Sun

Pim came over to see Gnarly, who was still living at the motel near Crimeville. Pim brought over the hand written letter Gnarly had written weeks ago, and his laptop. The laptop was so Pim could apply Gnarly for an apartment, which was going to be either co-signed by Pim or Charlie, to help him have a better chance at getting approved. Gnarly was hearing Pim tell him about how Charlie had reacted to his own poem. It made Gnarly wonder how Grim will react to his letter and the poem he wrote.

Grim had said yes to the Friday meeting at Pim’s. It was Thursday, and just yesterday Grim had had trepidation about doing this. Gnarly had been praying for Grim to just allow him to have this opportunity.

Pim was electronically filling out the forms online for three different apartment units, hoping one would stick.

”Charlie’s credit score is decent, but mine is better. Probably gonna just use my info for this… no offense to Charlie of course, he’s extremely responsible and..” Pim was rambling as Grim went over his letter.

“Charlie just gave you his social security and stuff? Man he must trust you,” Gnarly said, getting out gum to chew with gusto. He was using gum to quit smoking, something Pim and Charlie were proud of him for.

”Welp, of course he does. I wouldn’t ever use his information against him. He’s my best friend after all and my boyfriend, you know,” Pim said with a grin. Gnarly nodded, getting a second piece of gum out to offer to Pim.

“No thanks, mate! I am about done with these forms..” Pim said.

”So what exactly did Charlie… how did he react when you gave him the poem?” Gnarly asked, chewing the second piece loudly.

Pim chuckled. “Oh, he said it was the most cornball, corny, cutesy thing he ever read. He was saying “corny,” a bunch, then he kissed me pretty hard. I think he liked it. Maybe!”

 
Gnarly rolled his eyes but smiled. “Wow he acts so tough yet he’s a big old softie. Huh?”

Pim smiled at Gnarly, “Kinda like you and Grim.”

Gnarly scoffed. “Ugh. Don’t see it, mate, you must be mistaken.”

Pim giggled. Gnarly laughed, covering his mouth a bit.

”You’re silly, mate,” Pim said.

Gnarly frowned, thinking of Grim again. Ever since he heard Grim had decided yes on meeting with him, he was feeling very weirdly warm. He kept picturing a very golden, warm and loving sun, keeping him feel toasty and happy.

Grim felt like the sun. Even as they were so far away from each other. Grim was the sun.

“How’s working with my friend Duncan? Do you like the job?” Pim asked, submitting the paperwork to the third apartment complex.

Gnarly sighed. “Not bad. Not terrible but not great. Like they said in Chernobyl. Haha.”

Pim shook his head. “You’re mainly doing clerical work and stuff?”

Gnarly nodded. “Yup. Boring as shit.”

”Aww, I get it. I hate paperwork in my job too and that isn’t even a lot compared to what you must deal with. Did you make any friends?” Pim asked.

Gnarly gave him a disbelieving look. Pim shrugged, sighing.

”Guess not. That’s ok! You might surprise yourself and connect with a co-worker one day, and make a new friend! That is how Charlie and I met. It was all kismet, that’s what I believe,” Pim said with a wide eyed expression that shouted a confident certainty. It made Gnarly feel anxious and excited at the same time.

”Kismet?” Gnarly kicked at the broken end table.

Pim eyed him, giving him a disapproving look. “Gnarly? Don’t damage stuff.”

Gnarly growled, “This shit is already crappy. I ain’t making something shitty any worse.”

Pim frowned. “I put in the applications. One of these complexes are near Charlie’s place. That would be so convenient! Come on, Gnarly, let’s try and get our mindset into a better place. Don’t damage property. Even if it’s already broken,” Pim eyed the motel room with its outdated TV and furniture. 

“Well. Thanks for the advice, mate. And for helping me find a place,” Gnarly said.

Pim nodded, closing the laptop, “Of course. Are you nervous about meeting with Grim tomorrow?”

Gnarly nodded. “How could I not be? I fucked up everything. And before you say I didn’t, I left him cold turkey after Grim and I almost died, you know, from those stupid Renaissance fuckers.”

Pim sighed. “That’s… I mean, shit.”

Gnarly spit out his gum. “Pim? Did you just say shit? What the hell.”

Pim laughed humorlessly. “I mean… it’s a serious matter. Sometimes I just… I can’t always be positive. That’s serious.”

Gnarly held the chewed up gum in his hands. “Pim, bro, if you can’t be positive about this, how can I?”

“I think it’s a matter of time. Trust. You two need to rebuild your trust. It’ll take work. Lots of work. And lots of love,” Pim said softly. “You can’t expect things to fall into place. You got to pick up the pieces and put them together yourself.”

Gnarly quietly listened, then nodded shortly.

“I am so fucked, Pim,” Gnarly said with a resigned expression. “Fucked is my resting state, like they say in science, or something. I’m always in the state of being totally and utterly fucked.”

“Have you ever tried meditation Gnarly?” Pim asked after a few moments of silence.

Gnarly shrugged. “Isn’t that some New Age hippie shit?”

Pim laughed. “Sure. Sure it is. Why not? Why not try some stupid New Age hippie shit?”

Gnarly cracked up. “I like you like this. You’re so real. I never thought I’d hear you talk like that. Fuck, I bet Charlie gets a big kick outta it.”

Pim laughed. “Charlie hears it more than anyone.”

Gnarly blushed, “Didn’t need to know this!”

Pim laughed. “Too late. You know.”

Gnarly cracked up. “Damn.”

“Wanna get messed up and watch cartoons?” Pim asked with a faux hippie voice. Gnarly laughed harder.

”Dude! No. I gotta be straight for tomorrow,” Gnarly said after holding his stomach from laughing too hard. “Won’t Charlie get upset if we smoke weed together without him?”

Pim shook his head. “He might feel left out but he trusts me. He knew I was coming over to see you. And thinking on it, this motel might charge you extra for the smoke damage.”

“True. I guess you can mess up something already fucked,” Gnarly said.

”Pure poetry, Gnarly,” Pim teased.

Gnarly threw the gum away in the trash as he had been holding it in his hand for a while. “I knew I was an artist. I had all these fucks and shits and finally I realized how to use them. In my poetry.”

”Use that. Seriously, I agree,” Pim said as they both sat on the edge of the bed.

”How exactly do I meditate? If I decided to be a hippie bitch all of a sudden,” Gnarly said.

”Hmm, me being the biggest hippie bitch, the most New Age shit there is, I’d say….” Pim flipped him off. Gnarly laughed.

”You little shit,” Gnarly teased. “Seriously.”

Pim laughed. “Okay. You really want to know?” 

Gnarly nodded.

“Picture one thing and focus on it, nothing else. Picture it until everything else is gone from your mind. And then, breathe,” Pim said. Gnarly blinked.

He pictured the sun. The orange, glowing, golden sun. Grim.

Then he began to breathe.