“Strip,” the Grandmother Said as She Pointed Her Gun at the Two Police Officers

“I'm a fighter. I believe in the eye-for-an-eye business. I'm no cheek turner. I got no respect for a man who won't hit back. You kill my dog, you better hide your cat.”

― Muhammad Ali, The Greatest My Own Story

The Grandmother held the gun in a way that let the men know she knew what she was doing. The policemen did not recognize her as the same mature woman they stopped three days ago on a lonely Georgia road. Now, she was dressed in black from head to toe with a mask covering her face.

The first time the policemen met her, she was in grandmother mode, dressed like a nice older woman. She was returning from an antique store her goddaughter told her about. She found the most wonderful set of candlesticks at the store, along with delicious homemade pecan pie. She brought one pie after the owners offered her a sample while shopping.

On the way back, Grandmother drove the long way around to enjoy the beautiful countryside but dallied so long that night fell. Then the police pulled her over, claiming she was speeding when clearly, she was not. Her BMW knew exactly how fast or slow she had been going. She would not speed in a foreign country. This trip was not her first time in the States. For goodness’ sake, she already had to drive on the wrong side of the road.

Once they stopped 009, she adopted the persona of a timid old lady. They were in the middle of nowhere. The two men were having their fun with her. The Americans pretended they did not know about international driver’s licenses. They then acted as if they got a ‘hit’ on her vehicle registration. When they asked the Grandmother if they could search her car, she never said yes, but the two men searched it anyway, throwing her purchases on the ground. They made her get out of the vehicle to complete their illegal search.

After handcuffing her, deliberately trying to terrorize her, and putting her in the back of their patrol car, they let her go. They levied a tax on her. Fees came to all the cash she had in her wallet and all the presents she had brought.

She played her part well in the first act of this small, wicked play. She would be back for the second act. The men told her they never wanted to see her in their area again, arrogantly laughing as they walked back to their patrol car with her money, pie, and gifts. Well, now she was back—her turn to have a little fun.

The men behaved like they would not strip. The Grandmother shot the window out of their patrol car. They changed their minds and rapidly disrobed. She handcuffed one each to their car's front left and right door frames. She then released the parking brake and nudged the patrol car, so it slowly rolled into a nearby shallow water-filled ditch. She was pleased to see the Georgia mosquitoes were out in force. She went to the car and hit both men on the side of the head, just enough to knock them out.

It had taken her two days to place a GPS tracker on their car to follow them to their stash. Once she located their store of stolen cash, jewelry, and personal items taken from random drivers, she took it. Now she put the cache contraband on the patrol car's back seat with a note.

The Grandmother smiled as she called both the local, State, and Federal authorities to the area. Law enforcement would sort those officers out. She bet they would not be frightening any more little old ladies or anyone else for quite a while. Now, how about she stopped and got herself some pecan pie and tea. She deserved it for not killing the two stupid men.

Originally published at Medium.com - https://medium.com/no-air/strip-the-grandmother-said-as-she-pointed-her-gun-at-the-two-police-officers-e5bf145c5230