The Belfast Bull

One day in Belfast there was a bull charging toward me and I shouted: "please spare my life!"

The bull stopped and said: "I will spare your life if you can say five hundred words in one hundred seconds."

I asked: "am I allowed to repeat words?"

The bull looked at me and said nothing. I realized I was wasting time and quickly started repeating the first phrase that popped into my head:

"I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to DIE!"

The bull slowly bowed its head, turned around, and trotted away.

Epilogue:

Years later, I moved to Spain to become a bullfighter. First bullfight, I tried the same strategy. It didn’t work.

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Author's note:

A bull did actually get loose in Belfast on the 3rd of September, 1968. It didn't have a bell and it wasn't very fast, but you can still watch 20 seconds of archival footage from the original live broadcast from Belfast by clicking the link below, if you so choose.

Thank you for reading my story, and I don't mean any disrespect to people who have historically enjoyed bullfighting, but please do not fight any bullocks. They're just trying to live.