The Diving Instructor

It’s like another unrequited love.

At the beginning, I thought he liked me. Because every time he saw me, he asked if I had a boyfriend, if I’d gotten married, if my boyfriend likes diving, and how old I am. He’s 5 years’ old than me, which looks pretty match.

After 5 days at the dive center, I found out the reason: He didn’t remember me at all.

I’m an old woman who has very limited experience in close relationships. The first time I touched the boy’s hand, actually, finger, was during primary school, in the art class, with my little boyfriend who liked my face at that time. The second time was in high school. I didn’t know that was something related to sexual feelings. After that, I seldom had a chance to hold the hand of boys, even my current loved one, who is far away from me.

I like his long, curly eyelashes. I like the big and clear eyes when I was looking at his eyes, which is required under the water.

I like his status of sitting there alone, staring at nothing without chatting with others during the social moment, especially after I knew that he’s divorced with 1 or 2 kids living together with his ex and had lost his dad 3 years ago. Furthermore, he said he has lost several pounds after he became sick recently. That’s when I asked him questions and dragged him back to reality. I want him to be happy, or say something, instead of staying lonely, as I interpreted.

I usually think of him because I like his patience and quiet. Maybe also because he occasionally mentioned his age, which is a good option for me, since I always meet younger boys in my life.

I asked ChatGPT, and it told me that it might be because we’re the only ones to rely on underwater. After all, risks exist in diving. Not to mention that during descent and ascent, when he asks me to hold his jacket, or during flying under the sea, he was holding my hand, even changing the way to hold more comfortably… It was so special to me. Especially when I was eager to have the physical touch with others. That even makes me want to hug and kiss him softly, just like the way he treated me.

The funny thing is, he didn’t even remember me. All the above was only my own Unrequited Love.

When I found this, I still hope he could remember me, won’t forget me again next time. It’s like struggling with his carelessness, because he’s always polite and officially replies to my messages on WhatsApp, or never replies even though he saw it. He used to say that the reason why he didn’t reply was that he didn’t have the internet. But that doesn’t work when he was shown his last online time later than my message time.

However, at this moment, it doesn’t matter anymore. With so many times Unrequited Love, I don’t want to be trapped inside. If you don’t care, I don’t need to care either. Though I still like the long, curled eyelashes, the eyes staring at nothing with a gloom inside (as I feel).

I know, I’ve given up, a little sad.