The Brunch

I wrote this story with two goals in mind. The first was to help anyone who has suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth to feel less alone and more understood. Of course, I realize that each situation is different. The second goal was to help anyone who has not suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth to better understand how to show compassion and sympathy to someone who has.

Story Overview: Paige Mullen had a miscarriage a few months ago at nineteen weeks of pregnancy. Today is the day of her husband, Jake's family's annual Mothers Appreciation Brunch. Should she and Jake attend the brunch? If they decide to attend, will it cause more hurt for Paige?

Paige Mullen was comforted by her husband, Jake, whose strong arms were wrapped around her in a hug from behind. A small raft of mallard ducks floated gracefully in the water in front of them, and the blue sky was filled with clouds that looked like vast globs of marshmallow cream. A warm, southerly breeze wafted through the air carrying the faint smell of honeysuckle. By all accounts, it was a perfect day. Father, you know I've been nervous about this day. Please let it go well.

Suddenly, a small child's joyous laughter filled the air. A few feet away, a young man about their age was pushing a stroller as a young woman walked beside him. In the stroller was a little girl who was maybe a year old. She had curly blond hair and rosy, pink cheeks. She was pointing delightedly at a row of ducks. The trio looked like the epitome of a happy family. The sight brought a sting to Paige's eyes. Here I go again. We would've brought our precious Apricity here as soon as she was big enough.

Jake kissed the back of her head and lightly stroked her long, light brown hair as though he sensed what she was thinking. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gently turned her around to face him. Looking straight into her eyes and speaking in a soothing voice, he asked, "How are you doing right now, honey? Really?"

Paige took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "I thought I was okay until..." she let her voice trail off and looked around briefly at their surroundings. "This place makes me happy and sad all at the same time, you know? I wanted to stop here this morning because I thought it would be comforting and give me more strength to face this afternoon. I didn't even think about the possibility of seeing a family with a baby or hearing a baby laugh."

Basil Griffin Park here in Bowling Green, Kentucky, where she and Jake had both grown up held so many beautiful memories for her. Her parents had often brought her and her two brothers here when they were kids for picnics, to fish or feed the ducks, or play on the playground. In Paige's opinion, this park had been one of the best things about growing up in Bowling Green.

A tear escaped the corner of Paige's eyes. Jake wiped it away, then motioned toward a nearby bench. "Let's go sit down, baby."

They sat down on the bench and faced each other. Jake took both of Paige's hands in his. "Sweetheart, we don't have to go today if you don't feel like it. They'll understand."

Paige was silent for a moment and stared into the kindness and warmth in Jake's deep blue eyes that had been such a source of strength for her over the past three months. "I-I would hate to miss it," she spoke tremulously. "We only get to see some of these people once a year. And Gina and Brian always put so much work into this event. Plus, Gina took the time to text me to tell me they were especially looking forward to seeing us. But I can't help but be worried too. What if I get upset?"

After Paige began dating Jake when they were still in high school, it didn't take her long to see that his family had several events and traditions that were unique to them. One of them was their annual Mothers Appreciation Brunch, held without fail on the first Sunday in May every year.

The affair was held in the lavish home of Jake's cousin, Gina, and her husband, Brian in the Green Hills area of Nashville. There were always about seventy people in attendance, mostly Jake's aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and maternal grandparents.

The entire home was always colorfully decorated in a spring theme for the occasion. Gina and Brian always hired caterers to set up a huge buffet in the kitchen consisting of items such as broccoli cheddar quiche, baked potato slices, eggs benedict casserole, smoked salmon, French toast, and cranberry orange scones, to name just a few. After filling their plates, guests generally went to the enormous back porch, where tables would be elegantly arrayed with floral centerpieces and proper place settings.

The center table was the special table. It was the table where the fifteen mothers in the family always sat. A name card and a small vase of flowers the mothers could keep as gifts would be beside each place setting. A wrapped gift would be given to each mother and opened following the meal along with the flowers. Afterward, everyone usually played games in the backyard. Typically, Paige played volleyball with some of Jake's cousins, but she knew she wouldn't do that this year.

Paige dreaded seeing the mothers' table this year because there should have been sixteen place settings instead of fifteen.

She looked down at their enjoined hands, then back up at Jake. "Oh, honey, I dread seeing the mothers' table. There should have been a place for me there this year."

Jake nodded sympathetically. "I thought of that. And the fact that she would've been here next month."

At those words, Paige buried her head in his chest and let her tears flow as he encircled her in his arms. As they sat there oblivious to their surroundings, she thought back over the events of the past few months.

Last October, after six months of marriage, they'd been overjoyed to learn that Paige was pregnant. They'd called all their close family members and friends and posted the news on Facebook. Paige began having regular checkups with a respected obstetrician in Bowling Green, and Jake always took the day off work so that he could accompany her.

The first week of December, they learned they were having a girl. A few days later while walking outside, they talked about how nice the bright sunlight was, even though it was winter. All at once, a thought hit Paige like a bolt of lightning. She'd read a book once from the 1800s and had come across the word "apricity," which meant "the warmth of the sun in winter." What a perfect name for their baby girl! She'd told Jake about it, and he ultimately agreed. Their daughter's name would be Apricity Marie. Marie was for his great-grandmother, who had passed away a couple of years prior.

At sixteen weeks, Paige began to feel the baby move. The same week, during her appointment, her doctor assured them everything appeared to be progressing as expected.

One afternoon, as Paige was driving home from the spa where she worked as an esthetician, she began to feel her stomach opening and closing. It felt like what other people had described to her as contractions. By the time she got home, the condition had gotten much worse. Fortunately, Jake had been off work that day and rushed her to a local hospital.

Much of what happened next was a blur in Paige's mind. She recalled being taken immediately back to an examination room. The emergency room doctor had checked her cervix and told them that she was in labor, and it was too late to stop it. Her regular obstetrician arrived, and Paige had begged the woman to stop the labor, but she, too, said it was too late.

About an hour later, their precious child was born sleeping. Following the delivery, a nurse handed Paige their tiny, beautiful daughter wrapped in a pink and yellow blanket.

She and Jake had taken turns holding her as they wept. Both sets of their parents and siblings had come to the hospital to show their love and support and had also taken turns holding the baby. When Paige and Jake left the hospital early the following day empty-handed, the sense of loss had been nearly unbearable.

The big question on their minds was why. Paige had carefully followed the doctor's instructions and always ate a healthy diet. She had never once smoked a cigarette or drank alcohol. Her obstetrician had met with them and reassured them that neither had done anything wrong. She also advised them to wait at least four months before trying again for a successful pregnancy. They did plan to start trying again, possibly by the end of summer. They agreed, though, that Apricity Marie Mullen would always be their first child.

They'd decided to have their child cremated. Her ashes were in a pink bootie baby urn on the mantel above their fireplace in the living room.

Paige raised her head and wiped her eyes. She saw that Jake's face was tearstained, too. She'd lost count of how many times they'd held each other like this and cried over the past three months.

She pulled a tissue out of her purse and dabbed his eyes. "I miss her so much. I know you do, too, honey."

"I always will." He stared into the distance briefly, then directed his attention back to Paige. "Sweetheart, back to the brunch this afternoon. We don't have to go. You have dealt with so much pain through all this. Some of the things people have said to you." He pressed his lips together and shook his head. "I just don't want anything to be done or said this afternoon to hurt your feelings."

"I admit, I am a little worried about that." She absentmindedly rubbed her hand over his knee. "Not that anyone who will be there this afternoon would intentionally say or do something hurtful."

"Maybe not intentionally, but..." Jake bit his lip.

Paige sighed. "I know what you mean. On one hand, I'm afraid of some of the things that might be said. On the other hand, it will hurt if everyone acts as though our Apricity never existed at all."

One of the phrases that she and Jake had grown tired of hearing was, "Everything happens for a reason." Paige was sure that people meant well, but it felt to her as though they were implying that she and Jake shouldn't mourn their daughter's death because "there was a reason for it." Another phrase that bothered them was, "You two are young; you can have other kids." Yes, they were both twenty-five, and could have more children, but they wanted that baby. There was only one Apricity Marie Mullen, and no other child could ever take her place.

They'd come to realize, too, that some thought it was best to act as though Paige had never been pregnant at all. They never brought it up, thinking that was the right thing to do. The truth was, both Paige and Jake wanted to talk about the child they had lost. They did not want her to be forgotten and feared that she would be.

Paige glanced at Jake and realized that he looked angry. She raised an eyebrow. "What are you thinking, sweetheart?"

"I was remembering those people who had the nerve to insinuate that you did something to cause the miscarriage. I'm telling you; I've never been angrier."

Sadness and anger washed over Paige as she recalled what he was referring to. One instance occurred right after Paige had posted the news of Apricity's death on Facebook. A girl she had gone to high school with but didn't know very well had sent her a private message. The message had read, "Be honest already. You must have drunk a boatload of alcohol or did drugs or something like that to cause your baby to die."

Paige had burst into tears right after reading those words. How could someone imply that she'd done something on purpose to hurt her baby? She'd shown Jake the message, and he'd grabbed her phone and blocked the girl's account. Later, they'd prayed that the Heavenly Father would forgive her for her cruelty. That still didn't make her words hurt any less.

Something else that had been hurtful was when one of the lash extension artists who also worked at the spa where Paige worked called her. It was two weeks after losing Apricity, and she'd still been off work. "Can I ask you something?" the woman had spoken in an accusing tone. "Did you eat right when you were pregnant?"

Paige had been speechless. "Of course, I did!" she'd replied through tears and ended the phone call. The woman had left her job at the spa right after that, and Paige hadn't seen or heard from her since.

She studied Jake's face. As horrifying as some people's comments had been, she hoped he remembered that there had been more kind comments and gestures than hurtful ones. "Honey, let's not forget that there have been more kind words than hurtful ones. Most of our Facebook friends said they were sorry for our loss and praying for us. Also, remember that thoughtful welcome-back party my coworkers gave me when I returned to work? That made going back a lot easier."

Jake smiled apologetically, "You're right, sweetheart. Sorry to bring up the bad stuff. It was just hard to see you so hurt." His expression brightened. "Hey, Gina and Brian and Grandma Rose sent us cards, didn't they?"

Paige nodded. "They did. So did your Aunt Frances and your cousins, Debra and Jadie. Those cards were so sweet and touching. And let's not forget how wonderful both our mothers have been."

Their mothers had indeed been remarkable. Both of them had called regularly and offered to go shopping for them, run errands for them, and check on them.

Jake snapped his fingers. "Remember that lady, Sharon, and how generous and kind she was?"

Paige smiled as she looked around and noticed many more people at the park now than earlier. "I could never forget Sharon's kindness. She sets such a good example for others to follow."

A feeling of solace and gratitude swept over Paige as she thought of Sharon Fields, a lady from their church. Sharon was in her mid-fifties and seemed to have an aura of peace. On the day Paige and Jake came home from the hospital, Sharon called Jake. She said she'd heard about the miscarriage from another church member and asked if she could come over briefly.

Jake told her it was all right to come over, and ten minutes later, there was a knock on their door. Sharon had brought paper plates, plastic cutlery, and enough frozen meals to last a week. She said something that Paige would never forget. "I don't have any words of wisdom, but I want both of you to know I love you." The woman's actions had a profound effect on both of them. Sharon hadn't merely told them she loved them; she'd shown them in a way that told them she understood they'd suffered an unspeakable loss.

Jake sighed and looked down at his wristwatch. "Well, baby, are we going to the brunch? If we are going, we need to leave soon. It starts at one o'clock, and it's getting close to twelve right now."

Paige nodded weakly. "Okay, let's go ahead and go. Can we pray first, though, honey?"

"Of course, we can." Jake bowed his head. Paige did the same and listened intently to his words. "Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for all your blessings. Please let us have a safe trip to Gina and Brian's today. Father, you know about the pain we've endured for the past three months. Please let this brunch go well. Please, Father, don't let anything be said or done to hurt Paige. Please let her be okay when she sees the mothers' table. We ask these things in Christ's name."

"In Christ's name," Paige repeated. As she did, a sense of peace came over her. They stood up, and Jake placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Baby, if you change your mind any time, you let me know, okay? I don't care if we're five minutes away. And if you need to leave early after we get there, you tell me." He looked directly into her eyes and sounded kind, but firm.

"Okay." She reached out and gave him a quick hug.

They began walking to their car hand-in-hand. Jake looked at her and smiled appreciatively. "Sweetheart, in case I forgot to tell you, you look gorgeous today."

"Oh, thank you, honey." She glanced down at her sleeveless lavender summer dress that came down to mid-calf. "By the way, I didn't pack a change of clothes since I won't be playing volleyball this year."

"That's fine, my love." Jake opened her door and waited for her to get inside.

Paige fastened her seatbelt. Jake did the same and started the ignition. A comfortable silence fell between them.

During the ride to Nashville, Paige thought about some of the people who would be at the brunch, beginning with the hosts. Gina and her husband, Brian, were in their late thirties and were both professors at Vanderbilt University. Apparently, they'd decided before they got married not to have children. As far as Paige was concerned, that was their business. How could they understand what she and Jake had been through, though? She remembered again the sweet card they'd sent. Perhaps they understood on some level.

She thought of Grandma Rose and Grandpa Bill. They were in their mid-seventies, married for fifty-four years, and had six children. Paige was always amazed how they were still so affectionate to each other after all these years of being married. She hoped that she and Jake would follow their example.

Jake's cousin, Jadie, was their age and worked as a nurse at Nashville General Hospital. She and Paige had always gotten along well. Jadie recently posted on Facebook that she and her boyfriend had gotten engaged and planned a fall wedding.

Jake's cousin, Debra and her husband, Dalton were in their early thirties and had ten-year-old twin boys and an eight-year-old girl, all of whom they homeschooled. Dalton worked as a welder, and Debra was a stay-at-home mom. Paige had always found Debra to be friendly and easy to talk to.

Paige reminded herself that Jake's sister, Amanda, wouldn't be at the brunch this year, as she was on a mission trip to Honduras. They would all certainly miss her.

Paige smiled as she thought of how Jake's family was so diverse, yet they could always come together and have a good time. That doesn't mean that someone won't accidentally say or do something hurtful.

She remembered Jake's prayer earlier and silently scolded herself for her negative thoughts. Please, Father, please, let it go well. Please don't let anything happen to upset me.

Paige felt her heartbeat quicken as Jake turned onto Gina and Brian's street. All at once, she thought of something she hadn't considered until now. What if there was a pregnancy announcement from another family member today? How would that make her feel? Several of Jake's cousins were of childbearing age and could be pregnant.

She'd joined a private group on Facebook for people who had suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth. A couple of women on there had posted about being hurt when a family member such as a cousin or sister-in-law, had made a pregnancy announcement without having talked to them privately first to allow them time to process the news or had the chance to excuse themselves beforehand. Father, help me to deal with whatever happens. Please.

"Sweetheart, remember what I said back at the park." Jake kept his hands on the steering wheel and his eyes fixed on the road. "Anytime you feel like you need to leave, you tell me, okay?"

"Okay," Paige spoke quietly.

As they pulled into the driveway, Paige saw they were among the last to arrive. She spotted Jake's parents' and grandparents' cars and Jadie's.

Just as Jake turned off the engine, Paige spotted Gina bursting out of the front door and practically running toward their car. She looked lovely. Her long, dark hair was pulled back into a tight French braid, and she wore a long pink and green floral print dress.

Gina opened Paige's door, and as soon as Paige stepped out, the older woman drew her into a tight embrace. The hug lasted for several moments. Paige felt as though this hug was different than any Gina had given her before. There was more...love perhaps.

Gina turned and hugged Jake. "I'm so happy to see you two!" She positioned herself between them and placed a hand on each of their shoulders as they walked toward the house.

"Most everyone is on the back porch." Gina opened the front door and motioned for them to go inside.

The living room looked like a picture in an advertisement for spring decor. The two cream-colored sofas and loveseat were topped with pastel pink throw pillows, and large bouquets of rainbow mini carnations in matching elegant glass vases sat on every end table. A large grapevine wreath lined with artificial tulips hung above the fireplace mantel.

Paige's stomach rumbled as they walked past the kitchen. The smell of smoked salmon, cinnamon, and warm maple syrup permeated the air.

After they passed the kitchen, Paige noticed that Jake grabbed her hand. Gina had gone ahead and was about to open the door that led to the back porch. Immediately, Paige forgot all about the smells of food. Here it is, the moment of truth. The mothers' table is on the other side of that door.

Paige tentatively stepped out onto the back porch with Jake still holding her hand. They were immediately greeted by Grandma Rose, wearing a light green pantsuit. Her thick, white hair looked impeccable, and her arms were outstretched. She reached for Paige first. Paige released Jake's hand to return the dear woman's embrace.

Grandma Rose's hug was tighter than usual, as Gina's had been a little while ago. "I'm so happy you're here," she whispered in Paige's ear.

"Paige!" Jadie materialized beside Grandma Rose wearing a yellow sundress. Her long, blond hair was loose, and there was excitement in her pale blue eyes. "It is so good to see you! You look amazing!"

Paige mumbled thanks as she was greeted by Jake's Aunt Frances, his cousin, Debra, his mom and dad, and others. She looked over her shoulder and saw that Jake was talking to Brian. Avoid looking at the mothers' table as long as you can.

Paige looked around discreetly. Family members were standing around in small groups, talking and laughing. She also noticed that many of them were smiling in her direction. She made an effort to smile back. She continued to avoid looking at the center table. She saw that the other tables had a vase of rainbow mini carnations in the center and that the dishes in the middle of the place settings matched the yellow carnations in the bouquets.

Suddenly, Paige was aware of someone's arm around her shoulders. She turned her head. Debra was smiling warmly at her, and her dark eyes were glowing. Paige realized that the other woman slowly edged her toward the mothers' table. Why would she do that? Paige wondered.

Now that she and Debra were standing beside the mothers' table, Paige could no longer ignore it. It was covered with a fuchsia tablecloth, lined with purple and fuchsia dishes, and matching goblets containing water with tiny ice cubes. Beside each place setting was a small vase containing rainbow mini carnations. Beside the vases were name cards. Paige also noticed another detail. There were sixteen place settings.

Evidently, her fear in the car on the way here was warranted. Someone was going to make a pregnancy announcement today.

She turned to find Jake. Perhaps they needed to leave. She just wasn't sure how a pregnancy announcement would affect her.

Still beside her, Debra cleared her throat, grabbing her attention. Debra looked down at the table, prompting Paige to do the same. Near the end of the table closest to the door at the place setting between Grandma Rose and Debra, there was a name card that read: Paige Mullen.

Paige was unable to speak for a few moments. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. She looked up at Gina, who was standing on the other side of the table. "Y-you made a place for me at the mothers' table?"

"You are a mother, Paige," Gina spoke in a firm, authoritative voice. "The fact that your daughter isn't here doesn't make you any less of a mother."

Paige listened to Gina's words, looked around, and saw other family members nodding in agreement. She was a mother! No one had referred to her by that title since Apricity's death.

"And Jake is a father." Brian patted Jake on the shoulder.

Paige couldn't help it. She didn't care that everyone saw them. She walked up to Jake and wrapped her arms tightly around him. He returned the hug. No words were necessary. They were parents. They had indeed had a child. They stood that way for a few moments before releasing each other.

Brian then called on Grandpa Bill to say a prayer. Grandpa Bill thanked the Heavenly Father for the food and each present person. Afterward, everyone could take their plates into the kitchen and fill them up, beginning with the mothers. Paige took her plate and followed the other mothers into the kitchen with Debra behind her.

Paige returned to the table with mandarin orange slices, fresh strawberries, cinnamon French toast, and turkey sausage links. She felt as though she had more of an appetite today then she'd had since before the miscarriage. Grandma Rose sat down just as she did, and Debra sat right after them. Jake's mother, Aunt Frances, and Aunt Cindy were seated directly across from them. They had all started digging into their food.

Jake's mother cut up her pancakes with her knife and fork. "Paige, Frances, Cindy, and I agree that the name Apricity is unique and beautiful. You couldn't have come up with a better name."

Paige took a sip of water from her goblet. "Thank you. We thought it was the perfect name for our perfect little girl."

Grandma Rose wiped her mouth with her napkin. "It was the perfect name for my perfect great-granddaughter."

Paige put her arm around the dear woman and squeezed her. She loved that she had used the phrase "my perfect great-granddaughter."

Debra filled them in on how homeschooling was going. She made the comment that "her children were her ministry." Paige wanted to make sure she remembered that. Jake's mother told them some stories from Amanda's mission trip to Honduras. Jake's Aunt Frances asked Paige how she liked her career as an esthetician. Paige described some of the things she did at the spa. She was enjoying the conversation. She looked over at the table where Jake was sitting with Brian, Gina, Dalton, Grandpa Bill, Jadie, and others. He appeared to be enjoying himself.

They finished eating, and the caterers began clearing the tables. Gina and Brian went into the house and returned carrying two big boxes containing individual gifts for each mother. Gina handed Paige a medium-sized silver box with a pink bow.

Paige noticed that Jake and everyone he had been sitting with had gotten up from their table and were watching her. She also saw that the women seated around her were more interested in seeing her open her gift than in opening theirs.

Paige pulled the bow and took the top off the box. Inside was a quilt made up of pink and white squares. She spread the quilt over her lap. The name "Apricity Marie Mullen" was on the center white square sewn in cursive letters.

Paige's voice was thick with emotion. "Thank you." She was still looking down at the quilt. She heard Jake voice his thanks as well.

Gina pointed toward the inside of the box. "That's not all, Paige. The next part isn't just from Brian and me." She used her hand to motion toward everyone standing there watching. "It took a bunch of us to pull this next part off."

Paige looked inside. At the bottom of the box was a letter. Paige pulled it out and began to read. Jake stood behind her, put a hand on her shoulder, and leaned over so that he could read, too.

Dear Brian and Gina Fortner and Contributing Family Members:

Thank you for your generous donation to our organization. Per your request, the funds you gave us will be used to help provide needy children of Nashville with warm coats, hats, and gloves this winter. This donation has been given in memory of: Apricity Marie Mullen. I hope you know how much we appreciate your generosity! I might add that it is such a fitting gift in memory of a little girl whose name meant the warmth of the sun in winter.

Very Truly Yours,

Janet Miller

Director of Golden Rule Children's Services of Nashville

Paige reread the letter and let the tears flow freely down her cheeks. Jake kneeled and cried with her. Because of their little girl, whose name meant "the warmth of the sun in winter," more children in Nashville would stay warm this winter.

Paige looked around at the precious people standing there watching them. Some of them had tears in their eyes, too. And to think that she'd been worried about coming to this brunch. How blessed she was to be a part of this family who loved each other so much!

After all the mothers finished opening their gifts, Jadie approached Paige with a huge grin on her face. "Hey, Paige, let's change our clothes and play volleyball!"

"Oh, I didn't bring a change of clothes," Paige explained apologetically." I didn't think I'd feel like playing this year."

"No problem, I've got extra clothes in the car that you could wear."

Paige smiled. "Okay, let's play!"

She turned her head and saw Jake nodding at them and smiling.

Disclaimer: This story was previously published on medium.com and checked for spelling and grammatical errors using Grammarly.