot, I open another and another. I see no sense in waking them. These children seem too young to talk. I jolt, realising I have not spoken since waking, I feel silly, say “Hello,” aloud, it comes out in a croak and sounds to be me, though I cannot remember when I have ever spoken or who I might have spoken to.

The children that have awakened like me crawl or sit or stand in the vast space between rooms, it is decorated like a day care centre, or a public library, I couldn’t decide, generic and lit by lights embedded in the walls. I exhaust myself, opening door after door desperate to find someone to assist me with my questions. The children do not seem to notice my presence more than to award me a glance.

On a wall I spot a framed picture, ‘Blessed Last Youth’ it reads, a large group sits smiling, the picture taken in this very room, there, unmistakeably is myself, front-left, I have not seen my reflection since I awoke but I do remember what I look like. But I do not recall taking this same picture. What was going on? My search becomes more frantic, I know there are older children here from the photo. I finally open a door to reveal a larger sleeping body, and then a next. With a small shake I wake the first, a girl, she may be helpful. There is a pause of awkward as she gains consciousness and I suddenly do not know what to ask. “Sorry to wake you, I need your help,” She stares back, silent, I continue, “Do you know where we are?”

Gas begins filtering down from the roof, like small beautiful rain, she, whoever she may be lays her head back on the pillow as it takes her under, I have time to wonder where my head might fall before I collapse too.

……………………………………………..

I awake, again, this time sitting upright and in new surrounds. I notice that same rocking beneath me though we are in a whole new room and surrounds now. A lady sits across from me, an adult! She does not look sinister but I have the sense to be cautious. I was gassed? What was all this strangeness? Where were we? Why can’t I remember being here before when that picture on the wall clearly shown I had? And where did I come from before here?

“I am sure you are confused,” She starts, I nod slowly to agree.

“You are on the planet Earth, if you were to ask anyone, then that would be what they would say. The fact that you are asking means something has awakened in you, a realisation that this is not the Earth we remember. The limited space? This rocking below? It is not familiar is it?”

I shake my head no, afraid to speak.

“You remember an Earth made of nature don’t you?” She smiles, I feel I shouldn’t trust her but do. It was all too strange and confusing. I start to cry, “Yes, I think so,”

“Yes, well you are right, there is a planet Earth we were on before, where do you think we are now?” She asks, she has not made any move to calm my crying, but she smiles gently.

“It feels like a train, but trains aren’t this big, that room I was in before was very big,”

“I think so too, some of us, disagree, they think a large ship or even an aircraft, there are many theories… but they are all just theories,”

“So you don’t know? How is that possible?” my crying is now stopped, dead-dumb confusion sets in.

The lady tells me her name, the name she has been given is Servy, she remembers a life before, like me, things like libraries and daycare centres and pools and trains, though these do not seem to exist anymore. All that exists is what they call the Vessel. Which is where we are now. She explains that many feel it is a train, but since no one is sure it is called the Vessel, that is the name everyone feels is most appropriate. “Everyone,” is the council, those who have awakened and have free reign of the Vessel and have a thirst to know the where and what and why of the Vessel.

Most of the people on the Vessel are awake, but not aware, “Like they are in a dream. When you awoke this morning, you became lucid, I awoke many years ago, you will meet others of various ages, variously awakened. We do not know if we were ever intended to awake, maybe They planned to keep us asleep, unaware. Maybe we are supposed to solve this mystery as the council is doing, or maybe, as many of us fear, it is not meant to be solved,”

“They?” I ask.

She sighs, “Yes, that’s the question. Who built this, who put us here? Did we do it to ourselves? Or is there some overseer none of us know of? Similar to how we used contemplate the question of God… Before,”

“There are separate ‘rooms’, many of them. As you said, it seems too large to be a train. I imagine us like a huge, wide, long, long running train cutting across some large built tracks all the way across the real Earth, the one we remember. Slithering like a snake across the landscape, like a re-imaged version of the Dreamtime Stories, have you heard of those stories? The ancient aboriginal people of Australia told them.”

I don’t answer except to say, “there are more pressing issues here than history,”

“Maybe so,” she pauses, “but it may be the answer to all of this is in our history,”

Servy explains those that are ‘asleep’ are governed by the Council, who has portrayed a false narrative, people go about tasks, cleaning and food cultivation and preparation, students go to makeshift schools where they learn the false narrative the Council has spun, that this is Earth, the shakes they feel beneath their feet are just the “Earth Shifts”

“But why don’t we tell people the truth?” I ask.

“Us, on the Council decided, as did the Council before us, to only tell those who has awaked. It has been this way for as long as we are able to trace back, since the inception of this Vessel, which is at least 6 generations past. We do not want to wake the masses, it might only cause more panic, we let them live out their days, they contribute greatly to the running of this prison-tube, an awakened society would only sit and ponder all day, as not all would be useful Pioneers. People would have a hard time believing it unless they remember for themselves as we do, and it might cause chaos to have a Vessel full of scared, confused people. Not everyone takes the news so well, some cannot handle being awake,” I wonder at her term, prison-tube.

“There is something more. You are 14. We document everyone here, Faux is what we have called you, feel free to change that, we just play with words, for fun really, it can be quite a bore being on the Council at times. Anyhow, you are 14 and you have been in our Youth Room for the entirety of those 14 years, before that your mother gave birth to you in the birthing room, and so, while you remember a world outside of this one, that’s not necessarily possible. That however, is the way we all feel."

“Servy…”

“Yes Faux?”

“How is it that I can be 14 and you are… older… and we hold the same memories of Earth… but from what you have told me we have been on this, this Vessel, for so many generations?”

“That is something that perplexes most of us, I think it is quite simple, I don’t think I have ever set foot on this real Earth though I remember it, I think the memories are someone else’s, downloaded consciousness perhaps,” She stops, noting the look on my face, “I’m not saying it makes sense, but it is the only explanation I resonate with, you will find there are many theories and explanations, we record these all, you will have time to read the views of all old Council and decide for yourself,”

Something Servy said earlier had been playing on my mind, “Pioneers?”

“Yes Faux, this is where you come in. We have yet to explore the entirety of the Vessel. Many ‘rooms’ were unlocked when the First awakened, before then and the inception of the Council we assume people lived in the main rooms and didn’t think to endeavour further. As we awakened we began to explore, finding new rooms, sometimes locked and broken into by us, we map as we go, but our map is not complete. Those of us on the Council have all done our share of this exploring, once you are ready, you too will endeavour past the furthest points and see if you can find an answer… a Creator… or an End,”

She sends me to my new home, to rest. Council quarters are for those awakened. I give Servy a small smile as I leave the room.

“And Faux?” she stops me, “One last thing,”

She continues, “We have stopped breeding, intentionally. Our Youth, in the room you awoke in? You are the last, you are not the first of your group to awaken, and we pray you will not be the last. As time runs out we will most likely reveal the truth to all, but we have a few last endeavours to make,”

So this is the end of the line, the picture frame Blessed Last Youth makes sense now, “Why have we stopped breeding?”

“We are running out of supplies, you will see our farm rooms and such and see how we sustain ourselves, but rations are spread thin. Most on the Council have decided it is time to end things, regardless.”

The air seems to turn cold in the room, “Is that your decision too?” She only smiles, rueful and tired.

“Ask yourself what yours would be Faux”

……………………………………………..

It takes me 3 months to adjust, I explore the Vessel with various members of Council, each attempting to indoctrinate me to their view.

Polam, one of the eldest members of Council believes we are on a train track that circles in a constant loop, circling circling, the power of our movement is that which powers the artificial lights “and waters our artificial food son” he screws up his face, remembering the taste of natural food, as I do.

I spend hours in the Library room, reading over the handwritten Theories of those that came before us. They were quite religious in the early days, their scrawl of long and looping letters, barely translatable, they believed a Creator was hiding Himself in the Vessel, He was magic, with powers to take our memory and grant it back to us again, this magic of ‘Awakening” that all on the Council had experienced.

In recent years, they seem disheartened, blame a corrupt game maker who has trapped us on a moving wheel and watches as we scramble to make sense of it all.

Some see it as a moral dilemma, how well do we treat those unawakened? Or do we abuse our power and knowledge?

The theories are endless but I commit myself to them, eager to know the truth. I cannot help but feel time is slipping away, the fate of us all lies with the current Council and those yet to awaken. Who would read these scrolls once we were all gone?

In this time, 2 more from my Youth Room awaken, and begin their own journeys of understanding.

I attend Council meetings, eager to hear the politics of their system.

“Now for the issue of our most youthful, Faux, Tippett and Rezet-“ Servy is interrupted.

“Interjection- Rezet is to be referred to as Q from now on,” a senior member speaks, shrugging his shoulders. Boredom is very real as Servy had said.

“Yes, Q, very well,” she continues “Solo endeavours or a joint venture is the question… the engineers believe they are close to breaking through a wall in the South End, which is our least explored section, I vote we send the kids through that end, they push through until they cannot go any further. Document and report back,”

I have read enough to learn these endeavours can turn deadly, hence why they are wary in sending us alone. I, for one would be happy to have any company.

I remember an ancient story written in a Councilwoman’s scroll. They broke way into a Northern Section of the Vessel and discovered the farm rooms. Self-sustaining, a wild environment growing, but food hung from trees and in the ground. There were animals there too however and the Councilwoman lost her partner to a ‘lion-like creature,’ This creature was killed by her, and eaten by the population “A delightful feast of the beast that rid me of my love,” she had written. It was the only one of its kind, perhaps bred out before we had made it to those farm rooms.

The Council votes in agreeance, Q, Tippett and myself exchange looks, I scan their faces and find a sense of fear, excitement, nonchalance.

……………………………………………..

We venture to our entry point alone, another endeavour was being lead to the West today. I was shocked to find this Vessel could go any further West or East of what we had already discovered. I had never known- or the memories I had adopted- had never known a train to be so large.

The Engineers meet us there, the three of us brace ourselves, standing in the entry way as the Engineers knock the remaining piece of wall down. We each hold hands, stepping through the open way. It feels silly, but I am grateful for the warm hands on either of mine as we step into the dark.

We walk through a vast, open room, it looks like the inside of a modern warehouse, concrete floors and walls, no windows as is the same with the rest of the Vessel, but lights embedded into the walls sense our movement and turn on as we pass.

We walk for an hour, through the one room. "Maybe this can be Maeve's bedroom," Tippett says, I snort and Q laughs nervously. It is no secret most of the Council are annoyed by the haughty Councilwoman Maeve, she might be better suited sleeping at the tail end of the Vessel, away from us all.

Our small feet echo through the vast space, Tippett scribbles notes as we walk.

Before long we reach another entryway, a large oval shaped break in the wall, it is shielded by a draping, shining colours hanging from the beams. Like party streamers.

"What do you think is behind it?" Tippett whispers.

"It is very pretty," Says Q.

"You two stay behind here, I will peak through and call you to come after,"

"Thank you," Says Tippett, tilting her face to show me an appreciative smile.

I step through the entryway, parting the streamers to reveal the most beauty I have ever seen, or remember or could even imagine. I drop to my knees.

……………………………………………..

"Faux!" Tippett is shaking me as I awaken. Did I faint? I felt as though I had died and come to life all at once, it was the most beautiful feeling.

The room around me is now blank, the same as the warehouse we had just passed through. This room is much smaller. A flash of memory washes over me, soothing the confusion of my fainting.

I know we must return. “Sorry, I don’t know what happened, maybe I fell and hit my head," I explain to my concerned looking partners.

We explore the whole of the room, all 4 corners and walls seem impenetrable.

“I am quite relieved actually,” admits Tippett. “At least we did not have to face anything too scary or foreign,”

Q and I nod agreeance as I try and make sense of what I had just been shown.

After mapping the room we begin to walk back, mapping as we go. "Guys, do you mind if we don't tell anyone that I fainted back there?" I feign embarrassment. Q teases me, "I thought you said you hit your head," We all laugh. "Look, whatever it was I don't need the council teasing me about it the rest of my life," They agree, I feel bad for lying but after what I have just seen I think it is the first of many lies I am to tell.

We return and report our sightings. Everyone seems relieved, no new, scary developments. They agree they will have the Engineers begin working on breaking through the next wall.

Once the day lights are turned down and Q, Tippett and I have said our goodbyes, I head out. When I entered that room I had a vision, flashes of it keep returning. I follow a map that is in my head, each turn perfectly imprinted in my memory. I know I must come here alone, as I Saw alone. I am not fearful, but excited. The vision was one of pure ecstasy, like memories flowing back to me. It had not felt that way when I awakened the first time in the Youth Room. I think the Truth is not too far from my reach.

I work my way through rooms, down small dark hallways and climb into hidden trap doors, at the end of my journey I find a spiral staircase shifting upwards. I step slowly up the stairs, holding the cool railing. What might greet me at the top of these stairs?

Through the door atop the stairs sits a control room, much like that of a train. I knew it! There is a windscreen to guide where we might be going, but it is covered in thick black curtains. No one is sitting behind the controls. The room is large, but full, our conductor has been keeping their own records. I walk toward the windscreen, aiming to rip away the curtains and reveal our location, was it a looping track like Polam thought? Or a long winding track across Earth as Servy thought?

"Curious thing, of course," A soft voice rises from behind me. I jump slightly, turning to face it. I do not speak. Behind me, under a large cloak appears who I assume is our conductor. Man or woman I cannot tell, neither and both all at once.

"So you are the sprout who stumbled into my party room?" It asks.

"There were streamers, I guess it was a party room,"

"No need to guess, pet, I have told you. As I will tell you much today. That was indeed a party room. Did it not feel like a party?"

I stand in awe as those memories come flooding back, the ecstasy, the memory. The cloaked figure seems to smile in understanding.

"Sit now, I will tell you all you need to know. As you have seen, but you still do not understand."

I nod, and sit as directed.

"That wave of feeling you remembered, was all human consciousness, such joy, such peace. That was before we found them,"

I freeze, lock eyes with it, what was it? Not human I could now see.

"Once we discovered Earth, things there began to shift, wars and such were started between Humans, without our interference, it seemed our presence alone affected them negatively. We did not stay long. We came home, our planet is in a galaxy far from your own. We returned to Earth much time later... once this had been built,"

"The train?" I ask.

"Yes you might call it that,"

"We returned and we took many of you... don't look sad pet this was a long time ago... We took 500 and left the others. We have not returned to Earth. We will leave them to be, unaffected by our presence. We have all of you that we need here,"

"I am the only such one of our kind onboard, the rest stay on our planet. I kept a distance from those original 500 and their descendants, you, lest my presence affect you negatively in the same way we did to those on Earth. I observe only"

"Observe what?" I ask, I cannot believe all I am hearing, though I remember some from my vision.

"Your philosophy! It is the most fascinating thing about you humans. We are able to take and give consciousness as we see fit. I awarded you more human consciousness when you entered that room today. It is the very reason you can even understand the way I am speaking, to your ears earlier today I would have sounded like a whistling high pitched bird, or a screaming lizard. We took away the consciousness of those original 500, we wanted to study what they would do, who would they worship? Slowly we reinstate consciousness. Speed is not the goal here, only observation,"

"That brings us here, I have seen the formation of religions and rebellions of ideology or "Theories" as your Council call them, over the generations. You have now stopped breeding, after all this time and effort. That can not do. You, my son, will be my help, conquer the South wall you happened across today and I shall have it filled with more fresh produce to sustain your population. Convince your Council to continue their breeding and we shall continue to build onto this train-environment and watch as our pet-population evolves."

I shudder, pet-population. I do not know what to think, I feel tired and homesick for a planet I have never known. I know before asking where exactly we are. "Where are we?"

The creature walks in its cloak to the curtained windscreen, pulling it open. I see the dark vastness of space, a purple-blue-silver planet below us, orange rings disappearing beneath the running train. "This Train runs along the rings of our planet, like tracks, circling,"

It is utterly astounding. The human memories inside of me ache at the beauty, something we never thought we would conquer, an Alien planet. I shake my head, I guess it conquered us.

We speak through the night. The Conductor says I may call him Yimin, male. He is as old as the planet he comes from, all of his kind are. I wonder if he is homesick but he says it is little more than a vacation in the whole of his life-span. "Return to me regularly pet, do not speak of this, do as I wish, that is all,"

I return to my quarters and sleep. I will find our new food source, I will convince Servy and the Council to re-instate breeding. I will initiate a Council of my own, a Council dedicated to stopping Yimin and returning our human-selves home.

Home.