Take One Home Today!

Lianna sat back in the office chair, hugging her cracked leather folder tight. This was the day, she thought, with a little smile. The loan officer came in with her practiced smile and and sat behind the desk. She laid out her own thin file. Filled with one sheet. Lianna’s face fell before the first words came out of the other woman’s mouth.

“I’m sorry. We can’t approve your loan.”

“But why? I’ve done everything you’ve asked for. We finally got rid of our student loans , consolidated credit cards….”

“ I know, I’m so sorry, but it’s the interest rates. They’ve gone up.”

“But that’s not my fault! “

“It’s nobody’s fault. Not yours. Not the banks. It’s just how it is. “

“How am I supposed to get a baby now? I’m not even trying to get twins. Just one baby. “

“Yes, but -“

“It’s just not fair. Get lucky enough to be born into money and you can afford as many kids as you want and the nanny to raise them for you.”

“ I know, and a lot of them still get loans for their babies.”

“What?”

“Well, some don’t want to put up their own cash. In case there were….issues.”

“And here we are, being careful, buying a small house. Modest. Which you gave us a loan for, by the way. Why won’t you give us a loan for a baby?”

“It’s different math.”

“How so?”

“Well, land and houses appreciate in value. Babies, well, they’re kind of like cars. Depreciate as soon as you take them off the lot and the foreclosure process if you default is a little more…involved. Speaking of cars, have you thought of a used baby?”

“ I don’t know…”

“There are some benefits. The loan terms are often better because we have more information for our appraisal.”

“No, just really want my own baby.”

“So I couldn’t interest you in renting? Or leasing? I’d be happy to refer you to our own lease division. It’s just across the street.”

“I’ve heard too many horrible stories of lessors and management not taking care of their responsibilities. All the medical upkeep they’re supposed to cover. And the leasing can really limit our options to move if we get new jobs. What would we do, just leave our kid behind? Pick up a new one in the next city?”

“ I can see where that might be upsetting. I won’t say it’s totally out of the norm though…or illegal…”

“What?”

“Look, Lianna, I’d hate for you to walk out of here with nothing. Is there anyway I can interest you in a $2000 credit for our Lease Division. Like I said it’s right across the street, and if you wanna go check it out, maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for. You could even go home with a baby today based on your credit scores.”

——

Lianna walked into the glass encased showroom. She saw a salesman straighten his tie and his grin before walking up with a jaunt in his step.

“Lianna, right? Jenny said you might be coming down. My name is Jimmy and I am here to help you find what you need. Maybe even go home with something today.”

“Do you have…babies?”

“You bet we do. Right over here in what I like to call the Brand Spankin’ New wing of our little showroom. Now these here are the latest models we’ve got on the floor. Of course, you got top of the line, American made. See those chunky legs? Plus some really good imports from Germany and Italy. Slick and smooth. We also carry a few from China. Those ones will really stick with you in your old age.”

“That’s a little -“

“Racist? No, it’s just in the contract. We make sure they all know what’s in their contract as they get older. Every time they need to come in for a check up, their routine maintenance if you will, we go over a few things. If you get the right package, we’ll even go over the birds and bees for you.”

Lianna pressed her hands against the glass, staring at row upon row of the smallest babies. Some slept, some wiggled their little hands. Salesmen and saleswomen held them up to prospective parents, showing off their features, looking for the best match in eye or color.

“Now, I will tell you, babies are our most expensive leases. Even with your credit, it could be a stretch for your budget. You sure you don’t want to look at something a little bigger? They start walking, puttin’ on that mileage, then the price comes down a bit. But so does your return window.”

“Return window?”

“Well, we don’t like to use the words “lemon laws” but they still kind of apply. We want you to be happy with your choice. Maybe even come back to pick your little one a brother or sister if the mood strikes and the price is right. Now, you have thirty days if you go with a baby, fifteen if you go with toddler through nine, and you only get three days if you pick a tween to teen. A high risk, high reward situation, but they are the cheapest being as they’re the oldest on the lot.”

“How old are your oldest?”

“Thirteen is the oldest we carry. Still leaves you plenty of time to mold them and make your mark.”

“What about…after thirteen?”

“Oh, don’t you worry about them! We gotta a nice farm upstate they go to work on. Plenty of fresh air and chores to keep idle hands busy. Don’t you worry about them. Not at all.”

“Where-“

The man’s grin grew wide enough to swallow the light in his eyes , “Nothing to worry about at all miss. Now, we don’t always do this, but I can tell you are going to be a loving mother. You want to take one of these babies for a spin? Slow of course, don’t want any shaken babies, ammiright !?”

Lianna ignored the pit in her stomach and turned back to the babies just a bulletproof piece of glass away. One was crying and she knew she was the one it cried for. That was her baby, and she would pay any price for it.