The Black Witch 10

Saki's encouragement only carried me through my bath. By the time my head was resting on my pillow I was swimming in anxiety. I wanted tomorrow to come without delay but I was terrified to face it. Amidst my anxiety I fell prey to the folly of thinking that my problems would be solved when I awoke. The thoughts in my head slipped from my grasp as my eyes grew heavy. The silence of sleep had returned.

I woke to the same stimuli that coaxed me out of sleep every day. The sunlight slipping in through my window and the sounds of birds signing their alien songs. They disappeared from obvious perception as I remembered the problems that plagued me. After my morning exercise I went to make breakfast. I told myself that I would run into Kuri and things would be like they were just a few days ago. I was wrong, dreadfully so. That day I saw kuri once, we offered a terse greeting to each other and she handed me a questionaire about my expierence. After which she left my presence and made a show of leaving the mansion. The next two weeks continued like that. I saw kuri once a day exchanged formalities, new questions and answers then we went our seperate ways. The highlight of my week was peeking in on amelia working to bring her snacks and sweets. She accpeted them with giggles as I would motion for her to be subtle about it with my fore finger held to my mouth.

At the end of the those forsaken two weeks Lora approached me. I sat on the roof with a book on the myhtology of the fifteen gods of this world when the sound of her confident stride made its way closer to me. "Elliot, I must inform you that soon we will have a ball for the king of Norva and some high ranking nobles. You will attend with me and we will show them a happy, respectable marriage." Her informative command barged its way to my ears from behind. Without turning from my book I asked "When is soon?" Lora cleared her throat "You don't need to worry about that. I will tell you when it is close." The questioned annoyed her enough to draw out some venom. The response reminded me of my place. So I kept my eyes on the pages in front of me. The words were illegible and nonsensical when viewed through the lense that I was barely human here. "Very well, my apologies for asking a question beyond me. Thank you for informing me, your highness." Lora scoffed at my attempt to placate her. She left with heavy footfall. I heard the door to the mansion slam shut and let out a deep sigh. That interaction paired with the distance from Kuri was enough to drain any symblance of energy I had. I closed the book, closed my eyes and laid down. "Elliot we must talk about what we are. We should make clear what is permissible. I apologize for leaving you alone but I needed to have a clear head when this time came." Kuri's voice appeared to my right. Without opening my eyes I responded. "I think it's pretty obvious, I am a research subject and aquaintance. I took it too far with what I said during our trip. I got ahead of myself and said things that made you uncomfortable, I apologize. I will keep what we talk about limited to your curiosity and goals. I will not try to dig into your life." It hurt me to say those words, but I belived anything else would only serve to drive her further away. I kept my eyes closed, I refused to look at the situation. I knew seeing the relief in Kuri's playful face would hurt like no other. I knew seeing her after I drew the lines in the sand would only confirm my feelings. The feeling where everytime I saw her I felt more at ease but my heart rate would quicken. Where making eye contact made the world vibrant beyond compare. I had to hide this love. Now just like before; I could not fall in love with her.

Kuri was silent for a moment. I'm sure she was searching for a route that would not hurt me. I wanted her to chose the most painful one for me. Falling out of love with her would be so much easier then. "Thank you for understanding Elliot. It is nothing against you, but oaths before the gods are a most serious matter to me. I enjoy being around you but your statement last time went too far in a romantic direction. I don't see you that way, I can't see you that way." She said that horrible sentence in such a delicate voice. It hung in the air long after I felt her disappear. I was alone once agian. The guards may have been close by but they were little more than statues when it came to this feeling of isolation. The beauty of the day, the subtle smells wafting from the city, the gentle breeze all faded to grey. The things that crafted a beautiful day were hidden behind this fresh pain. I should have known better on multiple levels. Why would a respectable woman fall for a married man? Why would the sublime beauty that is Kuri fall for me? These questions pelted me like hail amidst a storm. The world was washed out by this squall that engulfed me. As I was swallowed the book I was reading fell from my hand. It landed open towards me, my downcast eyes saw one sentence and an idea was born. The sentence that broke the storm was "Meeting with the gods."

I had no clear goal but my gut told me that meeting with the gods would be a ray of hope. I shot up, and moved briskly to the gaurds at the entrance. "I want to go to the temple." The guards reeled at my first command. The one closest responded "Which temple?" The most important question. "I want to go to the god of darkness' temple." Their eyes lit up with understanding, but they made no moves to oppose me. She answered my command "Follow me." I was eager to follow her and go but I needed some information first. "Wait, lets go to the library first. I need to read up on the god and you all can tell me some basic ettiquite for communicating with the gods." I wasn't sure why but the guards were eager to humor me. We left as a group and made our way to the massive library on the second floor of the mansion. "First is there a specific outfit for visting a temple?" I presented the question to all the guards present. "Normally we wear fresh robes, ones with minimal designs are prefered but white ones are the best." The guard that responded to my initial command answered the fresh question. "Ok, I see. I believe that I have white robes." I mumbled the affirmation to myself. "Do I need to bring an offering? For the god or for the church itself?" My knowldge of my homeworld's religions drove the deadpan question. The guards cocked their heads at this "You only need to give something if you want from the gods, but that is determined by the gods and person who wants. The church accepts donations but they do not require them. Actually the temples are quite self sufficient." There was a slight hesistation in her response, I thought perhaps she wanted to tell me that I was a fool. I'm sure that to someone who had expierenced the churches here the assumptions I asked the question with felt disingenous.

We arrived at the library and I forgot the vibe that the guard had adopted. In the library in her typical spot of the chair closest to the entrance sat the de facto librarian. A maid who could read, was tasked with cleaning the library and arranging the books. With my goal of meeting a god I strode to her devoid of the normal timidness I possed when dealing with her. I stopped directly in front of her. "Where can I find books on the gods? Specifically on the god of darkness that lady Kuriga has an oath with?" The maid jumped, she had not noticed my approach due to her book. Moreover I voiced my question in a strong voice. She took a moment to collect herself, marked her book and led me to a shelf in the back of the room. "These are the only books we have on the upper three." She said motioning to the row at chest level, the last section of it. "Thank you for your help." my gratitude was given with a slight bow. With that I selected the first book, sat on the floor by the section in question and began reading.