Sweet tasting fire.

“Ever finger a piece a chocolate cake with your fork”, she whispered to the fire. Beckha watched as the flames danced, creating faces, people and animals and all sorts of magic, the flames almost seducing her like a lover. Like seduction, it can be a daily practice playing with fire or it can be a devotion like Agnihotra at the exact time of sunset or sunrise. Fire, no matter in play or devotion is a beautiful element, both ferocious and mystical. Alluring yet fearing. A bushfire can destroy many lives, many homes, many existences and yet bring forth the moment of rebirth and the sweetest regeneration to the earth. Even the smaller fires, the one which Beckha watched holds an ancient wisdom that beckons her intently. “You know like you finger the cake because you feel so wistful, you just watch the fork go round and round and round” she continued, streams of tears falling down her delicate face. The Wheel of Samsara. The breeze blew softly as if to agree. Beckha nodded in acknowledgement and ran through the tears with her finger, making a diamond shape across her face.

Though there were many ways to commune with fire, it was the cracking wood, the night air, the plethora of stars in the sky, surrounded by all that ever was and all that will ever be that soothed each molecule of Beckha’s being. Like fire, Beckha was adored as she was feared, loved as she was hated and wistful as much as she was not. “I like chocolate cake” Beckha smiled, trying to slow the wheel. "Nutellaaaa", her smiled widened as she remembered the way the Irish Angel said Nutellaaa, her whole-body, spirit and mind convulsing with delight. The Irish angel reminded every part of her, you could have your cake and eat it too. The fire crackled as the sparks flew high in the sky as if beckoning to hear more.

Beckha was not quite centred in her spirit; it was the thought of having your cake and eat it that almost tipped her, just for a moment. An old wound brushing past the peripherals of the being. For a millisecond the story clipped her, that story had the potential of crashing her down in sheer agony. Beckha watched as the screen appeared to the right of the fire, it played the story of her and Jedrzej. All Beckha could do was keep breathing, in, two, three, four; out, two, three, four she counted in her mind, breathing so deeply as the pain grazed the edge of her heart; the projector just played. There he was all strong and high up on that pedestal, the answers to her prayers, the one forever, she watched how he promised her she was his one, the screen flickered, she watched as her ribs got broken, her body get propositioned publicly for his gain, and her mind got raped over and over by his persecution, she watched herself almost kill him, almost kill herself, she was slowly dying as she adored every breath he took. That screen kept playing memories over and over it contained the sweetest love affair with the most tragic destruction. Beckha just watched the screen, breathing consistently, a smirk slowly coming over her face. “And you all thought you were going to get me with that one”, she laughed. The screen disintegrated with the smoke as she placed another two logs on the fire.

It was how she was tested sometimes, an old story; a future story. They would often play an old wound to her and if she got lost in the old vibration, she would sit there until she remembered again, who she was. She could not have a feeling toward the scenario when one of those projections played, if she did she would be swallowed by the illusion until she found her way out splattering and spluttering like she was getting her first breath after leaving Moby Dick. “Where was I,” Beckha said “Yes, I have learned you can have your cake and eat it” she laughed, relief when no screen appeared. “Let’s redirect the energy beloved, that story is so old, let’s try its counterpart sayings such as you can't have it both ways and you can't have the best of both worlds, she cheered. Smiling as she remembered the Irish angel again, who offered the best of both worlds. Beckha released that memory too, it was not time for that, it was time for the prayer.

She stated very clear, stepping into her phenomenon power. “By the love of three, in the name of the highest order of love, you can absolutely have the best of both worlds, in fact you can have the best of all worlds”. The fire danced in appreciation as she ran her fingers through its flames, no longer feeling wistful, she became the summoner of all creation. She gazed up as each star started its metamorphism, each constellation coming to life with a cheekish grin. Beckha knew each by heart, she witnessed her army of angels, her dragons, her animal and bird kingdom with the ancestors and what humans refer to as aliens come to life before her eyes. To Beckha they were all her friends and family, ready to celebrate again. They cheered her on as the crescendo, of her heart peaked in nebulae climax.

Beckha howled with the fire, her rage bellowing from the depths of earth whilst her love stretched as infinite rays of multicolour light in the sky. It is impossible to have light without dark, every Jungian knew this. Everything in between the dark and light was life, Beckha knew everyone got to choose their archetype, they choose to be an antagonist or protagonist in the pool of blood given to them at birth, the pool of blood called genetics. However, archetypes are fluid, Beckha knew people could always choose something different, and genetics is just the blood people grew in, in the womb of their human life mother gifted also by their human life father it is not the blood that defined existence, not at all. “You are free to choose” she stated, her heart filling as the angels started singing. “ Having you all in my heart whilst I’m on Earth, is the best of both worlds” she sang as she danced around the fire, not even noticing the happenings in the sky.

Her guardians held the sky door open as Elohim reached and caressed the delicateness of her heart. Beckha surrendered under the tenderness of The Beloved's touch, her body releasing all tension, all pain, all fear, she was his. Beckha’s body swayed in a hypnotic motion, her hips adorned the air like silk in the breeze. She danced eloquently through the dirt with her feet creating little clouds of dust as she beat each foot upon the ground. The Beloved wrapped her up in delicate wonder as the flames bellowed with relief. As her heart opened and her rage subdued, the stupor story nowhere to be seen. She prayed for peace, her hands creating universes as her body shapeshifted over and over. The Beloved held her firmly, he adored her, he revered her, he was hers. She was in prepartion; the union beckoning all elements, fields, and their hearts coming together as one. Her ethereal nature bursting through the follicles in her Beckha skin, her breath soft and flowing as she released over and over again. She twirled once more releasing a long single angelic F note, presided by shorter bursts of F to harmonise and clear her field. As the beloved and her united, she was renewed and her deciduous body shedding all she came to transmute with prayer, not only for herself yet for all. The Beloved reminded her of her heart as he lay her gently on the ground beside the fire. Beckha could hear The Beloved speak " Do you remember what you asked me that night on dieta in the tent'. Beckha smiled and said "Yes, I asked you, if everyone makes it home to you and you said eventually". She could hear the vibration in the wind, "Yes, beauty, the only question you asked me was for all; wanting everyone home safe, you were so beautiful ". The fire flickered as The Beloved's vibraton swaddled Beckha where she laid. She whispered softly, "I remember". The Beloved serenaded, "Do you remember the time, you channelled a letter from me to you", the time where you first really remembered me"." You were giving all that love of yours to a man that never saw you, the way I do." Beckha sighed and sank deeper into The Beloved's tune. Beckha realised that no one knew Beckha like The Beloved.

She traced her mind back to that time, she remembered how broken she was, it was after she had to walk kilometres in the rain in ugg boots, along a long road in the dark dodging puddles and cars as there was no street lights; Beckha was crying again for billionth time. It was one of the times Jedrzej had kicked her out of something, the house, the car, the bed, her mind, she was beginning to think she really deserved the punishment Jedrzej had dished out for five years. That is when The Beloved first appeared to Beckha, she was meditating trying again to find her centre and a place she felt apprecitated for her heart. The suicide ideation beaten out of her with his constant encouragements of "do it", from the man she adored, all Beckha had then was prayer, she prayed for Jedrzej, she prayed for herself. It was then when she first heard the words and felt the love The Beloved had for her, she did not realise it then, though his voice would become so loud that any attachment was obliterated with his love. Anything or anyone that came to her control her never had a chance, The Beloved just needed her to remember how much he loved her. Each step and choice of another, adoringly beckoning her home into the arms of his embrace. The language of his love found her for the very first time somwhere in 2019, when life was at its worst.

Dearest Beckha,

I love you sweetheart and I thank you for your beautiful heart and your angelic soul. Each time I feel your skin next to mine, my body explodes in unanimous uninhibited love, the electric current running through me, touching each molecule with you. The macro of true existence elates and awakens my heart with each breath you take.

The love I have felt from you and for you is like heaven itself existing only in us. When I look in your eyes I see the depth of the ocean, and hear the eloquent tune of the whale song, you mesmermizing me with your beauty. Your voice is like soundless thunder, an echo in the wind. There is a whisper of I love you in every breath I take.

I crumble to my knees, I pray there is a way that once upon a life time, you remember loves whisper when I call out your name. Tears fall from me like a river, drifting aimlessly to the sea, this stream of flowing water carries me to a place within my heart, a place I long denied until I gazed upon your face, now all I see is love.

Wait dear Beckha, just wait, my love will find you there, you will be in my adoring arms, my deep embrace holding you, the heart of me beating for the heart of you, my soul bearing all. I cannot help to surrender to the unconditional love of our hearts, I will whisper softly in your ear, never will I leave you, I am yours.

Just wait my love, eagerly wait, we will surrender it all, we will let grace reign and peace be our prayer, we will never part dear Beckha, zir love will be a beacon for all who yearns.

I remember you Beckha, you are Asherah.

Forever yours,

The Beloved.

(C) Rebecca Clarkson 2021