The Artful Dodger

I'm good at what I do, I am. See that geezer over there with the cane? He'll have a silk handkerchief in his top pocket and I'll have that away in a trice! He won't even know it's gone until he'll go to look for it later and it won't be there. It'll be stashed away by then with the others I've nicked from these la-di-da gents!

Sometimes, before I hand them over, I'll rub them along my skin, a clean bit if I can find one (I'll make a patch with a bit of spit if I can't) so it don't leave no marks on the merchandise as Fagin likes to call it and I'll think about what it would be like to live a life of luxury like these toffs...

Silk's lovely. So soft. Makes no noise neither so it would be great material to wear for a thief like me.

Although I don't see myself as a thief. I know that's what I do but thief makes it sound likes there no skill to it, like it's just about the taking but for me, there's an art to it. I guess that's why I'm known as the Artful Dodger. Never been caught yet and that's because of my art, that is. I'm a master, even if I do say so myself. Light of finger, light of foot.

I feel like I'm bestowing an honour. I see you in a crowd, I eye you up, assessing what you have: the bulge in your pocket, the chain at your waistcoat. For ladies, the purse on your wrist or the kid gloves draped over your arm. I spot 'em and I'm in and like lightning, I've purloined them for myself! The skill in that? You wouldn't believe!

I'm no ruffian. I'm a connoisseur, the best of the best. I'm of the humble opinion that if it mattered that much to you, you'd take more care of it.

You wouldn't steal nuffing off me, mister. Not a chance. I'd have dodged out of your way before you could make your move! Now, it's time to make mine. For I have a date with some very nice silk.

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366 words

I like imagining my own version of already established characters - is that plagiarism? Do you think Dickens would mind?