Summer of 94

It was 1994. I had just finished my fourth year of school. I had left on a bit of a high note too. I had won the math contest and was looking forward to the holidays. Most summers we would go on a trip, however this year we were getting our house renovated. We were pretty much confined to the basement and most of the time watching TV or playing Nintendo.

I was nine, going on ten, and had no idea how upside down that summer would be. I had always been an outcast to my family. I was the last to reach milestones and at nearly 5'1, weighed only 50 pounds. I found I struggled with eating. For example, I would eat food and feel nauseaus, often throwing up the meal. My parents would scream at me and thought it was intentional. It was later diagnosed by a Gastroenterologist as being anxiety.

As the house was being painted, my family-3 siblings, myself and both parents-crammed in the basement. We only left the basement to get changed or use the bathroom. One day when I had gone to my room, while I was buck naked, my brother opened the door and hurled whatever he could at me. I, trying to cver myself up, failed to dodge the items. My brother called my two other siblings to help him torment me. They followed suit, at this time of my life they saw him as the leader. When I told my parents, they dismissed it. It was as though it was a normal thing that should have no effect on me.

Mealtimes were problematic. I struggled to keep food down. My mother would force me to eat even though my body was refusing the food. Once after I had thrown up a brownie, she forced me to eat the vomit. To this day, I despise brownies. Every now and then we would go outside for fresh air. My siblings had bikes, I did not as I struggled to balance on one. My siblings would often knock me off my feet and circle me on their bikes. They would refer to me as a low class individual.

Sometimes we would get spending money and walk to the candy store. My siblings would give me a lead, then walk a different direction to the store. While we each got an equal amount of money, my money was often stolen by them so I walked out with nothing.

Towards the middle of summer my sister-twin-got an infection in her leg which required surgery. When she went home, her IV treatments were done at home. My dad was a physician and used gravity to get the medications bin my sister. We had also been given multiple syringes and needles.

While it never showed, I had some natural intelligence. By this point, the lack of acceptance, the fear of food and how I kept throwing it up, had made me suicidal. I had made a plan to fill a syringe with a household chemical and inject it into my jugular vein. Thankfully I often doubted myself so I never did commit the act. On top of that-1994 was the year my favorite hockey team won the championship.

As mentioned, we played Nintendo, but having four people and one console, usually only two could play at a time. I was often not given a turn. My siblings if they did a stupid move on the games said-oh, we are only being useless like Sid. When we watch TV and my siblings were bored, they would chuck items at me to keep them occupied. I endured the sufferings of the summer that never was. On October 1994 I was given prescription medication to cope with the anxiety and managed to gain weight.

I found that every school year from then on, I much preferred the safety of school than to be at home.