The Coach

“Coach, it’s forty below and snowing like crazy out there, and your team is suddenly red hot. You had a terrible start to the season and now you are certain to make the playoffs. How did you pull it off?”

“Well, it just comes down to a more consistent defense and good goal tending. Those elements were missing, you know?”

“Uh, Coach, I’m afraid I just don’t buy that. I have thousands of followers, and most have season tickets. We would all like to turn things around the way your team has. Please, Coach: what did you say?”

“What I told them, frankly, is the truth. Soon, they will be old and diseased, and then they will be dead. I told them that given the sad state of contemporary existence, the only way comfortably to survive as one succumbs to slow disintegration is to accumulate money. They have some money now; some of them have fortunes. I told them that if they do not immediately do everything in their power to win, that money will quickly disappear. I told them that their homes and families depend upon the outcomes of these games. I told them that I will do anything I can to help them win, but they had better win if they want to be relatively comfortable as they grow old, then sicken, then die.”

“Holy shit! You said that to the team?!”

“Yes. Now I’ve said it to you. You asked for it. Now improve your game accordingly.”