The Bull and the Willow

The walls were painted pink, not the kind of pink that catches one’s eye, but the kind that is so pale in color that it’s nearly white. Castori never would have noticed, if she hadn't started doing touch-ups with a pure white coat of paint. The drive to town was thirty minutes, and she was going to need a lot more than the pint she had open on the floor.

She groaned and stepped carefully off of the step ladder. She threw one of her long, raven colored braids over her shoulder and took a deep breath, trying to suck in her bulging stomach to bend over in an attempt to put the paint lid back on the can. She couldn’t reach the can that way, so she tried a different maneuver. She put the majority of her weight on one hand, leaning hard against the step ladder, and supported her stomach with the other hand as she slowly lowered herself into a squatting position, and picked up the can, setting it on the ladder for easier access.

She stood up with difficulty, and groaned, feeling like the whole world was pressing down on her shoulders telling her to just lie down and rest, but she was determined to finish the nursery before the baby arrived.

She hammered the lid back onto the paint can and hobbled out of the room. She grabbed the keys to her old beat up Chevy Cheyenne. She made her way down the porch steps, and as was walking to her truck, when she looked out behind her little blue trailer home, at the willow tree that her husband had been buried under after he died two months into Castori’s pregnancy. To her horror, she saw the silhouette of a bull, stamping the ground where her husband lay.

Castori shrieked, and ran as fast as she could, screaming and hollering at the bull to go away. The monster caught sight of the young woman, and his muscles relaxed. He slowly turned away from her, walked around to the other side of the tree disappearing from view

Castori stopped running, trying to maintain a steady breath so she didn’t pass out from exertion. She walked back to her truck, her head hung low, with one hand caressing her stomach. She sat in the driver’s seat, and allowed the tears to fall as she put the key into the ignition and started the long drive to town.

She was beginning to wish she had kept her daughter at the house with her to help her paint the nursery for the new baby, but she had allowed her daughter to go to her grandparents’ house for a few months on the other side of the reservation, so she could have time to grieve over the loss of her father.

Castori returned to her home an hour later with a gallon of white paint, and a couple roller brushes. The heat of the evening pressed exhaustion against her like a heated iron, branding the hide of a calf, but she was determined to finish the nursery. She was on her way into the house, when out of the corner of her eye, she saw something moving by the willow tree. She stopped in her tracks, and turned to look.

She had never bought a bull, she never had any animals on her farm, but there it stood again, stamping its hooves and dragging them across the grave. Castori dropped all of her things, she had no energy to run, so she walked as briskly as she could towards the bull.

“Hey!” she screamed, as hot tears blurred her vision once again. She waved her arms aggressively, trying to look big enough to scare it away, “Leave him alone!” she sobbed, “Why won’t you let him rest?!”

The bull took off running down the hill behind the tree once he caught sight of her.

Castori made it to the willow and fell to her knees, she pushed the dirt back into the grave, and patted it down softly. She picked up some rocks to place over it so the bull wouldn’t be able to dig his hooves in again, then she looked up into the willow branches.

Chickadees flitted from branch to branch and the afternoon sunlight found its way through the maze of twigs and leaves. A breeze picked up, and the tree swayed with the wind, some of its branches dragged gently across the ground.

Castori stood up, wiped the tears from her eyes, and walked back to the house. The baby kicked, and she stopped for a second, looking down at her belly. She rubbed it gently, waiting for another kick, nothing came. She smiled a soft smile, picked up her painting materials, and went inside to get to work.

Nearly four hours later, the walls were painted, and the crib was assembled. The room was bare besides the chair Castori had sat in to put the crib together. It was almost twelve thirty at night and Castori was asleep on the couch in her living room, where she had been sleeping, restlessly for the past forty five minutes. She had just fallen back asleep when she heard something hit the side of the house, shaking the furniture and knocking a vase off the counter that shattered on the ground. She looked around the house, expecting to see a thief, or an animal of some kind, but there was no one. She heard the slam again, and the house shook.

“That damn bull.” Castori said, grabbing the shotgun by the door, and walking around the side of the house.

Sure enough, there it was. A huge, muscular beast, huffing through its furry snout, stamping and dragging its feet before ramming against the house again. Its coat was black, darker than the night sky, and seemed to shimmer in the moonlight.

Castori fired the shotgun at the sky to scare it off. The bull startled, but turned to look at her. Its beady eyes bore into her soul. It dragged its hooves through the dust, and put its head down. Castori’s heart was beating fast. She knew she couldn’t outrun the animal, especially when she was pregnant. She raised the shotgun up, waiting for the bull to make his move. Then she felt her cervix dilate. She doubled over, and the bull turned tail and ran around the back of the house.

Castori recovered, brought the shotgun back up to her shoulder, and walked after it. But when she turned the corner, the bull had vanished. She relaxed, and lowered the rifle. Letting out a long breath of relief. She noticed the water trickling down her leg, and calmly leaned the shotgun against the wall of the house. She tried to breathe as slowly and as evenly as she could. Her heart was beating in her throat, and her head was pounding, making her dizzy. She placed one hand on the house, and slowly made it to her front porch.

She stumbled into the living room, spread a sheet out on the floor and grabbed the phone. She dialed her parents number as she filled a bowl with warm water and got a couple rags and a large blanket to catch the baby in.

“Hi, you’ve reached Tulla and Jacob Littlewood! Sorry we can’t come to the phone right now, leave a message and we will get back to you as soon as we can.” the message indicator beeped.

“Hey mom…” Castori started, taking deep breaths, “Hey dad, I’m going into… labor. When you get this, please come over as soon as… you can.” She hung up and put the phone down, getting into a birthing position. She began to push, dabbing away blood and sweat as she worked. She groaned and screamed in pain as she helped her body push the baby out.

The labor was fast, lasting only four hours. Castori knew immediately that something wasn’t right. The baby wasn’t crying. She frantically reached over her tummy to pick it up. It was a boy, and it’s eyes were closed.

“No.” Castori whispered, “No! You were kicking YESTERDAY!” She cried, “You were alive Yesterday! Come back.” she clutched him to her breast, and pressed her hand against his chest, checking for a pulse. Nothing was there.

“What went wrong?!” Castori cried, “You were alive! You were fine! Come back.” She sobbed, “Don’t leave me too. I can’t have you leave me too, sweet child, come back.” Her breathing came short and choppy as she panicked, running her hand over his sweet face, and wrapping him in a blanket.

The baby was still warm in her hands, he looked like he was just sleeping. Castori remembered the stethoscope her daughter had in her pretend doctor's kit, and she stood to go get it. She returned shortly, and pressed it to the baby's chest. nothing.

"It's just a toy." She whispered to herself, as she pressed her ear against his chest and placed her finger under his nose. "Breathe God damnit!" she screamed, then between sobs she kissed the baby's face.

“It’s okay.” she said softly, “It’s okay. I love you.” she held him to her bosom again, “Rest now sweet boy, have peace.”

She stood, shakily, the pain of losing her child outweighed the pain she felt from childbirth. She pulled on a loose pair of pants and took the baby out to the willow tree as the sun began to rise, casting a golden light across the sky. She dug for hours, until she was sure the baby would be safe deep under the ground. She grabbed the bundle of blankets and looked at her lost son’s sweet face one more time, and planted a kiss on his forehead before she covered it and placed him in the grave. She pushed the dirt in over him and collapsed to her knees.

She heard the tires of her parent’s car pull into the driveway, but she continued to sob, letting the tears soak into her clothes. She wailed and laid down between the two graves in a fetal position. Her body shook with her sobs and she sank into a dark corner of her mind.

"take me, too." she cried between sobs, "I don't want to be here either."

She felt the hands of her father pick her up and hold her close, she felt her mother stroke her hair, and her daughter grabbed her hand, but she didn’t open her eyes, she didn’t want to see the world her son never got to see. She didn’t want to see the world without her husband.

“Mommy, it’s okay.” came the voice of her eight year old daughter.

“Let’s get you inside.” Her father said, picking her up and carrying her to the house.

Castori held her daughter’s hand and opened her eyes, and for the first time in her life, even the sunset looked colorless. It didn't make her heart pound with excitement like it used to, but beautiful things don't look as beautiful when someone is so near to death.

“Rest mommy.” her daughter said, “Close your eyes and rest.”

Castori nodded, and looked over her father’s shoulder at the graves one last time.

There stood the bull, next to the newly buried child.. Castori was about to raise the alarm when out from behind the willow, a calf appeared, prancing and dancing around the bull. The bull nodded towards Castori, then turned around and walked with the calf into the beautiful golden sunrise. The wind blew through the willow, and the bull and his calf disappeared from her sight.

She clutched her daughter’s hand tightly and closed her eyes. The voice of her husband echoed in her head;

'Rest now, love.' He said, 'He is safe, he is happy. Recover, grieve and rest.'

Castori placed her head on her father’s chest, took a deep breath, and was asleep before they reached the front door.