The Box

The day my older brother, Thom, died I had received a box. It was about the size of my torso but rather light in weight, made of a hard, cardboard material, covered in light brown paper, with nothing but duct tape keeping it shut. Originally, I had no desire to open it. As I had just lost my best friend in the whole world, presents were the last thing on my mind. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and the box still remained untouched, resting on the floor of my closet, just out of sight. Eventually I had no memory it was even there.

Thom died in the December of my Junior year of high school. It was now October of my Senior year and Thom had become but a distant memory. My brain no longer able to produce the sound of his voice. His facial features were always slightly different than I had remembered them in the pictures I’d see of him. The particular way he always smelled no longer lingered inside my nostrils. Thom had become nothing but a memory. Someone I had known at one point in my life, but now did not. Nothing more or less than exactly that.

It was a rather warm day for October. I had grown accustomed to the weather patterns in my town as I would walk to and from school every day. There was no need for me to take my car since it was only five blocks, and I began avoiding driving as much as possible ever since the accident. The heat on that day didn’t bother me, however. I happily welcomed it, feeling the sun kiss my skin as it shined down through the orange leaves above. The colors were always my favorite. They reminded me of marigolds, which were Thom’s favorite flower. I enjoyed every moment of the warmth up until the moment I stepped through the front door of my house.

Normally my routine after school would consist of me grabbing a pop tart from the cabinet, strolling to my room and plopping down in my desk chair where I would open my laptop and either watch youtube or scroll through Brooke’s Facebook photos. Although Chemistry was the class we shared there was sadly none of that between us.

This particular day was different. As I stepped through the door into the kitchen, I was greeted with the sight of a cold memory. Placed on the kitchen table was the box I received the day Thom died, my mother sitting quietly beside it.

“Mom--” I began, almost unable to get the words out. To this day I’m still not sure if it was fear or anger that held back my words.

“I know, Max,” she sighed. “I know you didn’t want me snooping around in your room. I know you haven’t opened this box on purpose. I know you’ve done so much to forget everything about Thom so you don’t have to feel the pain anymore. But it’s been long enough now. You should be safe to open this, right?”

“Mom, I don’t want some sympathy gift from some stranger, okay?” I was beginning to get frustrated with her. “I mean, for all I know that could be--”

“This was from Thom, Max,” my mother cut me off. The silent, shocked expression I gave her must have been enough to prompt her to speak again, because she continued. “He left it behind for you. It was something he wanted you to have, not anybody else.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was from Thom? Why had nobody ever told me he was the one who left it for me. I had never been approached about this box before, so why now? I had so many questions I needed answered, but didn’t know which ones to start with. Apparently I didn’t deem any of them necessary to ask either, because before I even knew it, I was carrying the box to my room. A single tear rolled down my face as I opened the bedroom door and placed the box down on the side of my bed.

Quietly I stared at the box, almost afraid to touch it. Almost afraid to even breathe near it. Slowly, I moved toward the box and carefully pulled the tape up from the sides, removing the light brown paper. Once the lid was no longer attached I removed it slowly, unsure of what was to be found underneath. A black cloth was draped over the contents inside and on top a note with my name was gently placed. I lifted the note, flipped it over and read Thom’s scribbly writing on the other side.

“Dear Max,

I’m sorry we never really get to see each other anymore. I know how much you miss me, and i promise I miss you just as much. You’re always asking me what it is I’m working on in the lab. Well, I guess it’s your lucky day. Merry Christmas, buddy.

See You Soon,

Thom”

This was going to be my Christmas gift last year. I couldn’t believe it. I waited all this time for something I could have had so long ago. The worst part was that I didn’t even have a good reason for not opening it until now. Regardless of my regret, I moved the cloth aside.

Inside the box was a small headset and two gloves, all of which were a crisp white color, shadowed with grey lining. I immediately realized what this was. Thom had built this himself. It was a virtual reality headset, that he must’ve programmed a few games or something for. He always knew how much I loved video games and virtual reality, but I just couldn’t believe he would build one for me. My body was overcome with excitement and I quickly threw the headset on.

There was a small suction cup that attached to the back of my neck, just in line with my spine, and was connected to the headset. It was probably some sort of vital reading thing, just to make sure I didn’t have an epileptic seizure or something like that. Thom was always very careful about those kinds of things. The gloves fit perfectly, and slid on with ease. I carefully lowered the headset down over my eyes and found the power button on the side. When I pressed it gently with my index finger I was immediately shocked as the headset tightened itself to my head, closing off any incoming light I had from the outside world. Suddenly I was in the dark.

I waited for quite a bit of time before I got anxious. I began fiddling with the headset, unsure of how to remove it. The headset was firmly placed however and I was beginning to panic, seeing nothing but darkness.

“Hello?!” I called out in a panic.

“Hello.”

A cold chill ran down my spine. I recognized that voice. It was someone I knew.

“W-who is that?” I spat out, not loosening my grip on the headset one bit.

“Max, don’t you remember me?”

Now I was sure I knew this voice. I just couldn’t picture the face that went with it.

“I--I’m not sure… M-maybe.. Maybe if I had a face to go with it?” I requested cautiously.

“Of course! Where are my manners?” The voice responded and suddenly there was a flash of light in front of me.

When the flashbang of light was finally no longer blinding I began to make out the figure standing in front of me. It was almost enough to make me collapse to the ground. There, standing right in front of me again, was Thom. Not only could I see Thom, but I could smell him too. The scent of wood and metal shavings, mixed with the sharp smell of Old Spice, his favored deodorant brand.

“Well? Are you just going to stand there or are you going to hug me?” Thom smiled his big smile and stretched out his arms for me.

Immediately I ran in and hugged him. I could feel him too. Not only could I see and smell him, but I could feel his touch. I couldn’t even tell the hug wasn’t real.

“But… how?” I asked, completely amazed.

“I wouldn’t think too much about it buddy,” Thom chuckled. “Let’s just say I’m a bit of a genius when it comes to technology. Why don’t we just talk for a while?”

I remember sitting and talking with Thom for what felt like hours. We talked about school, girls, sports, Mom and Dad, and everything in between. Finally I worked up the courage to ask Thom what time it was.

“It’s 11:43pm buddy,” Thom informed me.

“Oh,” I sighed. “Well I should get to bed. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” As I moved to get up out of my chair, I found myself unable to do so. It wasn’t like something was weighing me down, I just had no function over my arms or legs.

“Um… Thom?” I asked shakily.

“Yes Max?” He replied.

“I um… I can’t move,” I began breathing heavily.

“I know Max,” As I looked around, Thom was no longer there.

“Thom?? Thom, where are you?!” I began to panic.

“Quiet, Max,” Thom’s voice was stern now. I opened my mouth to speak but I was unable to. I was completely petrified. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was sit. Sit and think and listen.

“It will all be okay. This is what I’ve experienced every day. For the past ten months I haven’t been able to move. I haven’t been able to speak. I haven’t been able to do anything but sit and listen to my own thoughts.”

I could feel the sweat begin to roll down my body. Not a warm sweat either, a cold, terrifying sweat.

“It’s enough to drive someone crazy, Max. This is what death feels like. Nothing. It isn’t sleeping. It isn’t Heaven. Maybe it’s Hell, I haven’t figured it out yet. But what I do know is that I am now free. You’ve put on the headset, and now I can trade places with you.”

Trade places with me? What was Thom talking about? He couldn’t be serious. There was no way.

“I love you, Max. Please don’t think this changes that. I just need your body so I can be alive again... Your young, fresh, still in one piece body.”

Again I tried screaming but there was nothing I could use to scream. In fact, I couldn’t even feel my body anymore. It was suddenly just like it was only my thoughts. Just a brain with nothing to control.

“Now the neural swap is complete, Max. I’m going to leave you now. I won’t be coming back, but thank you. Thank you for trading places with me. Thank you for your sacrifice.”

That was the last time I ever heard from Thom. It was the last time I ever heard from anyone really. To this day I still sit with nothing but my own thoughts. Nothing to see. Nothing to taste. Nothing to smell or touch or hear. Just the silence, so loud it is deafening. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I even miss Thom a little bit. I have no concept of time, and I couldn’t tell you how long I’ve been here, but I constantly wonder if Thom destroyed the headset. If he rid the world of the opportunity to cheat death and swap places. Or maybe he left it… maybe… maybe someone will put on the headset… maybe someday… I’ll be free again.