Tell Me You Love Me

“Why don’t you hold me anymore?”, the wife asked as she looked at the stained floor mat, while the question ate at her core. The car was already filled with cold air and a deafening, awkward silence. Now it is filled with smoke and tension. The husband rolled his eyes into his head, lit his cigarette and said, “I can’t sleep like that anymore. It’s uncomfortable for my back”. Her question was annoying to him, and his frustration was beginning to rise like boiling milk. “Are you not attracted to me anymore”, she quivered, as she attempted to choke back her tears. Just the thought of her first love no longer being interested in her made her want to burst into tears. She held onto the hem of her new dress, as if to brace herself for the answer to her question. “We just came from marriage counseling. Why didn’t you ask me this then?”, he scoffed at her. “If I wasn’t still into you, would I be going to counseling? Stop asking me stupid questions”. He could not hide his lack of empathy and adjusted his right hand, on the cold leather steering wheel. She could not tell if the weather outside had dropped ten more degrees or if it was just the ice her husband’s heart was radiating. He had become so cold towards her, since the beginning of the year, and she could not even muster up the courage to answer his question. She wanted to tell him that he has been so cruel to her lately, and whether he goes to therapy or not does not make it right. She also wanted to tell him, she did not have a chance to ask him, during their counseling session, because he tends to shut down and make it obvious, he would rather be anywhere but there.

Their Toyota Corolla was an older model. It was the first and only car they had purchased together, and just like their love, it seemed as if their car’s engine was going to give out any moment now. “Nothing ever works right”, her husband mumbled under his breath. “What do you mean”, the wife inquired. Suddenly, the engine began to make a knocking sound and began to slow down. He pulled over just as the car was coming to an unwanted stop. “Oh great! Just what I need. You want to have another therapy session. Now we’re trapped on the side of the road, and it’s freezing outside so I have to listen to your stupid questions. The car won’t work. You don’t work.” He stopped wishing he could take those last words back immediately, but his frustration had been like oil jumping out of a frying pan, and he could not contain it. Her tears burst out of her eyes. She knew exactly what he was referring to. He did not intend to hurt her which is why he hid his feelings all year. They had tried to get pregnant for the past two years. He had been asking her for a family for so long, but she always wanted to put her career first. She felt her heart break into pieces. She wanted a family, but she had waited too long. Her biological clock had silenced. She picked up her dignity off the floor of their old Toyota Corolla and walked home. Her tears froze to her face as quickly as her heart froze. Her husband did not need to chase after her. Like their old car’s engine, he knew she was gone for good.