Thanksgiving takes leave of its senses

Part one of "Thanksgiving with a twist series"

Check out Part 2 by Angela Derscha

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"Thank you Mr. Kilian, I wanted to ruin my husband’s Thanksgiving before starting mine!” Elizabeth said with a satisfied smile.

“Not to worry, Elizabeth. I’ll get these faxed over to the court in a few minutes and it will definitely cast a shadow over his holiday.”

“Good! Serves him right! AND that slut he’s spending it with!” she said as they stood up, their brief meeting ending.

Joshua Kilian, divorce lawyer extraordinaire (in his mind at least) laughed lightly and rested his hand on her upper arm briefly, “Now Elizabeth, try not to insult her where someone could hear, at least not until the divorce is over. It will just make things smoother.”

She gave a fake pout. “I know, I know. I’m just glad it’s almost over. Thank you for meeting me this morning. I know you weren’t coming to the office today.”

“It’s no trouble, Elizabeth. That’s what a good divorce lawyer does, makes sure his client has peace of mind. I hope you will have it while visiting your parents!” Joshua said as they headed to the front door of his practice.

“Oh I do, thanks to you.” She looked at her watch. “Oh! I better get to the airport! It’ll be murder getting through the lines today.” She flashed him a warm smile. “Thanks again! Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Joshua called back, taking a moment to admire her backside as she walked to her car. “Happy indeed,” he murmured in appreciation.

He shook his head and went back inside, quickly faxing the paperwork off to the courthouse. Truth was, he wanted to get out of the house for a while. His wife was cooking and making an enormous meal for the family. He wasn’t sure what she was doing and didn’t care; it was noisy and made it impossible to relax. He really wasn’t looking forward to spending time with both sets of parents. Listening to his kids argue and screech like little shits all day wasn’t too appealing, either.

Bah! He wished he could come to the office tomorrow too!

Joshua left the office, hopped into his car, and headed home. It was only a 15 minute drive, but he had to stop at the store and pick up cranberry sauce. Apparently, his wife didn’t get enough when she was at the store, and now he needed to find some. “Lucky me, I didn’t think I’d be jealous of someone going to the airport” he thought to himself.

Of course, the first store didn’t have any left, nor did the second. By the time he got to the third store, now almost a half hour from home, Joshua was in a pissy mood. Finally, finding some in the very back corner of a shelf didn’t help any. He wore an angry scowl as he walked back outside.

“Excuse me sir, I’m sorry to bother you, but could you help me?” came a raspy voice to his right.

Joshua turned and saw a homeless person standing close by. Old, scrawny, and dirty. He smelled even worse than he looked. He held a sign that simply said “please help”

“Ugh! Get away from me, old man! Go find someplace where you can take a bath!” Joshua made a show of waving at the air in front of his face. It was childish, but he was in a bad mood.

The homeless man said “wait, please. That’s actually what I’m trying to do. I might see my son’s family tomorrow, maybe even have dinner. I would really like to get a room and clean up. Please, anything would help.” He raised his hand out tentatively. It was dirty and streaked with grime. All of him was. Even his beard and hair were filthy and matted to his skin.

“Twenty baths might not be enough! Go away!” Joshua said, turning away.

“Wait! Please! I’m so close!” the man said, grabbing his arm without thinking.

“Let go of me!” Joshua roared, pulling his arm away and stepping back.

The homeless man raised his hands in a peaceful gesture, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything.”

“Is there a problem here?” a second voice said.

They both turned towards the voice, seeing a police officer standing there. He had come out and watched the end of the exchange.

“Yes, Officer!” Joshua said, he gestured at the dirty stranger, “this…..man assaulted me, I think he was trying for my wallet!”

“No! That’s not what happened!” the old man said.

“Yah huh.” the cop said dismissively. “Let’s get you out of here.”

He took the homeless man by the arm and started pulling him away towards his vehicle.

“Wait! Am I under arrest? What are you doing?” the man asked, trying to pull away.

“Just come with me.” the cop said, keeping a grip on the homeless man.

Joshua shook his head in annoyance and continued to his car, ignoring the homeless man’s cries and dismissing him from his mind.

It was a smooth drive home, and Joshua went inside, feeling a little better. He went into the kitchen, where his wife was stirring something over the sink. “Brought your cranberry sauce.” Joshua informed her, placing it on the table in the center of the kitchen.

She looked back at him in surprise. “Oh! I’m amazed you could find some! Thank you!”

He looked at, to his eyes, a disaster strewn all over the kitchen. Pots and pans everywhere with a variety of foods. He couldn’t make sense of it and didn’t want to.

“Will you be at this much longer? It’s a little noisy.” He saw a bowl filled with butterscotch candies sitting off to the side. Probably for his mother, she loved butterscotch. He liked them too, unwrapping one and popping it into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, honey, it’ll still be a couple of hours,” she said without pausing her stirring.

“Fine.” he muttered, leaving the kitchen. At least the damned butterscotch tasted good.

As he was passing the front door, the bell rang. Goddammit, would he get no peace?

Joshua opened the door to a stunning brunette in a shoulder-less dress that left little to the imagination. Not that imagination was needed with this woman. Maybe he shouldn’t be so quick to complain. He smiled broadly, swallowing the remaining butterscotch and asking, “Yes, can I help you?”

The woman was of medium height; she raised her hand and gave a small wave, which lifted her dress in interesting ways. It was the type of outfit one would wear for a night on the town, not a fall afternoon on the streets of a middle-class neighborhood, or any neighborhood really.

She looked him up and down and pursed her lips, which somehow made her even hotter. “Yes, I was just at the asshole store and they ran out of you, so the staff told me to come here.”

Instantly, Joshua’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t think there IS an excuse for you. I saw what you did to that poor man earlier. Bad Form. Bad Form.”

Joshua was in no mood for this. He stood a little straighter and crossed his arms. “And what? You followed me here to call me an asshole and recite Peter Pan? This has been fun, but it’s time for you to go. You don’t want to get arrested by the cops like he was.”

She laughed. It sounded musical like tiny bells. “Oh, he wasn’t arrested. The cop just got him away from you. Apparently. he thought you were an asshole too because he actually took the man to a cheap hotel and got him a room. The man was crying as he thanked the officer.”

“That’s…….unusual” was all Joshua could come up with.

“Yeah, above and beyond, I would say. That’s the thing about holidays, they can bring out the best in people. They can also bring out the worst. You wanted him in jail. We both know it.”

“And we’re back to it being time for you to leave.”

The woman stepped closer and snarled, “not quite yet, your assholiness, you done pissed me off. We’re not supposed to reveal ourselves, but I’ve decided to make an exception for you. You need to be taught a lesson.”

Joshua took a step back, anger rising, and maybe a little fear. “Okay, that is enough! Leave now or” he trailed off and his eyes widened in shock.

The woman seemed to shrink before his very eyes, and thin gossamer wings sprouted from her back. Suddenly, she looked like a three-foot fairy hovering in a dinner dress. Insanely, his mind wished the dress hadn’t shrunk.

She hovered in front of him, then flew back a foot, went up into the air, did a little flip, and when she landed on her feet, she appeared normal again.

“What…...what are you?” Joshua asked in a trembling voice.

“Let’s just say there’s a hidden world you don’t see. We do not reveal ourselves, but in this case, nobody would believe you. Besides, I have a gift for you.”

She quickly reached out and grabbed his hand. She slapped her other hand on the top of his. He felt a burning sensation, and when she removed her hand, there was a little blue jewel embedded into the back of his hand. Instinctively, he tried to pull it off, but he couldn’t grip it. When he scratched it, all he could feel was a slight bump, but it seemed a part of his skin.

“You can’t remove it, so you might as well stop. If you ever learn your lesson, it will come off. Oh, and nobody else will be able to see or feel it. It’s all for you and you alone.”

“Honey, is everything okay?” his wife called out from the kitchen.

“Yes, it’s fine. I’ve got it,” he called back.

The woman was looking at him with an almost exasperated look on her face. “Your wife is cooking dinner for tomorrow, and you were standing here checking me out? Oh, I am going to enjoy this show.”

“What are you talking about? Remove this!” he demanded, extending his hand towards her.

“No, I don’t think so. You see, this special jewel is connected to your senses. If your attitude makes people say the proper words, the jewel will respond. For example, if someone said, ‘you’re such a jerk, listen to me!’ you might go deaf. Perhaps, as your attitude makes you lose one sense after another, you might learn some gratitude or compassion.”

“You’re insane!” Joshua said, still scratching the back of his hand, a constant, futile attempt to remove the tiny jewel.

The woman laughed again. “Yes, but that has nothing to do with your predicament. Here, let me give you an example before I go. I doubt anyone will mention it while angry at you.”

She seemed to shrink again, and the wings appeared. She hovered in front of him, eyeing him up and down, “you know, your clothes really don’t look good on you. Your fashion sense is a joke.” She looked him in the eye and smirked, “It’s like you have no taste at all.”

Joshua could tell immediately something had changed, but he couldn’t say what. His mouth felt different. He smacked his lips and clicked his tongue in confusion. Then it hit him. The butterscotch aftertaste was gone. He couldn’t taste anything at all. Wait, he could still smell. How could he still smell but not taste? Joshua felt his pulse quicken. This couldn’t be happening!

“It’s happening! It’s happening!” she sang, as if reading his thoughts. “We’ll see how deep a hole you dig yourself and if you can get out. If you do learn from this, the jewel will fall off your hand and you might regain your senses. Might. I take my leave of you now, your assholiness.”

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Laughing, with another wave of her hand, the winged woman flew into the air, fading from sight.

Joshua watched and let out a small whimper as she disappeared. No no no no no no, this was crazy. It was a coincidence; it had to be.

Joshua slammed the door and went down the hall to his office. He went straight to his little bar and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. Joshua didn’t like whiskey. It was a gift from a friend, so he kept it. He may not like it, but he would certainly taste it! He unscrewed the cap and took a sip.

Nothing.

It was like water. No, even water had some taste. It was just liquid.

Joshua took another pull from the bottle, much bigger. He swirled it around tongue and swished it between his expanded cheeks. Nothing! He swallowed, coughed, and in desperation put the bottle to his lips and began guzzling. Trying to taste anything at all in denial.

He may have lost his sense of taste, but his stomach had not changed and immediately rebelled. He coughed hard, spitting a bunch up that splashed onto the floor.

He stood straight. Breathing deeply, hoping his stomach would settle as he swayed a little. He looked at the bottle. Almost a third of it was gone. Holy shit, what did he just do?

Well, if he puked again, he wouldn’t taste it. He couldn’t taste that whiskey going down or coming back up.

“Honey, what’s going on?” his wife asked from behind him.

“I’m fine. I just wanted to try some whiskey. It didn’t agree with me. Just…….just go back to what you were doing.” He said without turning around.

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything.” Joshua could hear the hurt in her voice at his dismissal. He didn’t care. What the hell was happening to him?

What would happen next?

Check out Part 2 by Angela Derscha https://vocal.media/fiction/fresh-apple-pie?fbclid=IwAR0AZXUeBU7pXa-9vD3Pwp8aPG21AAFeME_sv0px0-3KF3Bz7YrJsgVqMrI