Stars, Stripes and Secrets

INTRODUCTION

We hear the heroic efforts and acts of valor performed by our much-beloved troops, but we often forget the hero’s back at home. These heroes are the spouses. Although their duties do not entail heavy machinery and artillery, it does require a lot of patients, trust, sacrifice, love, and commitment. The constant separation due to deployments, months of boredom, lonely nights, and uncontrollable sexual desires, can cause even the strongest couples to experience emotional and physical separation; numbing the love between two entities that was once so durable. STARS, STRIPES, and SECRETS are stories about two couples whose marriage was unfortunately affected by the erratic military lifestyle.

Salen (fitness instructor) and Captain Adam Ferguson are both in their 30’s and have only been married for 3 years with two children. Prior to Adams recent deployment, he and Salen departed on shaky terms. The stress of work, single parenthood, and the worry of Adams well-being, leaves Salen looking for an escape from the pressures of life. Over the next few months, she finds that escape, through an affair with one of her clients. This love affair causes her to experience a major emotional roller coaster ride. Fighting daily with her personal demons to save her marriage, even if it cost her life. These are the unforgettable dramatic stories entitled STARS, STRIPES, and SECRETS- The Battles at Home

THE FERGUSONS : This story begins with Saylen sitting on the porch at her parents' house reflecting on the events that just occurred.

I recall the first-time seeing Romero his bronze skin and curly black hair, but what stood out about him the most was his smile. The phrase “his smile lights up the room” accurately describes the joy I gained from seeing him. Watching his body profusely sweat during workouts always developed this lustful passion within me. Often, I catch myself daydreaming or should I say fantasizing about being held tight in his masculine arms. I would often catch him making eye contact with me but I would nonchalantly pretend as if he didn’t exist, yet everything about this man seemed so perfect. I would always stay after class to conversate with clients and put away equipment. He would often stay behind as well pretending to do extra ab work, but my intuition knew his true motive. One day our paths finally crossed as we were both putting away equipment in the storage closet. He complimented me by saying how awesome my classes were. I told him that classes are always enjoyable when I have hardworking clients such as him participating. We modestly laughed and went our separate ways. Even though few words were spoken between us, in my spirit I knew that this would soon lead to much more. As time passed Romero and I begin to talk more after classes and frequently bump into each other on and off the military base. I recall the day we ran into each other at the coffee shop. I was off that day and my parents were in town watching the kids. So! I pretty much spent the entire day catching up on some personal things. Low and behold, Romero walks in looking so damn sexy! I was so accustomed to seeing him in gym clothes, instead of the fitted clothes and stylish shoes, which perfectly exemplified his well-defined body. The man looked like something out of GQ magazine. He spots me and begins to walk over to the table where I was sitting. Time seemed as if it almost slowed down as I watched every step, he took towards me with sexual satisfaction. My satisfaction was quickly seized by the glimpse of my wedding ring in my peripheral vision. With excitement, he greeted me with a strong manly hug. I was expecting a verbal hello or handshake, but okay! We sat and talked asking how each other’s day is going, basically the typical questions unfamiliar people ask. Then out of nowhere, he asked me how long I have been married. Awkward as it felt, I gave him a rundown of my marriage and family, before realizing that I just told this stranger everything about me. Is my infatuation that obvious, that I could not control my diarrhea mouth? Interestingly enough, he also shared with me his family life. Romero stated that he is divorced and trying to get full custody of his two kids. He was married for a little over eight years before they decided to divorce. I did not bother to ask why, for I did not want to invade his personal space. I figured if he wanted me to know the details, he would tell me in his own time. Romero also mentioned that he is getting out of the military to pursue a career in business. He has been in the military since the age of eighteen and eagerly ready to start a new chapter in life. Expressing how much time lost with his kids due to the military, he wants to be more in their lives while they are still young. I respect his decisions and can relate regarding wanting more family time. Adam and I constantly fight over his lack of time with our kids. Adam wants to do twenty years in the military, but sometimes I worry that he will miss some of the most important times in their lives. Maybe one day Adam will have a change of heart just like Romero: hopefully sooner than later. I told Romero that I have been an instructor on the base for over three years now and had never seen him until recently. Smiling, he jokingly says, “well your hero has arrived”. He goes on to tell me that he heard about my class from his co-workers and wanted to see what all the hype is about. Subconsciously I said “I am glad you’re in my class because you’re easy on the eyes” I was accustomed to seeing out shape guys looking to get in shape or out shape guys coming to drool over sweaty women. It’s not often you see a good-looking and in-shape man in my class. Out of embarrassment, I asked, why is a handsome man like yourself single? Humbly chuckling he stated that he is still looking for the right one. Well, I told him it’s kind of hard to look for the right one when you’re sitting here talking to a married woman. We both found amusement in my sarcasm. He said I seem like a woman that he could just talk to. My older age convinced him that I was a marriage expert; Yeef! If I was so wise, I probably should have married a hunk like Romero. Abruptly he proceeds to tell me I’m beautiful. Words that I haven’t heard in months from Adam. Damn! this man is good, and he passed my three-S-test in less than thirty minutes. Sexy, Smooth, and a Stud. Is he good or what? I told myself I need to go before I get myself into trouble. We wrapped up the conversation for the day was getting late. As we departed ways, he reached in to hug me, but I quickly extended my hand and settled for a handshake instead. If that man would have hugged me again, I probably would have creamed my pants on the spot! Hell No! not in this coffee shop and sure as hell not in front of him. Oh My Gosh! If that happen, I would never be able to look him in the face again! Yeap, I can tell that this man is going to be trouble! Trouble, Trouble, Trouble!

“THE BIRTHDAY” :Oh my! Today is the day! My life takes one step closer to those black hills as I’m officially 38! I’m supposed to be happy, but I cannot get over the fact that I will be 40 in two years. 40! Damn time sure does go by so fast. It only seems like yesterday that I was in my twenties living young wild and free. Now I must worry about how I am going to work off the half slice of birthday cake I plan to eat later. I wish more than anything to hear from Adam today, it's been about three days since I last spoke to him. This morning, I was greeted with a lovely bouquet of flowers. They are so beautiful and vibrant with bright colors. I would have never known they were outside if I wasn’t awakened by the doorbell. By the time I rushed downstairs, no one was at the door. The flowers were just sitting on the porch. This is a gesture Adam would do. He loves to do mysterious surprises. Knowing Adam, he probably expected the flowers to arrive later today. It is only nine-thirty in the morning which is almost a ten-hour difference from his location. Adam went out of his way to make my birthday special, and he even attached the sweetest note in the flowers. He called me the most beautiful woman in the world. At times I forget how lucky of a woman I truly am. I wish I could give him a big kiss! This surprise has really jumped started my day. A few of the ladies from the class are taking me for dinner and drinks tonight. The best gift of all, is my parents taking the kids to Virginia for the summer, to give me a break. They sternly informed me it’s both my birthday and Christmas gift, lol. Tonight, is going to be so amazing! I can finally have a good time and let my hair down without worrying about the kids for once. The scary part is that it has been so long since I have been out. I may need to YouTube the step-by-step procedures for partying over the age of 38. Adam and I do not have much time or energy to go out like we use to. Between his pre-deployment training, my class, and the kids, we were drained by the time the weekend arrives. We were just looking for the nearest bottle of scotch and a pillow. Tonight, will be lots of fun though, I just wish Adam could be here to celebrate with me. With the kids at my parents' place, this would be an excellent time to rekindle our marriage. Ever since the last kid, it seems our relationship has taken a turn for the worst. Adam has been trying to do romantic gestures, but I just seem to have this mental block towards him. It's like my motivation to love, be a mom, and fitness instructor is just not there. As if I am going through the motions. That’s why I was confused in the coffee shop talking to Romero. Those emotions that were stirring up in me, I haven’t felt that in years! It confounds me because those are the feelings that I am supposed to feel with my husband, not with a stranger. Even though my marriage has not been the best lately, I know Adam loves me! Maybe I should have been more receptive to the romantic gestures he was showing towards me. When he calls, I need to let him know how much I love him and how great of a man he truly is.

“Birthday Dinner” : I don’t know what to say other than this is a birthday to remember. Where do I begin? Tonight, I was expecting to be celebrating with the ladies from class. Well, when I arrived at the restaurant, Romero was at the table. What the hell is going on I thought. How does he know it is my birthday and what is he doing here? I later discovered some of the ladies from class invited him. Being that he is one of my few male students, they felt the need to extend the invitation. I’m pretty sure he is attempting to extend other things. If these women only knew that I am trying to avoid this man. Then, as usual, Romero used one of his charming lines telling me that he would not miss a beautiful woman’s birthday. I must give it to him, he is charming but what he asked next, damn near dropped my heart to the floor. He asked me if I liked the flowers, he sent this morning. Whoa! I just totally got thrown for a loop. All this time I thought the flowers and the note were from Adam. Still, in a state of disbelief, I told him thanks and that was very thoughtful, but he didn’t have to do that. He told me that it was my birthday and that a beautiful woman like me deserves to be treated like a queen. I never thought it was possible, but my heart is feeling two different emotions. On one side I feel hurt confused and unwanted because the flowers were not from Adam, and he has yet to call to wish me Happy Birthday. On the other side, my heart is slowly melting by the words spoken by this man I barely know. I keep telling myself that I can't allow this stranger to infiltrate my heart. Yet it seems like the more I fight it, the more he wins me over. After dinner the girls decided they wanted to go to one of the popular night clubs in town Bar 36. I initially did not want to invite Romero to join us, but since he was so generous enough to remember my birthday. I figured it couldn’t hurt, plus he can dance with the other girls. We arrive to bar 36 and immediately the girls are buying me birthday shots. We are all taking shots laughing and just having a blast then on of my favorite songs comes on, 1999 by Prince! I so Love that song! Romero was hysterically laughing by my excitement, so he took me to the floor to dance. I figured one dance won’t hurt, I just made sure he did not grind up on me. The last thing I need is another coffee shop scene on this dance floor. I’m a bit tipsy and feeling good, the last thing I need is to feel a man grinding me with his eggplant. I must admit he is a great dancer, and he damn knows how to shake what his momma gave him! We all danced for a couple more songs then Romero suddenly walked away from us. I assumed he was going to the restroom, so I didn’t bother to ask where he was going. When returned with this sneaky grin on his face. I asked him what the smirk is all about. With a lying face he replies, “nothing”. I knew he was lying but he was not budging from his story. Suddenly, the DJ wishes me a happy birthday, from all my students. Then he proceeded to play my other favorite song, Not a Bad Thing by Justin Timberlake. Damn! How did Romero know these things about me? It’s almost to the point that it weirds me out. He then grabs me by the hand and ask me to dance. Is this guy ballsy or what! Doesn’t he know I am a married woman? Of course, he does, but I couldn’t deny him the dance after doing all that to make me feel special on my birthday. The entire time I was worried about what the other women were thinking and saying. I asked Romero if he was worried about how the other women may view his actions, he laughed and said no, they are to drunk and won’t remember anyways. As we continued to dance, I asked how he knew this was one of my favorite songs. He said one of the girls told him, plus I played the song every class. Shaking my head in embarrassment and inwardly thinking how Adam use to pick up on cues like that. By this time Romero pulled me closer and held me tighter in his arms. My goodness it felt so good but was so wrong in so many ways. He looked me in my eyes and told me he hoped I enjoyed my birthday. I wanted to say that this was one of my best birthdays, but I simply replied” yes I did enjoy it”. He smiles and then kisses me on my forehead. I sure as hell hope none of the girls from class saw that. The last thing I need is a roomer that the base fitness instructor is banging one of her clients. Halfway through the song, I felt my phone vibrating, I knew it was Adam, but I didn’t want to talk to him at the moment, beside it was already the next day and my birthday was already over. How is it that my husband of twelve years, forgets his wife and mother of his kids birthday! Yet a man that barely knows me, gives me one of the most amazing birthdays I have ever had. Someone please explain this confusion to me. As the bar begin closing, we all departed our separate ways, but Romero walked me to my car. He asked me if I was okay to drive home and if I weren’t he wouldn’t mind giving me a ride home. I told him thank you and that I can drive myself safely home. He gave me his number and told me to call him when I got home to ease his mind. I’m a big girl, I replied. Laughingly he replied, yeah, yeah just get home safe and promise to call me when you arrive home. Just because he was so generous, I agreed too. He gave me one last hug and we went our separate ways. During my ride home, Adam called again. He sounded furious and asked me why I have not answered his calls. I told him that clients from my class took me out for my birthday and that I had been patiently waiting for his call. He said that the brief for their upcoming mission went longer than expected and that he would not dare forget my birthday. Then he tells me he loves me. As I listened to Adam express his love towards me, all I could feel was the guilt of allowing another man holding me in his arms. We continued to talk until I arrived home. When I pulled into the driveway, I noticed two big boxes on the front porch. After I went inside and open them. I was taken away by the gifts in which Adam had sent to me. He gave me thirty-eight long stem roses, a spa package, and this Longaberger basket set I have been so wanting. I begin to cry out of happiness and guilt because the man that I married did remember my birthday and does love me. Yet here I am allowing another man to emotional entice me. Overwhelmed with joy and guilt, all I hear is Adam saying “Happy birthday baby, I love you” with a guilty concise I reply “I love you too Adam”

“Boundaries Understood” :Well! I made it clear to Romero where he and I stand. Today he came into class with the BIGGEST smirk on his face, as if he had conquered the world, by dancing with me last night. I wanted to slap that silly grin right off his face. How dare he! For heavens sake he is going to give these women the impression we slept together! Doesn’t he know how women think! Whenever he looked my way, I would give him the most death-defying stare I could mustar up. I wanted Mr. Seductive to know that he doesn’t have this woman fooled or seduced with his slickness. At the end of class, he hung around as usual. He comes up to me and ask if I was mad at him. I calmly replied no, but I was sorry for allowing him to get that physically close to me last night. I reiterated that I was happily married and loved my husband very much. I went on to inform him that he and I can talk and be friends during class time, but outside of that wouldn’t be appropriate. Romero apologized and told me that he didn’t mean to come off the wrong way. He said his intentions were harmless and only wanted me to have a good time on my birthday. He apologized again and then went about his way. It almost seemed like he was irritated by the comments I made. I kind of feel bad because maybe I was a little bitchy towards him, especially after his generosity to make me feel special on my birthday. Yet, deep inside I knew that if I didn’t nip this before it escalates, things between him and I would only become more complicated. Romero and I may never speak again but at least now he knows his boundaries with me. My heart is with Adam, and I love him way to much to allow another man to come between my marriage and family.

“Awkward Moments” : The past few days Romero has not been in my class. It wouldn’t surprise me if he stops coming permanently. Honestly that would be the best scenerio. The further we stay away from each other, the better off we will be. I have seen him periodically in the gym, but he doesn’t speak to me. I can tell from his body language that he feels some type of way towards me, but honestly, I am not concerned with that. I have a lot more at stake here than another mans feelings. Hopefully he will understand my reasoning and we can at least get back on speaking terms.

“First Fridays” : Its been very lonely around here with Adam being deployed and the kids at my parents. I’ve been finding myself going out much more with the girls lately. I thought I had given my party days up, but these girls make me feel young gain. Guys are always hitting on me but once they discover I’m married, it kind of scares them off. Tonight, should be a lot of fun. It’s the First Friday of the month and all the bars and clubs are free entry. Its been like two years since I last engaged in a First Friday. Adam and I got drunk as shit that we had to catch an Uber home. I believe we were out celebrating one of his friends birthday or something. Hell, I can’t recall! I should feel guilty, but admittingly I am enjoying this down time. Ever since the baby, my weekends have been spent couponing looking for the next rollback deal. I use to get excited whenever the baby would run out of diapers or Enfamil, it was my chance to see all the wierdo’s that would rome through the store. That’s how boring my life was! Tonight, I feel sexy and since I am hanging with younger ladies, I might as well dress young and provocative. Although im not looking to pick up guys, it does give me a confidence boost knowing that I still turn the heads of men. Especially when I’m almost 40! I never received this much attention when I was in my twenties and ten pounds lighter. I must admit having a baby does have its benefits. Ever since I had my two kids, my ass and boobs got a hell of a lot fuller. Maybe it is these curves that’s driving these boys crazy! I guess it does get better with age! Anyhow, I’m getting too carried away, I better get dress the girls will be here in a second. I don’t know why I’m so hyper, but I got a feeling, tonight is going to be a good night.

“The Run In” : What in the hell just happened! The night was going so great, the girls and I were having so much fun, we danced and probably took about ten shots before I stop counting. We went to about three or four bars, throughout the night. Well while we were in one of the bars, I ran into Romero. I noticed him across the room from a distance but before he noticed me, I hide myself within the pack of ladies I was out with. Unfortunately, my hiding did not work. He recognized one of the other ladies I was out with. As soon as he saw me, we locked eyes in the awkwardness of the moment. After briefly chatting with some of the other ladies from class, he finally made his way towards me with almost a timid but happy spirit. His attitude was much more enlightening than over the past few weeks. He finally broke his silence towards me and asked if it was okay for him to sit next to me. Of course, I said yes, besides its not like I could stop him from sitting next to me, he’s a grown ass man. Initially the awkwardness was still there because we have not spoken or seen each other since my birthday. After about fifteen minutes, the both of us were laughing, drinking and dancing. In fact, we had dance so much, I could smell the alcohol seeping out of my pours. It was kind of embarrassing, so we went outside to get some fresh air. We walked up and down the strip acting like kids going into the different stores and playing with the different little toy gadgets. During the process we stumbled across a porn shop. Why did I ever go into that store? As soon as we enter the store we immediately started laughing and blurting absurd things. I briefly caught the store clerk, chuckling as he watched to grown ass adults act childish as if it was our first time seeing a naked person on the cover of a box or various shapes of sex toys. There was a section in the store that played peep shows. I had NO CLUE as to what a peep show was. Romero found it hysterical that a thirty-eight-year-old woman had no clue what a peep show was. He explained to me that you are in a room in which you pay a dollar to preview an adult film of my choice. Out of my curiosity we went into this private room to view this peep show. As the viewing begin both of us we still being silly and joking but after about two minutes of watching people having crazy hardcore sex, the mood quickly changed to silent and serious. As we continued to watch the peep, Romero suddenly came behind me and placed his arms around my waist. I could feel his penis firmly pressing against my ass. Right at that moment, I should have stopped the situation before it escalated but in the heat of the moment, I could not. He then reached in and began to kiss me on my neck repeatedly. I asked him to stop as I firmly grasped his ass. The harder I grabbed his ass the more intensely he kissed and the hornier it made me. He then begins to gently squeeze my breast and rubbing other areas of my body. As much as I wanted to pull away, my body was not paralyzed with satisfaction. He whispered so many dirty things to me which got me so aroused that I begin unbuckling his pants. I thoughtlessly begin to stoke his firm cock. He then proceeded to pick me up and walked us over to a chair and vigorously sat me on his lap. Passionately and forcefully kissing each other, I inserted him inside of me. Deep in my conscious my spirit was screaming No Salen No! yet my lust overtook what I knew what was right and continued with my acts of infidelity. During the moment, it was fun and felt fucking amazing! Now I can not seem to shake this shame and guilt that is tearing me up inside. I did the one thing that I always said I would NEVER DO! Which is cheat on my husband. What makes this situation even worst is that after we had finished with our act of infidelity, my phone was lighten up like fireflies. I had missed three calls from Adam. I did not call him back that night. I couldn’t! what was I to say? Sorry babe I missed your calls, I was getting fucked by another man. How could I be so senseless and selfish! A one-night fling just caused me to betray a man that loves me. My marriage is ruined, there is no way I could tell Adam what just occurred, he would go bezerk! Yet I feel that the only way to make things right is to tell him. There is no possible way I can live with this guilt daily smiling in Adams face while shamefully saying I love you. Damn it Salen! How could I betray our marriage vowels? I should have kept my ass at home!

“The Guilt Stage” :My life has been completely miserable. Day and night all I can think about is my infidelity acts. I am so damaged emotionally that I constantly cry and maybe sleep three to four hours a day. It has gotten so bad that I have not been to work this entire week. The girls from class having been stopping by and calling me to see if I am okay. I would not even dare tell them what is really going on, so my story has been that I have had a bad case of the stomach flu. I am so skeptical to return to my class because I know Romero could possibly be there. My fear is that seeing him will probably cause me to be emotional and I don’t want to show any signs that he and I intimacy with one another. Women are so quick to pick up on the smallest things, especially the women in my class that already know the history of Romero and me.

This morning, Adam and I spoke for the first time since my infidelity. The conversation was pretty much one way for my shame wouldn’t allow me to say more than one word sentence. He did ask me why I had missed his phone calls the other night. Without hesitation I lied and told him that I didn’t have my phone on vibrate and couldn’t hear it ring due to the loud music. As we wrapped up our conversation, Adam told me he loved me. As tears profusely streamed down my face, and agonized with guilt, I replied that I loved him too. After we hung up, I probably cried for about an hour straight. All I could think is how my guilt now has me lying to my husband. It’s like I am trapped on an island surrounded by sharks and regardless of which way I swim, I bound to get bitten. If I tell Adam the truth, it will ruin my marriage, but if I don’t, I am stuck living with the guilt and living everyday as a lie.

Lately I have been living the life of a hermit which has placed me in this slight stage of depression. As bad as I don’t want to see or talk to Romero, I think it would elevate some my guilt. I can no longer keep these feelings pinned up inside of me. It feels as if I am a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Since I am the one that initiated the act, its only right for me to resolve the mess in which I am in. The only problem is that we need to be somewhere in which no one can see us in case the conversation gets heated. Im not going to dare invite him over to my house nor go to his. Night clubs and bars wouldn’t work either, besides that’s what lead to this mess in the first place. The only place I can think of, would be at night, at the local beach. Its dark, secluded, and if things get emotional, no one will be around to hear us. I will contact Romero to see if he is willing to talk on Sunday night.

“It’s Beachy Out Here” :Sunday night Romero and I met at the beach. Prior to his arrival I had already planned what I was going to say to him, which was pretty much blame him for constantly pursuing a married woman. True enough I was at fault as well, but none of this situation would have come about if he would have backed off as I insisted. He showed up with a bottle of wine. His reasoning was that it would keep our emotions from flaring up. Surprisingly the conversation went totally opposite of what I anticipated. Romero took the blame for pretty much everything. He told me that the last few weeks have been emotionally ruff for him as well, because he knows how much I love Adam, and never intended for things to get so far. He constantly apologized and reiterated that he never wanted or attempted to put me in a situation that would jeopardize my marriage. Hearing Romero telling me his feelings threw me for a loop because his actions made me think otherwise. I later expressed to him how I felt as if there was a bullseye on my back in which he was constantly shooting for. He told me that I just made him feel comfortable and that he felt as if he could talk to me about anything. My beauty was a secondary source he expressed. It was the fact that I seemed genuinely interested in his endeavors and that I always encouraged him with kind words. In fact, each day that he saw me, his passion grew more and more towards me. All he intended was to make a friendship and never in a thousand years did he think it would lead to an affair. By this time my guilt grew even stronger because I am the older of the two of us but hear I am acting like a twenty-year-old, blaming others for my actions. There is no one to blame for this situation but me! I knew better but failed to do what was right. For the remainder of the night, I apologized to Romero for misleading and blaming him for this entire situation. We spent the next two hours at the beach talking and drinking wine. He asked me if I had spoken to Adam since our affair. I replied yes, but never informed him about my infidelity. He went on to ask me if I was ever going to tell Adam or keep it a secret. Starring into the pale moonlight, I hesistantly replied, that this is a secret that I should take to my grave. As it got later into the night, the mood of our conversation, switched to a laughing and happier mood. I don’t know if it was from the wine buzz, but for a moment my guilt went away. Romero must have been drunk because his crazy ass jumped into the ocean. I told him he was out of his damn mind!! Life is about living on the edge he replied. As I laughed out loud, inwardly I was thinking this life on the edge is why I’m at this beach talking to you in the first place. Like only Romero knows how too, he convinced me to come into the water as well. He said it would wash away some of my guilt and sorrows. As crazy as it sounded, he was right! When I came out of the ocean, I felt like a totally different person. It was as if nothing ever happened. As we were walking back to our belongings, I heard my phone ringing. It was Adam. I told Romero that I had to take this call and if he could remain quiet. As I am talking to Adam, I notice that Romero goes to his car and pulls out this bag. He walks back towards me with this bag in his hand. He then begins to remove his shirt and pants standing in front of me with nothing but a pair of boxers on. It was a totally awkward moment for me. On one end is my deployed husband and on the other end is a half naked man! I vigorously waived at Romero signaling for him to cover up! He looks at me and quietly giggles as he pretends to take off his boxers. I quickly turned my head, but in the process, I made a squealing noise which led Adam to ask if everything was okay. I told him that a bug flew towards my face. That was the only excuse I could think of at the moment. I can barely focus in on the conversation with Adam because im distracted by Romero changing right in front of me. Once he finally changed into his dry clothing, he then came over and sat next to me. As he begins covering us with a blanket, I signaled for him to remain quiet as Adam was still on the phone. As I continued to have my conversation with Adam and shivering from being in wet clothes, Romero turns and places his arms around me to keep me warm. I honestly did not slightly resist him because I was wet and very cold. Adam and I talked for about another ten minutes, prior to hanging up, he said he loved me. I hesitated to reply, long enough that Adam yelled my name. With Romero holding me in his arms, I replied, “I love you too Adam” and hung up the phone. In disbelief that I just lied to Adam once again, I quietly sat in the arms of Romero as the thoughts of my broken marriage constantly ran through my head. As we continued to sit on the beach, he and I vowed that we would keep our incident between us and that we would not give off any signals that there had been something between us. We forgave each other and finished off the remainder of the wine. As we begin walking to our cars, he invited me to his birthday party next weekend. I told him I would have to give him an answer at a later time. I’m honestly not sure if that would be a good idea for me to go to his party but felt obligated too due to the fact, he made my birthday so special. Im thinking of asking one of the girls from class to come with me that way I would have someone there to hold me accountable in case I get out of hand. If I remain sober and with my girlfriends, that will eliminate the chances of any shenanigans to occur.

“Romero’s Birthday Bash” : I decided to attend Romero’s birthday party tonight, but I asked Leah to come with me. Figured I might as well enjoy my freedom while I can, the months are flying by and before you know it Adam will return home. With it being Romero’s party, im pretty damn sure tonight will be a lot of fun. I just need to make sure I keep my clothes on and hands to myself. Leah is more excited than I am. She mentioned that Romero made a pass at her today in class. I really don’t know how much truth is in her statement, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he did. Nor would it surprise me if Leah made a pass at Romero. She is very attention needy at times. Don’t get me wrong she is a good person, but sometimes I feel like she goes overboard to draw attention to herself. Short tight dress and the fake big boob job is enough to make the holiest of Holy fornicate. In all honesty, that’s why I asked her to go with me. I figured with a bunch of drunk guys being there tonight, she will definitely draw a lot of attention. Besides I have enough guilt on my plate already, any more would probably drive me mad. Well, let’s get this party started already!

“After the Party” : Do I not have any remorse or am I just a cold heart bitch! Tonight, a side of me came out that I have never seen before. I probably even lost a friend in the process. I guess Leah was right! We show up at Romero party and as we were having a drink by the pool, Romero comes over and greets the both of us with a hug. I noticed that he was a lot more affectionate in his hug with Leah. It didn’t bother me but as the night went on, I noticed that he was giving a lot of attention to Leah and ignored me as if I never existed. All night long I watched the two of them take shots, dance and grope on each other. At one point I even saw him with his hands under her skirt. He is such an inconsiderate bastard! How dare he just totally ignore me like im some car that he rented for the weekend. For majority of the night, I kept my lid, it wasn’t until I walked outside and saw Romero and Leah down each others throat. Kissing all over her the same way he did me the night at the porn store. I could feel my blood pressure rising and my instincts just automatically kicked in. I vigorously walked towards the both of them, and snatched Leah by the arm, telling her we had to go. With a look of confusion, she continuously asked me what is going on and why we needed to leave? I came up with the excuse that she was drunk, and I did not want her to be taken advantage of. Aggressively she pulled away and curse me saying that she is a grown fucking woman. I instantly retaliated by saying she is not acting like a grown woman, but a fucking drunk whore. We continued to argue over the next few minutes to the point Leah decided to catch a ride home with another friend of hers. In all honesty, Leah had done nothing wrong other than just having a good time. It just my jealousy of seeing her and Romero kissing that got me so fired up. I know he and I agreed not to show signs of involvement between us but he took it to a whole new level making out with Leah. I mean damn! It wasn’t that long ago he and I were involved and now he is trying to fuck my friend too! I went back to my car to calm down. After I got my composure, I went back inside to talk to Romero. I found him still standing by the pool standing in a look of anger and disbelief of the incident that just occurred. He suggested that he and I talk in private, so we went into his office room. As soon as he shut the door, my right hand went fifty miles an hour across his face. Then without hesitation, my lips went on his lips. My jealousy of seeing him with another woman restarted the affair I vowed to never engage into again. Yet this time around I wanted him, and I wanted him bad. Filled with all sorts of mixed emotions, we had passionate sex on his office desk. The way Romero fucked me, was if he was punishing me for my crazy and jealous antics. The passion behind each of his thrust was unlike any sex I have ever had. I probably cum like eight times. If things couldn’t get even more weird, that night as we were having sex, I begin to smell cigar smoke in the room. I couldn’t help to notice because the smell was so strong. Romero begin to notice as well and asked if I smelled cigar smoke. We couldn’t detect where the smell was coming from, so we continued having sex. Suddenly, a voice from the window says, “Fuck her good bruh”. We both stop in our tracks like a deer in headlights as our attention went to the man getting a free peep show from the window. The man in the window goes on to tell us “Mahalo” which means thanks in Hawaiian. I guess he was thanking us for an awesome show. Romero and I could do nothing but laugh because situation was weird, yet so funny. We continued to have sex for another hour. After we had finished, my guilt of cheating on Adam was no longer there. All I wanted was more of Romero. I ended up staying at his place that night and we had more sex throughout the night into the early morning. As he held me in his arms, he asked me why I got so upset with Leah. I told him that my jealousy got the best of me. By the look on his face, I could tell he was confused by my comments. After all, we did say there would not be any intimacy between us. He then asked me if I felt regretful. Unfortunately, I did not, which made me question if I truly loved Adam. My feelings are so into this other man that it was slowly chipping away the love I once had for Adam. I never could understand how a person could be in a love triangle and I always frowned upon it. Well now, I totally understand the emotional rollercoaster people go through. Its like an adrenaline rush that makes you crave more and more.

“The Beat Goes On” :Over the past few months Romero and I have continued our affair. In fact, it’s gotten to the point to where he is sleeping at my house a few nights a week. Any time he comes over I have to pick him up at the gym and sneak him in my house. He always gives me a hard time because I make him lie across the floorboard of my back seat until I pull into the garage just in case my nosey ass neighbors are outside. We have practically spent every night together for the last two months. Every week its like we play out each others sexual fantasies. For example, last week he came to my office at work to get a bodyfat assessment. My office is isolated from everything else in the gym and no one can see inside. So, we had a quickie, just to say we did it at work. Yeah, it was risky, but it was also a lot of fun. Romero has to go out of town next week so I am trying to get as much sex in as I can to sustain me while he is away. In all honesty, it is probably good he leaves for a week because I really need to get my life together. Im a hot fucking mess right now, but I am having fun. Besides lately I have been hearing roomers that Adam’s unit may return home earlier than anticipated. If that is the case, Romero and I definitely have to put an end to our affair. Adam and I have talked frequently over the past few months, but he never mentioned an early return. Ever since my affair with Romero, I really have not been loquacious during the phone conversations between Adam and I. Usually I am the one that does most of the talking but lately its been mainly Adam. In our last conversation, he said that it feels as if I have changed. Surprised by his comment, I asked him how so. He said I seemed more distance and the excitement I usually have whenever he calls is no longer there. What Adam said next made my heart slightly stop. He said I sounded as if something is eating away at me. I denied his accurate allegations but thought to myself, what the hell! Adam really hit the nail on the head. It was like he was viewing the feelings that were in my mind and body. Quickly I changed the subject and asked if the rumors were true regarding his unit returning home early from deployment. He said there is a strong possibility, but they had not received a concrete answer yet. That would be awesome because Adam would be home for Christmas. That would make the kids so happy having their dad home for the holidays. We talked for the next hour about the plans we would do if he returned early from deployment. He also informed me that one of the ladies from my class sent me greetings and saying she can’t wait to return to class. This by far was the longest phone conversation Adam and I have had in a very long time. All our conversations for the past two to three months have been ten minutes or less, mainly because of my guilt. Even though im still guilty as charged, I have pretty much gotten over the fact that I have been unfaithful to Adam. I know that if I want to keep my family together, then I must take my secret to my grave. This is not fair to Adam but for the sake of the kids, I don’t want to see my family torn apart.

“Surprise, Surprise, Surprise” : Today was definitely filled with surprises and i'm still dismayed by the events which occurred today. Never have I ever felt so violated in my life to the point I wanted to inflict physical pain upon a person. It all started this morning in my bootcamp class. I noticed that there where a lot of new faces in the class. At the end of class this lady Susan whom I have never met, came up to me expressing how much she missed my class. She informed me that she recently just returned from deployment and in fact met Adam while she was overseas. Too my surprise, it was the lady Adam was speaking of during our last conversation. I don’t recall ever seeing this lady, but supposedly she had been attending my class on a regular prior to her deployment. The conversation suddenly took a wild turn when she told me her finance talks about how much he loves my class. Susan then proceeds to reach in her lanyard and pulls out this picture of her fiancée. When I saw the picture, my heart dropped to my stomach. Standing in disbelief I muttered “Romero” She looked at me in a jolly voice saying, “yes I see that you know him” Yes, I replied, as she went on to rag on how wonderful of a guy he was. Confused and built up with anger, all I could think about was how played I felt. Here I am talking to this lady about her fiancée that I have been sleeping with over the past five months. Not only have I been sleeping with him but grown a lot of feelings for him as well. She went on to tell me that they are scheduled to be married December of this year, that’s less than two months away. I so wanted to tell this lady that she did not want to marry Romero. He is a fucking womanizer, better yet a monster. A monster that I have grown to love. This guy is full of so many surprises! Here I am thinking he is a bachelor, yet all alone he is engaged to be married. To make matters even more fucked up, not only did I cheat on my husband, but I am pretty much sleeping with another married man. The whole time Susan continuously expressed her love for Romero but by this time I was boiling with anger. It was to the point that I was turned off to whatever she was saying to me. All I wanted to do is get an explanation from that lying motherfucker Romero. Our conversation came to an end when her phone rang. She informed me she had to go and that Romero was waiting for her out front. Wait a damn minute! I thought to myself. Romero told me he was out of town this week. Go figure! The jokes on me. I walked her to the door because I want him to know that I knew EVERYTHING! He saw me from his car, and he had this look of fear on his face. Being that I was at work and his fiancée was there, I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. Susan and I said our goodbyes as she walked towards their car. As she walked away, I looked at Romero and gave him the middle finger. As I watched them drive off, I quickly ran to the back of the building and cried. I guess its true when people say when bad shit happens, it comes at you hard! After I got my composure back together, I went back into my office and noticed I had two missed calls and text message from Romero. He apologized in his text and said that he would explain everything to me later. I told him to fuck off and I did not care to speak to him. Throughout the day he constantly texted me trying to apologize and explain his actions, but I never responded back. Later that afternoon he texted me again informing me that he left a note on my windshield. I quickly went to grab the note from my windshield before someone else takes it. In the note he asked if we could meet tonight at the beach, in the same location that we meet last time. I texted him back that I received his letter and that I would not accept his offer to meet at the beach. He replied to me saying that I was not being fair. That when I needed to talk to him, he had always showed up. After about ten minutes of playing phone war with him, I agreed to meet him up with him tonight. The rest of the day, all my mind could ponder was the reasoning Romero would have for his senseless actions. Around 6pm I received a phone call from Adam. He informed me that his unit would be home at the end of the month. I pretended to be excited about his return, but deep inside I was an emotional wreck from all this drama between Romero and I. Knowing Adam would be home in less than three weeks, I knew I had to get my act together and get it together fast. My body felt as if it was going through a mental breakdown, trying to manage these feelings I have for Romero. Logically I don’t know how I am going to be emotionally stable before Adams returns, it almost seems like an impossible achievement. The more I try and shake these feelings an event happens which causes me to become jealous and want Romero even more. This is when I wish my life was just one bad dream, and when I wake up, the dream is over. The reality is that im living in a real-life nightmare.

“Last Ride” :I met up with Romero on the beach tonight but unlike our last meeting there was no wine involved. I told myself that I would not get into a yelling match with Romero. After all I really don’t have a reason to be mad, because I am married in the first place. The issue I have is how Romero went about things, I almost feel manipulated. I figured that I need to just let this situation go and focus on getting my emotions together before Adam returns. Romero begin his explanation by asking me if I loved him. I was confused as to why he was asking me this. He aggressively insisted that I give him a yes or no answer, I replied no. Then he went on to ask me that if I did not love him, why do I act so jealous and why does it matter if he has a fiancée. I replied that it mattered because the way he went about this whole process was pretty much a lie. He made me feel like he was the victim when he is just as guilty as I am. I asked him how come he never mentioned Susan. He claims that they just recently got engaged for he had hoped to win me over from Adam. Once he realized that I was not leaving my marriage, he proposed to his fiancée. Romero then said he loved me and would give up everything to be with me. He claims that the past few months have been some of the best days of his life and if he had to do it all over again, he would. He felt the only option he had was to become engaged to his fiancée for if he continued to pursue me, the results would end with his heart being broken. Romero went on to say that his whole life, all he ever wanted was to be happy with a woman he loves, such as the way I made him feel. After his first failed marriage, he vowed to never settle for any woman that did not bring joy into his life. He claims that he found his happiness within me but knew it would be short lived. His words left me speechless and brought me to the realization that I do love Romero. He was everything that Adam once was to me, affectionate and caring. Yes, I know Adam will always love me, but his level of affection has decline over the years of our marriage. I knew our marriage wasn’t as strong prior to him leaving for deployment but I never would have guessed it would take a turn like this. Romero filled that void I was missing, in fact he filled it so well that my love for him is equal if not more to the love I have for Adam. Romero held me in his arms as I begin to cry, as I knew this would probably be the last time, he would hold me this close to his heart. We continued to brace one another as we passionately kissed and made love for the last time. The entire car ride home, I felt as if I had been dumped by my first boyfriend. That night I cried myself to sleep knowing that this man I had grown to love was no longer in my life. Inwardly I knew my emotions would have a detrimental effect on my marriage because I no longer loved Adam the way I loved Romero. My heart has been stolen by a man I barely knew for five months. Closing the chapter on a crazy love affair, I was now looking in the face of the demons that must go to the grave with me. I can’t allow this selfish decision in which I made, bring division within my home. For the sake of my family, somehow, someway I must kill this passion I have for Romero and find the love I once had for Adam.

“Adam’s Return Home” : Today was the day in which Adam returned home. I had my parents bring the kids home because I wanted to surprise them, for they are unaware Adam was returning home early. When the kids saw Adam step off the plane, they were overwhelmed with joy. I was happy to see him as well but could not muster up the level of excitement the kids exemplified. In fact, as Adam approached closer to us, I began to cry. Tears were uncontrollably streaming down my face. Yet these tears were not tears of joy, but tears of guilt. I can see the look in Adams face that he was so happy to see his family. The way he hugged and kissed the kids I can tell he missed them as much as they missed him. When Adam came to me, he gave me the biggest hug and kiss that he had ever given me. He continuously expressed his love for me and how much he has missed me. He then looked at me with tears in his eyes and apologized. Telling me that he has not been the best husband he could be. As he caressed my face Adam promised to be a better husband and father. Hearing Adam say those words made me cry uncontrollably due to my guilt of being an unfaithful wife while he was away. How will I be able to honestly love Adam again? If I keep this secret to myself, the rest of my life would be lived as a lie! This hurts me so bad to see this man that really loves me deceived by the woman he committed his life too. Later that day, we all went to dinner to celebrate Adams return home. Adam was so full of happiness and laughter the entire night that I had to force myself to seem happy because I didn’t want to be the party pooper. We went to race go carts and the movies after dinner. In all honesty, it was the perfect family day. Later that night as Adam and I laid in bed, and he suggested that he and I should go on a date. He believes it would be a great way to refresh our marriage. Plus, he claims to have something special planned for the two of us. Im kind of excited but at the same time don’t know what to expect. We continued to lay in the bed late hours into the night as Adam filled me in about all the crazy stories he experienced during his deployment. Im not going to lie, they were some pretty good ass stories. He and I laughed all night and for a moment my guilt went away. It was not until Adam initiated foreplay that I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I was so nervous as if it was my first-time having sex. All these thoughts ran through my head wondering if Adam would notice that I haven’t been abstinence since he left. We continued with foreplay and eventually sex. The passion that was once there between Adam and I was not like it use to be. My body and mind had become accustomed to Romero. The sex between Adam and I almost felt boring. I did my best to make it pleasurable for him but in the back of my mind, all I could picture was Romero making love to me. We didn’t have sex very long, but I was happy because emotionally I absent. I know it is going to take a while before I am emotionally and physically re-connected to Adam. Right now, I must admit that I am going through the motions and playing the wife role in order to keep our marriage and family together. I know my actions are not fair to Adam, but I feel this is the best way to handle the situation for now. With Adam coming off a deployment, the last thing he needs is another war at home. I figured in a few months once Adam has readjusted, I eventually will admit my guilt to him. I can no longer hold this secret inside for it is tearing me apart emotionally. I run the risk of loosing Adam but honestly, he deserves better. I would rather see Adam happy with another woman than to be deceived by a bitch like me. I guess when you screw up, you must accept the consequences that comes along with it.

“Someone Please Call 911” : Tonight, was my date night with Adam. He prepared one of the most romantic evenings that it almost felt as if I was in a fairytale. The only problem is that this fairy tale did not end happily ever after. The night begin with Adam surprising me with a limo picking us up. Inside the limousine Adam had bottles of champagne sitting on the rocks. The limo driver then drove us to the local park where Adam and I first met years ago. Adam reads me the sweetest poem and he even had a florist deliver me roses. We then arrived at dinner at this 5-star restaurant which rotates 360 degrees overlooking the cit. I have always wanted to go to this restaurant since we moved to this city. In fact, I bugged Adam everytime we would drive past it. As we where eating dinner, one of the waiters approached our table with this wrapped gift. He said a gentleman wanted me to have this. For a moment, I had a slight heart attack because I looked at Adam and he pretended he was clueless as too what was going on. When I opened the box, I was breath taken by the diamond necklace that I wanted so badly. I never expected in a thousand years that Adam would purchase this three-thousand-dollar necklace that I have been craving for the past five years. If that wasn’t already good enough, Adam then reaches in his pocket and pulls out a box which had the matching diamond bracelet. I guess this is what he meant by something special planed. The night was going great until I saw Romero and Susan walking into the restaurant. What happened next blew my fucking mind away. Adam waves them over to our table. Out of confusion, I hesitantly asked Adam why he was waiving them over to our table. He thought that the four of us could make a great friendship and decided to invite them out to dinner with us. Im not going to lie im kind of pissed he didn’t fore warn me about this. Yet even worse why in the hell didn’t Romero warn me. As they approached the table, I begin to profusely sweat thinking of the awkwardness of sitting at the table with my husband and the man I had an affair with. Adam introduced me to both, Susan and Romero, yet little did he know I was well acquainted with Romero. The four of us had dinner and drinks along with awkward and uncomfortable conversations for the next hour. I knew Adam and Susan worked together, but when Adam asked how Romero and I met, my heart rate uncontrollably increased and without hesitating I simply replied, “in my class”. I went on to brag how Romero was one of my consistence students. Romero followed up by saying “yeah she is one hell of an instructor”. The four of us found humor in the statement and for a moment the mood was lighten. As we wrapped up dinner, Adam suggested the four of us go dancing so he had the limo driver drop us off at Bar 36. The same bar Romero and I first kissed. Great I thought, I looked over at Romero and he had the same look of “oh shit” on his face as well. As soon as we stepped in the nightclub, the four of us hit the dance floor. Seeing Adam have a good time and being free reminded me of the Adam in which I fell in love with. Adam then runs over to the DJ booth to request the song in which we had our first dance on our wedding day. We held each other tightly as we slowly danced reminiscing of the night, we said “I do”. I tried to focus in on the moment but in the back of my mind I was concerned with what Romero was thinking and if he was looking at Adam and me. After about two more songs, we went to the bar to have a drink. During this time at the bar Adam was getting really freaky and sexual with me, which drew a lot of attention to us. People were giving Adam high fives, cheering him and stroking his ego. Even Romero found the acts heroic and gave Adam some words of encouragement. I wanted to tell Romero to shut the fuck up, but frankly I was enjoying watching Romero lust after me while my husband had the satisfaction of sexually arousing me. Eventually Adam and I went back on the dance floor where he continued his mischief behavior. Romero and Susan joined as well on the dance floor. We all dance with each other, but I went out of my way to ensure Romero and I maintain adequate space between us when we briefly danced together. After about fifteen minutes or so, I noticed Susan begin to get hot and sweaty as if she had been sitting in a sauna. I asked her if she was okay, she replied yes but the muscles in her throat felt as if they were getting tight making it hard to breath. She and I went outside to get some fresh air. Adam and Romero later came to check on us and I explained to him what Susan had told me. Susan was looking very pale and when we tried to get her to stand up, her legs would sometimes give out. For the next ten minutes I comforted Susan until she felt confident enough to go back inside. Susan informed me she was ready go back inside so I helped her up from the curbside. She took about two steps and then her legs begin to wobble again, she franticly screams my name and tells me that her vison is blurry. In a panic I asked her what’s wrong and if she is okay. By this time her speech was slurred, and her legs gave completely out. I quickly ran back inside and yelled for Adam and Romero to come outside. They both ran outside to find Susan surrounded by club security and pedestrians. Adam informs Romero to quickly call 911 while he performed CPR. Adam continued to perform CPR until Susan came back to consciousness. When she came back to conscious, she was in a state of panic and fear wondering what was going on with her. The paramedics finally arrived on the scene and proceeded to perform medical attention on Susan. Romero was holding her hand balling in tears. He looked at her and said everything is going to be just fine and encouraged her to hang in there. The three of us rushed to the hospital to check on Susan. By this time Susan’s parents and sister had arrived at the hospital as well. The doctors ran different test on her to see what the cause of her sudden reaction was. They wanted to keep her over night in order to monitor her progress. Later that night the doctors finally came into the room to inform us what occurred. The results came back saying that she had ingested a possible date rape drug. This shocked the hell out of us because we thought, how is this possible because we never left sight of our drinks. The doctor then asked if she engaged in conversation with anyone other than the three of us. Adam and I were unsure because we were not with them the entire night. Romero did say she went to the DJ booth to request a song and that there were alot of people by the DJ’s booth. He went on to say, it was shortly after Susan returned that she started to not feel well. The doctor believes that was the moment Susan may have been drugged. What the doctor revealed next no one including myself was prepared for. He told Susan that she was lucky to be alive because if Adam would have not acted promptly, she would probably be dead. The doctor then looked at Adam and told him that he was a true hero, for he not only saved Susan’s life but also the life of her baby. Susan was two months pregnant, but with Adams baby!