Teenage Hormones

I'll never understand how he doesn't see his own beauty.

I can see him, Cory, just across the hall. He always sits alone at the back table, tucked away from view of the world. He's wearing his usual purple hoodie and bleach-washed joggers. He pretends to read manga at the table, but I can still see his eyes. His gorgeous green eyes. He flutters over his surroundings, watching everyone pass by. He probably hopes nobody will bother him. I can understand why.

Cory believes he's undesirable. I really don't see how. He has a sharp jawline and a pert nose. His smile is absolutely radiant, and his eyes squint every time. He's also tall with a slim waist that I just know makes models envious. Academics? Cory is extremely smart and never seems to have problems in any classes.

I find him ethereal, and beautiful in every way. Yet, he only sees flaws in himself and for what? Because he's only had two girlfriends in his life? Because he has only three friends? It's insulting to his own intelligence if those are the reasons. I've seen far less somehow be called "hot" or "delicious".

Cory? Cory is both hot and delicious. Will I ever tell him that? Hell no. That would mean approaching him directly and I haven't mastered that social skill yet. So, I found another way to communicate with him. Since we share a class, I was able to see his email on the announcements our professor sent out. I noticed how Cory never tried to partner with other classmates, nor would he really engage in any conversations. I had wanted to walk over to him. I wanted to sit down and talk to him and show him that I could be his friend.

That was before I saw him up close. I ended up walking right by him and since then, I haven't been able to approach him in person. That is why I created the new email. That is why I have been sending him new emails every day. I want to learn about him. I want to know why he feels he doesn't deserve someone's attention on him.

Except, emails aren't enough for me anymore. I want to hear his voice. I want to feel his body against mine during a hug. Oh, and those lips of his? Cory uses ChapStick every hour on the hour. I just know they're smooth and would feel so delicate against my own. Would they stay smooth if we kissed more than once, more than a minute even? I want to know. It drives me crazy because right now he's right there. He's just a fifteen second walk across the hall and I would be right next to him.

The emails only helped for so long. Cory is still hesitant when he responds. He thinks I'm a catfish, I'm sure. Hell, I almost feel like one since I was much more confident in my emails when I could never be that bold in person.

I'm such a baby.

He's right there. He's pretending to read while he watches everyone. He's hunched over, trying to hide in his hoodie, while his perfect face mocks my existence. I know he's waiting for another email from me. I always email him the most while we're both here in the hall. I want to watch his reaction though. I want to see if I made him smile or laugh.

I should just go over there. Nobody would be paying attention to us. I'm not approaching a ferocious monster, just a really attractive guy.

So, I take myself a deep breath. I shove my laptop into my backpack, and I throw it over my shoulder. I'm not backing down now. The emails are not enough anymore. I repeat that in my head as I walk over to Cory, who is aware of me faster than I wanted.

The emails aren't enough anymore. The emails aren't enough anymore.

I take a seat directly by Cory and set my bag down. His eyes are on me, and I can see his hesitancy, but he doesn't get up and leave immediately. That's a good sign. I've watched him just walk off before and I felt the chill radiating off him. I've got this. I can keep this simple. Besides, all I want is to hear his voice. I know exactly what I want to say to him.

"You're gorgeous."

I hope the horror isn't reflecting on my face because that was not it. I wanted to say hi, not just make direct eye contact and compliment his appearance! Cory is doing a great job of looking entirely unbothered by my declaration so props to him, I guess. I can already feel my face heating up from embarrassment but how am I supposed to recover from this and not make it worse?

"Finally decide to tell me that in person?" Cory asks, not helping this situation at all.

"Yes-No, what are you talking about?"

No really, what is he talking about? We've never spoken before this. Cory grins at me and fuck him for having perfect teeth.

"You sit by my cousin in Calculus. He says you constantly talk to yourself about me."

"Why didn't you say anything? I've been sending those emails for two months now!"

Cory laughs. He actually laughs and I can't even be mortified. It's a deep laugh, and his eyes are nearly shut. His adam's apple bobs perfectly in his throat and I can't look away from him. I do know that I am not leaving this hall without his number and a planned date.

Cory isn't trying to stop laughing so this gorgeous jerk decides he wants to talk to me while he tries to regain his breath.

"How about instead, I tell you why I don't hang out with other people or date anyone," Cory said.

Cory leans forwards towards me, his cologne filling my nose again. One of his hands, coated with shea butter lotion, touches my chin and I can feel the tingling beginning to rise.

But then, Cory grabs his bag and just leaves, laughing.

I can only watch him, stunned.